Feared or Respected?

[suebone]

came out in 1999.a few years in a bad situation.my sister pulled me out of. this state takes for ever to change one's ID from M to F. the fear facter is how people treat me for who i am .

[johndowe]

Originally Posted by suebone

John; I only get respect when I use my sister's ID.(we allways pass off as twins ,she is my best frend) The fear comes out when other's expect to much of me.;;;;;sue b
came out in 1999.a few years in a bad situation.my sister pulled me out of. this state takes for ever to change one's ID from M to F. the fear facter is how people treat me for who i am .

Hi there.

Again Sue, more info, one line is not enough, elaborate, look at my posts, very LOOOOONNNNNG, explain the situation, your feelings, beeing a girl, it shouldn't hard (ha,ha,ha).

If you can pass as your twin sister, you must be quite cute and girly, good for you, and she's your best freind, i'm sure she helped you with make-up clothes etc, not every tgirl is so lucky, not to say your life is perfect, but it seems to have at least some good points.

JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

I tought about "The Prince" Machiavelli, and i agree with his assessment of the respect, fear, love, cruelty and hate, in relation to beeing a ruler, it was very astute of him.

JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Yes, AW9725, i think i handled that situation pretty well, and THANK YOU for saying so.

But, one thing i find deplorable, and those who do it don't know better, unfortunately.

What i refer to is that some people who have never been in such a situation, and say "I would've done this", "I would've done that" which is all good and fine for bar talk, but in their little "I would've..." senarios, there is absolutely no possibility of them getting hurt in any way, as if they were Superman or something, which in the real event, there was a very real possibility of getting hurt and if you do the wrong thing, you can get hurt, sometimes badly, also your nerves are acting up, it just doesn't compare to their "I would've" senarios.

I tried to make them undesrtand but i would have better results talking to a tree, because they are so sure of their assumed responses that they ingnore anything anybody says about the lack of realism of their senarios.

Any way, i didn't start off wanting to discuss this, it just popped in my mind.

JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Aw9725, i think you need to check your avatar, it's you in the pic? your avatar is a motorcycle!


I use the JohnDowe (read John Doe) handle because when i joined, i didn't know what this forum was all about, all i was interested in at the time was the toon ts pics.


My name is Peter, i am 50yo, TV, pics in this thread, was maried, divorced, because wife couldn't win most arguements, mostly, never hit her.

Got into and out of many sticky situations, when i was younger, i was and still am quite sarcastic at times, got into a few fights, won most, intimidated some guys that tought they were unintimidatable, didn't have that many g/f's never had a tgirl sexual encounter yet, and i am a bit of a joker at times, but rarely dis-respectfull, only dis-respectfull when i get dis-respected, very rarely take shit from anyone, i prefer to be freindly, but it isn't always up to me.

I work at home, i am a PC tech, and offer my services to members fo this forum, i am quite outspoken, and i can come across as agressive even if i don't mean to, i like to do my own thing and public opinion is not a great consern of mine.

I usually give freely, don't look for thanks, i do want to know if what i did or said helped though.

JohnDowe.

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Aw9725, i think you need to check your avatar, it's you in the pic? your avatar is a motorcycle!

Peter,

Well actually I am "Optimus Prime's" little brother. I sometimes transform into a motorcycle...

Seriously, I meant my "profile" pic. You should be able to see it if you are logged in. I was born and raised in Detroit, Michigan, managed to acquire far too much formal education, and have taught at a large university somewhere in the mid-western USA for the last ten years or so. I was married for almost 15 years and recently divorced. My areas of teaching include Operations Management and Quantitative Methods. And yes, I am into things like motorcycles, fast cars, and trucks. You can find some of my current and former "toys" in some of my other postings.

I have enjoyed reading your posts. I appreciate your sense of humor and irony. This forum has been both fun and educational for me as I have sought to learn more about myself.

Take care,

"Andrew"

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Well, Andrew Prime, it's nice to meet you...

But seriously, i also enjoyed your posts, especially the Prince one, it got me thinking, outch!

When i started this thread, i didn't realy have a good idea what i wanted out of it other then getting other peoples' pespective, and then i saw a movie called "Freedom Writers" that touched this subject and i shifted the direstion of the thread, and i was more interested in the responces than in the begining, and some of the posts were like questions so i ansewered them to the best of my abbilities.

I am not an expert in psychology nor am i an expert on human nature, (both are similar but there are differences) but i have had an interesting life, so i believe that can ansewer the questions posed here with a certain degree of accuracy, but i know that i am human and i don't have ALL the ansewers, the only ones that have all the ansewers didn't ask themselves all the questions.

Also, in real life i am very good at sizing people up, but when i started posting in this forum i didn't get that sizing up thing and it tought me about how other that can't size people as i could, saw things and people, and it was and still is an interesting experience.

JohnDowe.

[suebone]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Again Sue, more info, one line is not enough, elaborate, look at my posts, very LOOOOONNNNNG, explain the situation, your feelings, beeing a girl, it shouldn't hard (ha,ha,ha).

If you can pass as your twin sister, you must be quite cute and girly, good for you, and she's your best freind, i'm sure she helped you with make-up clothes etc, not every tgirl is so lucky, not to say your life is perfect, but it seems to have at least some good points.

JohnDowe.

A few years after I came out as a M2F I was attacked. Now it takes me along time to trust someone.
Like I was saying my sister is everything to me now.I owe my life to her. she is a year older than me.
I will be posting a picture of me sometime later. I want to be in stealth mode you now. Can't be to explicated about me.
Is this ok? Peter,

[johndowe]

Hi there.

When i told you to elaborate, i tought you had a question about respect and you weren't stating it properly, since many of the other posts were questions about respect, and i tried to ansewer them to the best of my abbilities.

But it seems you just wanted to state what happened to you, well then it's fine by me, i wasn't trying to pry, i just tought you had problems expressing your question.

By your posts, you seem like a realy girly girl, fragile even, which isn't a bad thing in itself, but it does leave you "open for attack" as it were, and some unsavory people can and apparently have taken advantage of that, the problem is not you, but them, they are vile people, and as such do vile things.

The thing is to get respect you have to give respect, and you then have to work at earning the respect that was first given freely, and so does the othe peraon(s) you are dealing with, but...

But, if they don't respect you, you have to stand up for yourself, i know it is easier said than done, i am a male 6' tall 180# when i ran into the 4 guys, if i would have been 5'4" 100# tgirl, i would have to have handled the situation very differently, how? To be honest i don't know.

If i see a pisse-off girl, i don't see her as a threat, very few women know how to fight, and are usually not going to attack a guy no matter how mad they are, but if i see a pissed-off guy, i percieve him as a possible threat, and i know how to take care of myself, within reason of course.

But then again, you dont have to be King Kong to intimidate someone, i've seen a petite little girl intimidate a BIG guy once, it was funny in a way, but she didn't take his shit and did it VERY well, i had alot of respect for that little girl, she didn't let her small stature prevent her form standing up to the much bugger guy that was maligning her, if it got physical, he would have torn her to shreads, but she didn't let it go that far, i'm sure she was at least a bit afraid, but she stood up for herself non the less, and one thing she did was that no matter how afraid she was she DIDN'T let it show.

As you notice i don't have all the ansewers, but as far as i'm conserned, to live in fear is no life at all, and sometimes you have to stan-up for yourself, because no one can do it for you, your sister can help you, and she can stand up for herself, but only you can stand-up for yourself, when she helps you and stands up for you, she is in effect standing up for herself and you, and she's the one that gets the respect, not you, you will only be safe from them when she is with you.

Another important point is knowing when to stand-up for yourself and when to let things slide, you should never fight a battle you can avoid AND have no chance of winning, and even if someone makes you the target af a slightly malingnate joke, you can let it pass, but not if they do it to taunt you.


Also, if you feel confortable about posting a pic or two, i would like to see you and your TWIN sister togather, since she is your best freind, but you don't have to if you don't want to.

JohnDowe (Peter).

[johndowe]

Hi there.

About the "respect" autority, (Jenae) i believe the schools should teach about respect and to "listen" to figures of autority, but, somehow i don't thust them to do a good job on the later, since they are in a position of autority and may very well seem hypocritical while explaining it.

JohnDowe, (Peter).

[suebone]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

When i told you to elaborate, i tought you had a question about respect and you weren't stating it properly, since many of the other posts were questions about respect, and i tried to ansewer them to the best of my abbilities.

But it seems you just wanted to state what happened to you, well then it's fine by me, i wasn't trying to pry, i just tought you had problems expressing your question.

By your posts, you seem like a realy girly girl, fragile even, which isn't a bad thing in itself, but it does leave you "open for attack" as it were, and some unsavory people can and apparently have taken advantage of that, the problem is not you, but them, they are vile people, and as such do vile things.

The thing is to get respect you have to give respect, and you then have to work at earning the respect that was first given freely, and so does the othe peraon(s) you are dealing with, but...

But, if they don't respect you, you have to stand up for yourself, i know it is easier said than done, i am a male 6' tall 180# when i ran into the 4 guys, if i would have been 5'4" 100# tgirl, i would have to have handled the situation very differently, how? To be honest i don't know.

If i see a pisse-off girl, i don't see her as a threat, very few women know how to fight, and are usually not going to attack a guy no matter how mad they are, but if i see a pissed-off guy, i percieve him as a possible threat, and i know how to take care of myself, within reason of course.

But then again, you dont have to be King Kong to intimidate someone, i've seen a petite little girl intimidate a BIG guy once, it was funny in a way, but she didn't take his shit and did it VERY well, i had alot of respect for that little girl, she didn't let her small stature prevent her form standing up to the much bugger guy that was maligning her, if it got physical, he would have torn her to shreads, but she didn't let it go that far, i'm sure she was at least a bit afraid, but she stood up for herself non the less, and one thing she did was that no matter how afraid she was she DIDN'T let it show.

As you notice i don't have all the ansewers, but as far as i'm conserned, to live in fear is no life at all, and sometimes you have to stan-up for yourself, because no one can do it for you, your sister can help you, and she can stand up for herself, but only you can stand-up for yourself, when she helps you and stands up for you, she is in effect standing up for herself and you, and she's the one that gets the respect, not you, you will only be safe from them when she is with you.

Another important point is knowing when to stand-up for yourself and when to let things slide, you should never fight a battle you can avoid AND have no chance of winning, and even if someone makes you the target af a slightly malingnate joke, you can let it pass, but not if they do it to taunt you.


Also, if you feel confortable about posting a pic or two, i would like to see you and your TWIN sister togather, since she is your best freind, but you don't have to if you don't want to.

JohnDowe (Peter).

Peter, I have the fear/respect part down,and will be taking the rest of it to your Battered women post ;Thanks sue b

[johndowe]

Hi there.

TWO THINGS THAT I FORGOT TO DO ON THE 22nd...

I appologise for taunting you all.

AND THANK YOU, TO ALL THAT HAVE POSTED.

JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

More about respect.

If a guy gets picked on by others, and is beeing bullied, then he gets a gun.

Asked, he will say: I didn't get any respect before, now i do.

But is it respect?

No!

The reason he is no longer gets picked on is because he has a gun, and the guys that picked on him don't want to get shot, but if he lost the gun and they knew it he would realy get it, so where's the respect?

When you dis-respect some one, you also dis-respect yourself, you belittle your self, you also loose respect from those who see you dis-respecting others.

Earning respect is very easy, if you are a decent human beeing, you treat others like you would want them to treat you, you accept them as they are, and we are all different in one way or another, we aren't all the same, we all have feelings and emotions, we all have things we like and things we don't like, we are not always wrong, and we aren't always right (except me of course, Joking) and if you have a difference of opinion, you talk to them about it, in a calm and freindly way; respectfully, you don't attack them because they are different or have a different opinion than you, that is dis-respectfull.

Respecting someone you like is easy, respecting someone you don't like is not as easy, but the fact that you don't like him does it make him less of a person? And hence not worthy of respect? Of course not, and if you respect him even if you don't like him, you respect yourself and he should respect you back and eventually you could even become freinds, but not if you dis-respect him.

Personally, when a new tennant moves in "my" building and i see him or her i greet them with my signature "Hi there." and they usually respond positively, only one tought i had ulterior motives, but after a few times i said hi to him he spoke to me and told me that where he came from, when people spoke to him it was to get something from him, and he appologised.

I worked door to door for 7 years, and i was good at it, some of the reasons were because i was freindly and respectfull. In those seven years i only got the door slammed in my face 3 times, and once a guy tried to close the screen outer door i was holding, i didn't move to let him close it and stared him down, he appologised and closed the door, he didn't slam the door in my face like he wanted, and i didn't make my sell, but i didn't let him dis-respect me.

Love and respect...

If you love someone you respect them, and when you are in a relationship, and living togather, the respect should increase as the love also increases, that doesn't mean you should accept any thing and everything your partner does and sais, you can disagree with someone and argue with him without dis-respecting him, but all too often, in my experience, women get this notion that it is OK for her dis-respect her lover when she isn't 100% pleased with him, and when this happens she starts to bitch her little head off, AND not just about what just set her off, but also every little thing he ever did since they met, again and again, and after the 100th time she did that, he beats her up, then she's all surprised, wondering why he beat her she NEVER EVER did anything to deserve getting hit, much less beat up, why did he beat her? Because he was rightfully tired of her dis-respecting him and treating him like shit, it was wrong of him to beat her up, but it was also wrong of her to bitch her little head off at him, every single time she did it, if she realy loved and respected him she wouldn't have bitched at him in the first place, dis-respect breads dis-respect, and it is never healthy.


IT IS NEVER OK TO DIS-RESPECT ANYONE, NO EXCEPTIONS.

And if you are, you shouldn't stand for it.


PS, i have stated it before, and i state it again, i have never hit any of my girlfriens or my (ex)wife.

JohnDowe.