[CreativeMind]

Originally Posted by TSmelissacarter

I think that was a more honest answer and thank you. My point was, because it sounds like you're not sure what I objected to, it's easy to say in idealistic terms "love conquers all". But in realisitic terms a man may not be so open-minded if he lives with and loves an escort. In theory, though I agree with you that love, respect, honesty and trust is the foiundation for any relationship.

Well, I think this is the heart of the whole debate. Right here, in this one reply from you, Melissa. There's obviously a very definite line separating something as being "idealistic" and it being "realistic" -- simply because it draws a line in the sand on where each of us stands personally with regards to a matter of the heart.

I believe love can conquer all. That's not necessarily a catch phrase, at least not to me. I've seen it in action, and I've seen many a couple beat the odds against them. But we also have to stop and think about something here. The whole POINT of the saying "Love conquers all" is that implies that two people will love each other SO much that they will overcome all obstacles for the betterment of BOTH. So that BOTH will now have better lives. In short, at its core, the saying implies that there is also an end result that is to be attained. And that's where your original question doesn't have a right or wrong answer -- all anyone can really toss back is an answer that works for them personally.

Look, I dated an escort once. Met her in a funny way (non-sexual and in public)...we hit it off...exchanged phone numbers...started calling and talking for hours, became instant friends and even closer....dated...and then she dropped the bomb about "what" she really did for a living on the side. I thought she had a normal day job (which she did), but she then supplemented her income with some high paying escort work.

And I really cared about her and she really seemed to care about me. It wasn't a question of did we like each other -- we did. But I think the most common thinking on this matter is that IF you fall for someone who works such a job..that is, works in the sex industry (be it an escort, porn star, cam girl, etc)...it's just inevitable that the couple is going to reach a point where you just HAVE to look each other in the eye and ask what ultimately becomes the MOST honest and soul-baring questions of all...

WHAT is most important: the money or the relationship?
WHO is more important in your life: your lover or your clients?
WHICH means more to you: spending time with your lover (where you are building a true partnership of being equals) or being with your clients (where things could now be tilted and imbalanced, and you might feel a certain level of power and control over them?)

This started with you asking a basic question: Could you date someone (in this case a TS)
who turned out to be an escort? Who engaged in that line of work to get by?

Well, in my opinion, I think the answer that most guys will give is what I call the PRETTY WOMAN response (based on the hit Richard Gere/Julia Roberts movie). Sure, most guys would love to meet a sexy woman/TS...most guys would love the thrill of an instant attraction...to fall in love and find a soul mate who is both fun, lively, and has a distinct sexual energy. We all dream about finding someone like that.

The only problem is THEN they pretty much want the same ending as in the movie. In other words, you want the compromise ending where Richard Gere accepts her for who she is...he's willing to look beyond her line of work...but at the same time, Julia Roberts realizes that to have a true, loving, one-on-one relationship she has to give up her life as a street walker. That THAT lifestyle is just not going to work if she's going to win Richard Gere's heart and BE the kind of lover that he needs. To fulfill his views on love and a committed elationship.

So, it's like I said -- the question is fair, but it just comes down to what the two people can live with as a couple. "Love conquers all" is a valid statement, but as I said before the whole POINT of the statement is that you BOTH get to a place that you BOTH want to be. And if you BOTH aren't there, then it's a crippled relationship. It's always going to be lopsided and tilted and off kilter because one partner is always going to feel that they had to give in on something very important to them.

In fact, here's something else to consider: you changed the question mid-stream. Your original question was "Could you date an escort", but like I said many people might give the PRETTY WOMAN answer and say "Sure, so long as in the end she leaves that life behind once I agree to love her and take care of her. That we'll work towards a better life TOGETHER...even if we have to struggle a bit...but the important thing is that we ARE together."

But then you changed the question and the internal dynamics. Suddenly you said: "Don't speak in concepts, which is all I see so far, really imagine it happening. The woman you love, the woman you built a life with. She's sucking off strangers. She may even be liking it."

Well, THAT'S a whole other story now, isn't it? Suddenly it's gone from two people being in love...trying to build something together...but you've just changed the ground rules. Suddenly NOW it's about one partner wanting SUCH an active sex life that she wants ADDITIONAL partners -- she wants to suck off complete strangers (as you put it) and even gets off on it. THAT certainly alters things, don't you think? After all, how am I supposed to believe that someone really loves me...wants to build a life with me...when in truth they want to turn around and say "Oh, and by the way, I want to be with these other guys TOO."

And going back to myself, that was what broke up me and my ex. In the end, she couldn't walk away from the life because she liked the feeling of power it gave her...she was intoxicated by the money she could make...she wanted the sexual liberty to sleep with other guys. And at that point, as I said, it's no longer a question of "Would you date an escort?" versus "Why should I be dating someone who isn't giving me what I really need to have a fulfilling relationship?" At that point it just comes down to each person and what they personally need to find a good fit...to feel that the relationship they're in is actually strong or that it's going somewhere.

So, I'll say it again: I think the general answer you'll get from most guys is the PRETTY WOMAN response. Sure, it's an enticing and sexually exciting and blood rushing way to perhaps START a relationship, but I think most people would want it to transition into something more stable and traditional -- that is IF you're trying to become an actual couple with long term plans to be together AS a couple.