Quote:
Originally Posted by Icekiller
Why is there a lot of people who has fear of being outgoing? and why is there a lot of people who needs to humiliate other to feel good?
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It is all part of the game called survival. The survival instinct is one of the prime components of our mental makeup and to some extent; our physical bodies outside of the brain. The thing that separates men from mice is our ability to overcome our fears by understanding the basis for them and then finding a way to transcend them. Is it an actual fear of being outgoing that people have, or is it a lack of confidence in themselves? There is nothing like success to breed confidence. A person who has had success in being outgoing, will be more outgoing. If you don't experiance success in being more outgoing and you wish to; then it is time to use your brain to evaluate why. What are you not doing right? Study those who are successful. Can you do what they do? Is it in your nature to act as they do? Can you change your nature? It is mostly a mental thing. Sure there are some who will have natural advantages in being more outgoing; they are bigger, smarter, stronger, more attractive, etc. When it comes right down to it, "men are not created equal." The important thing is to know your strengths and limitations.
I wouldn't challenge Michael Jordan to a one-on-one game of basketball but I would take his money in a game of pocket billiards.
Social interaction is like a game, and there are rules and effective strategies to it just like any game. If you don't know the rules and/or don't have any experiance, then most of the time, it is best to play it easy until you do. If you screw up; then admit it (most importantly to yourself). Learn from it and figure out how you will do better next time. Don't rationalize the mistake, blame the other person(s), or lie to yourself; such thoughts are not helpful. And don't play the victim! While people may sympathize with a victim, they have admiration and respect for the one who gets back up and jumps back in the game.
For the record. Everyone you interact with, keeps a record of you in their memory. If you tell them lies all the time, then your record will be as a liar, and
everything you say will be subject to disbelief. If you say a lot of inconsequential things, then they will not bother to listen well to what you say. However, if you only speak to say something insightful or wise, then your record will be as one who is worth paying attention to. We all know people who are outgoing "chatterboxes" who natter all the time and say nothing worth remembering or even thinking about much. It is a true test of friendship when you can sit with someone and just enjoy their presence without much being said. So people need to think about the records they are creating in other's minds. If you are creating good records then you will not fear to be more outgoing as you will have confidence that you will be listened to.
Humiliating others. Humiliating others is just a form of intimidation at times. It is a rat race out there and intimidation is often used to obtain the desired results. The key here is to probe the person's motivations. Is he just doing it to be a "meanie"? Or is he trying to motivate you to a differant mode of behavior or thought? That is what you need to figure out; the motivation behind the action. I have found that there are actually very few people who are "meanies". And 99% of those are of a brutish mentality anyway and need to be dealt with as such. Humiliation of a child is uncalled for unless the child has repeatably made the same mistake even after they understand the issue. Thus it is a very rare thing to need done. Humiliating adults is also a distasteful thing but is also sometimes necessary. Humiliation threshholds differ from one person to the next. What constitutes a humiliating intent on a chat board is differant from that of a face to face conversation. Face-to-face; a questioning look may be sufficient to get the point across that you are having trouble accepting what they are saying. On a chat board, you need to spell it out. Sometimes several times. People have a tendancy to state things that aren't true a lot on chat boards. I want facts and substantiation. If I am not buying what you are selling, I am going to say so. It is not a matter of feeling good because the other guy is made to look stupid; rather, it is a matter of having good information.