[Dr. Johnson, laurel wreath in hand, greets new sheriff Bart by reading his prepared remarks, not realizing that Bart is black]
Howard Johnson: As chairman of the welcoming committee, it's a pleasure to present a laurel and hearty handshake to our new...
[finally looks up]
Howard Johnson: ...nigger!

[after meeting black pioneers]
Indian Chief: Oy vey. They're darker than we are.

Martin Luther King: Is this it? This is what I got all those ass-whoopings for? I had a dream once. It was a dream that little black boys and little black girls would drink from the river of prosperity, freed from the thirst of oppression. But lo and behold, some four decades later, what have I found but a bunch of trifling, shiftless, good-for-nothing niggers? And I know some of you don't want to hear me say that word. It's the ugliest word in the English language, but that's what I see now: niggers. And you don't want to be a nigger, 'cause niggers are living contradictions! Niggers are full of unfulfilled ambitions! Niggers wax and wane, niggers love to complain! Niggers love to hear themselves talk but hate to explain! Niggers love being another man's judge and jury! Niggers procrastinate until it's time to worry! Niggers love to be late, niggers hate to hurry! Black Entertainment Television is the worst thing I've ever seen in my life! Usher, Michael Jackson is not a genre of music! And now I'd like to talk about Soul Plane. I've seen what's around the corner, I've seen what's over the horizon, and I promise you, you niggers have nothing to celebrate. And no, I won't get there with you. I'm going to Canada. (That was from The Boondocks, if anyone was wondering.)

Alpa Chino: It's complicated.
Kirk Lazarus: Nah! It's simple as pie, man. You plant your feet on the ground, you look her square in the eyes, you say "Hey baby, you and me's goin' on a date, that's in the story..." What's her name?
Alpa Chino: ...Lance.
Kirk Lazarus: You say "Listen here, Lance—" Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance?
Kevin Sandusky: Did you just say "Lance?"
Alpa Chino: No! No, I didn't say "Lance." I said "Nance."
Kevin Sandusky: It sounded a lot like "Lance."
Alpa Chino: Dammit, I'm Alpa Chino! "I Love Tha Pussy," a'ight? Lay your ass back down and look at the stars!
Kirk Lazarus: When you wrote "I Love Tha Pussy," was you thinking about danglin' your dice on Lance's forehead?

Kirk Lazarus: Can I tell you that I'm sorry for any offense I might've caused, man? I guess I just got caught up in—
Alpa Chino: In being a dumbass.
Kirk Lazarus: I guess so.
Alpa Chino: Why you're still doing this Chicken George shit, I have no idea.
Kirk Lazarus: Neither do I.
Alpa Chino: It's beyond me.
Kirk Lazarus: It's beyond me.
Alpa Chino: You're confused.
Kirk Lazarus: I am a little confused.
Alpa Chino: I know.
Kirk Lazarus: ...But are we cool?
Alpa Chino: Not really.