How openminded are we truly?

[hankhavelock]

How openminded are we truly?

I watched an interesting movie last night called "Normal" starring the beautiful Jessica Lange - it was to some extent right up my alley as it dealt with transsexual matters.

The interesting aspect was that the husband eventually came out in the open exclaiming his true gender identity as a woman - at a late age. And the movie then dealt with that issue in a very sober way. I actually have a Danish transsexual chatfriend who went through just that.

I started thinking about this... I adore transwomen (especially my gorgeous little Asian ones) and I claim to be a very openminded guy... however, how would I have reacted, had it been my farther whom at a late age suddenly came out of the closet as a trans? I'm not so sure my openmindedness would have encompassed that too... I really thought about this. I'm sure, that should I ever have a child, and should that child be transsexual, no problem. BUT it was disturbing to me to realize that had it been my father being transsexual, then I would have had a problem.

And why is that? Probably because to me a transwoman is someone who gets my sexual attention... and I don't want to give sexual attention to my father. I don't know...

Luckily this never happened, but the movie did make me think and in a sense challenge my own openmindedness.

I'm surrounded by absolutely gorgeous transsexual women, and I wouldn't have it any other way, but this movie forced me to go a bit deeper in scrutinizing my own openness when it gets really close. It also made me feel a bit ashamed, because I realized that my openmindedness has limits, and I'm not so sure I like that.

So it would seem that I'm very far from perfect...

[Gor Gar]

...and I too have to truthfully say that I'm farther from "open-mindedness" than I like to think I am. Very recently, and I'm talking weeks here, a friend of mine that I've known for years has started living life as a woman, and I simply cannot wrap my brain around it. I thought that sort of awkwardness was behind me when I had a cousin come out like that several years ago, but lo and behold I'm back to square one when an unrelated friend does it too.

It's not like this is a total shock or anything...all of the writing was on the wall, and I pretty much saw it coming after some of the confessionals this friend had with me...but as it is right now, I simply cannot see this friend as the woman he aspires to be. Honestly I see, and no offense to anybody if I sound callous, but I see an old 40-something year old goofball that has let his fantasies run amok with the rest of his life.

That being said though, I'm not really acting differently toward this friend (the fact that they live out of state probably helps), but I don't know if things can or will be the same from this point on with them. I mean, the things we had in common all along are we're both aspiring artists (this friend was always more talented and professional than me), our love for trashy/exploitative B-movies, and especially our affinity/weakness for girls who are barefooters. Main difference is, whereas I fantasize about being with the barefoot girl, he always wanted to be the barefoot girl.

If anybody has any advice or pointers for me over this situation I would greatly appreciate it. This friend has invited me to come spend a few days visit with them sometime this summer, something I've done before, but honestly I don't know if I'd feel comfortable with it now, and I don't know if I'm right about this, or I'm being a closed-minded jerk.

[smc]

Originally Posted by Gor Gar

... If anybody has any advice or pointers for me over this situation I would greatly appreciate it. This friend has invited me to come spend a few days visit with them sometime this summer, something I've done before, but honestly I don't know if I'd feel comfortable with it now, and I don't know if I'm right about this, or I'm being a closed-minded jerk.

It's hard to tell how close this friend has been. Knowing someone over many years doesn't necessarily translate into the intimacy that comes with "bosom" friendships. But if you are close, here's my advice: spend those days in the summer, but make it clear to your friend that you're having trouble, as you say, wrapping your brain around the change that has taken place. Make it clear that the trouble is with you, not your friend. That is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. You cannot be judgmental. Tell your friend you want to visit, and explain that you may find it difficult because of your own distance from open-mindedness. Ask for forgiveness in advance of showing up, so if you have to leave before the visit is over, you can do so without rupturing the friendship forever. Tell your friend that even if you do feel uncomfortable and have to leave, you're committed to beginning work on restoring the friendship immediately thereafter.

If this person is a true friend, and you are a true friend, there will be understanding about all this beyond what you can fathom right now.

[Gor Gar]

Originally Posted by smc

It's hard to tell how close this friend has been. Knowing someone over many years doesn't necessarily translate into the intimacy that comes with "bosom" friendships. But if you are close, here's my advice: spend those days in the summer, but make it clear to your friend that you're having trouble, as you say, wrapping your brain around the change that has taken place. Make it clear that the trouble is with you, not your friend. That is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. You cannot be judgmental. Tell your friend you want to visit, and explain that you may find it difficult because of your own distance from open-mindedness. Ask for forgiveness in advance of showing up, so if you have to leave before the visit is over, you can do so without rupturing the friendship forever. Tell your friend that even if you do feel uncomfortable and have to leave, you're committed to beginning work on restoring the friendship immediately thereafter.

If this person is a true friend, and you are a true friend, there will be understanding about all this beyond what you can fathom right now.

Thank you sir for the excellent advice...it's all VERY much appreciated!