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  #1  
Old 06-07-2011
Sabrina Sabrina is offline
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Default a cry for help

this is my first thread and i dont know what to do. i am a male to female transgender woman trying to figure out how to cope with the reality of not being able to transition. ive been doing things i know i shouldnt do in order to cope with it, like using craigslist to have sex with random guys looking for crossdressers to make me feel feminine, its the only thing i can do to make myself feel feminine. fortunately the only thing ive done so far is suck dick but its only because i cant take a penis anally yet. i need to figure out how to cope with the fact htat i will never pass. i donw know hat to do annd i dont know how long i can keep doing this. i know its dangerous but it makes me feel better about my dyphoria. and i honestly dont know what do. i mean i really enjoy sex but i know what im doing is dangerous. i love feeling feminine.
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  #2  
Old 06-08-2011
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Originally Posted by Sabrina View Post
this is my first thread and i dont know what to do. i am a male to female transgender woman trying to figure out how to cope with the reality of not being able to transition. ive been doing things i know i shouldnt do in order to cope with it, like using craigslist to have sex with random guys looking for crossdressers to make me feel feminine, its the only thing i can do to make myself feel feminine. fortunately the only thing ive done so far is suck dick but its only because i cant take a penis anally yet. i need to figure out how to cope with the fact htat i will never pass. i donw know hat to do annd i dont know how long i can keep doing this. i know its dangerous but it makes me feel better about my dyphoria. and i honestly dont know what do. i mean i really enjoy sex but i know what im doing is dangerous. i love feeling feminine.
If this is all true, I suggest strongly you seek out some professional counseling and not rely on advice from an online forum such as this.
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  #3  
Old 06-08-2011
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tslust tslust is offline
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If this is all true, I suggest strongly you seek out some professional counseling and not rely on advice from an online forum such as this.
I second that.

As far as your inability to receive anal; I sugest to buy a small or medium sized dildo to practice with. Always remember, whether toying or playing with the real thing, to go slow and use lube.
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  #4  
Old 06-09-2011
JodieTs JodieTs is offline
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Hi Sabrina

Why can't you transition?
Is it solely about your perceived rubbish looks?
Is that all?
If so, I had a friend who was a male 16 stone slap-head IT-geek.
They transitioned, made huge commitments and sacrifices
and became, for a while, one of the UK's top porn stars.
Now transition and porn star stuff are not linked nor a goal. But it shows what you can do appearance wise, if you want to
and make the sacrifices:
Loose most friends and family
Loose jobs
obsess
possibly develop an eating disorder: Anorexia or Bulimia.
Restricted future employment restrictions
Same for housing
Difficult first-date conversations,
and so on.

Of course, the above list is not complete
nor does transitioning mean you will encounter most or all of the above.
But many trans women do.


Validation fucks?
Been there, but then you eventually work stuff out.

You may find it useful to find a trans support network near you and talk to others who are localish and have been in the same place.
A gender councillor will also be able to help you work through your issues.

Good luck.
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  #5  
Old 06-09-2011
ThirdEyeGirl
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Originally Posted by JodieTs View Post
Hi Sabrina

Why can't you transition?
Is it solely about your perceived rubbish looks?
Is that all?
If so, I had a friend who was a male 16 stone slap-head IT-geek.
They transitioned, made huge commitments and sacrifices
and became, for a while, one of the UK's top porn stars.
Now transition and porn star stuff are not linked nor a goal. But it shows what you can do appearance wise, if you want to
and make the sacrifices:
Loose most friends and family
Loose jobs
obsess
possibly develop an eating disorder: Anorexia or Bulimia.
Restricted future employment restrictions
Same for housing
Difficult first-date conversations,
and so on.

Of course, the above list is not complete
nor does transitioning mean you will encounter most or all of the above.
But many trans women do.


Validation fucks?
Been there, but then you eventually work stuff out.

You may find it useful to find a trans support network near you and talk to others who are localish and have been in the same place.
A gender councillor will also be able to help you work through your issues.

Good luck.
Can't really put it any better than that.

Though I will add.... passing is not the same as being attractive (though someone will always find you attractive, but you may not find them attractive). And passing isn't really the goal of transition either.
In my opinion... The only goal for transition should be for you to be true to yourself and represent your true self to the outside world. Regardless of what the outside world may think of you.

I mean before I transitioned, I didn't think I'd pass either. I never felt I looked feminine enough while dressed.
But hormones really do make a huge difference. I have my before and after pic in my profile for justification.
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  #6  
Old 06-10-2011
Sabrina Sabrina is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JodieTs View Post
Hi Sabrina

Why can't you transition?
Is it solely about your perceived rubbish looks?
Is that all?
If so, I had a friend who was a male 16 stone slap-head IT-geek.
They transitioned, made huge commitments and sacrifices
and became, for a while, one of the UK's top porn stars.
Now transition and porn star stuff are not linked nor a goal. But it shows what you can do appearance wise, if you want to
and make the sacrifices:
Loose most friends and family
Loose jobs
obsess
possibly develop an eating disorder: Anorexia or Bulimia.
Restricted future employment restrictions
Same for housing
Difficult first-date conversations,
and so on.

Of course, the above list is not complete
nor does transitioning mean you will encounter most or all of the above.
But many trans women do.


Validation fucks?
Been there, but then you eventually work stuff out.

You may find it useful to find a trans support network near you and talk to others who are localish and have been in the same place.
A gender councillor will also be able to help you work through your issues.

Good luck.
honestly im not only scared of not passing. i mean its a huge fear of mine to never be able to pass and be accepted in the gender that i really am but its also a fear of losing everything and still not being accepted for who i am. unfortunately a big part of that is passing because even if i do lose all of it and i pass ill at least be accpeted as who i am but if i dont pass then i will lose everything and not even be accepted for who i am. i mean honestly i am scared. as far as the validation fucks, it just makes me feel better. its the only way i can feel feminine at this point, but honestly who doesnt enjoy sex? its just one of the only things i can figure out as a way of coping. and it makes me feel better so its really not a big problem. the bigger problem is getting ovver my fear of not passing and getting to live my life as who i am.
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  #7  
Old 06-11-2011
JodieTs JodieTs is offline
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Hi Sabrina

TBH, genuinely really, totally passing takes time, as in a few years.
When I say Passing, I mean as in real life they just don't know
as opposed to they just tolerate you and just say nothing.

So if you transition you will have a period when some/most people know your history,
from your looks, mannerisms, speech, Vocabulary and sentence structure, walk, body language, and so on.
You just don't get that any time soon.

Yes there is a risk in transition; that of loosing much.
Only you can access that.
But often many / most who transition,
do so, knowing those risks.
Because to stay a man, appears to them a worse situation, that to loose everything else.
{Oh, that's not 'Preachy' on my part, as I consciously didn't make those choices directly.
I just sorta did my own thing over several years, in small steps.
No great declaration till most of my transition was over.
By which point of course everyone had already worked out what was going on in my life}

Yes there are no guarantees as to how it may work out
or how you may look.
But appearance becomes a very secondary point of import, to those who do it.
Though looking like a Day-1 woman, to all and sundry, makes for an easier life.

Get a gender therapist to work through this stuff.

My thoughts are with you.

J. xx
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