funny joke!

[DSL]

You know you’ve had a really bad day when you find out your pregnant, and your mom is too.

You know you’ve had a really bad day when you go into the post office, come back out, get into your convertible and realize, hey I’ve never had a convertible.

You know you’ve had a bad when the cops pull you over for looking like a suspect on America’s most wanted.

You know you’ve had a bad day when you go to pick up your pay check from work and they hand you a bill.

You know you’ve had a bad when you go to church and the priest hands you a list of ins that God will forgive you for and ones he won’t.


You know you’ve had a bad day when you come home to a burning bag of shit on your front porch.

You know you've had a bad day when you find yourself standing
more then 10 minutes in an express checkout line.

You know you've had a bad day when you think your bra is on backwards
and come to find out its not.

[simmo]

The Duck Hunter



A duck hunter was out enjoying a nice morning on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.
He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun.

Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, and discharged shooting
him in the genitals.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his
doctor, who said, "Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The
good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your
groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to
remove all of the buckshot."

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

"The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis.
I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

"Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied.
"Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

"Not exactly," answered the doctor.
"She's a flute player in the Chicago Symphony.
She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't
piss in your eye."

[dauls]

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little Johnny. He replies, "None, they all fly away with the first gun shot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little Johnny replied, "The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like your thinking."

[johndowe]

Hi there.

A young man was looking for an appartemrnt in NY, and had limited funds to allocate to the rental of the said appartement, so he looked and looked and when he found one that was good and not too pricey, to get an even lower price he told the landlord that there were mice in the area.

The landlord ansewered; there are no mice in the area the rats ate them all, with a knowing smile.


JohnDowe.

[dauls]

After Guy Fawkes Night

A teacher in class on Nov 6th asks "I hope you all enjoyed the fireworks last night, what part of the evening did you like best Jane?" Jane replied "The Catherine Wheels and the sprinklers were my favourites." Susan butted in and said, "I liked the big bonfire and when the Guy Fawkes doll was thrown onto it." "Great" the teacher replied, "who else had fun last night?" Little Johnny put up his hand and the teacher pointed to Johnny. "Well Miss I liked it best when we stuck fireworks up a dog's arse and lit them." "Rectum, Johnny, rectum." "Rectum Miss? Fuckin' blew him to pieces!"

[dauls]

Little Johnny walked into his dad's bedroom one day only to catch him sitting on the side of his bed sliding a condom onto his penis in preparation of sex with his wife.

In attempt to hide his full erection with a condom on it, Johnny's father bent over as if to look under the bed.

Little Johnny asked curiously "What ya doin' dad?"

His father quickly replied, "I thought I saw a rat go underneath the bed."

To which Little Johnny replied, "What ya gonna do, fuck him?"

[simmo]

A woman visited her plastic surgeon who told her about a new procedure called 'The Knob,' where a small knob is placed at the top of the woman's head and could be turned to tighten up her skin and produce the effect of a brand new face-lift.

Of course, the woman wanted 'The Knob.'

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the effects were wonderful, the woman remained young looking and vibrant.

After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. 'All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them.'
The doctor looked at her closely and said, 'Those aren't bags, those are your breasts.'

She said, 'Well, I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee.'