Yes, I feel guilty some of the time, but not because I chalk it up to some sort of sin or anything along any religious lines. I used to work in an outpatient mental health facility, and we would sometimes get people in there suffering from sexual identity crisis, sometimes showing up crossdressing (and failing pretty miserably at being "convincing") and those particular cases were almost all brought on by sexual abuse at a very young age. Likewise, I have a male cousin who longs to be a lady, swearing and declaring he was born with the wrong plumbing, and yet he too suffered sexual abuse when he was very young.
So the main reason I sometimes feel guilty is because I feel like I just might be "cashing in" on somebody else's trauma. I don't know how or why all of these t-girls are or rather become what they are...the life decisions that have brought them to the point where I'm seeing pics or videos of them...but the nagging thought in the back of my mind is: "*What if* they were molested and/or abused? Am I feeding into their emotional turmoil?" In other words, I sometimes think I'm digging on exploitation of a deeper issue, and deriving pleasure out of somebody else's misfortune is simply not cool.
Another reason I feel guilty is that I sometimes think I'm doing nothing more than bullshitting myself. Every so often a "before" pic will hit the internet of a t-girl, and that kind of reality check is like a slap to the face. The way I see it is: I would never in a million years find a man attractive, but shave his body, grow his hair out, slap on some make-up and boobs, and suddenly I'm like "Oh what a beautiful woman!" Bullshit...I'm drooling over a guy that's had some work done. I'm not saying that is how I truly feel all of the time, just some of the time when I'm in those moments of guilt. Why? Who knows. Like our attractions, we can't always control our thoughts on things either, no matter how invasive they can be at times.
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