"Real Girls"

[Jenae LaTorque]

[quote=Bionca;119840]

I hate going out to bars for two reasons. 1) If I get hit on, it's hard for me to say "no". I know how hard it is to work up the gumption to ask someone out. So, I tend to at least have a conversation with any guy who isn't too pushy or creepy. 2) I absolutely hate telling guys I'm trans. There is never a good time to do it and you always risk as ass-beating doing so.

While I don't go out in drag, I think I can see where it would be a difficult thing to decide when you are going to "drop the bomb," and the inherent risks when you do. I think I would try to make it a strict policy never to tell a guy face-to-face unless I was damn sure it would be safe to do so. I would insist that any guy looking for a date would have to call me up on my cell phone (not a home phone where my address could be traced) and talk to me first. Then the subject could be broached safely in a non-confrontational way. Many guys who might be upset at first and violent as a result of the disclosure, would then have a chance to "cool down" and may not even get as mad as they would later on, or as they would if confronted while their sex drive is in "high gear."
If you are bar hopping and looking to get laid that night, then obviously that is a differant game. "Looking for Mr Goodbar" has always been a dangerous business for all women. Going with any stranger always has it's risks. All women need to develop rules for the game. Always be cautious of the guy who wants to meet you outside the bar, club, etc... If he doesn't want to be seen leaving with you....there may be a dark reason for it. And in the case of being a transgendered women I think it would be only prudent to always let the guy know as soon as possible before he has too much invested. I think it is kinda comparable to being married to a gigantic insanely jealous man or having AIDS - you owe the potential paramour a warning!

Isn't there some kind of trans - jewelry (pins) that are fairly well known? Are there not known transgender nightclubs or bars where the clientele is pretty savvy as what to expect? For that matter - are there not online dating services who will match you up with the "man of your dreams", the guy who has professed an interest in trans-women.

It just seems to me that there are many options to meet guys, who you know are interested in trans-women, safely without doing the bar scene. I see presenting yourself as a normal women as downright dangerous because you are buckin' the odds. It is a very high percentage of all men who are not going to be happy to find out you have a penis like them. Furthermore, it is very unlikely that you will find a guy who will fall so in love with you that he disregards the "differance." Right or wrong, those are the bald facts of our society and culture.

[Talvenada]

I hate going out to bars for two reasons. 1) If I get hit on, it's hard for me to say "no". I know how hard it is to work up the gumption to ask someone out. So, I tend to at least have a conversation with any guy who isn't too pushy or creepy. 2) I absolutely hate telling guys I'm trans. There is never a good time to do it and you always risk as ass-beating doing so.

BIONCA:

Maybe, a new excuse would suffice: spoken for, lesbian, period, yeast infection, bad break-up.


TAL

[Bionca]

Jenae - If only there was some sort of well known pin or something... We also don't have any trans clubs here, so gay bars are about as good as we get. There is a social club that meets monthly in a local gay bar, but it's pretty much just trans folks with a couple creepy dudes hanging around the bar. So, pretty much I do Internet dating - the messed up part is, THAT'S where the majority of the guys who flake out last minute come from.

Dating isn't easy - even more so if you are trans.

TAL-

I'm not big on lying, and I'm honestly way to nice to blow a guy off. I really feel like I should give them some attention if they mustered up the gumption to strike up a conversation in public. I know I'd be mortified if I had to make the first move. It's a weird place to be:

Growing up as a boy and getting those messages (Boys talk to girls, girls make lame excuse, boy's feelings get hurt) I know what's happening on that end and it is really hard for me to be like those girls my buddies used to crash and burn over. On the other hand, I know it's just easier to say I'm married or something...

[Talvenada]

Originally Posted by Bionca

Jenae - If only there was some sort of well known pin or something... We also don't have any trans clubs here, so gay bars are about as good as we get. There is a social club that meets monthly in a local gay bar, but it's pretty much just trans folks with a couple creepy dudes hanging around the bar. So, pretty much I do Internet dating - the messed up part is, THAT'S where the majority of the guys who flake out last minute come from.

Dating isn't easy - even more so if you are trans.

TAL-

I'm not big on lying, and I'm honestly way to nice to blow a guy off. I really feel like I should give them some attention if they mustered up the gumption to strike up a conversation in public. I know I'd be mortified if I had to make the first move. It's a weird place to be:

Growing up as a boy and getting those messages (Boys talk to girls, girls make lame excuse, boy's feelings get hurt) I know what's happening on that end and it is really hard for me to be like those girls my buddies used to crash and burn over. On the other hand, I know it's just easier to say I'm married or something...

BIONCA:

Some things aren't possible. Like an unavailable man cannot tell a single woman he'd be interested if he were available after she hit on him, because then she'd take it as leading to something else, which is what happens when you try to be nice. Like you with straight guys, it might be safer for you, less complicated, or less confusing. Like I said, some things aren't possible, because most people aren't as empathetic as you are.


TAL

[shadows]

Originally Posted by Bionca

Growing up as a boy and getting those messages (Boys talk to girls, girls make lame excuse, boy's feelings get hurt) I know what's happening on that end and it is really hard for me to be like those girls my buddies used to crash and burn over. On the other hand, I know it's just easier to say I'm married or something...

Being on the receiving end of those crash and burn scenarios, I will agree with you that it hurts. The truth may hurt(if the woman says that she is simply not interested), but a see-through lie hurts even more. Men(or at least some of us) aren't as stupid as the women that do that think.

[Amy]

Wow. All of his makes me glad I could find a lesbian who treats me exactly as I should be. So many men seem to be utter dicks.