a diffent kind of 'admirer'

This has been bothering me now for two days… I have found it interesting to read what others have had to say. My problem with situations like this is that they don’t seem like a “shared” power exchange between two consenting partners. I guess that’s why I don’t understand or like most types of “bondage/torture” porn either. It looks like someone is being hurt for someone else’s pleasure.

My ex and I were pretty “vanilla.” Whenever we tried anything “kinky” we usually ended up giggling or laughing over it so much the “mood” was ruined! All of my partners have been pretty “vanilla” for that matter. My only “risky” behavior is driving too fast!

Of course there is the amount of trust and control involved as well. I have seen “domination” scenes between obviously happy and consenting couples that made it look like fun. On the other hand, much of what I’ve seen on the Internet looks like it focuses primarily on the degradation, punishment, and humiliation of women. I am afraid that this type of pornography may contribute to violence and I am especially concerned about it in the Trans community--there is already enough of a problem without making it worse.

An example of something that seemed OK to me: there is a very erotic photo set featuring Suzanny Petrovick where she and her partner are dressed like Pirates. Her hands are lightly tied in front of her and the scene progresses naturally. With both partners giving and receiving. Very sexy! And I have seen similar types of photo shoots elsewhere.

On the other hand I saw a brief clip on the Internet where a middle-aged man ordered a young woman to strip and then chained her up and slapped her around. My reaction was such that I would have liked to have turned this into a “snuff” movie with him as the “star.” (Sorry couldn’t help it… ) Perhaps this was a loving couple engaged in a consensual “power exchange” but it sure didn’t look like it to me. More like some old pervert’s sick fantasy! By contrast, there is a well known site run by a couple who are really into bondage and have posted tons of photos--some is it is quite “extreme” but I get the feeling they both enjoy it and know what they are doing. I’m OK with that. I feel similarly about Mandy's work as well.

Fantasies can be fun and unlimited--because they are fantasies. It’s when we cross over to reality that we need to exercise caution and know exactly who we are playing with. There are a lot of bad people out there--I’m sure I don’t have to remind the members of our community of that. It’s just that the issue of violence towards transsexuals is a real and important one.

I guess I would be OK with this if Anna said “my boyfriend and I decided to try…” or something like that. You just don’t know about strangers. People like John Wayne Gacy, Jeffrey Dahmer, and the "BTK" Killer all bet on that.

Sorry for such a long post!

Dr. A