[smc]

Yesterday afternoon I had an encounter that I think speaks volumes not only about how intolerant our society (here in the United States) is about transgender issues but also what that hatred and vitriol sows among those at whom it is directed. I met an acquaintance from college (which was a long time ago) for lunch at a small restaurant in Boston with only seven or eight tables. We had not seen each other for several years. It was an hour or so past the lunch rush hour.

During our conversation, I commented that he seemed to be distracted by something at a table behind me, out of my line of site. He whispered, "I can't believe that guy is in here!"

Not wishing to be rude, I didn't turn to look. I asked him if it was someone he knew. "I don't know him, but he's a freak," was his answer. I changed the subject.

A short while later I had to use the rest room. Walking back to our table, I noticed a woman who appeared to be in her mid-30s sitting at another table. It was apparent to me that she was transgendered in some way -- transvestite? transsexual? I couldn't tell. I didn't stare, just caught a quick glance. She looked at me blankly.

When I sat back down, I said to my acquaintance, "I think you mean the woman over there." He had said "man."

I was shocked at how quickly things turned. Raising his voice, he became accusatory. "Now you're going to defend him?!" he said, loud enough for her to hear.

I asked him what his problem was, and he told me I had the problem. I suggested we should leave. Fortunately, we had by now finished eating and had paid the bill, and were only sitting and nursing cups of coffee. He agreed. As we walked by the table where the woman sat, he said to no one in particular, but loud enough again for her to hear: "Faggot!"

I was behind him, and I stopped at her table and said that I was sorry for his behavior and that I thought she looked beautiful today. I guess that was a mistake. It was meant to be reassuring, but she told me this quietly: "Go fuck yourself."

I told my acquaintance off once we were outside, and our little argument attracted a bit of attention on the street. We parted company acrimoniously. On the way home, sitting on the T (our subway), I began to think more about why she had responded to what I thought would be comforting words. The only answer I could come up with was that if it wasn't her mood at that particular moment, then it must be the weight of a world of intolerance.

I admit it: I cried about this last night.

We have such a long way to go.