I wanted to break this post up ecause It was getting long.
So what to do with sex and the single trans*?
The best thing for a guy who seriously wants to BE with one of us - not pay us for our time - is to understand that our idea of good sex is not always going to be the same as yours. Much like one would expect on any date with any person. I "get" that it's the cock y'all ultimately wanna see, and frankly, it's better that way then having a guy be so freaked by it he doesn't even want accidental contact/visuals with/of it.
My advice to guys is be respectful with what your partner wants/needs sexually. Take her non-verbal cues on how/where to pleasure her body - just like she is doing with you. If cock-play is the end-all of your attraction and you are not willing to pay an escort, politely discuss this beforehand. She'll know (or more likely have confirmed) what you want and will be able to decide if she's willing to go out.
Remember also, for many of us the cock isn't always a huge no-no spot. It's just tiresome when EVERY PART OF MY BODY IS CAPABLE OF PLEASURE .. and my partner wants to focus on that same part the last guy did.. and him before that.. and and and... except that one guy who thought he wanted it, but really didn't, and then freaked out and ran away.
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