[thedrift]

Hello crossingoceans,

I must say I disagree with most of the posts here (except Steph).

Well, firstly - happiness is NOT the purpose of life. Life's a lot easier when there is happiness around, but happiness is this illusion people keep trying to find, and when they do, it's transient. Please be happy, but when you're not, understand that life is about what you feel, even if it hurts really badly.

Life is about survival. No matter how much the mind is upset, the body wants to live, and will do everything in its power for every precious breath. So respect your body.

And if your body is turned on by things - respect that, because as long as you're not physically hurting anything else, as long as you respect the physical space of all other things, you are guiltless.

People's minds are so fucked up, so morally up their own arses, so duplicitous, that to live your life trying to pacify their minds is crazy and not even remotely possible. Don't think for a minute that your actions will make or break your family's psychological well being. They are as, if not more (and I say that because you at least are aware of the conflicting feelings you face) f'd up than you.

You may not have taken the actions you've imagined, because you may not be ready. So, indulge in your feelings. Get off on them. Meet people you want to meet, watch the porn you want to watch, and tell guilt to go arse fuck itself.

But, before you change your life drastically, consider how good your life actually is. That you can eat, sleep, go to a movie...freely. Don't mess with that, appreciate it. Life will find you in time, make you whole and full, grow you and utilise you - so stay innocent, be simple, be unhappy when you're unhappy, and have fun when fun comes along.

I wish you so well