Alan Garner: [while picking up Phil at the school where he works] Did you have to park so close?
Doug Billings: Yeah, what's wrong?
Alan Garner: I shouldn't be here.
Doug Billings: Why is that, Alan?
Alan Garner: I'm not supposed to be within two-hundred feet of a school...or a Chuck E. Cheese.

Phil Wenneck: [yelling at Stu from outside] Paging Dr. Faggot! Dr. Faggot!

Stu Price: Here's something I would like to remind you two of?our best friend Doug is probably facedown in a ditch right now with a methhead buttfucking his corpse!
Alan Garner: That's highly unlikely.

Captain Phineas J. Tucker: Gentlemen, I have a very simple policy?what you shove up your ass is your own business.

Chuck Levine: Oh my God, it's Homopalooza!

Bridget: Hey, are you done imitating me? I wonder...wait! Did you copy my body too?...Aw, man.