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  #1  
Old 04-15-2011
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ok a little serious therapy/advice plz

i have been living with my gf for the past 12mnths. she is a pre op ts.
I have fallen deeply in love with her, shes makes me so happy.
and she is 100% passable girl.

recently we broke up, she moved out and although we remain friends, the "partnership" is over so to speak...well at least for now.

many issues going on, but one major one is that i have not told anyone in my family or friends that she is a tranny.
All my fam and friends have met her, they love her, but they have no idea that she is boy.
we recently spke about this, and this is something that she cannot stand for anymore....

anyway...some other points to consider.....
1. sex with her is ordinary to say the least... she is a goodess to look at, but unfortunately is only into sexual contact at a minimal level (i am opposite i suppose, when i love someone, i cant get enough of them)
2. my brother is gay, been with a male partner for the last 10 years. even my uncle is gay (left his wife and children for gay partners)
3. it has little bearing on me... but i still hate to think that my dad does not accept my gay brother.... what would he think about me?
4. i am straight. i like cock yes to suck on (only if it is pretty), but essentially i love girls, the look of girls... and to have sex with girls.

do i out myself just because i love probably the best ts that i will ever know in my life?
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Old 04-15-2011
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What does your ex think about your intention to "out" her?

You call your ts ex-girlfriend a boy
and want advice on outing her to your family and friends?
You do know stuff like that regularly gets ts women assaulted and at times killed?

I am in a relationship with a man who has introduced me to a wide range of people:
from his family and friends, to celebrities and several Heads of State.
None of them know my trans history.
He would never consider revealing my trans stuff to anyone else.



Your ex is better off never having any contact with you ever again.


Oh and finally, You are soooooooooo not straight!
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Old 04-15-2011
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Everything Jodie wrote, and

Could we have her contact information so we could ask her opinion of sex with you? Just sayin' ...
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Old 04-15-2011
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ok

she had issues with n ex, was also things she needed to sort out, was also something she had to sort out, and yes she moved out after living with me for a year 2 days ago.

but what she did say is that our familys can not meet at present.
her fam calls her her boy name... her son, her brother etc..
she told me she always worried when she met my friends or fam that she had to be "on" and try to be female, so that they wouldnt notice, so that i wouldnt be "outed"

strangly however...she works for a large national company, and only the people she had in the interview know she is a ts, all other workers think she is female, a thing she does not correct them on.

and as for sex.... ahaha i nearly dumped her numerous times over the sex thing, because i didnt believe how her attitue towards it. but:
1. i have to turn away people im that good in bed
2. she maybe 39, but her ass is literally the size of a 16yr old... can hardly fit a finger in her... not to mention that i am thick
3. she has never cheated on me in 12mtns, even though she has had half of australia chasing her
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Old 04-15-2011
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Originally Posted by aussiepride View Post
ok

she had issues with n ex, was also things she needed to sort out, was also something she had to sort out, and yes she moved out after living with me for a year 2 days ago.

but what she did say is that our familys can not meet at present.
her fam calls her her boy name... her son, her brother etc..
she told me she always worried when she met my friends or fam that she had to be "on" and try to be female, so that they wouldnt notice, so that i wouldnt be "outed"

strangly however...she works for a large national company, and only the people she had in the interview know she is a ts, all other workers think she is female, a thing she does not correct them on.

and as for sex.... ahaha i nearly dumped her numerous times over the sex thing, because i didnt believe how her attitue towards it. but:
1. i have to turn away people im that good in bed
2. she maybe 39, but her ass is literally the size of a 16yr old... can hardly fit a finger in her... not to mention that i am thick
3. she has never cheated on me in 12mtns, even though she has had half of australia chasing her
I'm so torn. Do I beg you to fuck me? I mean, look at the stuff above, in bold. I'll even wear a dress!

Seriously, though, you read Jodie's response and this is what you write? Talk about missing the boat.
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Old 04-15-2011
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you assume the prob was MY sex contact. read what i wrote.

i am really torn. i love her yes, i love her more than i have loved another person.

but she has told me that if i tell fam n friends that she is TS then she would feel more committed to me.... OPPOSITE TO WHAT JODIE WROTE.

some people dont want to escape their past. My girl only become a TS when she was 35, prior to that she was a gay boy.

and unlike most TS, she takes horomones like clockwork.. it really lowers the sex drive as well
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Old 04-15-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aussiepride View Post
you assume the prob was MY sex contact. read what i wrote.

i am really torn. i love her yes, i love her more than i have loved another person.

but she has told me that if i tell fam n friends that she is TS then she would feel more committed to me.... OPPOSITE TO WHAT JODIE WROTE.

some people dont want to escape their past. My girl only become a TS when she was 35, prior to that she was a gay boy.

and unlike most TS, she takes horomones like clockwork.. it really lowers the sex drive as well
Sorry, but you're wrong. I didn't "assume the prob was [YOUR] sex contact." I assumed this entire thing is bullshit. Frankly, when someone writes things like "i have to turn away people im that good in bed" it becomes pretty difficult to take anything else they write seriously.
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Old 04-15-2011
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Sorry, but you're wrong. I didn't "assume the prob was [YOUR] sex contact." I assumed this entire thing is bullshit. Frankly, when someone writes things like "i have to turn away people im that good in bed" itbecomes pretty difficult to take anything else they write seriously.

fair enough.
but i am an attractive, late 20s. early 30s fit bloke. believe what u like.
this is a genuine concern of mine. i dont want to loose her, and as it is, we are over.

i said those things to say my side of it... maybe i thought i would get crazy mind blowing sex with a ts, more so with one i lived with... but i didnt. i got in my experience a VERY NORMAL GIRL - BOY RELATIONSHIP. I hVe spoken to few people about this... and seriously, its been 2 days alone without her here, and i miss her lots.
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Old 04-15-2011
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fair enough.
but i am an attractive, late 20s. early 30s fit bloke. believe what u like.
this is a genuine concern of mine. i dont want to loose her, and as it is, we are over.

i said those things to say my side of it... maybe i thought i would get crazy mind blowing sex with a ts, more so with one i lived with... but i didnt. i got in my experience a VERY NORMAL GIRL - BOY RELATIONSHIP. I hVe spoken to few people about this... and seriously, its been 2 days alone without her here, and i miss her lots.
Which is when you say you "miss her lots":

"I have fallen deeply in love with her, shes makes me so happy."

or

"maybe I thought would get crazy mind blowing sex with a ts"

It's interesting to note that in your original post you indicated no reason for breaking up. I have a feeling that if we were to hear her reasons, you might not come out looking so good.
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Old 04-15-2011
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Ok that is curious.
If that is what she wants,
and if you go back out together
then if she is sure
it is up to her to tell your family
with you by her side, quietly supporting her.

If you got back together,
would you be ok about doing this?
If not, then it really isn't gonna work long term.

My man just said this:
From her reaction,
your partner is not a ts but a gay man, on hormones, playing the role of a woman..
If you are comfortable about both that and sharing it with your family, then there is no problem
But real Ts's feel comfortable in their female role
and after transition, look forward, not back.

[BTW, I don't agree with my man's take on this]
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Old 04-15-2011
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Pay attention to what Jodie says, aussiepride. I have it on good authority that she has an advanced degress in transsexual psychology from the University of I Got It on the Bloody Streets!
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Old 04-15-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aussiepride View Post
i thought i would get crazy mind blowing sex with a ts, more so with one i lived with... but i didnt. i got in my experience a VERY NORMAL GIRL - BOY RELATIONSHIP.
I laughed out loud as I read that down the phone to my man.
Yep, that is the reality of ts dating. smiles
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Old 04-15-2011
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As you love her and she is the best thing ever in your life,
does she feel the same?
If so,
can you both at some point get back together,
then have time-out, away, like a holiday~ just you and her.
Then if you both see a long term relationship there
and if she still wants to,
talk with your family and friends as I suggest, above.

We expect a full report in due course.
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Old 04-15-2011
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we were together 15 mnths, living together for 13 mnths.

after 4mnths i realised sex with her was not like a ts fantasy.... i didnt end it then. i CHOSE to stay with her for the mental connection we had.
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Old 04-15-2011
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Originally Posted by aussiepride View Post
we were together 15 mnths, living together for 13 mnths.

after 4mnths i realised sex with her was not like a ts fantasy.... i didnt end it then. i CHOSE to stay with her for the mental connection we had.
Who ended it? Did she? Tell us why?

And if you're not together, why is coming out an issue?

I still think we'd learn some very interesting things from her, if we heard her side of the story ... things that paint a very, very different pictures. Just a hunch ...
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Old 04-15-2011
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she ended it.
the reasons she gave were that she needed therapy to deal with what happened to her (she went from never being depressed to attempting suicide while she was with her ex because of the way he treated her), and also although she chooses me to be with other any other person she was with, family acceptance is a big thing in her life.

we will still seach each other, we have each others units keys, we still have sex, kiss, hold hands when we se each other, we are just not living together anymore. She does not want to and will not see other people, she is focused on getting herself better.
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Old 04-16-2011
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She doesn't have family acceptance if they call her Bruce or Nigel.

Just keep talking with her, be support.
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Old 04-18-2011
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they still associate with her by her boy name but she is fully accepted.
her brother introuduces her to his new friends as his sister.

but its a little complicated because she only transitioned at 36. bit hard one day to start calling your brother by a new name, when you have been saying the old one for three decades.

and its a bit hard telling a 6 year old that he has done the wrong thing when he calls the stunning woman that picks him up from school in front of his teachers and class mates, uncle mark.

when she originally transitioned, she didnt take on a girl name at first, she still went by her boy name.

anyway, i think the issue getting a little side tracked. seems noone else on this forum has had a similar situation, where they have had to make the decision to tell friends and family that they are with a ts.
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Old 04-18-2011
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Its a little unusual as we like to keep the past firmly in the past.
But I can appreciate what you are saying.
My partner has no living close family so for me this is not an issue.
But if he did, and they were to meet my family,
It's pretty certain that someone my side, at some point,
would use the incorrect gender term for me.
I still wouldn't want my partner to tell his hypothetically still-alive-family, about me, though. But that's just me.

I've a friend, Jane*, Ts f2m pre-op.
Through her I've become very close to her mum, Elizabeth*, who I now thing of as my second mum.
Elizabeth refers to Jane, as Jane, but quite often reverts to Jane's previous name, Ben*, then backwards and forwards, without realising it.
So I can see where your Ex is coming from.

Revealing her past is her decision.
She wanted you to share this info, with your family.
While having a relationship with a Ts woman is not in any real way analogous to a M2M relationship, some people struggle to accept this fact.
In your description of your family, you talk about gay members of the family. So you having a Ts partner is not going to be a complete unknown thing for them to accept.
Plus they already know her and like her, so there is no great leap of acceptance for them.
Stop over-analysing things.
You sound very committed to both her as a person with her ongoing changes,
as well as having a more fuller ongoing relationship with her, like you both used to have together.
I'm sure you would want to, in your own time, tell your family. But you have to be ready.
Are you able to do that?
Maybe ahead of going back into a full blown relationship with her.
"I've been thinking about all the things you have said. Yes you are right. Whether we are a couple again or not, I would like to tell my family about your trans history. Would you still wish me to do this?"

Oh, Jane has a long term partner Nigel*.
Jane was considering detransitioning. {she didn't in the end}
I asked Nigel how he felt about that.
He thought briefly then said:
Well I guess I'd then be in a gay male relationship.
I asked my man the same question; his reply was the same.



*made-up names but the rest is not.
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Old 04-18-2011
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Jodie
Quote:
Oh, Jane has a long term partner Nigel*.
Jane was considering detransitioning. {she didn't in the end}
I asked Nigel how he felt about that.
He thought briefly then said:
Well I guess I'd then be in a gay male relationship.
I asked my man the same question; his reply was the same.
This adds a whole new dimension to thinking about transsexuality.
1- What is the meaning of male and female?
2- Is male and female genetic or in the mind?
3- Can one move from one to the other at will?
4- Do perceptions govern what is?
5- Are we what we believe we are?
6- Are we what we want to be?
The list goes on and on.
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Old 04-18-2011
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Quote:
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Jodie
This adds a whole new dimension to thinking about transsexuality.
1- What is the meaning of male and female?
2- Is male and female genetic or in the mind?
3- Can one move from one to the other at will?
4- Do perceptions govern what is?
5- Are we what we believe we are?
6- Are we what we want to be?
The list goes on and on.
No, I think my friend is just very fucked up in the head.
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Old 04-18-2011
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thnx jodie for the advice.

just a side thing, i have seen pics of her before she transitioned, and really, she just looks like a regular fem looking boy, i must say very little attraction to her at all. As a woman she looks stunning, i mean drop dead gorgeous, but when she was fem boy, ahhaa no attraction. so if she ever went back to boy, hmm maybe i would have a bigger question to deal with. Before she transitioned at all, just a boy, people assumed she was a girl anyway because she looked so fem, but when i saw her pics, just a boy.

other things i struggle with are that, i am attracted to girls only, or at least ones that look and act like girls (ts).
i have to out myself as gay to be with a person that only a straight person would be with anyway.....

anyway, time will tell what i do. she has her things to deal with first.
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Old 04-18-2011
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No, I think my friend is just very fucked up in the head.
its not about moving, in the mind you are what you are, but its not a simple just putting on a pair of boots and footy shorts and suddenly you are physically a bloke. these people have to endure constant hormones, surgery etc to transition as well. Costs lots of money and it messes with there bodies physically. if they dont get the hormone levels right they break out in pimples, if they take too many hormones, MtoF ts loose there erections.. which means partners loose interest, etc etc.

i do know some gay men that dress as girls, and even take hormones so that they can get hotter guys chasing them, but really, it can be a lot of work to be a ts.
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Old 04-19-2011
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other things i struggle with are that, i am attracted to girls only, or at least ones that look and act like girls (ts).
i have to out myself as gay to be with a person that only a straight person would be with anyway.....
Ok Aussiepride.
You have a huge perception issue with both yourself and the way you view attractive "women with a transsexual history"

Firstly, your underlined comment says to me that you see "women with a transsexual history", as basically men who mimic women but are not women and can never fully be women.
I've obviously got a huge issue with your inferred perception.

Next, your comment in italics says that being attracted to a "women with a transsexual history" means that you are a gay man. Well, that confirms my statement about your perception of us.........
Especially as those perceptions in some quarters of society,
result in "women with a transsexual history" being looked on, as out to trick men into {in your view} -gay male sex.
Which results in us getting assaulted and at times murdered.
and the guilty ones using that line as a plea bargain or defence and so avoid the responsibility of their actions.

I won't offer any further thoughts on your relationship dilemma;
we are too far apart in perception, to have any meaningful dialogue.
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Old 04-25-2011
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Default Yet another perspective

I'm pretty openly trans.. I say "pretty" because I don't exactly announce it at the market or anything. OTOH, I don't deny it either and I'm fairly politically active. I'm living with my eldest brother, and he's quite used to correctly gendering me and using my name... but he slips and I can't fault him for that. I AM still his "baby brother" in the context of our past. I've taken by guy around to family functions (weddings and the like) and I get called my birth name - rarely "he" or "him", but by the name they knew me as. They love and support me mostly, but it's a thing.

One of my biggest problems is that guys who like trans women are pretty cowardly when faced with similar situations that I/we had to face. I didn't exactly have the option NOT to tell... well, I could have faked a death or cut all contact. But, realistically, no option to keep it a dirty little secret from the family. While I don't want my guy to tell my business to everyone he knows, I also want him to be prepared and supportive if I feel that I need to tell.

For my ex, that was a HUGE problem, and to maintain that relationship, I went fully stealth (I was young and he was pretty great until the end). It chapped me because there WAS pressure on me to be 110% feminine - any deviation in public or with his friends/family from socially perceived notions of womanhood got me a stern talking to and guilt trip. God forbid, I have a cold and cough in public... or sneeze... or mention that I used to wrestle in school and play in mud with trucks.

In short, I felt I had to lie by omission and live up to standards that non-trans women aren't held to. Just to protect my guy's ego, perceived heterosexuality (he was closeted bi), and family/friend relationships. All this happening while I was dealing with the fact that my own parents wanted nothing to do with me.

My advice is: Tell her you will take her lead on this. Tell her there is no shame in loving her. Tell her that you want her to feel safe, and won't disclose her status for her. Tell her you want her to feel comfortable, so you won't insist she keep her status a secret.

As far as the sex and relationship part... yeah... welcome to the reality that is NOT tranny porn.

I want to add that you even bringing this up and considering what is happening to her body and how it changes her social relationships in really complicated ways is a fantastic thing. Most guys have a vague idea that dating a trans woman is different than dating a cis woman... but the don't think beyond the bedroom how different, and frighteningly similar it really is.
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Old 04-28-2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bionca View Post
I'm pretty openly trans.. I say "pretty" because I don't exactly announce it at the market or anything. OTOH, I don't deny it either and I'm fairly politically active. I'm living with my eldest brother, and he's quite used to correctly gendering me and using my name... but he slips and I can't fault him for that. I AM still his "baby brother" in the context of our past. I've taken by guy around to family functions (weddings and the like) and I get called my birth name - rarely "he" or "him", but by the name they knew me as. They love and support me mostly, but it's a thing.

One of my biggest problems is that guys who like trans women are pretty cowardly when faced with similar situations that I/we had to face. I didn't exactly have the option NOT to tell... well, I could have faked a death or cut all contact. But, realistically, no option to keep it a dirty little secret from the family. While I don't want my guy to tell my business to everyone he knows, I also want him to be prepared and supportive if I feel that I need to tell.

For my ex, that was a HUGE problem, and to maintain that relationship, I went fully stealth (I was young and he was pretty great until the end). It chapped me because there WAS pressure on me to be 110% feminine - any deviation in public or with his friends/family from socially perceived notions of womanhood got me a stern talking to and guilt trip. God forbid, I have a cold and cough in public... or sneeze... or mention that I used to wrestle in school and play in mud with trucks.

In short, I felt I had to lie by omission and live up to standards that non-trans women aren't held to. Just to protect my guy's ego, perceived heterosexuality (he was closeted bi), and family/friend relationships. All this happening while I was dealing with the fact that my own parents wanted nothing to do with me.

My advice is: Tell her you will take her lead on this. Tell her there is no shame in loving her. Tell her that you want her to feel safe, and won't disclose her status for her. Tell her you want her to feel comfortable, so you won't insist she keep her status a secret.

As far as the sex and relationship part... yeah... welcome to the reality that is NOT tranny porn.

I want to add that you even bringing this up and considering what is happening to her body and how it changes her social relationships in really complicated ways is a fantastic thing. Most guys have a vague idea that dating a trans woman is different than dating a cis woman... but the don't think beyond the bedroom how different, and frighteningly similar it really is.
thnx heaps for that bionca.
sometimes i wish i wasnt so in love with her so that i could think more clearly about things. I knew from the start that this was a big issue. unfortunately we never spoke about it or made rules until we got way too emotionally involved with each other. im 32, and i have only been attracted to and looked at ts as people i wanted to be with for the past 2 years. and until i met her i was only really interested in just dating or casually seeing a ts. She was different, i wanted to be with her forever. So in a sence, i have only had less than 12mnths of my 32 years to think about this issue of wanting to be with someone that society considers "taboo". Shes has always know she was a girl at heart and is rightly proud of the fact. I only hope that by the time i come to terms with things i have not lost her forever.
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Old 07-05-2011
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i told my brother today.

will soon tell the rest of my family.

i wasnt really nervous or anything
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