Part 3
Changed atmosphere
After the family?s lawsuit against the Orono schools was publicized, the atmosphere in town changed. When they went to the movies, people pointed and whispered. There were fewer party invitations, fewer sleepovers.
In the sixth grade, the twins joined the school?s Outing Club. All year they attended meetings to prepare for the crowning event: a whitewater rafting trip. Wayne went to several meetings, too, so he could serve as a chaperone.
Wayne thought he had a good relationship with the club leader. But then the man informed him that Nicole would not be allowed to sleep in the tent with the girls ? the same girls who had slept over her house several times. She and her father could have a separate tent.
A difficult family conversation followed. Jonas and Wayne went on the trip. Nicole stayed home.
After that episode, Kelly and Wayne decided a new start would be good for the family. The summer after the sixth grade, they moved to a larger, more diverse community in southern Maine, and the twins enrolled in public school. Wayne still works at UMaine and stays in Orono during the week, spending weekends with his family.
For two years, in seventh and eighth grade, Nicole went ?stealth,?? as she calls it: passing as a girl. She did not tell anyone that she was biologically male. Though she made friends at school, she never brought them to the house. After that hard last year in Orono, the family was afraid to come out.
This fall the twins entered high school, transferring to a smaller, private school known for open-mindedness. Before they arrived, the school changed its bathrooms to unisex. And before classes started, the family met with members of the school?s Gay Straight Alliance ? ?so she?d have older kids watching her back,?? says Wayne. After the meeting, the group changed its name to include transgender; it is now the Gay Straight Transgender Alliance.
?It made me a lot more comfortable,?? Nicole says. ?I thought, this is OK. I can do this.??
She recently started telling some of her new friends her story. One girl replied: ?Does this mean you?re going to start wearing boys? clothes to school???
?No,?? replied Nicole. ?I?m male to female.??
The girl?s reaction? ?She was like, ?Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.? ??
Concerns about safety
The male hormone suppressors have done their job, and the next step is to add female hormones so that Nicole will undergo puberty as a girl and develop as a woman, with breasts and curvy hips. She is due to see Spack in January, and a date may then be set for adding estrogen, which she will take every day for the rest of her life. Though she will have a higher risk of breast cancer than if she were a male, she will have a lower risk of prostate cancer, Spack says. The treatment will leave her infertile.
But before the estrogen is administered, the GeMS clinic will reevaluate Nicole to make sure that she still identifies as a female and wants to continue.
?In my experience, the patients just blossom physically and mentally when they get the hormones of the gender they affirm,?? Spack says. ?It?s quite amazing. I feel good about Nicole and who she is and where she?s going.??
An endocrinologist in Maine now administers the blockers Nicole needs, but Spack still sees her in Boston every four to six months. The Maines family has grown close to him and others in the clinic. ?I love going to see him,?? says Wayne, who has thanked Spack for ?saving my daughter?s life.?? The Maines family declined to talk about the cost of the treatment but said insurance has covered much of it.
But as well as things are going, the Maines family still worries about Nicole?s safety. Last year Wayne and Nicole attended Transgender Day of Remembrance in Maine, which honors those who have been killed in hate crimes.
Wayne spoke to the crowd, telling them that as much as Nicole is loved at home, her family cannot always protect her.
?I remind her that she needs to always be aware of her surroundings, to stay close to friends and her brother if she feels uncomfortable, and to call me anytime she feels threatened,?? he said.
Lobbying the Legislature
Last winter, Maine state representative Kenneth Fredette, a Republican from Penobscot County, sponsored a bill that would have repealed protections for transgender people in public restrooms, instead allowing schools and businesses to adopt their own policies. The bill was a response to the Maines? 2009 lawsuit against the Orono School District.
Last spring Wayne and Nicole roamed the halls of the State House, button-holing legislators and testifying against the bill. ?I?d be in more danger if I went into the boys bathroom,?? Nicole told the lawmakers, who ultimately rejected the bill.
?She knows how to work a room,?? her father says proudly. ?She even convinced a cosponsor to vote the other way.??
In October, the family was honored for its activism in helping defeat the transgender bathroom bill. The Maineses received the Roger Baldwin Award, named for a founder of the American Civil Liberties Union, from the Maine chapter of the ACLU.
Surrounded by Kelly and the kids, Wayne told the audience that he and his wife have had top-notch guides as they confronted the unknown.
?As a conventional dad, hunter, and former Republican, it took me longer to understand that I never had two sons,?? he told them. ?My children taught me who Nicole is and who she needed to be.??
Typical teens
In some respects, Jonas has had as tough a time as Nicole. For one thing, there?s the personality difference: Nicole is the dominant twin, talkative and tough, while Jonas is cautious and reserved.
?If this had been Jonas, I would have had to home school him,?? his mother says.
The twins have always been close. During an interview, Nicole sits next to her brother on the couch and occasionally lays her head on his shoulder. At one point, when Jonas goes silent as the twins talk of their lives, she whispers words of encouragement into his ear.
But the next minute, like typical teenage siblings, they?re teasing and tussling. Jonas displays a faint scar on his arm where Nicole jabbed him with a pencil. Both have black belts in tae kwon do, which they started at age 5.
They often hang out in Jonas?s spacious basement room, where they watch TV and play video games.
?I love having a sister,?? says Jonas, who acknowledges being protective of her. ?We have a very strong relationship.??
Nicole calls Jonas her closest friend.
?I would say my brother got lucky with me. Because we grew up with only boy neighbors, I developed a liking to shoot-?em-up and military video games,?? she says. ?I could have come out a lot girlier.??
At 14, Jonas is handsome, Nicole pretty. Jonas is midway through puberty. His shoulders have broadened, his voice has deepened, and there?s a shadow on his upper lip. He?s 5 feet 6 and weighs 115 pounds, with a size 11 shoe.
Nicole is petite: 5 feet 1, 100 pounds. She?s got long, dark hair and she wears girls? size 14-16. Her closet contains nice shirts and jeans, party dresses, glittery shoes, and a pair of footy pajamas.
?The thought of being a boy makes me cringe,?? she says. ?I just couldn?t do it.??
Excited, worried about surgery
Nicole?s final step on her journey to womanhood would be gender reassignment surgery. Doctors generally won?t perform it until the age of consent, which is 18. No hospitals in New England perform such surgery, says Spack. The nearest that do are in Montreal and Philadelphia.
Nicole says she?s excited about the idea of surgery, though a bit worried about the results ? ?and maybe the pain, too.??
While she?s interested in boys, she has expressed fear that ?nobody is ever going to love me.??
She has gone on weekend retreats sponsored by the Trans Youth Equality Foundation and to summer camp for transgender children, where she developed her first crush on a boy.
Over the years, the family has become close to several adult transsexuals, and Nicole has seen that some have found happy marriages. ?She says she does feel better about it,?? Kelly says, ?but still wonders if she ever met a boy who falls for her, and then found out that she was trans, if he would still like her, or say awful things as he skedaddled out the door.??
Nicole knows there is a long road ahead, but she feels she?s on the right path.
?Obviously my life is not going to be as easy as being gender-conforming, but there are perks like being able to get out there and do things that will benefit the [transgender] community,?? she says. ?I think everything?s going to turn out pretty well for me.??
For now, at least, life feels more normal to the Maines family.
Wayne recently spoke at GLAD?s Spirit of Justice dinner in Boston and was introduced by Nicole. She kept her composure in her brief remarks and thanked GLAD for giving them a rare chance to ?safely speak out.??
Wayne choked up when thanking the group for its support. He recounted young Wyatt asking him, sadly, ?Daddy, why can?t boys wear dresses??? Wayne hated to tell his son that society wouldn?t accept that.
But today, when Nicole asks her father what he thinks of a certain dress she?s wearing, his typical response, he told the audience, is: ?That dress is too short. Go change your clothes.??
In conversation later, Wayne tells another story of how things have changed, for good and forever. He and the twins were getting out of the car recently, and he grabbed their hands to walk with them.
Jonas, being a teenage boy, shook his father off, while Nicole was happy to walk hand-in-hand, swinging arms.
?She?ll do that the rest of her life,?? Wayne says with a wide grin. ?It was an epiphany for me.??
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