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Old 01-26-2009
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Default Are we willing to settle for less - just because she happens to be trans?

I've had my escapades over the last few years - and it is fair to say that it has more or less solely been with transsexual women. My relationsships have been frequent, long(er), not so long, deep, not so deep, hot, not so hot and in general exactly like everybody else's relationsships, I gather. I cannot truly say that having a relationship with a transgender woman is fundamentally different from having one with a cisgender one...

I guess I'm difficult, maybe even to the point of being hard to please. Not necessarily in the sense that she has to look like a Goddess (though, most tend to do), but rather her intellectual habitus... I'm a sucker for deep companionship - talk, talk, talk, fancy conversation and the building of that special communicative bond that happens when you truly are on par with another person...

My point is that in spite of the cemented fact that I belong forever to a transsexual woman and that I will never be truly at home untill I find her, my demands for spirit remain the same. Even though being a trans-woman may "put her first in the line", I will never settle for her for just being a transsexual.

I guess this could sound as if my transsexual liasons over the past years have been below par in the minds-department, but that is certainly not so - to the contrary. But apparently finding that trans-girl who rocks your world is neither easier nor more difficult than (or different from) finding a cis-girl...

Well, obviously I find the story-telling generally more alluring from a transsexual woman, but I cannot say that her gender identity otherwise buys her tickets... she's a woman (with benefits) and she has to be interesting... so be it.

I really don't know why I'm writing this post... maybe I'm once again in my limited thoughtful mood...

Peace!

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Old 01-26-2009
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Personally speaking, I would NEVER date someone with a bad attitude -- at least, I can't CONCEIVE of ever doing so (but there is that rule in life, expressed by a great contradiction: never say never). I don't know so much about intelligence. I favour intelligence, sure. But I'm quite a needy person and find myself drawn to girly-girls. Note: I'm using "girl" in the broadest sense my small intellect can handle (i.e. bio-girls and trans-girls). Intelligence can intimidate me. It might simply be that I'm a weak person and I'm scared of strong individuals. In the abstract, I like the idea of being challenged; in reality, I usually dislike it. It's not low intelligence (if there even is such a thing) that turns me off a person; it's ignorant judgementalism. A person could have all the intelligence in the world and still be an arrogant, small-minded, judgemental ass. And rude. Very rude. So intelligence is a very foggy idea I try to pay little heed to.

It's basically the person I'm after ... and, I'm almost afraid to say, their looks. Yes, I know. Very superficial, aren't I? The weird thing is that I tend to regard looks not just as sexually desirable, but almost an expression of a person's "residual self image", to quote The Matrix. For example, I immensely prefer slim girls to chubby ones. In fact, the thought of touching a fat stomach makes me somewhat queasy. I see slimness as that stereotypical expression of health, vitality, youth, vigour; someone looking after themselves. It's not that I herald stick-thinness as a "good" thing (e.g. all those "Size Zero" models -- no, thanks!), but that I aesthetically prefer slim contours and slim bodies (e.g. Sofia Coppola is one of my favourite genetic women). Maybe the "residual self image" is a bunch of BS I've used to try and rationalise that preference. I must admit that there are some heavier t-girls in pics and vids that turn me on. Y'know, I'm just coming to realise at this point ... I think I like the slimmer arms, hips and thighs of t-girls. Is that ... wrong?

Damn, I don't know what's happening to me. I don't know where I'm at. But I kinda like this change. I guess I am very judgemental myself. And vain. And looking for an ideal that can't be met. Everything used to be so clear to me, now it's all so blurred. Again, though, I like the change -- kinda. I guess, all told, I want someone diffferent. Someone who isn't "the norm". Not that anyone lacks uniqueness, of course. But some people are, well ... more unique than others? Yes, very Orwellian of me. However, this *is* a board for the discussion and veneration of transgenderism, so I'm sure you all know what I'm (perhaps very awkwardly) getting at. Again, it's not intelligence, so much; it's a certain boldness in being different combined with a gentility in nature. And someone who can couch their seriousness in a fun demeanour. I don't know if that makes any sense at all.
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Old 01-26-2009
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funny you write this because I have thought about this before. I wondered if I do find a tgirlfirend if I would just pretend that she fits the personality that I am into if she really doesn't or would I ignore the fact that we might not have to many things in common just because she physically fits what I am into.

I have always been a person to acknowledge what I truly feel so I do think I can make the right decision when I am in this situation. But man that would suck to meet the hottest girl of your dreams and then you just can't stand her personality, thats just the world being cruel.
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Old 01-26-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ocinteeni View Post
But man that would suck to meet the hottest girl of your dreams and then you just can't stand her personality, thats just the world being cruel.
It is. But I find attraction radically drops when this happens. So, as much as I may admire and desire a gorgeous body and complexion, the personality can kill objectification in seconds.
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Old 01-27-2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSkronkDonkey View Post
It is. But I find attraction radically drops when this happens. So, as much as I may admire and desire a gorgeous body and complexion, the personality can kill objectification in seconds.
I TOTALLY agree. Hot looks + lousy personality = no interest for me.

And I'm not saying that to be politically correct or to come off sounding like "the nice guy". The truth is looks are a turn-on for all of us. I think no one is denying that. We all can point to particular movie or TV stars or models or porn starlets or people we know in our daily lives and say "Yeah! Now THAT is hot to ME."

But in the end who REALLY wants to be with someone you can't TALK to? That you can't share COMMON interests with? That you can't just be around for a length of time and find comfort and fun simply by being in each other's company?

So, Skronk is right with a brilliant summation.
A bad personality absolutely can kill objectification in a second.
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Old 01-28-2009
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Default so true

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSkronkDonkey View Post
as much as I may admire and desire a gorgeous body and complexion, the personality can kill objectification in seconds.
I think TheSkronkDonkey has hit the proverbial nail on the proverbial head. I have fantasized to trans porn for some time now, but over time and especially most recently I have found that while I still get aroused by pictures or videos of a beautiful body (and the pictures I've shared in various threads show what gets me most aroused in this respect), I am drawn more and more to stories of passion and romance that are not exclusively sexual (although with some more or less explicit sexual component).

New things really turn me on now. I am drawn to a tgurl who signals that she does not objectify herself (although I'm not sure I can define what that means, I "know it when I see it"). I am drawn to a tgurl who disarms the objectifiers at the same time that they think she is playing to them (again, I know this when I see it). I am drawn to the idea of just melting into each other because the attraction has been built up over time without, perhaps, even seeing what each other look like. I know I'm not the best-looking guy in the world; why should I set a standard (or even be in the business of standard-setting) that is as ridiculous as the teen boy who puts up a poster of the latest, hottest supermodel and imagines that she could be his.

There's an ad I see in magazines sometimes for some language-training program on CD. It shows a young kid outside on a farm, and it says something like: "He's a Nebraska farm boy. She's an Italian supermodel. He knows he'll have only one chance with her."

Yeah, right! It could happen, but any of us who wait around for that kind of stuff are idiots. Yes, it's a cliche, but I'm old enough to have found that almost without exception, someone who radiates beauty, passion, romance, confidence, humor, etc., etc., from the the inside can have almost any physical look and still project beauty. You all know this, unless you're really, really young and still in the clouds.

I'll still look at pictures and videos, but I don't imagine I'll be having sex with any of these tgurl stars, and I certainly don't expect to run into any of them and sweep them off their feet.
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Old 01-28-2009
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Default Desire

The above comments are all well said. The desire for sex is relentless and fantasies augment it. Most of us do not have the wherewithal (financially or emotionally) to realize these fantasies. Is there an alternative? In my own case, I have found that Tantra meditation can enhance the fantasies to the point that they become very real as a sensual experience. Imagining a sexual activity becomes as real as the real thing. So I don't "need" the real thing. I can enjoy whats in my mind. Love is in the mind.
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Old 01-28-2009
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Well.. there is some amount of "settling" in every relationship. We all have a perfect partner that exists in the yummy recesses of our minds and only there. So, really our perfect partner is a combination of fantasy and experience. Knowing what bits are crucial for a relationship and what can be negotiated will probably be the key to something special.

I also don't think it is unreasonable to have physical attributes that are important. People have physical attractions for a reason and to discount that as "shallow" or "vapid" isn't fair (not that I have seen this in the thread, but it could go that direction). That said, having a realistic expectation for how real people look without the benefit of perfect lighting, makeup, and photoshop will likely be a good idea.
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