What do you do to masturbate?

[new believer]

I might have mentioned this at another discussion but it really is worth a repeat.
Go to the supermarket. Go to the section where you find bacon. Buy the package with the most fat and least amount of meat. Take a few slices out and wrap it around your cock. As the bacon assumes body tempature, it'll give the best 'lube' added with a organic 'utensil' that is absolutely awesome.
Better still, if your market has a butcher and slab bacon, ask for a 5-7" slab. Once the slab is cut ,either have them or yourself slice it 1/8 - 1/4 " thick by the 5" or 7" slab purchased. That will give you a wider slice which does not unravel. Bacon....It's not just for breakfast anymore.