I give up

[Bionca]

That's right done - finished - off the market - no longer looking for Mr ANYTHING.

I had a date this afternoon over lunch. With my work schedule, it was actually a chore for me to be up and ready for a date by noon. I made sure that we were actually clear that by "lunch date" we would NOT be rushing off to McDonalds, but rather meeting for proper food.

We ate at a place of my choosing and we were having a really good time. He was funny and we were making eachother laugh the whole time. His phone rang and he excused himself. When he came back he's grin was gone and he apologized that he would have to go early.

I commented that work calling during lunch sucks. Attempting to reassure him that I understood, and wasn't holding his need to go against him. Then he let it slip.... "Well actually my WIFE ...."

I don't particularly have any investment in anyone elses' relationship. I'm really not pressed if someone has another primary relationship. By the same token, I'm not going to be lied to. When we were talking/chatting he specifically mentioned he was single.

I'm not sure what it is. Since I can't seem to find guys willing to actually show up on a date. Or who actually think a "date" is more involved than meeting me in a hotel room so they can make sure I meet their standards of "passable". Or who aren't involved already. Why is it the only really great guys that I meet are 1000's of miles away??!!?

So, yeah, I'm just done. Time to buy some cats.

[Dutch_88]

Don't give up, Bionca.

Judging by your photos, I'd say you are a very attractive, young woman who just needs ro find Mr. Perfect. He's out there, it just might take a little while longer to find him

I'm looking for my Mrs. Perfect as well and she's out there, too. I just know it. Some just find 'The One' a little earlier then others, that's all.

Just hang in there, sweetness!

[nmlss]

Don't say that things, Bionca. You seem a nice girl, you like comics, you're cute, so you'll find the man you really deserve. You just need to search in the right places. Don't think that all men are like that two last dates.

Go out party and have good times with your friends, don't search for love and you'll find it, that's the trick.

[cham]

Don't give up!

Cham

[live4pantyhose]

wow, sorry to hear that.

but don't give up. as it was said above, you're a gorgeous girl that seems cool, so you WILL find the right dude

[t0st]

don't worry baby i'm here for you :P anything you need just let me know :P

[CreativeMind]

Originally Posted by nmlss

Go out party and have good times with your friends, don't search for love and you'll find it, that's the trick.

I totally agree with that. A few years ago I went on a business trip with a friend of mine to a trade show. Like me, he was single and incredibly frustrated by the dating scene simply because no matter what we tried to do...no matter how hard we tried...we couldn't seem to meet anyone or get anything going. Like you, Bionca, we just wanted to give up on love and swear off finding anyone forever. So, we boarded a plane and headed off on our business trip determined to just kick back and have fun on the company's dime.

So, there we were at this trade show where we adopted a casual and light attitude about everything. We were nice to anyone we met, but we shrugged off any problems that came up. At the same time, there was a group of about 15-20 girls doing trade show booth duty next to ours. So, we struck up a conversation... throughout the day everyone would go back and forth chatting... and later that night we ran into them at the hotel bar where we all drank, danced, laughed, and partied till dawn. And by the time we were done, he and I walked away with a helluva lot of phone numbers.

As we were flying home, I said to my friend, "I don't get it. First we can't meet anyone and now in one weekend we collect a zillion numbers to call." And he replied: "Here's my theory. When guys (or girls) are looking to meet someone, they exude a pheromone. The only problem is sometimes you work at things too hard...you want it too much...so you give off a frantic pheromone, and that keeps people away. But once we switched to not caring, now we gave off nothing. This time the smell worked in our favor!"

LOL and I think that's true. That's why I agree with NMLSS. Sometimes the trick is to not search for love, but to let it find you. The key is to take a step back...take a deep breath...relax...and just let life happen as it will.

And I agree with everyone else trying to support you here. You're one of the nicest people posting away on the message boards...your photo avatar shows that you are clearly very pretty...so I'm sure you will meet the "right guy" along the way. But a few bad dates is no reason to give up on love. If nothing else, just remember that given the way these jerks acted -- certainly this latest guy -- the problem was with them and not with you.

[Ogryn1313]

Originally Posted by Bionca

That's right done - finished - off the market - no longer looking for Mr ANYTHING.

I had a date this afternoon over lunch. With my work schedule, it was actually a chore for me to be up and ready for a date by noon. I made sure that we were actually clear that by "lunch date" we would NOT be rushing off to McDonalds, but rather meeting for proper food.

We ate at a place of my choosing and we were having a really good time. He was funny and we were making eachother laugh the whole time. His phone rang and he excused himself. When he came back he's grin was gone and he apologized that he would have to go early.

I commented that work calling during lunch sucks. Attempting to reassure him that I understood, and wasn't holding his need to go against him. Then he let it slip.... "Well actually my WIFE ...."

I don't particularly have any investment in anyone elses' relationship. I'm really not pressed if someone has another primary relationship. By the same token, I'm not going to be lied to. When we were talking/chatting he specifically mentioned he was single.

I'm not sure what it is. Since I can't seem to find guys willing to actually show up on a date. Or who actually think a "date" is more involved than meeting me in a hotel room so they can make sure I meet their standards of "passable". Or who aren't involved already. Why is it the only really great guys that I meet are 1000's of miles away??!!?

So, yeah, I'm just done. Time to buy some cats.

It just seems that they are 1000's of miles away. Perhaps you've just had the misfortune of only finding lousy guys. I wouldn't know though. I'd not deal with someone who is in a relationship. Seems to be a prospect doomed to failure. Not all men look at a date as a possible hotel room encounter. Although I do believe most men do. As a man I'll be the first to tell you that we, as a gender, are purely fucked up in all respects.

Now..about the cats....

I strongly urge you to have cats. Because they are beautiful creatures. No right or wrong in them. Just pure. They make great housemates.

[Jenny]

Don`t give up!

[Bionca]

Talvenada - Thanks for the reply. The thing is, I do have a pretty set criteria for guys I'll date. I'm also pretty flexible and will give most guys a chance. That last part seems to be where I git bit in the ass... but the alternative is being like some TGs I know who are just so so demanding of potential suitors they discourage LOTS of men.

And I'm well aware that dating sucks all over. The thing is, I'll talk about what happened to a Transwoman and they relate - they get it - it's happened to them over and over. My GG friends are apalled at how the guys are. It really is a situation where most of the guys just want some freaky experimentation or they can't find a "real" girl and figure we are the next best thing.

But.. yes I do think some introspection is inorder before I become so jaded that I miss something actually good.


Hank - You know I adore you! It makes me smile that you get it. I'm also sad, but TOTALLY understand about your date wanting to make sure that yu really wanted to be seen with her. It's petty common for guys to chicken out and suddenly suggest that we get some pizza delivered on the off chance that someone somewhere might figure something out.

[Dutch_88]

If I were to date a transwoman, I would never be embaressed... why should I? It's just about her and me. And if we're okay with it, then why should we care about what other people think?

And dates, yeah, I heard it sucks most times... but not every guy is like the guys you dated. Practise makes perfect... so maybe that guy is just waiting to find you

Hang in there, Bionca! You're gorgeus and you'll find your man! Just like I'll find my woman someday

[gridlock]

Hey Bionca, sorry to hear about your unfortunate date(s), I also believe you are adorable and not to be treated lightly. I was just wondering, what is your "criteria" for the men you date?

[hankhavelock]

Originally Posted by Bionca

It's petty common for guys to chicken out and suddenly suggest that we get some pizza delivered on the off chance that someone somewhere might figure something out.

So it would seem :-( The interesting thing is, though, that aforesaid lady actually is a bit scared to show up in public (how totally UN-asian...), so I had to promise her that we start it at home in my place... I'll do the cooking, make my princess relax and then take her out on date number 2, hand-in-hand to the places she dares not go alone or were never invited to...

As my father wisely used to say... why make it difficult, when with a wee bit of extra effort we can make it bloody impossible...

Oh well... trust me, I'll show her a grand time, my little darling!

H

[ila]

Originally Posted by hankhavelock

As my father wisely used to say... why make it difficult, when with a wee bit of extra effort we can make it bloody impossible...
H

A wise man indeed Hank and a saying that is so very true.

[Mel Asher]

Bionca

Dates you desperately want are like trout in a stream - the more you reach out to grasp them the more they seem to slip away.

Others have already given you much advice to take heart from :

• Don't ever give up hope
• Only hunt with a girlfriend
• Let Love take its time to settle on you

And that remark about the frantic pheromone is closer to the mark than you think.

I am lucky in that I have found ( or been found by ) the love of my life, but it hasn't always been so. I feel very much for you, and hope the warmth of friendship all around you will sustain you until you do.

the best way to find something is often to stop looking for it, everyone always finds what their destined to find, eventualy.

[sally2662]

got to keep the chin up bionca, you just need to find the right guy and everything will fall into balance. u certainly have the yummy looks, so it is just a matter of time.

[briwo]

for a woman as beautiful as you are I can't understand why you haven't found someone.

Keep trying! He's out there!

Brian

[new believer]

Originally Posted by Bionca

That's right done - finished - off the market - no longer looking for Mr ANYTHING.

I had a date this afternoon over lunch. With my work schedule, it was actually a chore for me to be up and ready for a date by noon. I made sure that we were actually clear that by "lunch date" we would NOT be rushing off to McDonalds, but rather meeting for proper food.

We ate at a place of my choosing and we were having a really good time. He was funny and we were making eachother laugh the whole time. His phone rang and he excused himself. When he came back he's grin was gone and he apologized that he would have to go early.

I commented that work calling during lunch sucks. Attempting to reassure him that I understood, and wasn't holding his need to go against him. Then he let it slip.... "Well actually my WIFE ...."

I don't particularly have any investment in anyone elses' relationship. I'm really not pressed if someone has another primary relationship. By the same token, I'm not going to be lied to. When we were talking/chatting he specifically mentioned he was single.

I'm not sure what it is. Since I can't seem to find guys willing to actually show up on a date. Or who actually think a "date" is more involved than meeting me in a hotel room so they can make sure I meet their standards of "passable". Or who aren't involved already. Why is it the only really great guys that I meet are 1000's of miles away??!!?

So, yeah, I'm just done. Time to buy some cats.

I feel bad for you as I would for anyone. But are you sure he was married? Perhaps he was under a different impression of who you said you were. I'm not making excuses for him, but think hard about how your conversations went. What I am trying to express to you is don't give up. Just really be yourself either over the internet,phone or in person.
Sometimes I feel it was a mistake to be married, but then I think It's what we both put into it. Right now I have found something new(transexuals)to fantasize about but that's all I want out of it. Maybe he did to. Meeting face to face probably gave him a case of cold feet and realized he's gone too far. We all have different tastes and sometimes they evolve to something that was not an option before. Don't quit but don't push. Let it happen. Good luck.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by new believer

I feel bad for you as I would for anyone. But are you sure he was married? Perhaps he was under a different impression of who you said you were. I'm not making excuses for him, but think hard about how your conversations went. What I am trying to express to you is don't give up. Just really be yourself either over the internet,phone or in person.
Sometimes I feel it was a mistake to be married, but then I think It's what we both put into it. Right now I have found something new(transexuals)to fantasize about but that's all I want out of it. Maybe he did to. Meeting face to face probably gave him a case of cold feet and realized he's gone too far. We all have different tastes and sometimes they evolve to something that was not an option before. Don't quit but don't push. Let it happen. Good luck.

If he wasn't married, then he lied to me to get out of a date. Either way he is/was a jerk and either way he lied. I really don't have an issue with going out with married guys. My ex an I have a really healthy open relationship, so monogomy is pretty negotiable with me. I do, however, expect a level of honesty and if I don't have that, then no level of relationship is going to work.

If he did get cold feet, and by the number of guys who fail to show up to dates I assume it's pretty darn common. That's not really my issue, honestly. Given the rate at which guys fail to show up on a date, it'd hard not to start to take that personally. I mean I think I'm a pretty swell gal, and I'm not ugly, so it kinda pisses me off.

[lebguy]

I mean I think I'm a pretty swell gal, and I'm not ugly

Sweety you surely are pretty, not only from the outside but also from the inside. Good people are hard to find these days believe me. It's normal to be pissed off and give up and then you gather enough energy to search again for the right person and this keeps goin on till you find that person.