Waiting for my dream girl

[a9127]

From Esquire:

This week in "Everything Is Dumb, Humanity Is Broken," a 69-year-old man is petitioning to legally have his age lowered to 49 because it fits his body better, claiming that age is fluid, like gender or my faith in humanity. The Dutch man, Emile Ratelband, was born in 1949 and works as a pensioner in his hometown of Arnhem.

The whole thing kicked off after Ratelband, who literally described himself as a "young god," felt he was being discriminated against on dating apps. Regarding the 20-year-shed reported in The Guardian, Ratelband goes on to say, "When I’m on Tinder and it says I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position." Pretty presumptive to think that it's the 69 (nice) that's deterring potential partners and not, say, the penchant to call yourself a "young god."

Unfortunately, I believe Ratelband weakens his already shaky argument by comparing his proposed “age adjustment” to changing one’s gender legally. Not only is that offensive to many (to me it sure as hell is) but it’s the wrong comparison and shows his ignorance.

However he has given me a great idea! I’ve decided to petition a judge to make me “18” again. The same age as Hayley Williams in the picture I’ve posted below.

As for our misguided friend. I couldn’t help but run the “age test” on him. Check it out. A “young god” he is not. He might want to think about having more than 20 years deducted. Maybe see a plastic surgeon while he's at it? I have a feeling his reasons for not getting a “date” on Tinder are many… age is the least of his worries.