It's very difficult to give advice when it seems to me (forgive me if I'm reading you wrong) that you don't really know what you want yourself. If you've got medical support then is there anybody they can refer you to for counselling? Or would that go straight onto your medical records as well?

Being married and in the Military would make any kind of transition very difficult indeed I think - if that's really what you want. I'm sure you know what you stand to lose if you went down that road.

Sorry if this isn't much help