Don't try this at home
 

Is it ever safe to use a vacuum cleaner to make yourself come?

Well, there I was, just a kid. I'd read the articles in newspapers about how you might get your cock stuck in the tube, or all the skin might get sucked off, and I thought no that can't be true. I put my finger up the tube and all the skin didn't get sucked off it. So, very carefully, I thought, I approached my cock with it. Not carefully enough, though - next thing I know is a thud of pain as my left bollock got sucked in there instead!

Holy shit! No vacuum cleaner in history has ever been turned off so quick.

I abandoned the experiment for that night. And it wasn't just a case of blue balls, more like black 'n' blue.

So kids, don't try this at home.

Don't improvise
 

It was a great joy to me when I was starting to like cross-dressing to discover a plastic bag in my mother's underwear drawer full of old nylon stockings which she no longer wore. Why she kept them I don't know, but if she didn't want to wear them I certainly did. But there was a problem there - she kept the stockings, but nothing to fasten them to.

But I thought about it, and came up with a solution. I had (in British English) a pair of clip on braces (in American English a pair of clip on suspenders) which I could use as a (in American English) garter belt (in British English a suspnder belt [Oh, the joys of this common language]). (I'm British, so I'm going with the British English terms.)

This worked pretty well, and was the first time I got to wear stockings, parading in front of the mirror, admiring myself to death etc. Then I started to make myself come, and somehow the hand movements just made one of the clips come loose. WHACK! Round from behind me it flew and hit me right in the balls.

So kids... Yes, you've got it. Don't improvise, but save your money instead and buy something safe and sexy to hold up your stockings, whatever term you use to describe it.

Heehee! Funniest thing I've read in a while. Thanks!

You were very lucky. The medical literature is full of cases of serious injury to the penis or testicles from things like vacuum cleaners, sanders, hair dryers, etc. My "ex" was a nurse in the ER and told me about all sorts of things she had seen. :(

Here is a link discussing such injuries:

http://tafkac.org/medical/vacuum_injuries.html

"Dr. A" says "Never put your penis in anything you aren't sure it will come out of..." :cool:

Did you dress the vacuum cleaner up in stockings and lingerie first?

You have to be very careful .... You really are Dyson with Death.

Kirsty
xxx xxx

That's the best sex pun I've read in a long time. :lol::)