Hi there.
First we have to define what respect is and what fear is.
Fear is NOT respect, repect is not fear.
To get respect you HAVE TO give it, but it doesn't stop there, you then have to earn it and so does the other person you are dealing with, if you don't you lose their respect, and getting it back is VERY difficult.
Respect doesn't mean you have to let some one you respect do something that you know is wrong, you interviene, and tell them they are wrong, if they respect you and themselves they will see that they were wrong and you will have gainned more respect from them, but you don't have to keep score, then you would lose respect.
It's like giving to a charity, some do it to help out, and do it anonimously, there are some that do it to make them selves look rich or generous, which most people see through anyway, they did give but for all the wrong reasons, their donation will still help, but it is hypocritical non the less, and in a way it is disrespectfull to those that are in their viscinity, those who can't give and those who gave out of the kindness of their heart, it "cheapens" their efforts, they also makes themselves look petty.
Respect is treating others as you would like them to treat you, if you do so, they should treat you the same way, because you respected them, they should yespect you back, but of course there are assholes everywhere that will not respect you back, there is no rule that sais that you have to accept dis-respect you can and should let them know that they did dis-respect you, and if he(genericly speaking) is anything close to normal, he should appologize and you would have gainned respect for respecting yourself AND not accepting to be dis-respected, but there are some people that are as close to being past redemtion as humanly possible and will go as far as to beat you up because you stood up for yourself, gang members are an example, and in those cirles only the "leader" is "respected" or more precisely feared, what he sais is law and everything he does is accepted, not so for the others, he is allowed to have sex with any of the member's g/f's but NO ONE better touch his g/f or they will be dealt with most severely, there is absolutely NO RESPECT in these gangs, only fear, threats and dis-respect, it is not a healthy environnement to live in, and it breads more haterd, violence and dis-respect as it grows, it is like a disease.
And as Yoda said:
Once you go down to the dark side, forever it will consume you.
Yes it was a movie, but it doesn't diminish the thruth of it!
Fear is a bad thing, almost evil, because the difference between bad and evil is intent, if you kill someone it is a bad thing, but if you hated him and you did it purposefully, then it IS an evil act, and one evil act breads another, and another...
I remember when i was 17 or so i was in colege, i lived in Montreal, my new freinds and study group lived on the south shore (Longueuil), so i had to go home after we were done, i would take 1 of 2 routes, depending on the time, the first my freinds would walk me to the bus stop, if it was before 11:30 i would stay to the end of line to the Metro (subway), and get out right next to where i lived, but if it was later then i'd have to get off in a secluded area and wait about 15-20 minutes for another bus, and walk a while to get home, i usually took the second.
One time there were 4 guys that were a bit drunk, and were looking for trouble, i saw them, but didn't react to them, i was looking for the bus, then the guys were all around me one on each side and one in back and the "leader" in front of me, then with the back of his hand hits me on the upper chest, not as an attack but as an ivasion of my space, and said: (translated from french) "Hey dude what time is it?"
-PAUSE-
The guy disrespected me by invading my space and touching me, they were looking for trouble, why else would they be all around me like that? So what should i do?
Tell them the time? Then what; that's a nice watch, give it to me, i refuse i get beat-up. No thanks.
I could have attacked, and hit two but the two other would have gotten me, then all four would have beaten me real bad, bad plan.
-RESUME-
I slowly looked at where he touched me and stared him down, being a bit drunk, he didn't get it yet, and hit/touched me again and asked what time it was, again, again i looked where he touched me and stared him down, after a bit, he was getting nervous, and so were his freinds, i was too but they were more nervous than me AND i made a point of NOT showing that i was nervous, and one of them, broke ranks and took the "leader" away and said "this guy's dangerous", and they left, and THEN i told them what time it was as a fuck you thing, and the leader was glad the guy broke rank and took him off of me.
What happened there, was that they dis-respected me and wanted to get into a fight that i had little chance of winning, but I DIDN'T let them get away with dis-respect me, and i didn't play their game, because they knew how to play their game, probably much better than me, so i played MY game, and i won, i had kept my self respect and they had a bit of respect for me but alot more fear, in this case it was inevitable, and a good thing, and i had intimidated them, four against one and they were the ones intimidated, who knew?
When you are feared, you have to mantain that fear, and you HAVE TO do some bad things to make sure you still are feared, that's a lot of work, while if you are respected all you have to do is smile at people say hello, and treat them kindly, wow, and you don't even need a gun.
Excuse the sarcasm, but it did bring the point home a bit.
And fear is a fickel thing, you do one little thing that makes you look weak or not worthy of beeing feared, and all those thing you did to be feared, shot to hell, in that instant, that's a lot of pressure to live under on a constant basis.
Respecting someone is such a simple thing that it is misunderstood because of it's symplicity, some think that to be respected is everybody bowing down to them, well if you are a good and fair king or you have ascended to such a level that people are in awe of you, it is, but otherwise it is not, that is
dominance, a close relative of fear, respect is aknoledging people, treating them as fellow humans, in a kind and caring way, helping them when they need help, instesd of laughing at them, saying a kind word when they are in a bad mood, not biting the head off the one that offers a kind word when you are in a bad mood, saying thank you to the one that helped you, common curtasy and decency, you can't beat someone into respecting you, you HAVE to respect them, and yourself, then they may respect you, but keep in mind that your past with them ALWAYS follows you (with them and thier freinsd), and it may take some time for someone to respect you if you did-respected them first, they may very well think that you aren't sincere, and it will be hard to re-earn the respect you lost.
The gang problem is a BIG one, and born of dis-respect, as children we are told to respect elders, the clerics, the police, but some times these people aren't worthy of respect, they are human after all, and none of us are perfect and above reproach, and they slander themselves and the station they represent, and some abuse their authority, and those who suffer at their hands soon get fed up and want to do something about it and the problem escalates to the pointhere it is now, the problem isn't insurmountable but it will get worse before it will get better, Rome wasn't built in a day, neither was this problem it started decades ago, with segregation in the US, the hollocaust in world war 2, the Corean war, the cold war, the neighbour's dog that was killed because it barked all the time, the cops that harrased the kids that were still in the park after it's closing, the kids that were still in the park after it's closing, etc, dis-respectfull actions always have consequences, some minor some not, actions that would have been better handled through discussion or diplomacy, without violence and vindictiveness, without prejudice, but human nature is not always good and problems arise that aren't addressed end up festering over time and the results are usually not good.
I have a neighbour that i have a good respectfull relationship with, but because of our races (him black, me white) sometimes we get into mis-understandings, but when we do we talk about it and resolve the problem and often we end up smiling thinking how we mis-interpreted eachother's ideas but in the end we are freinds, when we will move i doubt we will keep in touch but we are freinds at the moment, but the important thing is that we respect eachother and when there is a problem we talk about it and solve it instead of yelling and threatening etc.
I will stop now, this is long enough, i will post some more later.
For more info ans the fefinition of respect you can go:
http://eqi.org/respect.htm
JohnDowe.