I know what you're going through
I don't know if its guilt or remorse or embarrassment or what, but I know that feeling. I don't know if you ever get over it, so probably best not to dwell on it too much.
I personally am SO envious of those people who can so easily say "who cares, just live your life" as if it were the easiest thing in the world. But I feel this overwhelming pressure all the time to fit myself into this normative box, this expected profile, that deviating from this profile is a huge stressor on my life.
Its a conflict, as I say, that is not easily overcome.
So, best to try to enjoy the moment while you can and prepare for the inevitable blast of craziness in your head. If you do it right, at least you won't be caught off-guard by it and its easier to deal with it.
Best of luck. Feel free to hit me up if you want to talk through it some time.
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