Hockey

[shadows]

-Part 2-

[+] EnlargeBrad White/Getty Images
Said Maple Leafs and U.S. Olympic team GM Brian Burke: 'I wish this burden would fall on someone else's shoulders, not Brendan's.'It is Dec. 30, 2007, and you are in Vancouver with Dad for the holidays to break the news. His new family lives in Vancouver, and his Ducks are in town. You go to the Canucks-Ducks game, and, obviously, Dad is pretty emphatic about wanting to beat Vancouver, his former employer. You root like hell for the Ducks to win so he is in a good mood. But the Ducks lose 2-1. Of course, Daniel Sedin scores a goal against Anaheim, and his brother Henrik adds two assists to help beat Dad, the man who traded for the twins' draft rights in 1999 while he was running the Canucks.

You almost don't tell your dad and stepmom as a result of the loss. But you are flying back to Boston the next morning and you want to tell them in person. You feel as if you are going to throw up as you pace the hallways of their condominium. Just as your stepmom is about to go to bed, your younger sister, Molly, grabs you by the wrist and directs you where to go and gives you a look that says, "You can do it. Get it done now. I'm here for you."

Just a week before, your older sister, Katie, is the first family member you tell. You had targeted telling your family at Thanksgiving but got salmonella and spent the entire week in the hospital. So you push back your announcement to Christmas.

You are driving home from a family event in Marlboro, Mass., when you decide you want to say it during the car ride. Finally, after a 45-minute ride, you pass the city limits sign of Boston and you know you have to tell Katie. It is incredibly difficult, but your sister is very supportive. Of course she is, you tell yourself, she's Katie. That same night, you tell Molly and your mom. Everyone is great. Mom tells you she isn't surprised and had expected it from the time you were a little kid. Moms.

You tell your brother, Patrick, a day or two later. Patrick turns off the car blaring "The Hold Steady" CD, and you tell him as you are walking out to the car to bring in bags. Patrick, like Dad, never one to be fazed, says something along the lines of, "I love you. This doesn't change anything. Now pick up that suitcase and bring it inside."

But, now, telling your secret to Dad is another story. Molly's reassuring hand guides you to the couch for the moment of truth. It's time to tell Dad, a most public example of hockey machismo, that you are gay.

Finally, you say it. Awkwardly. You basically stumble along trying not to make it a big deal before just blurting out, "And I love you guys and wanted to tell you that I'm gay."

There is a brief silence.

Dad is surprised when you tell him that you are gay. He never suspected at all.

Your stepmom speaks first: "OK, Brendan, that's OK." And gives you a reassuring smile. Then your dad says, "Of course, we still love you. This won't change a thing."

Your dad and stepmom both get up and hug you and say they love you. You and your dad then sit there alone for about 15 more minutes watching hockey. Your heart rate is still at a snow-shoveling level. You then hug Dad again, and you go to bed.

But now, questions arise:

1. What about Dad's reaction the next day and beyond?

2. How will Miami react to a young, gay man working on the hockey team?

3. Can an openly gay man play or work for a hockey team?

"I had a million good reasons to love and admire Brendan. This news didn't alter any of them.

I would prefer Brendan hadn't decided to discuss this issue in this very public manner. There will be a great deal of reaction, and I fear a large portion will be negative. But this takes guts, and I admire Brendan greatly, and happily march arm in arm with him on this.

There are gay men in professional hockey. We would be fools to think otherwise. And it's sad that they feel the need to conceal this. I understand why they do so, however.

Can a gay man advance in professional hockey? He can if he works for the Toronto Maple Leafs! Or for Miami University Hockey. God bless Rico Blasi! And I am certain these two organizations are not alone here.

I wish this burden would fall on someone else's shoulders, not Brendan's. Pioneers are often misunderstood and mistrusted. But since he wishes to blaze this trail, I stand beside him with an axe! I simply could not be more proud of Brendan than I am, and I love him as much as I admire him." -- Brian Burke

Reverse skate.

The real reason you choose not to play your senior year is because the atmosphere in the locker room gets progressively harder to deal with as you get older. Homophobic slurs become as commonplace as rolls of hockey tape. Pressure to hook up with girls gets more intense. You are really upset for a couple of months. Your mom later tells you she thought you were depressed. Back then, she keeps asking you if something is wrong, but you don't want to talk about it with anyone.

You say gay slurs have a direct impact on gay people in the area where they are said. You sincerely believe the majority of people who use gay slurs don't mean them to be offensive; they just don't realize the words' meaning and don't think there might be a gay person sitting right next to them. Questions 2 and 3 cause you some concern.

[+] EnlargeAP Photo/Susan Walsh
Miami coach Enrico Blasi said having Brendan Burke as part of his hockey team's staff has been 'a blessing.'Miami, the No. 1-ranked team in college hockey right now, refers to itself as "The Brotherhood," and Coach Blasi means it when he says it. You say the players on Miami hockey teams are truly unlike most hockey players you've met. It's a group of genuine, intelligent, good guys. They don't have to, but they make you feel like a part of the team. Their families treat you as if you are one of their sons.

As you start to become better friends with the players and coaches, it becomes more difficult to hide your true sexuality. You are developing genuine friendships with many, and it feels like a huge part of it is missing because you aren't being honest with them. You feel, in some ways, as if you are disrespecting the Brotherhood philosophy Miami is based on.

The RedHawks take you with them to the NCAA regional tournament in Minnesota this past March, where they beat Minnesota-Duluth and Denver to advance to the Frozen Four for the first time in history.

As far as amazing life experiences go, being at the Frozen Four in Washington, D.C., is right up there with being in the locker room after the Ducks won the Cup. In between the first round and the Frozen Four, you tell one of the Miami players you are gay. Another player figures it out on the morning of the national championship game, and you have to pull him aside and tell him not to tell anyone before the game. You don't want it to be a distraction. You ask him to wait 12 hours after the game; then he can tell whomever he wants.

After the heartbreaking overtime loss to Boston University, and mainly by word of mouth, your news gets around to the whole team. There isn't a big emotional sit-down talk, although you do speak with some of the guys personally. The general response is "OK, Burkie's gay. Who cares? Pass the beer nuts."

About a week later, you approach your boss, the director of hockey operations for Miami, Nick Petraglia, and tell him. Then, a few days later, you tell Coach Blasi. You are pretty sure one of the players told them both in advance to give them a heads-up, but neither cares, and both are incredibly supportive.

Blasi says that having you as part of Miami's program is a blessing and everyone is much more aware of what they say and how they say it. He says he is as guilty as anyone and everyone needs to be reminded that respect is not a label but something people earn by the way they live their life. Coach Blasi says you are a great student and an even better person. You say Coach Blasi is a great coach and an even better person.

"Brendan is a great guy, personable and caring. As student manager, he is involved in a lot of things for us -- video, stats and community service, to name a few of his duties.

To my knowledge, there has been nothing negative [since he came out to us]. I think it goes along the lines that Brendan is part of our family. Everyone respects Brendan, and that's all that really matters.

The players are awesome. They are very sensitive to language and how we talk in the locker room. Again, it goes back to our culture and working on relationships and behaviors.

[As far as whether a player could come out and be able to function like a normal college player], that's a tough one and I don't want to speak for any other program. As far as Miami is concerned, we are about the person. I believe we would be accepting and honestly not even think twice about it.

I think having Brendan as part of our program has been a blessing. We are much more aware of what you say and how we say it. I am guilty as anyone. We need to be reminded that respect is not a label, but something you earn by the way you live your life." -- Miami University hockey coach Enrico Blasi

The attitude across the team is pretty much the same: "Who cares?" or "I don't understand why this is even an issue." Players you don't even expect to be supportive are. You say it is proof this kind of thing can happen in other places, too. You wish you could say that gay slurs have been banished from the Miami dressing room. It hasn't happened yet, although serious progress has been made and one player in particular has made it a personal crusade.

[shadows]

-Part 3-

But now that you are "out," can you successfully pursue a job in hockey, specifically in the NHL, if that is a wish?

You are applying to law schools right now. Hockey management and politics are two things you care about the most, and a law degree is required for both, so it leaves the door open for either. You say you would be lying if you said you don't think sexual orientation affects a job in pro hockey. You believe it would make some things more difficult. There are going to be people who aren't comfortable knowing they are working with a gay person.

"He's incredibly brave. He went back to our all-boys high school and gave a speech about the struggles gay teenagers go through and got a standing ovation from 200 kids who spend half their time insulting anyone different than them.

In so many ways, I look up to him for who he is and what he does.

Obviously, there are gay players in hockey right now, just no openly gay ones. And there are gay people in management, whether they're scouts or front-office people or coaches. We just don't have any openly gay ones right now. I think it will be a challenge for the first person that comes out, because they'll be putting themselves under a microscope.

The scary thing for me is that it might be Brendan, if he chooses to go into hockey. I don't think it's fair the face of homosexuality in hockey should be a 20-year-old college kid, but Brendan is more than willing to be the guy, which awes me. I think it's a matter of when, not if, players and management start coming out." -- Patrick Burke

At this point, you are still undecided about your career options. Although you think there definitely would be challenges to being openly gay and working in hockey, you also think hockey is ready for it. There has been a lot of discussion about when a current player will come out. You've always viewed most hockey fans as being very well educated and accepting of diversity. You say fans are much more focused on the on-ice product than on the sexual orientation of players or management, and you say hockey is too good to be dragged down by this.

The Burke Family
Brendan says his family, including father Brian, has been completely supportive since he told them he was gay. You believe that if an NHL player came out today, he would face a unique set of challenges but would generally be supported. He might face more verbal abuse from opposing fans, but you believe the overwhelming sentiment would be, "If he can play hockey, who cares?" That's the perspective you've encountered at Miami. You say a good way to start would be for ex-NHL players who are gay to be more vocal and talk about their experiences and challenges.

Whatever happens in your life, whatever career path you choose, you know Dad is in your corner. His long shadow of a hockey r?sum? that once looked like a crutch might now prove to be just the thing you and others need -- a powerful and eloquent voice shouting from the mountaintops.

This is far and away more than what you personally expected from your hockey-famous Dad as you prepared coming out to him. When people ask you about your dad's reaction to your Vancouver sit-down, you initially say, "He's been great, but I don't think we'll see him at any gay pride parades any time soon. But he has been really supportive."

So, you are startled this past summer when you get a call from Dad saying, "Hey, Toronto Pride is this weekend, you should fly up." So, sure enough, you fly up, and you and Dad go to the Toronto Pride Parade together.

If someone had told you before coming out that your dad, Brian Burke, would be attending a gay pride parade with you, you wouldn't have believed it. You never suspected Dad would disown you or anything like that, but the way he has handled it and the way he talks about it now has, honestly, really moved you. He was a little awkward about it at first. Today, he doesn't even think twice about it.

You want it known that he has been 100 percent supportive of you. It's important to you that people know that even the president and GM of the Toronto Maple Leafs, who has a less than sunny public personality, has a gay son and is a firm supporter of gay rights.

Imagine that.

"Imagine if I was in the opposite situation, with a family that wouldn't accept me, working for a sports team where I knew I couldn't come out because I'd be fired or ostracized. People in that situation deserve to know that they can feel safe, that sports isn't all homophobic and that there are plenty of people in sports who accept people for who they are." -- Brendan Burke


Rest in peace Brendan.

[shadows]

Sorry for the length everyone. It is a very long article.

[smc]

Originally Posted by shadows

Sorry for the length everyone. It is a very long article.

If there was ever anything for which no apology is necessary, this is it, my friend.

[ila]

Okay, shadows, as I write this there is 5 minutes left in the first period. Toronto is winning 1 - 0 and Toronto is on a poweplay. (They just scored goal #2). The way Toronto is playing I am amazed that they are in the lead. As an example during the powerplay (another goal by Toronto - holy s#$%) Toronto was in Ottawa's end and the three forwards all went into the corner against 2 Ottawa players. No one was in front of the net to take a pass. What are they thinking? Then again the strategy must be working as they are winning 3 - 0 right now.

Ottawa just woke up and they are starting to play. (Edit: Ottawa just went back to sleep.)

Before the game started I was predicting an Ottawa win. Now I'm not sure. If Toronto keeps it up they are going to win and maybe teach Ottawa some humiliation.

[ila]

I saw in today's paper that Montreal just called up two players from Hamilton. I hope that puts some spark in the team's play.

[shadows]

Originally Posted by ila

Okay, shadows, as I write this there is 5 minutes left in the first period. Toronto is winning 1 - 0 and Toronto is on a poweplay. (They just scored goal #2). The way Toronto is playing I am amazed that they are in the lead. As an example during the powerplay (another goal by Toronto - holy s#$%) Toronto was in Ottawa's end and the three forwards all went into the corner against 2 Ottawa players. No one was in front of the net to take a pass. What are they thinking? Then again the strategy must be working as they are winning 3 - 0 right now.

Ottawa just woke up and they are starting to play. (Edit: Ottawa just went back to sleep.)

Before the game started I was predicting an Ottawa win. Now I'm not sure. If Toronto keeps it up they are going to win and maybe teach Ottawa some humiliation.

Toronto ended up winning 5-0. This is Giguere's second straight shutout! A first for the Toronto Maple Leafs(where a goalie records a shutout during his first two games with the team).

I'm kind of tired(long shift) and I am kind of bummed. Part of my plant was drooping when I got home this morning. I accidentally hit that part with the watering container last night(I was in a rush to get to work) and I think it "stressed it out". This is what happened to my last plant over a year ago, but that time the entire plant drooped(and no amount of TLC brought it back), this time it is only part of the plant(I am not sure of the species of the plant, but it has many different stalks which may work in my favour so it survives).

You may say "It's only a plant. Big deal!", but I like it. I love Spring with all of the different colours and the onset of greenery, so I like having a plant in my house during the winter(gives it a little life). It is a neat looking plant that has grown like crazy the past year and I want it to survive. Hopefully if the one part ends up dying(fingers crossed that it doesn't) the rest will survive.

Anyhoo, no report for today but I will say the scores for the relevant teams.

1. Toronto beat Ottawa 5-0.

2. Vancouver beat Boston 3-2.

3. Montreal beat Pittsburgh 5-3.

4. The Rangers beat New Jersey 3-1.

5. Minnesota beat Philadelphia 2-1.

[smc]

Originally Posted by shadows

Anyhoo, no report for today but I will say the scores for the relevant teams.

2. Vancouver beat Boston 3-2.

At this point, I feel I must ask that you define "relevant" as a justification for including the Bruins score. Oh, I forgot, there might be a Vancouver fan reading this. Otherwise, what's the point?

The Bruins last won on January 14, and that was in a shootout. If they lose today, they'll match the franchise's worst losing streak ever, in the 1924-1925 season! In other words, the inaugural season!! And just to make it worse, it'll be the Canadiens today. And when Boston is truly humiliated, at whose hands is it by? The Habs.

Okay, you can tell me that it's still relevant because the Bruins are still in the mix for a playoff spot -- they're only two points out of 8th place in the East -- but that only reminds me that there are way too many teams in the NHL playoffs. I mean, gimme a break, 8th place! A playoff berth! What a joke.

Can you tell I'm discouraged?

P.S. shadows, I truly wish the best for your plant, and I understand exactly what you write about its meaning to you.

[dauls]

Originally Posted by shadows

4. The Rangers beat New Jersey 3-1.

That result was bad enough.

But Monday night's 3-2 loss to the Flyers after the Devils lead 2-0 is

Probably payback for Friday's comeback win over the Leafs.

Are the rest of the Devils in awe of Kovalchuk?
He should sign some autographs for them and maybe they'll find it easier to play alongside him once the hero adulation has died down.

Congratulations go to Jen.

[shadows]

Originally Posted by smc

If there was ever anything for which no apology is necessary, this is it, my friend.

Thank you.