funny joke!

[simmo]

> > 1. Two blondes walk into a building.........you'd think at least
> one of them would have seen it.
> >
> > 2. Phone answering machine message........"If you want to buy
> marijuana, press the hash key......"
> >
> > 3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for
> shorts. The shrink says, "well, I can clearly see you're nuts".
> >
> > 4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
> couldn't find any.
> >
> > 5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that
> he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said "No, the steaks
> are too high".
> >
> > 6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong current pulled
> him in.
> >
> > 7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He
> shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I
> know you can't, I've cut your arms off.
> >
> > 8. I went to a seafood disco last week.... and pulled a muscle.
> >
> > 9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in
> the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your
> kayak and heat it.
> >
> > 10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van
> covered with hundreds and thousands, Police say that he topped himself.
> >
> > 11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his
> head. Doc say "I'll give you some cream to put on it".
> >
> > 12. "Doc I cant stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home".
> > "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome".
> > "Is it common?"
> > "It's not unusual".

[johndowe]

Hi there.

A plastic surgeon is at a convention, and is talking to a Russian plastic surgeon, talking about breast implants, the Russian doctor tells him that they insert the breast implants through the a** as to not leave scars, the doctor is not convinced and talks to another Russian plastic surgeon, and asks about breast implant and gets the same ansewer, he asks why the a**, the Russian doctor ansewers, in Russia we do everything through the a**.

JohnDowe.

[randolph]

Mike was sitting at the bar. He ordered a drink and saw this beautiful woman sitting a few seats down. He smiles at her and she smiles back. When she was getting up from her seat to go talk to Mike another man walks up to her. Mike was caught off guard because the man wasn't a very good looking man at all. Suddenly the woman and the ugly man walked out of the bar together giggling.

The bartender brings Mike his drink. Frazzled he asked the bartender "Are those two regulars?"
The bartender looks at him and said "Well the girl is, but I have never seen the man before."
"Do you suppose their dating?"
"I don't think so, they came in at seperate times and didn't notice each other until now."
"Did you hear anything they said?" Mike asked
To which the bartender replies, "I didn't hear anything, but I did see him touch his ear with his tongue."

[johndowe]

Hi there.

What's the difference between ignorance and indifference.

Don't know, don't care.

JohnDowe.

[randolph]

There was an amazing heist of rare paintings at the Louvre. The robbers made their escape in a van. The police chased the escaping van for several blocks, when it suddenly stopped. The police grabbed the driver and asked him why he stopped.
He said, " I have no Monet for Degas to make de Van Goth"

[simmo]

A Daddy's Phone Call




**Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,**




**'Hello?'**





**'Hi honey.**
**This is Daddy.**
**Is Mommy near the phone?'**






**'No, Daddy.**

**She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.'**





**After a brief pause,**






**Daddy says,**
**'But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul.'**





**'Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy,**
**Right now..'**




Brief Pause.








**'Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.**
**Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs**
**And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy**
**That Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway.'**








**'Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.'**







**A few minutes later**
**The little girl comes back to the phone.**







**'I did it, Daddy.'**








**'And what happened, honey?' **









'Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.**









**Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser**
**And now she isn't moving at all!'**









**'Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?'**









**'He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.**









**He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window**
**And into the swimming pool.**
**But I guess he didn't know that you took out the water**
**Last week to clean it.**









**He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead.'**









*****Long Pause*****









*****Longer Pause*****









*****Even Longer Pause*****









**Then Daddy says,**









**'Swimming pool? ...........**









**Is this 486-5731?'*










**No, I think you have the wrong number........*

[Jenae LaTorque]

Two men were out golfing. They were having a good day, and were really moving along the course. On the 12th hole, they see they are going to run into a couple of women.

These women were clearly terrible golfers. They were chipping their balls along, maybe 10 - 50 yards per shot. The two men were kind of irritated about having to follow such duffers, so one turns to the other and says, "Mike, why don't you go up there and ask them if we can play through."

Mike says sure, and starts down the fairway to speak to the women. Halfway there, he stops, and turns back.

"Mike! Why didn't you ask them if we could play through?"

"I couldn't. I got partway there, and I realized one was my wife, and the other one was my mistress!"

The other golfer chuckled. "OK, I'll go ask if we can play through."

So he goes down the fairway, gets about halfway to the women, stops, and hurries back.

"All right, why didn't YOU ask them?"

He hems and haws for a minute, turning a bright cherry red, and says sheepishly, "small world, isn't it."