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Old 05-23-2010
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Gor Gar Gor Gar is offline
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Cool Hope this helps

I'm not a professional giver of advice by any means, but the first thing I personally think you need to concentrate on is not kicking yourself for these "weirded out" feelings you sometimes get. You're perfectly entitled to feel however it is you find yourself feeling at times...it's how you act on these feelings that wind up making them good or bad. You're not "uptight" or anything, at least not in my opinion. You've simply had X amount of years with your friend in one phase, so now that your friend has entered another phase you're sort of going through a phase of acclimation yourself...that is, it's going to take some time to get used to...for him and for you. As long as neither of you are hateful or spiteful toward one another in all of this then chalk up these feelings for what they are; a time of adjustment.

Also keep in mind that not only are you going to have to work on how you behave toward your friend while going through these conflicting feelings, but your friend is going to have to watch his/her behavior as well. Sure, you're a friend and you've always been there, but that doesn't automatically give your buddy the right or whatever to make you uncomfortable. If the joking/flirtation makes you uneasy, you have to let him/her know...they're no more a mind reader than you are. Like most situations in life, this is a matter of give and take...you meet them halfway, and then they should, if they truly care, work with you.

I went through a very similar situation with a cousin...he and I were practically brothers growing up, and I found out years before the rest of the family did that he felt like a woman in a man's body. I was as cool and accepting as I could be (and he has since thanked me for it, so I'm not tooting my own horn here), but I had to make him understand that I didn't want to hear about things like his encounters with other guys or how many times he got off or all of the details on all of his outfits that he'd spend all of his money on...I had just as much right to feeling comfortable as he did, so I had to have a few heart-to-heart discussions with him before it was all said and done. Of course now he's out of state, hooked up with some guy, living his own life and we rarely if ever talk anymore, but life is loaded with changes. Your friendship with your buddy may very well come to an end...that's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just a change that you'll both have to roll with as easily as possible.

So in a nutshell, keep on being cool, help them to keep on being cool toward you, and just see how the chips fall. But you sound fine to me...nothing to worry a whole lot about, and your coming onto this board to ask for advice shows how genuinely concerned and caring you are. Some people would kill to have a friend like you.
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