Quote:
Originally Posted by franalexes
I'm thinking the attitude of your friend already set the stage for the two of you since you were together.
Given that a lot of "exchanges" are unsolicited and like your friend's, we can not "let our gaurd down". We are not always in a receptive mode.
In her eyes your friend was trash, illustrated by his remarks. You, since you were with him are also trash, followed by a kiss-ass cover-up remark. Maybe that remark from her was meant for both and primarily the first.
It would have been difficult to start a conversation with this person even if your friend had not been there.
If you yank on the chain hard enough and often enough you will have a mad dog. I don't know her past but I can guess.
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Of course, Fran, your explanation makes perfect sense. Let it be known, however, that my remark may have been perceived as "kiss-ass cover-up" but it was not intended in that way. I chose the wrong words to convey: 1) I thought the guy I was with was trash; 2) she can be whatever she wants to be, and what he or I think shouldn't and doesn't matter; and 3) there are all kinds of "beautiful" but, unfortunately, too many idiots who can't see them beyond their straitjacketed conventions. In my rush, or shame for being in that situation, or whatever, I failed to communicate effectively. I believe the communicator, not the communicatee, is always responsible for misperceptions, and so I willingly take the blame.
But you are right, too, that it might have been all the same even under different circumstances. And that, I guess, is what makes me the most saddened by it all. As I explore myself I feel the need to tell everyone else who is challenged by not being what society wrongly insists is "normal" that I am in solidarity. Certainly, I just can't do that. To express solidarity is to call attention, and that may be exactly the opposite of what is right to do at the moment.
My heart is in the right place.