I have a long term gf and I masturbate almost everyday and have sex around 3 times a week. I would have sex more, but her libito isn't too high, but its increased as of late which is nice. I've never cheated in any way and don't ever plan to, but I do enjoy looking at porn quite a bit which can fulfill some of those darker fantasies.
Sounds like you need to figure some stuff out. Is sex with your wife still fun? Are you turned on in the moment? Maybe you guys should go to a sex therapist or try some new things.
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