New T-Girl in Transition

[Dani]

Hi, my birth name is Daniel but my Female name is Dani (short for Danielle). I am currently going through the process of the M2F transition and I joined this forum to discuss with like-minded people the process and how. They did things with family and men, etc. I am just wondering also for the Males on the forum how many are looking for long term with a T-Girl?

Thank you for any replies I look forward to reading them!

Dani

PS I am 20 years old in FL!

[spike_40]

Originally Posted by Dani

Hi, my birth name is Daniel but my Female name is Dani (short for Danielle). I am currently going through the process of the M2F transition and I joined this forum to discuss with like-minded people the process and how. They did things with family and men, etc. I am just wondering also for the Males on the forum how many are looking for long term with a T-Girl?

Thank you for any replies I look forward to reading them!

Dani

PS I am 20 years old in FL!

Hi Dani
Well I will put my hand up as a Male seeking a long term relationship but in your case I would say the age differance is to great.
Good luck and go forward, remain positive hope you find a mate to assist and be with you

[Konnor]

Hi Dani, and welcome.

Again, the age difference is too great.

I hope all goes well for you.

[chelsea]

pics?.....

[Dani]

I suppose I should change the wording that I am not personally looking ...yet! As I have just started transitioning I really have enough emotionally on my plate then to add a relationship to it I suppose I was just curious if there were really Males out there that were looking for long-term rather then a one night stand or for Jacking off material online. (Not that there is anything wrong with that!)

As a person in transition I suppose what I was getting at was whether I can look forward to a relationship with someone who accepts who I am (and was!) Or whether I would have to attempt to hide it to find love!

Looking for input from other Transgenders and males.

Hope this wasn't too deep for a forum that seems like a lot of fun good people!

[rambozo]

Hi Dani,
I wish you the best!

[ila]

Originally Posted by Dani

I suppose I should change the wording that I am not personally looking ...yet! As I have just started transitioning I really have enough emotionally on my plate then to add a relationship to it I suppose I was just curious if there were really Males out there that were looking for long-term rather then a one night stand or for Jacking off material online. (Not that there is anything wrong with that!)

As a person in transition I suppose what I was getting at was whether I can look forward to a relationship with someone who accepts who I am (and was!) Or whether I would have to attempt to hide it to find love!

Looking for input from other Transgenders and males.

Hope this wasn't too deep for a forum that seems like a lot of fun good people!

Hi Dani,

I am sure that there are a lot of men in the world that are looking for a long term relationship. I am one of those who would like to have a long term relationship. I would especially like a long term relationship with a transwoman. She would definitely not have to hide her past or who she is from me. If I was in a relationship with a transwoman I would support her at all times. I would encourage her to be herself and I would not hestitate to introduce her to my family and friends. If she wanted to let anyone know her background then I would support her in that too. There are other men that feel this way also.

Anyone that would require to hide who you are and what you have been is not worth having a relationship with.

I wish you all the best for the future. You definitely have a hard row to hoe and I do hope you have many good friends who support you. I'm sure that you will always find a sympathetic ear at this site.

[rambozo]

Originally Posted by ila

Hi Dani,

I am sure that there are a lot of men in the world that are looking for a long term relationship. I am one of those who would like to have a long term relationship. I would especially like a long term relationship with a transwoman. She would definitely not have to hide her past or who she is from me. If I was in a relationship with a transwoman I would support her at all times. I would encourage her to be herself and I would not hestitate to introduce her to my family and friends. If she wanted to let anyone know her background then I would support her in that too. There are other men that feel this way also.

Anyone that would require to hide who you are and what you have been is not worth having a relationship with.

I wish you all the best for the future. You definitely have a hard row to hoe and I do hope you have many good friends who support you. I'm sure that you will always find a sympathetic ear at this site.

[Dani]

You guys are very supportive and I hope you are all right and that the future holds good things...Now if I could only tell my family and friends! I have attempted to tell a few people but the only ones that believe me are the Trans* group locally everyone else laughs at me like I am joking.

Thanks for the support and I look forward to jumping into the conversations here!

[transjen]

Trust me on this the first step is the hardest but things will get a bit easier as the little steps you take start to snowball it's a long road but there is light at the end of the tunnel, I wish you all the best
Jerseygirl Jen

[Dani]

Jennifer,

Thank you for the very kind words of encouragement. I have been fighting with this since I was 11 and I have always fluctuated in whether I want to do it or not being a Roman Catholic and hoping to someday be a politician (which in this day in age a Transgendered politician is not so far-fetched) but this time around I have found support from a support group in the downtown area but I still am afraid of not making my parents proud or even god forbid upsetting them!

Not to sound stalkerish Jen but I have read some of your posts and I think you are a great role model for someone like me!

[rockabilly]

Welcome Dani , Good luck to you in your journey. I wish you all the best in all you do. Welcome to the forum and i hope you enjoy yourself. Now i want and may have found a ltr w/ a great girl ... but as for now it is also a ldr which has it's downsides. But we are working w/ it.

[Dani]

Thanks Rock! It makes me feel so good that there are decent good men out there that are understanding of Transmen on their path to womenhood.

[rockabilly]

You are more than welcome Dani , just stay true to yourself and follow your heart. The rest will fall into place. :D

[transjen]

Looks like we have a few things in common to start with i'm Roman Catholic also , and i knew i should have been a girl since i was 6 or 7, Since your just starting you should be able to hide this from your parents for the time being but sooner or late they'll start to notice the changes.
Telling my mother was the hardest thing i ever had to do and it didn't go over very well, Perhaps your therapist can help you out with how to break the news to your parents. But i don't think there is a easy way to do it if there is i wish someone had told me lol
I also had douts at first and was asking myself what the f are you doing this will never workout but i kept going looking back yeah i made mistakes and i proably hurt some people i never wanted too but today i'm very happy with my life
Jerseygirl Jen

[Dani]

Just curious do you still attend Mass? (even only on Easter and X-mas like most) or have you decide to go a more secular route?

I really wish there were an easy button like staples for this but unfortunately there is not! I have rethought my life pursuits and find that I can still be happy even if I am not the First Transgender President but I have thought about continuing medical studies in Physical Therapy or Nursing or even working (since I know the area pretty well) to work legally for Transgenders and GLBTQ matters.

Thanks Jen BTW where did you go for your SRS?

[transjen]

I'm sad to say that for awhile i went the secular route for a number of years I'm sure the nuns would say see what happens when you take a child out of a Catholic school and put them into a public school but lately i've been working my way back to the proper way every sunday and special days, I even joined a parish not the one i grew up in thou, Guess i'm to scared to go back to my old parish
The medical field is a very good choice as is computers, I got blackballed out of my old career and had to find other kinds of work i had a lot of crappy jobs till i landed my current job at Nations Bank
For the final surgery i wanted to go to DR MARCI BOWERS but there was noway i could afford her so i went to Thailand and got DR SUPORN
Jerseygirl Jen

[Dani]

Having such great feedback and reading some of your new found happiness on other threads Jennifer. It makes me proud to say that I finally had the guts to call and schedule a meeting with a Therapist to make it official instead of just being a crossdresser longing to change.

I understand how things are a little difficult in the Catholic church and working. The political route is still open and who knows maybe I could be a transgendered Congresswoman (even though in FL it would be kind of difficult.) but I really enjoy the medical route and I have a feeling that they maybe more accepting compared to a Law office which was the original plan.

Was Dr. Suporn really cheaper with travel and stuff then Dr. Bowers? After reading about the process that Dr. Suporn uses plus a "vacation" (with surgery! HAH!) to Thailand would be worth traveling to him and I think I will.

Thanks again for all the love and support!

[transjen]

Congrats on taking your first offical step
Yes the total cost was cheaper then going to Trinadad plus DR SUPORN has more experince, Since it sounds like you live in FL perhaps you should check out DR REED as he is located in MIAMI FL,
Jerseygirl Jen

[Dani]

Yeah I have read up on Dr. Reed and I like his work. He is expensive but by then I should have saved up enough to hopefully pay for it. I take it you are out West? I don't think that Dr. Reed does FFS though, Did you have it done with Dr. Suporn?

I am really excited for my session next Wednesday and I will keep you updated! Thanks for being my "online" Therapist Jennifer it has really helped me a lot to understand what someone else has gone through and that you are now happier!

[transjen]

No having SRS was more then enought and i sure as hell didn't want any other surgery on top of that, I never had full FFS instead i did a little at a time like having my adams apple shaved down a nose job and some softing to my face
Actualy i live on the east coast in NJ
Jerseygirl Jen

[Dani]

It sounds like one surgery at a time maybe more tolerable then two 6-8 hour long surgeries. I may have to consider that instead as I have a low pain threshold as it is. I like most Floridians am originally from New York specifically Stonybrook LI. So I know Jersey pretty well and it is a goregous state as long as you avoid the Turnpike! : ) jk.

I will try not to play twenty questions as often but I really can't thank you enough for the support and information!

Dani

[transjen]

You'll be happy to know that SRS doesn't hurt as much as you would think, Anywho i did the little at a time approach mainly due to lack of funds,As i got the money i would get something done and in time it all added up but as things are now i'm done with surgery so no more going under the knife for me
Jerseygirl Jen

[Dani]

That is awesome that you are finished. Just wondering if that is you in your profile picture? If so I am jealous! lol I was going to start with either a nose job or having my adam's apple shaved. I figured that one probably hurts enough. I just hope that I can afford things in a timely manner. I am still going to school full time so it is kind of nerve wracking to do the transition there too.

Dani

[Bionca]

Dani, just remember to pace any surgeries you may need the cost and recovery time for all of them are a pain. I'd also wait for HRT and hair removal before really tackling the face. The subtle softening of the face from both of those can do wonders and may mitigate your need for facial surgeries.

Also, dating as a trans woman can be a minefield. There are great guys, but there are also guys who talk a good game, but ultimately can't deal. Your first priority should be your education. Trans women in the US tend to be under employed, so any leverage you can bring to employment will serve you well.

[Dani]

Well completing my education is still one of my top priorities but what about the legalities in the future of having a degree as Daniel and changing my name to Dani has anyone on here dealt with something similar because I would hate to have Florida State give me a degree then refuse me a reprint later with my proper name. (Still not sure if Dani is what I will use post op)

I was planning on waiting until after laser hair removal and HRT to begin looking into facial surgeries and as next Wenesday quickly approaches I am more and more nervous about what to expect from my Therapy Session and what sort of timeline I am possibly looking at...

Dani

[Bionca]

First thing I'd look into with your school, is what sort of non-discrimination policy do they have? If it includes GLBT folks, you are probably OK. Legalities are going to be one of the toughest parts about transitioning. What does your state require for state ID's to change for instance. Documentation is one of the hardest parts to handle, so be prepared for a headache or two.

Transition happens at its own pace, so don't stress about that. I was lucky in that I had a therapist who wasn't invested in any outcome for me. She was open to the idea I was trans, but didn't make her living from people in transition. I'm a little conflicted as far as timeline for my process. On one hand, I wish I had started earlier - on the other, taking more time could have helped me ease into my life. In all though, I feel like people transition as they are able to and at the right pace. There is no expiration date on it, and it can be emotionally and physically taxing - so take your time and enjoy the process.

[Dani]

Thanks! I plan to take the time now and enjoy the transition especially with today being so bad and depressing but I am still happy with the idea of going through with the transition and who I will be after. It is just difficult to work with my family and live at home and close close friends who expect me to be "President" or some great politician someday...but that is not who I am and it kills me...

I have started to keep a journal to try and decompress a little at the end of each day and keep my sanity and not try anything stupid like I did in High School. I understand this is a difficult choice for life but I am finally happy with a decision I made...

I also looked into my school and while FSU is one of the more progressive schools in my state they do not currently include Gender Identity in their non-discrimination clause...Hopefully it will change in my time there or I will have to work to change it!

I am so very nervous but so very excited about the future...

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Danny, you seem to me to be a bit on cloud 9 about all the support that you've been getting here, but we are the tg comunity, not exactly the real world, oh we're real allright, but we like tg girls, no one here would tell you they'd want you to stay a boy, not because we are maleviolet but we get the impression you are a m to f ts, but it IS your decision and YOU will have to live with that decision, so think things through then make your mind up, it is the people in your life that will have to deal with the results of your decision, and you will have to deal with their reactions, good or bad, and if you decide to go through with it, you will have to tell your parents, it will affect them, but if it is the right thing for you they may argue with you and all but if they love you, in the end they should support you.


I'm not living up to my avatar am i?

JohnDowe.

[Dani]

John,

I will admit that on here I come off as though I am on cloud 9 but I am realistic. Change doesn't happen over night and not everyone is going to accept who I AM. I do understand that the world especially for TS's is a cold and callous place but I am excited that for once in my 20 years of living I am happy with who I am...I look into a mirror and smile instead of critique! I thank you for the reality check on here and not to sound rude but I do understand what I am in for and how difficult it is...

I came out to one of my best friends tonight and she is the first person to know but I knew her reaction would be the way it was that is why I chose to confide in her...(she would stop talking about shopping for me) and I had my first nerve wracking/shaking hand time in a store buying women's clothing...

All in all I want you to know that I understand the road is tough but it just makes me feel good to know there is other trans support out there (from straight men too!) because someday I WILL have to tell my parents and I am so unsure if their reactions that it frightens me to death...

Dani

[johndowe]

Hi there.

I'm glad that you have tought it through, but you have to admit that a reality check was in order, and about your parents, the longer you put it off the harder it will be.

So the question is you love them, do they love you? Then you HAVE to tell them, for you and for them, when you're ready you say? When will that be?
In your transition you WILL need support, alot of support at times, wouldn't be great to have your parents on your side?

I'm not trying to force you to tell your parents, but to make you realise that it is inevitable that they will need to know, wouldn't you prefer that it comes from you and not from someone else, someone that might very well be very ignorant about it? Also if you tell your parents, it is a BIG step towards your goal.

As someone very wise once said:

Do or do not, there is no try.

-Yoda

Good luck.


JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

HI there.

I might seem a bit harsh, but i hope you can see that i want you to be very sure of what you propose to do, if you are sure i support you.

JohnDowe.

[wecanhavefun]

congrats dani! hope all of your friends and family are equally as accepting. best of luck. feel free to drop me a line if you ever want to chat!

[Dani]

Thanks John, but I do understand when there is a right and wrong time to do it...my Dad just got laid off so now is not a good time but I will tell them as soon as possible preferably after my dad gets a new job...thanks for trying to be a reality check but I am SO SURE!

Wecanhavefun...thanks for the support especially being a male my age it is important to me!

[happy69]

Wow, what a terrific thread. I'm kind of a ts end user (hey, no pun...naughty) I guess. Like many straight or mostly straight guys I am pretty oblivious to the smaller details of transgendering. I grasp the biggies like dropping the bomb on Mom and Dad and many of the obvious others like religion, etc but it is fascinating to read some of the smaller things that must mount up to vast obstacles in total. It makes me appreciate t-girls even more. It also engenders more respect for this forum and some of the posters...very thoughtful sincere posts.

This is a bit of a crazy idea, but you do seem to have a good head on your shoulders and you are a good writer. Have you considered documenting your journey as you travel this road with the idea of creating a book in the future...a log or guide for others? I am sure it has been done before, but not by you and your perspective and not in the later part of 2009. In fact, this forum motif might even be a good style to follow if you sliced and diced it up a bit with editing and some necessary fictionalization.

[Dani]

Thanks happy69! I had never intended on writing a book but I have begun keeping a very detailed journal being a pre-law student I can not help but smother a journal with details. I had only planned on my journey and journals to serve as a guide to where I have been for me and hopefully someday my parents.

You never know though if I took enough time and found a publisher it could work out! Thanks for the encouragement.

Dani

[johndowe]

Hi there.

I see that you seem to have tought things through, and i agree with Happy69 about the book idea too.

Good luck in this long and arduous path you are choosing.

JohnDowe.

[Dani]

Thanks John. I definitely understand that this is not something to undertake if you are not serious but I assure you that I am serious and content with my decision.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Good to hear.

Sometimes a reality check is in order, so thats what i did, i hope you aren't mad at me...

JohnDowe.

[Dani]

John,

I was upset at first but I do understand that you were trying to be helpful in your own way!

So thank you!

Dani

[The_Void]

Hi Dani, welcome to the forum.

I just wanted to give you good luck for your transitioning and coming out, and tell you that I really admire you. Seriously, I do. I know how hard it is facing discrimination as a bisexual, and how little that is understood, but I can only imagine how hard it is for a transgendered person. Almost nothing is known about the transgendered community, and there are a lot of ignorant and downright nasty people out there. So for you, and every other transgendered person out there, to say "This is who I am, this is how I was born" is an incredibly brave thing to do, and I admire you, I really do.

Anyway, sorry to get serious, I'll lighten the mood.

[Dani]

Thanks void!

I am kinda curious what you folks on here think...talked with my therapist and he kinda suggested with the transition being so expensive and me lacking any form of insurance...that I wait until I am done with school and working full time to begin transitioning and going as a full time woman...

Just curious if you agree or disagree...this could make it easier on my parents since they wouldn't have to feel as though they are going to have to foot the financial burden.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Well, i think your therapist is not too keen or not too knoledgable about tg issues, the thing is, it is expensive but the sooner you start the better the results, and the less surguries you will need, if you had any other affliction would your parents gladly foot the bill?

I would suggest that you change therapist to one that is knoledgable about tg isues and see what he (or she) sais.

JohnDowe.

[tonywaits]

One thing I might suggest is that you can go to work in a trans friendly bar as a bartender or performer and make some good money. That could help you through school and with some medical expenses. Depending on how big the town is you live in you could perform at a more than one local trans friendly bar and make a decent amount of money. Our performers make as little as $50 plus tips a night to $250 plus tips. It all depends on the crowd you draw.

Hope this helps

[royal_rumble]

Hey there Dani, just picked up on the thread and would like to wish you luck! No doubt it will be a bit of a daunting journey and will take alot of courage but you will get there in the end

[Dani]

Thanks Royal and Tony! I am sure there are plenty of friendly bars in my area since I live in Orlando!

John, I agreed with your suggestion and went ahead and switched therapists to someone who came highly recommended by a fellow trans at the local GLBT center! Hope things go smoother with him.

[rockabilly]

Hi Dani , I hope things continue going smoothly for you. Bye and i wish you well. :D

[johndowe]

Hi there.

I almost missed your reply, I HOPE things go better with him, and that you always be true to yourself.

JohnDowe.

[Dani]

Hey all,

Things have gone really well and I am happier then ever even though the past couple of weeks haven't been gold...

I informed a few of my very close friends of my feelings and who I am. For some it went really well and others haven't talked to me since and one in particular had some very harsh and nasty words for me...not surprising but a few who were proud and supportive and helpful were definitely a surprise!!!

This is all really thanks to my new Therapist who has been beyond helpful! His name is Dr. Baker-Hargrove and he caters to the Trans community.

I am still very nervous about talking with my parents and for transferring to a new university. This is all very new to me but I am loving every minite of it but I realize that it is not all sunshine and butterflies and have had a few run-ins with nasty people.

Hope everyone is doing well.

Dani

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Now you understand why i did the reality checks.

And i am glad my advice paid off, with the therapist.

And good luck with your transitionning and your studies.


But we don't hear from you very often...

Sincerely, JohnDowe.