funny joke!

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Why did the banker always brought his dates into the vault?


He wanted to practice safe sex.

JohnDowe.

[Jenae LaTorque]

My old Uncle Emory, who lives down in East Texas, has a nice little grapefruit farm near a collage. One day he heard a lot of giggling coming from the pond he has over by one of his orchards. He grabbed a bucket and headed over there. When he got over near there, he discovered a group of young ladies skinny-dipping in his pond. Upon seeing him, they all swam to the far end and remained mostly submerged. My uncle moseyed over to the pond and sat his bucket down and just stood there with a look of surprise.

One called out to him, "We are not coming out till you leave!"

He replied, "Oh. I am just an old fart, and not interested in that sort of thing!"

He continued, "........I am just here to feed the alligators."

That's my Uncle Em for ya.

If you are not a "Boilermaker," simply change the name to your "favorite" alma mater! Enjoy!

Q: Do you know why the Purdue University football team should change its name to the "Possums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What do you call a Purdue player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!

Q: How many Purdue students does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.

Two Purdue University fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking his penis like dogs do.
The first Purdue fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The second Purdue fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."
The first Purdue fan asks, "Why not?"
The second Purdue fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."

Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Purdue Boilermakers?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Purdue joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am a Purdue grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a Purdue grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's a Purdue grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the Purdue University library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q. What did the Purdue graduate say his first day on the job?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"

[johndowe]

Hi there.

DressUp01.jpeg

A little something from Bill Ward.

JohnDowe.

[Jenae LaTorque]

Uncle Emory had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients.

When Uncle Emory got there he went up to the Sign in desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here. Mr Emory Katz. And it says you want to want to see the doctor about impotence, right?" The heads of all the patients in the waiting room snapped around, to look at the my very embarrassed uncle.

Uncle Emory recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation... But... I don't want the same doctor that botched yours!"

[Jenae LaTorque]

Years ago my Uncle Emory was in the Army. The squad was on their first training exercises and were all sleeping out in pup tents with two men in each tent.
After the first night out, the squad was called into formation for muster the next morning. One soldier looked like hell; his eyes were bloodshot and he could hardly keep them open. It turned out that his tent mate snored so loudly that the man couldn't get any sleep.

After several remedies had been tried and all failed, the sergant decided that all the members of the squad would take turns sharing a tent with Bob, the awful snorer. And every day Bob's tent mate would look like hell from not getting any sleep.

The day after Uncle Emory's turn, he appeared at the morning muster looking bright eyed and rarin' to go, while it was Bob who looked like hell.

The segent asked him how this came to be. Uncle Emory explained that when they hit the sack the night before, he tucked Bob into his bedroll, patted his butt, and kissed him goodnight. Bob never closed his eyes for a second the whole night.

And of course Uncle Emory was promoted to corporal and squad leader right away.

[Jenae LaTorque]

A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by my Uncle Emory. Uncle Emory's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. Uncle Emory claimed that the bull must have been hit by the train, and wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.

The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store.

As soon as the Uncle Emory showed up, the attorney for the railroad pulled him aside and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and although Uncle Emory was hesitant the whole way, finally Uncle Emory agreed to take half of what he was asking.

After Uncle Emory had signed the release and took the check, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling Uncle Emory, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!"

Uncle Emory replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that darned bull came home this morning."

[DSL]

Q) How do you spot a happy motorcyclist in fair weather?
A) He's got bugs on his teeth.

[Jenae LaTorque]

My Uncle Emory went golfing one day with his regular foursome except Dr. Mufflemire didn't show up. So it was just Uncle Em, Rabbi Hinkleman, and Bubba Brown, a local oilman. Just before the rabbi is ready to tee off, this fine looking woman walks up carrying her clubs. She says her partner didn't show and asks if she can join them. The guys say sure, since she is quite a beautiful woman. The lady turns to the three of them and says, "I don't care what the three of you do, cuss, smoke, chew, spit, fart or whatever. Just don't try to coach me on my game".
The guys say okay and ask if she would like to tee off first. All eyes are on her ass as her skirt rides up when she bends over to place the ball. She then proceeds to knock the hell out of the ball right up the middle.
She just starts pounding these guys, paring every hole. They get to the 18th and she has a 12-foot putt for par. She turns around and says, "You guys have done a great job at not trying to coach me on my game. I've never shot par before, and I'm going to ask your opinions on this putt. Now if any of your opinions help me make the putt, I will give that guy a blow job he will never forget."
The guys think, "what a deal!'
The rabbi walks over, eyes up the putt for a couple of minutes, and finally says, "Lady, aim that putt six inches to the right of the hole. The ball will break left 12 inches from the hole and go in the cup."
Bubba walks up and says, "Don't listen to the rabbi: aim 12 inches to the right and the ball will break left 2 feet from the hole and fall into the cup."
Uncle Emory looks at both of them in disgust, walks over and picks up the ball, drops it into the cup, unzips his fly and says "That's a Gimme."

[DSL]

Q: Why couldn't the faucet be within 100 feet of the pasta bowl?
A: There was a restraining order.

[suebone]

A brunette goes to the doctor,and says,"doctor I'm hurting all over my body."
"That's odd ",replied the doctor, " show me what you mean."
So the girl takes her finger and pokes her elbow, and screams in pain.
She touches her knee and cries in agony and so on.
The doctor says "you're not a natural brunette are you?
"no I'm ablonde" she replies.
I thought so ...your finger is broken,replies the doctor.
sue b
(short&sweet)