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  #1  
Old 12-16-2008
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Bionca Bionca is offline
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Default Silly Advice Request

While this isn't a trans thing, it does complicate things a little. Saturday is my company Christmas party - it's for the whole company and some clients... kinda a big deal. There is no way I can NOT go since I'm expected and some of the clients want to meet with me after 3 months of solid e-mail exchange.

I'm kinda seeing a guy VERY low-key and NOT serious. Most of my company has no clue I'm trans except the guys in my department, HR, and the CEO and his wife. I have been using a pretend boy friend to avoid going out with some of the guys in different departments. My question is:

Do I ask my kinda "fella" to be my date or show up alone (and maybe lie about my BF having other plans). If you were in his shoes would you do it or not - that is go some place where some folks knew you were with a tranny, but some didn't? He has made it clear he's not comfortable telling his friends about my status (and I'm ok with that as long as they don't say something stupid). I know this is short notice, and I've already let him know that I have the party so he won't be too surprised.

Thanks for anything you may say!
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  #2  
Old 12-16-2008
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I know where you're coming from and i've had the same trouble, I would ask your boyfriend to accompany you, If he's not comfortable you could always ask a guy friend to accompany you and act like it's more then just friends, hope things work out for you Jennifer
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  #3  
Old 12-16-2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bionca View Post
While this isn't a trans thing, it does complicate things a little. Saturday is my company Christmas party - it's for the whole company and some clients... kinda a big deal. There is no way I can NOT go since I'm expected and some of the clients want to meet with me after 3 months of solid e-mail exchange.

I'm kinda seeing a guy VERY low-key and NOT serious. Most of my company has no clue I'm trans except the guys in my department, HR, and the CEO and his wife. I have been using a pretend boy friend to avoid going out with some of the guys in different departments. My question is:

Do I ask my kinda "fella" to be my date or show up alone (and maybe lie about my BF having other plans). If you were in his shoes would you do it or not - that is go some place where some folks knew you were with a tranny, but some didn't? He has made it clear he's not comfortable telling his friends about my status (and I'm ok with that as long as they don't say something stupid). I know this is short notice, and I've already let him know that I have the party so he won't be too surprised.

Thanks for anything you may say!
There are many reasons to not be comfortable attending such an outing. Is it helpful to know that the lack of interest in going is fairly mundane, and maybe not centred around your 'status'?

on the bright side, kudos to your company representatives for behaving the way that they are.
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  #4  
Old 12-17-2008
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Hi Bionca,
Seems to me the polite and nice thing would be to ask your friend if he'd like to go, but don't be too suprised or disappointed if he doesn't.
If I were him, I would go with you, but it could be a little strange for him (or anyone) to go to someone elses company party.
I would hope that he becomes comfortable enough to go out anywhere with you, as he should be proud of and happy with his choice of friends and not worry about what others may think.
Its nice that your bosses and the company are supportive.
for what its worth...
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  #5  
Old 12-17-2008
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Well, for what little it's worth, here's my two cents...

First of all, since the CEO of the company and his wife (who are clearly going to be the most important people there)... AND the HR people (who will obviously be protecting you)... AND your co-workers in your own department (who will obviously have your back)... are ALL aware of your status, I wouldn't worry about the rest of the company. You've already got the best allies you could ever want in your pocket. So, you shouldn't even be thinking twice about going. You work there, the people in power or who need to know anything already do know something, and they're all cool with you. Not to mention you've worked hard, you've impressed them with your talent, most importantly you've impressed the clients, who now want to meet you as well -- which means you've earned every right to be there and you should be there to have some fun, or even to help promote your own career upwards within the company by rubbing some elbows.

So, put on your best Christmas dress and get to that party!

Secondly, if the guys in your own department have been hitting on you and asking you out (which you've deflected by claiming to have a boyfriend), then that's just another positive and complimentary sign that everyone likes you, they accept you, and they definitely want you there. And that they will be genuinely happy to see you all dressed up and attending. So, I'm sure there will be plenty of guys hoping to ask for a dance or looking to spike your punch!

So again, put on your best Christmas dress and get to that party!

Third, in terms of asking/bringing this casual "friend with benefits" that you have, I'd simply say this: why should he care about going? Even if he doesn't like telling HIS friends about your status, the point is he's going to YOUR party where he'll be basically hanging out with strangers. So, it seems to me that going to the party is a no-brainer since it presents no problems at all to him. Seriously, what does he have to lose? He gets to hang out with a beautiful lady that's all dressed up for the night (someone that he has a physical relationship with and he enjoys being with)... he doesn't have to feel self-conscious about your status since the core people you'll be hanging out with are already aware OF your status... he gets out of the house for a relaxing night of holiday fun... and, as the icing on the cake, he gets to chow down on free food and booze. What more could a guy ask for???

So, since you do have a relationship with him -- casual as it might be -- I'd ask him. What the heck, at least let him have a vote. And if he really does feel uncomfortable going, then screw him! He's a total dope and doesn't realize what a terrific girl he has in hand! In which case, put on your best holiday dress and go have fun mingling, flirting, and dancing all the same! Go have some spiked punch with that cute guy in the IT department who really DOES want to know you better, no matter what your status!

And if none of that works for you, Bionca, then I have one final solution: you could always ask someone here to escort you to the party since there are so many guys who have become impressed by you, who would gladly love a chance at having you on their arm and being your date at a party.

So, I'm sure there are LOTS of volunteers to take you as well.
In fact, even as you're reading this, the stampede to line up has already begun!
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  #6  
Old 12-17-2008
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I think that you should ask your friend to go with you. He may or may not want to accompany you, but at least you will no for sure instead of wondering.

If you do go alone it is nobody's business why, but you can always say your bf was unable to attend with you (and don't elaborate on why). That way you are still telling the truth without having to make excuses.

I would love to accompany you, but you are too far away for me to make it there on time. (I would have to fly and I don't have a passport. You can blame for country for the new passport laws when all that used to be required to get in was a valid identification card)
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  #7  
Old 12-17-2008
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Not having the slightest inkling of the pressures that might put you under it is very difficult to advise. I do think that any boyfriend might be over awed by the occasion anyway, however FWIW if your boyfriend is somebody worth holding onto and he regards you the same, then he should make the effort and hang what people think of him (I mean he cant hide from it for ever so might as well jump in with both feet). I also think that the same goes for you, if you have decided to be the person you are then going the extra few inches is a must.
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  #8  
Old 12-17-2008
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thats a tough one good luck i hope it works out
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  #9  
Old 12-17-2008
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BIONCA:

Is there some way you can thank him for doing you a favor?

Take him to a concert or a sporting event? A skiing trip?

Is there some type request he's asked of you that you could grant now?

Could you promise to go late, leave early, and talk mostly to people who don't know your status?


Piece,


TAL
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  #10  
Old 12-17-2008
osoroshii osoroshii is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bionca View Post
While this isn't a trans thing, it does complicate things a little. Saturday is my company Christmas party - it's for the whole company and some clients... kinda a big deal. There is no way I can NOT go since I'm expected and some of the clients want to meet with me after 3 months of solid e-mail exchange.

I'm kinda seeing a guy VERY low-key and NOT serious. Most of my company has no clue I'm trans except the guys in my department, HR, and the CEO and his wife. I have been using a pretend boy friend to avoid going out with some of the guys in different departments. My question is:

Do I ask my kinda "fella" to be my date or show up alone (and maybe lie about my BF having other plans). If you were in his shoes would you do it or not - that is go some place where some folks knew you were with a tranny, but some didn't? He has made it clear he's not comfortable telling his friends about my status (and I'm ok with that as long as they don't say something stupid). I know this is short notice, and I've already let him know that I have the party so he won't be too surprised.




Thanks for anything you may say!
I think if you want him to go. you should ask him if he wants to go with you, explaining the situation to him. This obviously puts the ball in his court, theres nopoint wondering what to do if your not sure if he'll come anyway.

i say live alittle lifes to short. your proud of who you are. and people respect you at work (i can tell)
enjoy your christmas with your fella :P x
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  #11  
Old 12-18-2008
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I think you should ask him to go, I'd go with you like a shot, in fact i'd be there like a rat up a drain pipe.
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