Interest in trans lifestyle waxing and waning

[valentinetabitha]

Maybe I'm the only one, but I find my interest in the trans lifestyle and trans porn varies with what's going on with my life. The more frustrated I get with my lack of a sex life, the more I find myself wanting to have a big "out of the closet" moment with the wife. On the other hand, if we do fool around, I find myself feeling more straight.

I'm sure some of this is a product of my bisexuality, but I figured I'd pose the question. Does anyone else have this happen?

[no1000]

This might have nothing to do with your post but when I read what you wrote these thoughts came to my brain. My girl(who is a tgirl) just moved states and I feel pretty lonely. She was awesome and a very caring person. She was respectful and down to earth. There are times where I also feel like 'coming out of the closet' and telling people I like transexuals. I want to do this because the times I hung out with my girl(i hate calling her a tgirl because we had many talks about the subject ranging from her childhood to the present. Yes...we did other things than just fucking hahaha). I always had to lie to everybody as to where I was going blah blah blah. Sometimes I wish I could just talk about what I really feel to my friends but instead I have to act completely 'straight' even though I might be feeling different. It's not like I act fem or anything but what I'm talking about is that my opinions about topics have to be 'straight'. My father is very homophobic as this is how mexican culture is. Anyways...I feel you man, that is why were all here in this forum.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by valentinetabitha

Maybe I'm the only one, but I find my interest in the trans lifestyle and trans porn varies with what's going on with my life. The more frustrated I get with my lack of a sex life, the more I find myself wanting to have a big "out of the closet" moment with the wife. On the other hand, if we do fool around, I find myself feeling more straight.

I'm sure some of this is a product of my bisexuality, but I figured I'd pose the question. Does anyone else have this happen?

Well, to answer your direct question - not really. I'm trans, I'm a woman, my level of sexual activity doesn't make any difference.

To answer what I think your actual question may be - I think your level of interest in trans porn and (I assume) dressing being tied to the amount of sexual activity with your wife makes total sense. For some people trans-related interests are directly tied to their sex drives because it is a fetish.

I'm curious, do you find yourself dressing more or having the urge to dress more pronounced the longer you go without sexual contact? Do you watch more trans porn during this time and then after sex with your wife watch more mainstream hetero porn?

The reason I ask is because lots of TVs I know who have eroticized the idea of being a woman or being transsexual have expressed this in ways that sound like a cycle of behavior. The longer between sexual encounters the stronger the need/urge to express the trans part of the personality is.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by no1000

This might have nothing to do with your post but when I read what you wrote these thoughts came to my brain. My girl(who is a tgirl) just moved states and I feel pretty lonely. She was awesome and a very caring person. She was respectful and down to earth. There are times where I also feel like 'coming out of the closet' and telling people I like transexuals. I want to do this because the times I hung out with my girl(i hate calling her a tgirl because we had many talks about the subject ranging from her childhood to the present. Yes...we did other things than just fucking hahaha). I always had to lie to everybody as to where I was going blah blah blah. Sometimes I wish I could just talk about what I really feel to my friends but instead I have to act completely 'straight' even though I might be feeling different. It's not like I act fem or anything but what I'm talking about is that my opinions about topics have to be 'straight'. My father is very homophobic as this is how mexican culture is. Anyways...I feel you man, that is why were all here in this forum.

At some point one has to become honest about one's opinions even to those close to us. Let's look at this without talking about your girl - would you be ashamed to hold a different opinion about politics from your father or your friends?

Taking things with your girl in mind - does she have the option to lie to her parents and friends? I'm not saying you should do anything or not do anything - but the fear of rejection and ridicule is something every trans women HAS to face. We aren't lucky enough to choose not to... just a thought for you.

[no1000]

Not at all. I have many opinions and thoughts that are very very different from friends and my parents regarding everyday issues. But at this moment, for me 'coming out' is not an option at least to my parents but to tell you the truth it isn't a super BIG deal. I just say I'm going to hang out with X and they don't question me. I'm 23 and I have my own life and they respect that 100%. The truth is I love ladyboys and that will never stop but I eventually do want to have children. Adoption and a petri dish fertilization is out of the question. I want them to be mine and my wife's. I have no problem dating ladyboys but at I will never disclose that to 99% of people. One of my girl friends does know my love for them but that is all oh and except all you people in the forum.

I know what you are saying about my girl. She had the choice of being herself or hiding her true self. She was true to herself and she told me she's never been happier. I respect and admire her for choosing what she chose and that goes for all people who make difficult choices whether it be sexual or not.

[valentinetabitha]

Originally Posted by Bionca

Well, to answer your direct question - not really. I'm trans, I'm a woman, my level of sexual activity doesn't make any difference.

To answer what I think your actual question may be - I think your level of interest in trans porn and (I assume) dressing being tied to the amount of sexual activity with your wife makes total sense. For some people trans-related interests are directly tied to their sex drives because it is a fetish.

I'm curious, do you find yourself dressing more or having the urge to dress more pronounced the longer you go without sexual contact? Do you watch more trans porn during this time and then after sex with your wife watch more mainstream hetero porn?

The reason I ask is because lots of TVs I know who have eroticized the idea of being a woman or being transsexual have expressed this in ways that sound like a cycle of behavior. The longer between sexual encounters the stronger the need/urge to express the trans part of the personality is.

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I started exploring this side of me after going a good six months without any sexual contact. I've been curious about it since I was about 16, but I didn't start getting serious about it until about a year ago.

What worries me is that I'm reaching a point of no return. While I understand we all have to make that choice eventually, I know I'm not ready for that and more importantly I know my marriage can't handle it. Perhaps I'm fortunate in that I'm bisexual and can deal with just one side of me for a while. Then again, like you said, if I go extended periods of time with no contact, I'm right back at square one.

This. sucks.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by valentinetabitha

You pretty much hit the nail on the head. I started exploring this side of me after going a good six months without any sexual contact. I've been curious about it since I was about 16, but I didn't start getting serious about it until about a year ago.

What worries me is that I'm reaching a point of no return. While I understand we all have to make that choice eventually, I know I'm not ready for that and more importantly I know my marriage can't handle it. Perhaps I'm fortunate in that I'm bisexual and can deal with just one side of me for a while. Then again, like you said, if I go extended periods of time with no contact, I'm right back at square one.

This. sucks.

It sounds like it sucks. I don't have any first hand advice, and I wish I did. It sounds like you and your wife need to have a talk about intimacy. Why are you not having frequent sex? Is your relationship an "open" one? If not, would that be an option?

I would also suggest seeing a therapist. It could be helpful to discuss this, and you will need one anyway if you do decide to transition. Personally, I'd avoid a "Gender specialist" (they charge significant amounts usually and seem to have a vested interest in their patients either transitioning or never transitioning). Just some opinions from someone who isn't trained in anything useful in this case.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by no1000

Not at all. I have many opinions and thoughts that are very very different from friends and my parents regarding everyday issues. But at this moment, for me 'coming out' is not an option at least to my parents but to tell you the truth it isn't a super BIG deal. I just say I'm going to hang out with X and they don't question me. I'm 23 and I have my own life and they respect that 100%. The truth is I love ladyboys and that will never stop but I eventually do want to have children. Adoption and a petri dish fertilization is out of the question. I want them to be mine and my wife's. I have no problem dating ladyboys but at I will never disclose that to 99% of people. One of my girl friends does know my love for them but that is all oh and except all you people in the forum.

I know what you are saying about my girl. She had the choice of being herself or hiding her true self. She was true to herself and she told me she's never been happier. I respect and admire her for choosing what she chose and that goes for all people who make difficult choices whether it be sexual or not.

Men who date trans women seem to be the most hung up on eventually having biological babies - either that or it's just the easiest excuse to pull out when the going gets a little to hard for the delicate little flowers who chase trannies.

OK buttercup, it's your life and I'm sure you have a fantastic future ahead of you sneaking around on the wife and kiddies. "Admire" the trans women all you want - because you should. Don't confuse that with respect though - "dating" someone and keeping them a secret is a sign of shame not respect.

The only reason I'm being hard on you is because you tried to play a big sob story. You aren't in a position to get much sympathy from a trans woman or guys who honestly date us. You are in a situation that your own shame and cowardice created.

On the other hand, maybe you will find a girl who is equally ashamed of you and couldn't imagine bringing you to meet her friends.

[valentinetabitha]

Originally Posted by Bionca

It sounds like it sucks. I don't have any first hand advice, and I wish I did. It sounds like you and your wife need to have a talk about intimacy. Why are you not having frequent sex? Is your relationship an "open" one? If not, would that be an option?

I would also suggest seeing a therapist. It could be helpful to discuss this, and you will need one anyway if you do decide to transition. Personally, I'd avoid a "Gender specialist" (they charge significant amounts usually and seem to have a vested interest in their patients either transitioning or never transitioning). Just some opinions from someone who isn't trained in anything useful in this case.

There isn't any particular reason lately, just poor timing. She's always sick or on her period or having a long week at work and is exhausted or excuse after excuse. I've been patient for a while, but I'm reaching my wit's end. I've all but given up making moves because I don't want to get angry if I'm shut down.

I have no interest in making the transition as I thoroughly enjoy my male life. I just like to take a dip in the female pool every once in a while, more so lately given the circumstances.

[no1000]

Do some thing romantic for your wife. Cook dinner have a candle lit summer dinner outside, buy flowers, get some music playing, slow dance and get her in the mood! Women are never in the mood unless there is some foreplay involved and this will heighten both you and your wife's senses. Also maybe introduce something else in bed to spice things up a bit. Use your imagination because no one knows your wife better than yourself. just a thought...

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by valentinetabitha

There isn't any particular reason lately, just poor timing. She's always sick or on her period or having a long week at work and is exhausted or excuse after excuse. I've been patient for a while, but I'm reaching my wit's end. I've all but given up making moves because I don't want to get angry if I'm shut down.

I have no interest in making the transition as I thoroughly enjoy my male life. I just like to take a dip in the female pool every once in a while, more so lately given the circumstances.

OK -

So it doesn't sound as "critical" as I first thought, which is probably a good thing.

Speaking as a woman, if I'm stressed or feeling anxious the last thing I'm feeling is sexy - and I have to feel sexy in order to want to have sex. Also, feeling like I'm obligated to have sex guarantees that I won't *like* having sex - no matter how good it is.

So, your wife is feeling ill and/or stressed. Offer her a foot massage maybe? It is relaxing and the bottoms of the feet are highly sensitive and can be very arousing. You could approach it in a way that isn't obviously sexual - like "Honey you look tired. Like a foot rub?"

That doesn't really address the dressing part and the desire you expressed with coming out to your wife. That's an aspect of this I'm really not qualified to talk about since that's a challenge I've never had.

[valentinetabitha]

Someone made an excellent point in a PM, but it got me thinking so I figured I'd throw the question out here as well: how exactly do you define a fetish? I've always seen a fetish as something that heightens a sexual experience, not entirely defines it.

For example, I consider myself bisexual. While I'd vastly prefer to be dressed up/made up as girl during a sexual encounter with a male, it isn't necessary. In the rigth situation, I'll just get down and, pardon the expression, take it like a man.

There are times where I'd love to be able to be out in public, have fun as Tabitha that didn't involve sex, but I just don't have that luxury. Perhaps thats why I focus so much on the sexual aspect of that side of me, I'm not sure. Does that make it a fetish, I don't know. What do you (in the general sense) think?