Movie Quotes

Richard Bastion: We’re back, America. Here’s the Bastion Buddies salute. [trumpet plays] At ease. Today on the show, we’re going to talk about why America is number one. Okay, without further ado, let’s do what this show is all about and hit the phone lines. You are the people that make this show. All I do is make the money and spend it on facefuls of pharmaceuticals until I go deaf. Hello, caller!
Caller: I just wanted to call in and say that I absolutely love the show.
Richard Bastion: Well, I absolutely love that you think that, okay? Now, now you want to talk about what makes America number one, huh?
Caller: We have a completely incompetent buffoon for a leader. We drive outrageously large gas-guzzling Maibatsu Monstrosities.
Richard Bastion: I know. Isn’t—it’s fantastic, isn’t it? What we’ve been given from our forefathers—the freedom from thought. Y—that, for my money, is real freedom! Knowing you’re always right! That’s...real freedom! It’s like life is a party that’s never gonna end, and, and you’re not hosting that party, you’re there, so you can, you know, take a—take a dump on the coats, and you know, you can leave your beer bottle in the toilet if you want, it doesn’t matter, it’s not your house! Okay, we’re just here to have a good time. Now this is unless we make a serious mistake in the election! You know, think about it, you can’t expect someone with no backbone to police the world! And...that’s what these liberals don’t understand! Drinking is a sin. Laying is a sin. Fisting? You know, that’s a mortal sin! And the trannies...don’t even get me started on the trannies, it’s, it’s science run amok. It’s very confusing, okay? I’m looking at a woman, I’m talking to the woman, I see the woman’s penis...now I’m confused! I don’t know what’s going on! The government...i-i-is turning into a confused transgendered prostitute. I mean, it really is! They don’t know who to serve! You feel terrible afterward, you have this overwhelming feeling that everything in your life is horribly wrong. Yes, it feels good while you’re doing it. Yes, you’re making him-slash-her feel good. But still, it’s wrong.

Vladimir “Vlad” Glebov: You remember Ivan?
Niko Bellic: No.
Vladimir “Vlad” Glebov: [shows picture] This guy.
Niko Bellic: Oh, yes. You guys had a little kiss.
Vladimir “Vlad” Glebov: Very funny. What would you say if I told he was going to rob your cousin?
Niko Bellic: I’d say, what problem does he got with my cousin?
[phone rings]
Vladimir “Vlad” Glebov: Hold on. [answers phone] Hey. Hey, gorgeous, no. I can’t talk right now. What are you wearing? Listen, I’ll call you back. [to Niko] Sorry.
Niko Bellic: Who was that?
Vladimir “Vlad” Glebov: Never you mind.
Niko Bellic: Was it Ivan?
Vladimir “Vlad” Glebov: Oh, that’s funny. You know, for a damn yokel, you’re a very funny guy.
Niko Bellic: [laughing] Yes. And for an annoying dick, you’re really an annoying dick.
Vladimir “Vlad” Glebov: Well, it is a shame then that I am the guy with the powerful friends, and you are the little punk whose only friend is a fat weasel who drives a fucking cab!

Tom Goldberg: Hello, Niko. What’s that short for? Nikolai? I’m looking for a man who can get jobs done right. Nikolai, I like your resum?. You seem to be the sort of man who would go the extra distance, I just need to take another look, get myself reacquainted with your experience...So, you’re the sort of man who doesn’t wait to get told what to do? A guy who looks at the world, sees problems and tries to fix them?
Niko Bellic: Sure.
Tom Goldberg: My problem is that people don’t notice the decay in society. They leave the decay alone and soon it’s too late so you have to pull the whole tooth.
Niko Bellic: Yeah?
Tom Goldberg: I’m the guy who goes around shaking people. For people, read society, read City Hall. I shake them, and I say “Floss! Get rid of the rotting flesh stuck in your teeth. Prevent decay! Mouthwash, you hear me?” There’s this cop. Good cop, but he thinks he’s above the law. He’s not. You wanna know why? Because the law is clear. I’m gonna crush him into dust. No one is above my judgment! You understand me?
Niko Bellic: Okay.
Tom Goldberg: Here at G.L. and S., we’re pushing things to the limit. We’re on the front line, young man. A man I was recently with in this office, in this very room, was murdered. You gotta fight for what is just in this world.
Niko Bellic: You do.
Tom Goldberg: Anyway, gimme an example of some time where you’ve worked as part of a team.
Niko Bellic: I work alone.
Tom Goldberg: So, are you going to expand on that or are you just going to hang around like a chump? Damn these quotas. You end up with every dumb immigrant in the city coming in for interviews.

[Tread]

From
Il mio nome ? Nessuno (1973) (Italian) original title
My Name Is Nobody a.k.a. Lonesome Gun (English/USA)
Mein Name ist Nobody (German) funniest version


Nobody (Terrance Hill): There was this little baby bird that fell from it?s tree in the cold of snow. It starts peeping, ?Pa peep! Pa peep!? as it was damn near freezing.
Along comes this cow. She looks down at the little bird and feels sorry for it. She raises her tail and? ?splah!?
?She drops a steaming hot cow pie right on top of it.
The little bird starts again? ?Pa peep! Pa peep!? Because it?s hungry.
Along comes a mean ole Coyote? It reachs down easy into the cow pie and picks the little bird up. He raises the little bird higher and brushes the dirt off him real nice.
And then? ?Gulp!? Swallows the little bird down all in one bite!
My grandfather says there is a moral to the story, but you have to figure it out for yourself?


At the end of the movie Jack Beauregard (Henry Fonda) figures out the moral of the fable.
Jack Beauregard: Folks that throw dirt on you aren?t always trying to hurt you, and folks that pull you out of a jam aren?t always trying to help you. But the main point is: when you?re up to your nose in shit, keep your mouth shut.

[smc]

As I rode on the T (Boston's subway) today, on my way home, I heard a guy on his cellphone say "plate o' shrimp." He looked at me as he said it. I smiled. When he got off the phone, he turned to me, and simultaneously we said, "Repo Man."

Here's the quote from the 1984 film Repo Man.

Miller: A lot o' people don't realize what's really going on. They view life as a bunch o' unconnected incidents 'n things. They don't realize that there's this, like, lattice o' coincidence that lays on top o' everything. Give you an example; show you what I mean: suppose you're thinkin' about a plate o' shrimp. Suddenly someone'll say, like, plate, or shrimp, or plate o' shrimp out of the blue, no explanation. No point in lookin' for one, either. It's all part of a cosmic unconciousness.

Otto: You eat a lot of acid, Miller, back in the hippie days?

[Axelle drops her robe to pose nude for the art class]
Art Class Professor: Hands on your pencils, boys!

"Jonas Venture": I took the form of your dad because I figured it would be easier to accept. I didn’t want to stress you out—end of the world, life on other planets, blah blah blah.
Dr. Venture: Why...you SON OF A BITCH! Do you know what you just put me through?! What the fuck were you thinking?! What kind of fucked-up planet are you from, where you think showing up as my dead fucking father is supposed to make me feel any better?!
"Jonas Venture": Okay, take it easy—
Dr. Venture: You prick!
"Jonas Venture": Look, I just saved your entire planet—
Dr. Venture: Prick!
"Jonas Venture": Alright, fine, you wanna see? Here! [peels off his face, revealing his true self, which is shown offscreen, but horrifies everyone else] There! That would have been better? If I showed up like that out of nowhere? Look at you! You practically crapped your pants! Except him—he crapped his pants! [points to Ned]
Ned: Boom boom.

Abdul Amir: [enters] Yusuf!
Yusuf Amir: Oh, Poppa! What are you doing here? [sets down SMG, turns off music] Welcome! Welcome, Poppa. This is my business associate…er…Mr…uh…
Luis Lopez: Luis.
Yusuf Amir: Mr. Lewis. Y'Allah, he is the greatest technical advisor in the whole city. And this is his wife, Jaundice. [pulls Jonelle across the room]
Jonelle: Careful, motherfucker!
Yusuf Amir: Yes. And you know…we were just having a little creative meeting and things went a bit crazy, and, ah…I somehow lost my pants. But you know, Poppa, I tell you, you are looking…you’re looking very well, in fact.
Abdul Amir: I knew how disgraceful you were, but I didn’t realize quite how shameful you were.
Yusuf Amir: Things are not how they look.
Abdul Amir: Things do not look good, son.
Yusuf Amir: Don’t judge a book by its cover, Father. That’s what you taught me.
Abdul Amir: When a book is called Guns, Drugs, Hookers and No Pants, I think I don’t need to read it.
Yusuf Amir: Poppa, you know, these people…they mean nothing to me. In fact, they are just going. Go, get out! You, Mr. Lewis, take your wife, Mrs. Lewis. And may I say, madam, this is not a very appropriate way for a married woman to dress! [shoving them toward the door] I told them many times, Father, this is a disrespectful way to dress. Do they listen to me? Oh no, never! And you, by the way… [whispering to Luis] I will text you in about one minute about the tank, okay?
Luis Lopez: The NOOSE tank?
Yusuf Amir: Shhhh! Go and leave right now!

Announcer: WKTT. Because I love my country, and if you don’t, fuck you and your fat wife.

Playboy X: I was someone, y'know! I made it! I…changed the game!
Niko Bellic: You didn’t change the game. [shoots Playboy dead] The game changed you!

[Hedonistman]

,,, ' lunch is for wimps' ,,,Gordon Gecko to Bud Smith, Wall St 1,,,, says it all to me,,haha hehe