Hi Sabrina
Why can't you transition?
Is it solely about your perceived rubbish looks?
Is that all?
If so, I had a friend who was a male 16 stone slap-head IT-geek.
They transitioned, made huge commitments and sacrifices
and became, for a while, one of the UK's top porn stars.
Now transition and porn star stuff are not linked nor a goal. But it shows what you can do appearance wise, if you want to
and make the sacrifices:
Loose most friends and family
Loose jobs
obsess
possibly develop an eating disorder: Anorexia or Bulimia.
Restricted future employment restrictions
Same for housing
Difficult first-date conversations,
and so on.
Of course, the above list is not complete
nor does transitioning mean you will encounter most or all of the above.
But many trans women do.
Validation fucks?
Been there, but then you eventually work stuff out.
You may find it useful to find a trans support network near you and talk to others who are localish and have been in the same place.
A gender councillor will also be able to help you work through your issues.
Good luck.
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