Reading other people’s responses to “If U Like Shemales R U Gay?” and other related threads while mulling over the whole “gay/straight” question has again led me back to the conclusion that there can be no simple answer. It has also reinforced the point I made in an earlier post “that it doesn’t matter anyway.” Human sexuality cannot be easily categorized and has in fact been shown to fall on a continuum (Kinsey et. al.). It is interesting to read in the replies the variation of what makes one attracted to transwomen. For many, it seems to be the presence of a penis on a female form, others seem attracted to transwomen as a “fetish.” Still others seem to feel it is a “naughty” diversion and perhaps a way to explore sex with a male without feeling “guilty.” A few consider themselves “gay” or “bi.” Most seem to accept their feelings although they are somewhat confused regarding their own orientation--much as I first was. I can’t speak for any of these individuals, nor will I pass judgment on anyone for their views or what “turns them on.” However I must say I disagree absolutely with those who view transwomen as simply a “fetish” or feel guilt or shame because they are sexually attracted to someone with a penis.

Speaking entirely for myself, I still consider my own sexual orientation to be “straight.” I have always admired beautiful women and for almost 15 years was married to one. I have many male friends and have never been attracted sexually to any of them. I have played organized sports throughout high-school and college and what I saw in the locker room never did anything for me. I also exercise regularly and from my senior year of high-school through college worked summers as a trainer at a local gym. Currently one of my best friends on the faculty where I teach is gay.

As for my own feelings regarding transwomen… I will use my three favorite t-girls as examples, if I may. I guess I would have to say that when I look at someone like Kelly Shore, Camila Saenz, or Yeidi Collins, I see a very beautiful and incredibly sexually attractive woman. These feelings are quite similar to what I would feel when meeting someone in real-life (such as when my wife and I first met) or seeing someone “hot” on TV or in a magazine (Jennifer Aniston comes to mind). Pretty “normal” right? Even “straight”?

So what is the “issue” regarding transwomen that makes one’s own feelings difficult to accept? After all in everyday life, most of us don’t go walking around naked (at least not where I live!) so that when we meet somebody we like, we are initially attracted to “external” characteristics such as a cute smile, nice hair, pretty eyes, great legs, etc. We can’t see what’s down “there” anyway--at least typically not on the first date! After we start dating (with or without sexual intimacy) and get to know somebody better we either discover things in common and begin to develop a relationship, or we go our separate ways. Therefore the “issue” we struggle with when it comes to transwomen must be the “penis thing.”

Maybe I should turn this around. I once met a girl that had been on “American Gladiators.” She seemed like a very nice person but she had a build like mine. Probably much better actually! It didn’t matter that she had a vagina. She seemed more like my "workout buddy." We talked about workout routines and supplements and “Arnold” and “Ronnie Coleman” and stuff like that. As an athlete, I have a tremendous amount of respect for anyone who works out and is in that kind of shape but unlike with most women I have met--forgive me for being facetious--the first thing on my mind was wondering how much she could “bench.”

I can’t really explain my own feelings for transwomen except that I find myself attracted to Kelly or Camila or Yeidi (and many other t-girls) for exactly the same reasons I would be attracted to any other beautiful woman. I consider the fact that they happen to have a penis to not make any difference--it is a part of who they are. In my own personal life, since my divorce, I continue to date frequently (all “g-girls” as far as I know). As for really meeting a transwoman and having a true relationship with her, I guess it would (surprise!) depend on the person. As for my own feelings… I’m OK with them. As for the answer to the “gay/straight” question… I’ll leave that to the Psychologists to figure out. As for who I go to bed with… That’s nobody else’s F****** business!

One thing has really bothered me in reading through some (not all) of the posts: I gather an underlying sense that a few here believe there is something shameful in being attracted to transwomen. Even the phrase “admirer” troubles me somewhat--it sounds kind of like “loser living in his parent’s basement” or “stalker” or worse. Therefore, I decided to include some personal information about myself in my profile because I don’t think “admiring” someone as beautiful as say, Kelly Shore, is anything to be ashamed of. Yes, that’s really me (sorry to disappoint you, you were expecting Hugh Jackman?), and I really do ride a Harley (I own a 2004 Corvette too--no sexual symbolism there!), and I teach at a major university. And yes, I really did meet a president (Clinton). And, finally, yes I HATE flying on commuter planes! It would be pretty hard to “out” me (unless one of my colleagues or students is lurking on this forum--you know who you are!) based on what I have revealed--and frankly I’m not too worried. We are considered pretty “liberal” among institutions of higher education--seriously, my gay colleague routinely brings his partner to our campus events--I doubt it would destroy “higher ed as we know it” if my partner someday happens to be a t-girl. The way I see it--if a school like ours cannot tolerate diverse views and lifestyles--the future of our society is in real trouble!

Hope this post (if anybody reads it) will help others in understanding their own sexuality--and to quit worrying about “labels.” Also I am grateful to some of the people on this forum for their thoughtful (and sometimes thought provoking) posts. Particularly, ila, Jenae, and Bionca. Thanks for helping me to better know myself.

Later…