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  #101  
Old 07-21-2008
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Alas Hank, drugs have ALWAYS gotten me off better than sex ever could. To each their own though...
no doubt. nothing beats a bong hit and then sucking some shemale cock.
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  #102  
Old 07-22-2008
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This is it! GRH, if you dont post soon enough, I will go over to your house and force feed some Health Tonic down your throat.
Are you Okay?
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  #103  
Old 07-22-2008
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A part of me was hesitant to post this, but if this thread is TRULY to explore drugs, we must explore all parts. Including the nasty coming down parts. Thus, here is an entry from my journal that explains my rather lackluster whereabouts as of late:

Friday, or is it? Been on a run for awhile now, a combo of opiates and LOTS of liquor. That sweet acrid fire, that brings warmth as it flows down the esophagus-- my bottle is sitting in the open. The boss has left for the day, at least I think. The heat of the greenhouse invites no greater desire than to keep drinking. Granted, my productivity isn't quite as high while I'm like this. In fact, I've barely gotten anything done all day...

My dog is barking. Someone is banging on the door of the greenhouse. I come to, where am I? Still in the greenhouse...What have I been doing...Passed out on the floor apparently. There is the impression of the rock floor over half of my body. I stagger to the door and open it to reveal an enraged spouse...

Later that night, after some fighting, I stumble outside into a thunderstorm. I shield my cigarette from the rain and begin hurling profanities at the sky. I dare God to strike me with lightning. Is this all He has? Can an allegedly omnipotent being not even do this? Why can't He kill me...If he even exists. I notice that my neighbor who was sitting on his screened porch has gone inside upon my dialogue with the rain. (The irony is, as I find out the next day, that two people WERE struck simultaneously during this storm and not too many miles away...Both were killed instantly.)

Saturday...Coming to. I'm down to the last inch of the half gallon, the last inch of hope. I've got to hold out, more than anything, I've just got to stop this madness. As the day progresses, the withdrawal slowly comes on. Alcohol WD can take anywhere from five to twelve hours to start, it is accentuated by being the type of drinker who drinks and doesn't eat. That has been my tendency of late, sometimes eating only a small meal a day and passing out before dinner. It starts with pulses and spasms in my legs, a weird feeling as if my legs aren't in full control. It's like small jolts of electricity travel up and down my legs and slowly migrate towards the arms...

Dizziness kicks in about the same time as the shakes. The night is fitful at best, it feels like I'm crawling out of my skin. I'm exhausted but can't sleep at all. The minutes slowly crawl off the clock as I toss and turn. I can't get comfortable. I'm so hot, but paradoxically, I'm cold too. I want to wrap up in a blanket, but I have to kick it off in a sweat-drenched pool of foulness after a few minutes. Between the fitful sweating and the minute-by-minute clock watch, I toss and turn as my body spasms and jolts. Anxiety wracks my brain. A few times I think I'm hearing things, or am I? Faint voices in the night that blur into one another...

About 4:00 AM it's time for my medicine. That last inch of hope may be my only chance of settling my nerves for a few days. It works for awhile and I'm able to relax and nearly to doze. But with the advent of dawn, back are the symptoms and my head is pounding and my stomach twisted in knots. My what a drink would do for me right now...
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  #104  
Old 07-22-2008
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i used to be full time drug fiend, although i have long since givin it up, i ocasionaly smoke a few joints now. but i'm still a heavy user of the worlds number 1 drug alchohol, i fucking love it cold beer is the greatest invention ever.
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  #105  
Old 07-22-2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GRH
My what a drink would do for me right now...
Come on, not again! Get out of this torment once and for all. Get a good detox, drink a lot of water, herbs that are good for the nerves might be of considerable help.

Dont be so angry. When I am angry at God, I know that I am angry at myself. When I judged myself too much or mentally criticized all my actions, life appeared colourless. Now I am in peace with myself and the world is beautiful again. Life still has its ups and downs, it will always be like that. But life is a miracle and every second is worth living. This world is magnificent and I have explored so little of it.

Be good.
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  #106  
Old 07-22-2008
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If I could choose, sex would be part of a beautiful life - health, marriage, children, career, house, money, strength, etc. That's not the way it turned out.
If you like to cum, You will LOVE to smoke crack.
Smoking a big rock is like cumming only 10 times more intense, it's crack man! It gets you really high! Why do you think people throw away their lives for it?
I have a pituitary malfunction that robs me of a certain "quality of life" I've had to make up my own. I've had to live off certain "moments"
There are lots of worse sex lives than perverts, serial rapists, child molesters. Like old or sick guys that get off on their computers. But you have to look at the big picture and do the best you can. Live the best life you can, only you can choose. Divorce rate in the US is 80% now. Ozzie and Harriet make $550,000/yr. Use common sense and play the hand you're dealt. My crack dealer was a whore and got murdered. She said she didn't regret a thing, she had some great times, she had tons of friends and enemies. I wouldn't suggest you smoke cocaine, but I wouldn't suggest you suck strange dick either. Over Out.
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  #107  
Old 07-22-2008
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Aah Sesame, in the depths of withdrawal, a drink sounds real good, because it can stop the suffering...

But as they say, the way out is through...

And jimnaseum, you are quite right. Crack is very orgasmic and cheaper than a prostitute. And the crash comes on about as fast as coming down off an orgasm. In my opinion, both are cheap thrills fueled by base desire. Crack is an evil she-devil. I danced with her many times in the past and will eventually describe some of the crazier times. I definitely would advise anyone curious to stay the fuck away from the stuff. It does feel good, and one hit, or even ten won't necessarily get you addicted. But it could, and even if the first time doesn't get you, it's the beginning of a subtle, elusive slide.
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  #108  
Old 07-23-2008
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I spent many a time on my hands and knees brushing carpet for a rock I might have dropped after my stash was all gone. I had just sold a house, and had lots of money. My dealer was good at one thing: knowing where the best product in town was. Part of the thrill was driving her down to the drug area of town and scoring. A police car hit it's siren right behind us right after she had bought a few hundred dollars worth of rock and jammed it down her pants. I looked in the rear-view and the two cops were staring at each other, the light had changed so I took off. That's how close I came to sitting in jail 3 years. I also got ripped off and even robbed.
I should tell you about my Heroin dealer and how I died with her....twice.
All of this happened when I was on a downward slide anyway, and yes, I'm on a disability retirement now, probably from Lyme disease, so all those days are long long gone.
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  #109  
Old 07-23-2008
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Oh yes, the old carpet crawling ritual. After I really got hooked good, I would carpet crawl for hours after the drugs and money ran out. It got to where very few people wanted to get high with me, because I would freak them out during the crash. But I dig what you are saying, there is a real thrill to "the hunt." And as crazy as it sounds, there's that primal fight-or-flight response that kicks when you have to run from the cops or bullshit them. It got to where I was nothing but a paranoid freak on the stuff. As to your own situation, bad to hear that you're disabled, but glad to hear that you're off the girl and boy. They're rough to ride.
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  #110  
Old 07-23-2008
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Originally Posted by jimnaseum
I also got ripped off and even robbed.
I should tell you about my Heroin dealer and how I died with her....twice.
Yessss... sounds like a story that reaches deep dark areas.
Tell us more.

Quote:
My crack dealer was a whore and got murdered. She said she didn't regret a thing, she had some great times, she had tons of friends and enemies
What a character! A jewel in the ashes!
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  #111  
Old 07-23-2008
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ha ha, I'll save my best stories for the "Burnt out Druggies Forum" when I find it, I do believe that the Amphetamine Drag Queen Syndrome is an important chapter in the history of Gender crossing, and it's good to address it here, I'm sure the way to go today is to get a good doctor to write out scrips for Adderall and Cymbalta in between your stops at the gym and yoga class.
Maybe in the wee hours I'll recount some old adventures.
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  #112  
Old 07-23-2008
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No doubt, many transgendered individuals have dealt with substance abuse and addiction...It's not the easiest of feelings to come to terms with. But I won't use that as my excuse. I set out to try every drug I could, and as crazy as it sounds, I WANTED to see what addiction is like, I wanted to probe the dark underbelly of the beast.
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  #113  
Old 07-25-2008
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I smoked pot and did acid in High School, late sixties, but I always did my homework and kept up appearances, I was pretty quiet and wanted to maintain a low profile, so smoking pot and being a square was a nice balance to not get labeled or ridiculed. By my early thirties, I had the townhouse way out in the 'burbs and my job, I'd drifted away from my tight circle of friends, it was get up, drive to work, go home. Then my big boss made a real mistake. He gave me a week off wothout pay because I had been over 5 minutes late 10 times over 6 months. That pissed me off. It was obvious he did it because I had long hair and didn't laugh at his jokes, he got another guy that was a non-Republican also. So I get mad AND get even! It started with snatching 20 bucks on Saturdays so I could go to Red Lobster for A NY Strip and schooner of draft beer for lunch. Then I had a scheme where I could embezzle about $100/day, which was pretty nice for the early eighties.
At this time Washington DC had a mayor named Marion Barry who was famous for smoking crack and fucking whores........
There was a string of ALL-NUDE strip clubs along 14th St. where you could walk to 10 bars. I'd been to lots of titty bars, but these places were pretty intense. For a hundred bucks, you could buy 6 beers and tip 65 dancers. Most of the bars had stages or little tables where the girl would writhe around 6 guys with her snatch 2 inches from your nose, or you could sit in the back in the cheap seats and watch it all from afar. I swear I saw Robert Novak there once.
Anyway, I'd tip the waitresses and dancers alot, so I got popular, it wasn't my money, so I was having a blast, I could save up some real money and paint the town red. I saw all kinds of shit, cat fights on stage, amateur 18 year old chicks from rubeville getting drunk and climbing on stage, bouncers THROWING guys out, and I do mean THROWING...bouncers throwing nekkid chicks out on the sidewalk, I fell in love, I got my eyes scratched out, I was after some dancers and some were after me.
After clubbing, 3AM, you could drive down 14th st and the traffic was bumper to bumper, completely illuminated, and whores jammed the sides of the streets. Girls came from all over cause the police were so lax, $20 for a blowjob, $40 for a half and half. One nite I got 6 blowjobs in my car. The trans-sexuals at that time were really rude and pushy, they'd jump in your car and literally try to steal your wallet brazenly. I liked the drug-chix as opposed to the g-string stilettos types. They wore salvation army type clothes, but with shirts unbuttoned and stuff. You could tell a whore just by the way she walked from 2 blocks away. It was like shopping. Flesh Supermarket. I met some crazy chicks. I sampled all the varieties I could, black, white, foreign, fat, pregnant, young, old. Drunk, I went into some places I would never go sober, weird shit.
I got gonnorhea once, a bad nasty strain, the morning of my Dad's funeral I woke up to find blood and puss in my underwear. My Dad's health had been declining this whole time, so this downward spiral of mine wasn't completely because I'm white trash, there were emotional things going on, like there always are.
It was later I got into narcotics with whores, they're more about drugs than sex. Lots of the girls from the clubs were out on the streets after they shut all the worst clubs down, so I'd pick up a white whore, we'd score dope and then hole up in some room somewhere. Big Fun
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  #114  
Old 07-26-2008
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Fabulous! Amazing! Gripping story!
Thank you for telling us Niches and Glitches from your own life. You have been through some dazzling, eye-popping, mindboggling crazy... crazy time! You've been a Lucky bull, psychedelically speaking!
Aphrodisiacally experienced, you're a real Pro!



Quote:
Lots of the girls from the clubs were out on the streets after they shut all the worst clubs down
Thats really bad! What a pity! Good things never last long!



Googly goo!
Wriggly woo
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  #115  
Old 07-26-2008
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Default GRH, its for you

Marijuana or, Cannabis leaf surface under an electron microscope.

The long hairy cells contain mostly calcium carbonate crystals. The Glandular cells (Trichomes) are of two kinds: (capitate trichomes) the ones with stalks like tiny phalluses , & peltate trichomes (merged to the leaf surface). Trichomes secrete a resin containing tetrahydrocannabinol, which is the real juice that makes cannabis desirable (to those who prefer a Higher seat in the drama of life) :D
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  #116  
Old 07-26-2008
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What was once a pop culture phenomenon is now a science.
http://hightimes.com/
After writing that story, I see now my most interesting characters are also the most tragic. Hmmmm
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  #117  
Old 07-27-2008
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ok, here we go...

alcohol, weed, nicotine, caffeine, diazepam, oxazepam, clonazepam, bromazepam, alprazolam, clobozam, nitrazepam, temazepam, midazolam, lorazepam, zolpidem, heroin, atropine, morphine, codeine, dihydrocodeine, methadone, fentanyl, opium, oxycodone, gabapentin, lsd, ketamine, 2c-b, 2c-i, 2c-e, kava, amphetamine, methylamphetamine (powder and freebase), methylphenidate, mdma, mda, promethazine, nitrous, cocaine, ether, volatile solvents, betel, diphenhydramine, dimenhydrinate...

most addictive: diazepam
most intensely fucked-up/dangerous: zolpidem (only for a small % of the population however - this includes me - but it 'wins' the craziest award by so far it's not funny)
the one i desperately need to stop: alcohol (i have a big big problem with it)
most soul destroying/pointless: freebase meth
best fun: ketamine
the king: weed
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  #118  
Old 07-27-2008
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Hey Keith Richards!

CAROL

I met Carol walking to my car during the start of a snowstorm. I had been up two days with an eightball of blow, and was walking from a strip club that was just called "Go Go" I think, it was an all black club, practically. Carol was leaning against the wall of a McDonalds. When I get drunk I make really bad jokes, so I was blathering continually while we drove to the Desolation Row Apts. Where the heat pipes moan and groan and hiss nonstop. Carol liked Heroin. While we were lying in bed, she put the ashtray on her belly, and my cigarette fell off and almost start a brushfire down there. We were so stoned it took a while to realize it. I drove home and the snow storm turned into a blizzard and on my third day without sleep I found myself stranded in a parking lot near work, and luckily caught a ride home with a friend who had four wheel drive,

Date two I found her walking in the park near the strip clubs and we drove to her room accross the river. She was a tad dopesick,and of course I was drunk, so as we lay there at the beginning I started brushing her hair back from her face with my hand like you'd do a sick kid. Carol was Lebanese, she had a little ski-jump nose, but she could be quite beautiful at times. When we got into "doing it" Diane whipped the snappin gyro on me. For those that don't know, thats when the women milks your cock with her pussy muscles and she was quite the pro at it, I didn't know what was going on. Later I went into the bathroom for some quiet time and she came up behind me and squeezed a zit on my face while I was looking in the mirror. This could have been un-nerving, but the way she did it was very intimate or something, it put me off. We were standing back in the room after that about 4 feet apart just looking at each other. and the heat from her crotch was bathing my legs in heat, like standing next to an oil stove. This was surreal to me and she was just staring into my eyes. This was way too much for me, I drove her back to town in silence and let her off near the park.
I saw her a few more times and her heroin habit started getting the best of her, she got sores on her wonderful legs, and that really got to me. Then things started to get really twisted. One time we went through a McDonalds Drive-Thru and I poured an entire cup of scalding hot coffee on my crotch. She started mailing in the blowjobs, we'd both be watching Wheel of Fortune on TV while she was sucking my dick. As Sex became less desirable, we'd get high together. After doing Dilaudid, I wrecked my car. Another time we did some boy(heroin) and she kept saying I'd get more for my money with a needle so I said OK. I woke up later and didn't realize I had stopped breathing. She did CPR on me. I started to think our relationship was haunted, it turns out her Dad gave me a halfgallon of Jack Daniels for Christmas at work. Too weird. She killed me one more time, I had to drive her to my house once when she wouldn't wake up, and finally when I got Diane, my coke whore to score for me, at that exact time Carol got arrested for her second time. Selling Heroin She got 3 to 9 in jail, and they said she got fat. She still haunts me.




I used to have hundreds of photos of me with prostitutes, but in a moment of righteousness I threw them out.

Last edited by jimnaseum; 07-27-2008 at 10:42 PM.
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  #119  
Old 07-28-2008
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That is so personal! The events, the emotions are all your own!
You went through a lot of fun and foggy clutter
I liked all of it. But sometimes, you were too brisk in your narration.
You were talking about Carol, and suddenly you flipped to Diane! I am a bit confused... who did snapping Gyro on you? Was it Carol or Diane?
Quote:
Carol was Lebanese, she had a little ski-jump nose, but she could be quite beautiful at times. When we got into "doing it" Diane whipped the snappin gyro on me.
In the final chapter, Carol got a Jail cell and Diane got shot? Wow! Its quite nostalgic and very painful.
Quote:
My crack dealer was a whore and got murdered. She said she didn't regret a thing, she had some great times, she had tons of friends and enemies.
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  #120  
Old 07-28-2008
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Carol was early, Diane later. I had to watch the news so I left out alot about her, plus I'm not a good writer or typist, Carol had the snappn gyro, I just got their names mixed up, Carol came from a good family, she had a competitive nature to outdo any other whore on the street. If one girl had tracks on her legs, Carol would have to get twice as many. If one girl got thrown out of a car while it was moving, Carol had to get dragged by a car that was moving. Most of the whores on the street were broken from an early age, from bad families or no families, Carol and Diane both chose to spread their style out on the street with massive drug use. In a way, Carol had much more class than me, I'm way too much of a coward to go what she went through, Her Dad owned a yacht. I don't know if she was spoiled or what, but she had a lot of class in a way. Diane was an excellent businesswoman. She had a temper from zero to sixty in 1.2 seconds. We'd drive around the streets at 2AM. I remember once there was an alley with a big tree in front of it, blocking the streetlight so the alley looked darker than was physically possible. It looked like the entrance to hell. Even Diane said she was afraid to go down that alley.
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  #121  
Old 07-28-2008
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Originally Posted by sirhardcore View Post
ok, here we go...

alcohol, weed, nicotine, caffeine, diazepam, oxazepam, clonazepam, bromazepam, alprazolam, clobozam, nitrazepam, temazepam, midazolam, lorazepam, zolpidem, heroin, atropine, morphine, codeine, dihydrocodeine, methadone, fentanyl, opium, oxycodone, gabapentin, lsd, ketamine, 2c-b, 2c-i, 2c-e, kava, amphetamine, methylamphetamine (powder and freebase), methylphenidate, mdma, mda, promethazine, nitrous, cocaine, ether, volatile solvents, betel, diphenhydramine, dimenhydrinate...

most addictive: diazepam
most intensely fucked-up/dangerous: zolpidem (only for a small % of the population however - this includes me - but it 'wins' the craziest award by so far it's not funny)
the one i desperately need to stop: alcohol (i have a big big problem with it)
most soul destroying/pointless: freebase meth
best fun: ketamine
the king: weed
Amazing Score! Have you tried the Guinness Book of World Records? You could compete with GRH here. Who has more experience, I wonder. Perhaps its GRH. She is ultimately wise, the Grand Mistress!
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  #122  
Old 07-28-2008
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Thumbs up Carol & Diane

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Originally Posted by Jim
Carol came from a good family, she had a competitive nature to outdo any other whore on the street...Carol had much more class than me...Her Dad owned a yacht!!!
Carol was unhappy in spite of her affluent background, but why? Why did she choose to become a hooker or a junkie? The Junkie bit I understand, though. She wanted instant satsfaction, by Getting High on the wings of Weedy Chemicals. Even some of the Celebrities do that. And in the 70s, it was the fashion, the new religion!

Did Carol manage to get out of Jail in one piece? Did Jailtime reform her? A veteran addict like her must be in tremendous pain without the *Juice!

Why did Diane make so many foes? Was it her temper? You mentioned so little about her. I guess you liked Carol more.
Quote:
I used to have hundreds of photos of me with prostitutes, but in a moment of righteousness I threw them out.
What a pity! Diane was very pretty. I cant say the same thing about Carol though! In the photo, Carol looks like a white misty ghost!
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Last edited by sesame; 07-28-2008 at 10:45 AM.
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  #123  
Old 07-28-2008
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Originally Posted by sesame View Post
Amazing Score! Have you tried the Guinness Book of World Records? You could compete with GRH here. Who has more experience, I wonder. Perhaps its GRH. She is ultimately wise, the Grand Mistress!
Sirhardcore seems to have a LOT of experience with benzodiazepines, many of them which I've done. But here is where I'll differ...It seems Sirhardcore REALLY had good reactions to these, myself, I've always found them sort of boring. Zolpidem never did much for me, but alas, we are all different. For me, the Benzo class was mostly sedating if anything, it never led to anything profound. For that matter, my mother had hallucinations on codeine, whereas I only had the typical opiate response...We are all different on various chemicals. At any rate, I didn't list EVERY chemical that I've done, nor do I wish to, but this list has actually reminded me of some that I left out of my initial mental inventory. At any rate, I don't want to be any sort of competition for being the most hardcore junkie.
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Old 07-28-2008
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My best drug highs were smoking pot with pals in High School. Laughing our heads off. Youth is a large part of the high. When I first did a spoon of boy at 22, I remember the POWER, at 42, I nodded off.

I wrote more about Carol and Diane but hit the wrong button and erased it. Drug related stupidity? Anyway, I'm guessing Carol liked Heroin because of her middle Eastern blood, like Irish like booze, and American Indians can't handle booze. She said she started as a massage therapist and beautician, and some super rich diplomats or foreign businessmen gave her tons of money to get it on. She was also a Taxi Driver and pulled tricks in her Taxi. She had three kids by different daddies and left them all at her parent's house, so I have no idea what really went on in her head. She "shot a nigger" once. I doubt anybody reforms in jail, not back then. I got sporadic reports about her from the other girls, but I can only guess what happened to her. People talk about "The Corner" where all the action is. People are afraid they're going to miss something if they don't go. Lemme tell ya, those girls have some fantastic stories. The ACTION is intoxicating.
Maybe I'll write about Diane, she's half Indian. She got stabbed to death by a guy named Big Red (his vanity plates) He wanted to fuck, she wanted to smoke rock. In another bizarre twist, it happened in a field right by my house. I read about it in the Metro section.
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Old 07-28-2008
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Lightbulb Death and Loss

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Originally Posted by jimnaseum View Post
(Carol)She said she started as a massage therapist and beautician, and some super rich diplomats or foreign businessmen gave her tons of money to get it on. She was also a Taxi Driver and pulled tricks in her Taxi. She had three kids by different daddies and left them all at her parent's house, so I have no idea what really went on in her head. She "shot a nigger" once.
What a striking character! Really! Its someone's life, and not just a story! Come to think of it! Someone lived it! Wow! It gives me goosebumps!


Quote:
I doubt anybody reforms in jail, not back then. I got sporadic reports about her from the other girls, but I can only guess what happened to her.
You didnt go ... see her when she was inside?
Quote:
People talk about "The Corner" where all the action is. People are afraid they're going to miss something if they don't go. Lemme tell ya, those girls have some fantastic stories. The ACTION is intoxicating.
I dont know what you are talking about. What corner? A turning point?

Quote:
she kept saying I'd get more for my money with a needle so I said OK. I woke up later and didn't realize I had stopped breathing. She did CPR on me. I started to think our relationship was haunted, it turns out her Dad gave me a halfgallon of Jack Daniels for Christmas at work. Too weird. She killed me one more time
You mean you almost died of overdose twice? What did you feel, blacked out? How did you react when she performed CPR on you... I mean she saved you, right?

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Diane, she's half Indian.(American Indian?) She got stabbed to death by a guy named Big Red (his vanity plates) He wanted to fuck, she wanted to smoke rock. In another bizarre twist, it happened in a field right by my house. I read about it in the Metro section.
Was Big Red found guilty? Did he serve time? So, this Diane was not your crack dealer?
Quote:
My crack dealer was a whore and got murdered. She said she didn't regret a thing, she had some great times, she had tons of friends and enemies.
I cant imagine your feelings when you found out that Diane was dead and lay so near to your place!
Quote:
I should tell you about my Heroin dealer and how I died with her....twice.
Was it Diane or Carol? How did you die with her? Emotionally, like your heart is bleeding for your lost lovers? Or is it overdose and near death you are referring to?
My close schoolmate died in a 3 days viral fever! She was such a nice, frank and kind girl. I never could forget her. Another friend died under a Tram! Damn! He was a top class Break Dancer and amazingly athletic! During my Journeys in the wild, I almost died many times. Thrice I fell in ravines. Once I was near dead due to hunger! Another time, severe food poisoning. My stomach kept churning automatically for hours and lights began to fade out. I just cant forget those memories!
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Old 07-28-2008
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Whew sesame!
No, I didn't see Carol inside, you don't fall in love with a whore period. I thought about it......Non Americans don't understand the rascism here, if you spent some time in an American jail you would. Jail Sucks.

THE CORNER is what they call the corner where they sell drugs. ten dollar rocks. the SEDUCTIVE corner where everybody meets or information is relayed. Where you go to get high. really high. Crazyhigh stupid high.

The first time I blacked out I didn't know it. My nose felt funny and she kept asking "Are you OK? Are you OK? I kinda snapped at her and she told me most girls would have left me dead. I reminded her that technically she was the one who killed me. I think she knew I would never really hurt her, and had feelings but this was business.
Death #2 occured in a really seedy sweltering hotel room when of course I was drunk again and again she talked me into the needle. I woke up 10 hours later with two guys going through my stuff. It was the weirdest vision I'd ever seen, coming out of that mini-coma. All my money was gone and she left a little note, but Carol was long gone. I threw up a "Fish Sampler" dinner into the sink from the night before. It looked like I had just eaten it. I had to get out of the city so my plan was to drive home and if I nodded off the car horns would wake me up, and that actually happened twice. I deserved to die for being so stupid. Jeez.

Diane deserves a narrative of her own, The first time I ever met her she pissed me off royal, I went to the trial, but they kicked me out for wearing shorts and they kept delaying it with motions and stuff. I made this collage for her, I even added some jizm in elmer's glue and put in some crime scene tape from the field. You can see the murderer's face.

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Old 07-29-2008
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Thumbs up Readable bits from Jim's Collage: Diane Rocks

Personals Column Ad:

My name is Diane, I'm 41, I live in ... area.
I'd like older white gentlemen to call me
and... they'd like to do for the..Body!


Newspaper cutting:
He has been charged with murder...the slaying of
Diane Hedeen, 41, whose body was found eight days ago
in a field near... Inter...Hedeen's clothed body...
June 22
... industrial... Walt... at his job ... ... he solicited ...
the night of June 22 ... for the trial ... police official !!


Pieces of Advertisements: Slogans:
Never be alone again!

You're my slave boy.

And will follow my every command.

A walk on the wild side.

She is a nice girl ... just friends... Fire!

Body Piercing

Shop by phone 24 hours a day

Angry Raunchy Interracial

Deep Dark Seductive Ominous


Touching piece of work. The News of Diane's death and trial is at the base of the pastings... Aint it?
Very sad and nostalgic.
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Lightbulb Report Found!

The Wasington Post: June 30 1994.

Brian K. Watt, aged 35, from Vienna stabs to death a DC prostitute named Diane Hedeen, 41, near D*** International Airport.

Watt from 2000 Block, K-Drive, was seen driving a red coloured 1987 Nissan pickup having custom-made plates saying "BYG RED."

The Loudoun sheriff is in hot pursuit of the fugitive.
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Old 07-29-2008
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Good detective work. The stories were spread out over a few weeks. The FIRE was from when Diane burnt down the place she was living at. All the police and corner boys knew Diane. She always knew where the best drugs were.
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Old 07-29-2008
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Anyway, I'm guessing Carol liked Heroin because of her middle Eastern blood, like Irish like booze, and American Indians can't handle booze.
Generalities and stereotypes are stupid statements to make. A person's place of origin is no indicator of whether or not a person likes drugs or even a particular drug. Nor is place of origin an indicator of whether or not a person will become addicted to drugs. The same goes for alcohol and one's propensity to like it or ability to tolerate it.

Do you also believe the stereotypes of laziness, stealing, who makes a good lover, who are the best cooks, hair colour, size of cock etc? I could go on and on, but the point is stereotyping is just wrong. Classify individuals not groups.
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Old 07-29-2008
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There are genetic differences between races, but 9 out of 10 times you're absolutely right. Sorry, Ila.
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Old 07-30-2008
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jimnaseum,
What is the Chinese character doing next to "Diane Rocks"?

I really liked your artwork. It was very deep.
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I can't remember what the chinese character is about, it's not Diane Rocks, it's Diane, and Rocks. I'd give her like 200 bucks and get a huge rock. She always sucked Hall's lozenges, and I would always call ahead and place my order, that's why she's on the phone.It's not really her picture, but her eyes looked like that when she got stressed out. I don't really think the art is deep, it's just junk pasted on cardboard, and my relationship with Diane wasn't really deep, but it was interesting. She caught me with another girl once and got upset, we went to a graveyard and got high. As notorious and fearless as she was, she would often ride the bus to score a thousand dollars worth of coke. She used to say she was like good rock, hard and white, but she had her vulnerable side for sure, just like everybody.
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Old 07-30-2008
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Originally Posted by Jim
my relationship with Diane wasn't really deep, but it was interesting. She caught me with another girl once and got upset, we went to a graveyard and got high.
If there was nothing going on between 2 people, why would one be upset to find the other with another partner?

Its always a fear of losing the affection, breaking the bond. Some emotion must have developed!! Did she ever seek a lover for real?
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She'd been married, her son played football at Penn State, he was born on the fourth of July. Hmmm. There were ALOT of other whores I liked much more than Diane, Kathy was a little sweetheart, she OD'd. But I spent ALOT more money with Diane, and we drove around everywhere, and she had a room I could go to. She could be real mean, but she had been out on the streets for ages. So she was a survivor. She was looking at jailtime when she died, she got continuences to get her affairs in order, but I had no illusions about the reality of what I was doing, and I made sure she knew where I stood. The funny thing about cocaine, I thought our whole experience was like three or four weeks, but my checkbook said a year. That's the kind of love affair we had. Fast and Furious.
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Old 07-30-2008
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never high but certainly drunk
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Old 08-19-2008
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I don't know if I posted enough about the DXM high. Having recently read an overview of the process of death in Borgo Thodol (Tibetan Book of the Dead), I was very much reminded of the sensory withdrawal under the influence...

Borgo Thodol described the withdrawal of senses into the core, and it reminds me of the DXM high. Senses of feeling recede, and you feel as if you are melting into oneness. The body loses sensation, and hearing becomes more remote. Vision becomes internal, you reach a point where you are "seeing" without the eyes being open. For me, I can't discern the difference. I can, with effort, "open my eyes" and actually see the physical surroundings, but they don't seem any more real than what my eyes see internally. Thus, under the influence, one is prone to seeing things while the eyes are closed (or at least rolled back in the head). I have stumbled around and bumped into walls under the influence of such.
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Old 08-19-2008
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Knowing The Netherlands' international rep on this subject, you might be astonished to find that I've never used anything other than a few drinks, and even those in moderation.

I dislike not being in control of my actions.
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Old 08-19-2008
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back in the day i tried just about every drug the sun, except crack heroin. the strongest halucinogen i've ever used was legal i bought it out of a bong shop, salvia x30 its an extract of some plant native american shamans used to smoke to connect with the spirit world. you have to do a really big pipe/bong and hold it in for a while. then you get the most intence trip, it doesn't last long, which is probably just as well as your brain would melt under the effects of a prolonged trip. the first time i tried it i didn't hold it in and it didn't do anything, so the second hit i took was huge and i held it in for about a minute. i was in another world for about five minutes, but it felt like much longer. its almost imposible to describe all that i expierienced, but i came away from it with a new outlook. the realy good thing about it is that there is no long drawn out come down where you feel like an alien for days after. an hour later and your back to normal.
has anyone else tried it?
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Old 08-19-2008
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RD, I have done Salvia on a number of occasions, and once-upon-a-time I grew the herb. Salvia divinorum originates in the Oaxaca region of Mexico, and was popularized among the same group that Maria Sabina popularized regarding mushrooms. Salvia is a dissociative, but a short-lived one when compared to PCP, ketamine, DXM, etc. The effect is really profound.
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Old 08-19-2008
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I did a huge amount of acid one night once back in my day, it was July 4th, after the fireworks, we walked to this stone bridge where I saw the future of all mankind. At a party at my house, we made tea from Florida shrooms, and my roomate "went off" into a hysterical stand up comedy routine, although he wasn't always standing up. The laughter was so loud and continuous, if you were walking by the house you would have thought it was an insane-assylum. PCP- Once down by the river, a Cop pulled in up by our car, and my two friends handed me the pipe and baggie and took off for the car. I had been lighting the pipe and taking long hits, so for what seemed like 5 hours I just sat there trying to figure out what to do. After I got up to where the Cop was. I was standing on an incline and couldn't really tell which way was up. Literally. The cop asked me a question and I said "two beers"...Opiated hash I really liked. Back in my day a"lid" of pot was $15. Everyone said if you got caught your parents would lose their jobs. It was really fun back then.
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Old 08-19-2008
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I don't know if I posted enough about the DXM high. Having recently read an overview of the process of death in Borgo Thodol (Tibetan Book of the Dead), I was very much reminded of the sensory withdrawal under the influence...
Its calledBordo Thodol. A guidance for the human spirit after death. The rituals are performed by the Tibetan Lamas. Its like the last rites ceremony. The Indians perform a similar ceremony of Shradda, to help the ghost develop an astral body quickly and help it in it's rebirth or passage to another realm.

Quote:
Senses of feeling recede, and you feel as if you are melting into oneness. The body loses sensation, and hearing becomes more remote. Vision becomes internal, you reach a point where you are "seeing" without the eyes being open
I read a similar account of seeing without the physical eyes in "A Search in Secret Egypt" by Paul Brunton. The subject of hypnosis could see with her eyes blindfolded! She was directly using her sensory organs in her subtle body (astral body?), so they said.
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Old 08-19-2008
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jimnaseum View Post
I did a huge amount of acid one night once back in my day, it was July 4th, after the fireworks, we walked to this stone bridge where I saw the future of all mankind..
Ok, Jimmy, tell us what is in store for our lot? I'm serious! PM me if you dont want to disclose the secret.

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At a party at my house, we made tea from Florida shrooms, and my roomate "went off" into a hysterical stand up comedy routine, although he wasn't always standing up. The laughter was so loud and continuous, if you were walking by the house you would have thought it was an insane-assylum. PCP- Once down by the river, a Cop pulled in up by our car, and my two friends handed me the pipe and baggie and took off for the car. I had been lighting the pipe and taking long hits, so for what seemed like 5 hours I just sat there trying to figure out what to do. After I got up to where the Cop was. I was standing on an incline and couldn't really tell which way was up. Literally. The cop asked me a question and I said "two beers"...Opiated hash I really liked. Back in my day a"lid" of pot was $15. Everyone said if you got caught your parents would lose their jobs. It was really fun back then.
Splendid story. Thanks for telling us.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhythmic Delivery
i was in another world for about five minutes, but it felt like much longer. its almost imposible to describe all that i expierienced, but i came away from it with a new outlook.
Please RD, tell us some more about your experience in that other world.
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Old 08-20-2008
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well i'll try to explain some of it but theres alot more thats indescribable, and before anyone reads it they should know it won't make any sense at all
by the time i was exhaling i was gone.
i was blowing the smoke out a window with the blinds parted slightly, the sun was shining through the gaps, i sat staring at it, it began to look textured, fluffy almost like a towell on the wall, i begand to look around the room(which was quite small, i have subsequently discovered this intensifis the effect, for me anyway) i was tripping out and could not relate to anything as i normaly might, this is probably the hardest part to describe. and i have tried to explain it and can't. i'll come back to it when i describe coming out of it.
anyway, i was looking around the room, everything looked different kind of shimmering. the room seemed to be getting smaller, i felt as though i was rissing and the room was closing around me. eventualy i came out the top of the room as it closed around me, it was like my head was beyond the room yet my body was not, i had a sensation that the room was my T shirt, and i was looking at it from beyond i also felt that i was standing on football pitches near where i went to school watching some birds.
eventaly i realised i was sitting with a pipe in my hand sweating like a paedophile in a nursery, everything was visualy back to normal.
i realised that i'd just been triping. all the times i ever took acid/mushrooms other psychadelics i always knew i was tripping when i was tripping, but with the intense salvia trip i didn't, i was just expieriencing what was happening. the same song was on the stereo as when i lit the pipe, three and a half minutes had passed, though it felt like much longer. when it was happening time didn;t realy mean anything. but i know that wat all i expierienced could never fit into three and a half minutes.
i should also point out that as well as the visual expierience i also had some abstract thoughts, about different things and people i knew, one that stands out was about a friend i had fallen out with at the time, it was wierd, i was thinking that if i was ever in any kind of bad situation i could always relly on this person, i wasn't thinking it any normal sense of the word i was expieriencing it almost. and it has since been proven as true.

Last edited by rhythmic delivery; 08-20-2008 at 03:50 PM.
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  #145  
Old 08-20-2008
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Congratulations RD on experiencing the TRUE meaning behind psychadelic consciousness. It doesn't really relate to "thinking" as you or I might call it, it is more about an abstract experience. In my opinion, the insights you gained are much more "real" than those which you might spend a lifetime seeking.

A lifetime could be spent exploring that space between time...That indefinable period between when the song began and when it ended. Whatever song you listened to, I have laid down during that song, and I have explored entire dimensions that exist within the notes of that music.

I am curious RD, did you hear voices? Myself, I regularly hear voices on Salvia, and they are consistent trip-to-trip. I meet entities and they always beckon me to go deeper...
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Old 08-20-2008
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Jus Check the name ppl and hit me up if u wanna experiment lol!!
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Old 08-20-2008
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Congratulations RD on experiencing the TRUE meaning behind psychadelic consciousness. It doesn't really relate to "thinking" as you or I might call it, it is more about an abstract experience. In my opinion, the insights you gained are much more "real" than those which you might spend a lifetime seeking.

A lifetime could be spent exploring that space between time...That indefinable period between when the song began and when it ended. Whatever song you listened to, I have laid down during that song, and I have explored entire dimensions that exist within the notes of that music.

I am curious RD, did you hear voices? Myself, I regularly hear voices on Salvia, and they are consistent trip-to-trip. I meet entities and they always beckon me to go deeper...
yeah i heard the voice of the friend i was talking about, callilng to me. like i was lost and he was looking for me.
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Old 08-20-2008
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In my opinion, the insights you gained are much more "real" than those which you might spend a lifetime seeking.
A lifetime could be spent exploring that space between time...That indefinable period between when the song began and when it ended.
Explain that, will you? And what were you saying about music and dimensions?

I have heard voices while awakening from a slumber or from meditation. They are repetitions of sets of words. The voices are not mine there are several of them, male and female. I have mixed feeling about those whisperings. Sometimes I suspect they are constantly going on in our minds, without our knowledge. They suggest us to see the world in the manner we usually do and keep us from being aware of truths that are above mundane. Perhaps these voices arise from the habits hardwired in our minds.
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Old 08-20-2008
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I only do alcohol, zero drugs. My favourite is black vodka, it's just perfect to get drunk leaving a nice mouth's taste.
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Old 08-23-2008
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i think everyone should share some of their tripping expieriences, particularly dreamy ones where your in another time and place. also good dreams brought on by anything, like a book you where reading before bed or a filim you saw or whatever. i have had dreams enduced by everything imaginable, including tetris, the matrix and the lord of the rings books.
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