Something to Think About

Bionca · #1 11-19-2008

http://www.transgenderdor.org/?page_id=58

http://www.gender.org/remember/#

November is the Transgender Day of Rememberance. A time to remember the trans*women who have been murdered. Often the murders have gone for years unsloved, or when the murderer found the sentence has been pathetically light (imagine a man killing a non-trans woman only being sent away for 6 years). So often the men who kill us are intimate partners of ours.

The first link above goes to a memorial for the women who were killed this past year. The second links to the larger collection of our fallen.

Please, take a moment and pause to remember these women, my sisters. For the guys, take a second to realize this side of being trans and try to appreciate a little of our reality. For the T-gals, take this as a reminder to be safe, to be proud and to be strong.

fatbutt1 · #2 11-20-2008

no one should be hurt for how they decide to live. thanks for the post.

DEFENDER · #3 11-20-2008

Thankyou for this posting.

lebguy · #4 11-23-2008

I can't believe these crimes are still going on in 2008. I know that change comes at a price and I am talking about changing the society's mentality. African American suffered a lot before getting their rights. I know it's very easy to talk when you're not one of these people taking actions for the rest of us to live freely. I say the rest of us because not only T-Girls are targeted here, us too, the ones not having any problem being related to them. What's shocking me more is the sentences of the murderers. If you kill a T-Girl or a guy or a woman it's still murder and it should be 1st degree murder. Those people should be at least sentenced to 50 to life in prison without parole (because I am against death penalty). I just can't get out of my head the picture of that 15 years old kid who got shot by another kid. I don't blame the other kid, I blame the parents. I was raised to accept every person disregarding the religion, sex etc... and that's how kids should be raised.

There is a lot to be said.

Tonight I pray for the souls of those who were murdered for one reason: they were different. May all your souls be resting in Heaven and may God forgive those who murdered you.

I will also pray tonight for the rest of us, so may God watch over every single on of you and protect you.

For you the lovely stunning Bionca, please take care of yourself and be safe. This goes also for all the T-Girls in our forum, take good care of yourselves.

For you guys, watch it, we're not safe either from those haters, but we're not also afraid of them.

Bionca · #5 11-24-2008

WEll, in almost every case the murderer used the "trans panic" defence. In essence claiming that the "discovery" of their partner's birth gender was enough to make them kill. Even in cases where the guy had a history of seeing Trans* women this has worked. Read some of the cases on the current list I linked - Kellie Tellesford and Angie Zapata.

Indeed there are a couple guys on the list -Barry Winchell (killed because he was dating a transwoman). He was the subject of a movie "Soldier's Girl".

I have to be honest, this fear is in the back of my head every day. It runs with me every time I get asked out, when I'm getting ready for a date, and makes it that I'm sometimes a little relieved when the guy doesn't show up for the date.

jamie · #6 11-24-2008

no one should be hurt and especially not killed for being themselves- There is a war inside all of us between good and evil- unfortunately, evil wins out in some people's soul so that they have to "control" others even if it means maining and killing them- I feel it begins in the school play yard and progresses on, sometimes unchecked and even encouraged, until it results in lost of life..may we, all, have peace and compassion in our souls and heart..

TheSkronkDonkey · #7 11-25-2008

Thoughtful responses so far, I think.

Thanks for posting these links, Bionca.

It isn't all fun and games here -- not by a long shot.

In fact, lately, I've been wondering if the "titillation" and "serious" trans topics should be completely separated. I'm not sure it's doing the site or people looking for deep discussion any good to have things like this and threads like "Massive Load" in the same forum. I hope I don't sound too segregationist.

In any case, stay safe, Bionca, and everyone else. I'm against violence in any form -- physical abuse, verbal bullying, discrimination, you name it. There is a *lot* of hatred and ignorance in our world. Society needs to change, at a fundamental level. I'll finish with the wise words of Carl Sagan: "Fundamental changes in society are sometimes labeled impractical or contrary to human nature: as if nuclear war [or any oppressive force] were practical or as if there were only one human nature."

Bionca · #8 11-25-2008

One thing I like about the site is the variety of topics. Unlike some sites where any "serious" discussion gets overlooked our dismissed or where any discussion of sexuality gets blasted as "inappropriate"; we have a decent mix here. One of my first posts was a how-to on cleaning the anus for anal sex. Ths would have been totally shredded on some places where I have posted.

I like being able to talk about the full range of things that affect me as a trans*woman and to be able to share this with guys who love/date/fuck/admire gals like me. Generally, the "serious" topics happen in places where guys don't frequent, so they don't get to read very important parts of what it is to be a Trans* woman.

Bionca · #9 11-25-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by jamie

no one should be hurt and especially not killed for being themselves- There is a war inside all of us between good and evil- unfortunately, evil wins out in some people's soul so that they have to "control" others even if it means maining and killing them- I feel it begins in the school play yard and progresses on, sometimes unchecked and even encouraged, until it results in lost of life..may we, all, have peace and compassion in our souls and heart..

Exactly!

Kids are encouraged to "other" people who are not like them. Parents are so often to blame, but also the messages we send as a society compound this by not challenging the assumptions kids have or are fed by parents. To bring this back to the specific topic, in nearly every case where a trans* murder is reported, the media reports the woman as a man - provides the victem's birth name, with their lived name provided like it was a nickname Fred "Michelle" Smith (for example). Male pronouns are used, and there is always either the assumption that she worked as a prostitute, or that she deceived her murderer. The victem becomes partly to blame, and by default the murderer is less to blame. If the reporters can't get this right, then parents can't educate their children and a new generation of kids grows up with false assumptions and feeds their children the same information.

lebguy · #10 11-25-2008

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bionca

WEll, in almost every case the murderer used the "trans panic" defence. In essence claiming that the "discovery" of their partner's birth gender was enough to make them kill. Even in cases where the guy had a history of seeing Trans* women this has worked. Read some of the cases on the current list I linked - Kellie Tellesford and Angie Zapata.

Indeed there are a couple guys on the list -Barry Winchell (killed because he was dating a transwoman). He was the subject of a movie "Soldier's Girl".

I have to be honest, this fear is in the back of my head every day. It runs with me every time I get asked out, when I'm getting ready for a date, and makes it that I'm sometimes a little relieved when the guy doesn't show up for the date.

Bionca I am reading these stories everyday now and being shocked more and more everyday on how violence is increasing daily. The "trans panic" defense if bull****. It works because the jury and the judge are not accepting the fact that trans women have the same rights as them. I don't get it how people think, do I have the right to kill you if you're different? Why I should look at you or any trans women as being different, what's different, you have a heart, a soul, a brain. Ahhh maybe because you have the brain but they don't. They say the states is the country of freedom and democracy? Yeah, I can see that. I live in Lebanon, here there have never been one crime related to trans women, gays or lesbians, and unlike other arab countries you are not executed if you are, because we are a mixture of different religions, plus I don't think any religion talk about killing trans women, gays or lesbians, as far as I know not the christian one.

I don't know how much it will take people to accept everyone not matter what and as Jamie said, it all starts at schools, I mean when you see kids of 13, 14 and 15 years committing murder crimes, I mean what the heck, what have we done to kids, I can't express my feeling right now. Parents are putting hate, rage, violence, hate in their children's heads instead of love, happiness. Maybe I can't believe that because I was raised in another way and surely I will raise my children (if I get any) the same way. For me life is too short and I want to spend everyday of it trying to be as happy as possible, and believe now if someone provokes me I turn my back and go the other way because I don't want to get into anything that will bother me. You know in Holland gays and lesbians and of course trans women can adopt kids. You want a free country this is one and this was few years back. Maybe some dutch people will disagree that their country is the most country where an individual can have her/his own freedom but I've been there so many times and I have friends there and I've seen how people live. Maybe all people should follow them.

it is normal to be afraid when you go out on dates especially of what you hear and see happening girl, but that shouldn't keep you off living your normal life, I told you somewhere, if you don't stand up and fight no one will stand for you but when you stand up, fight back and make everyone see that you're not afraid and that whoever is gonna try to be violent with us is gonna regret it then you'll see laws changing, people changing things going for the better. Plus, you should always have something on you to defend yourself. You don't have to get a gun but at least a pepper spray and maybe gather some other trans friends and get someone to teach you self defense course.

jimnaseum · #11 11-25-2008

They tested the Police in Washington DC a while back to see if black and white police officers got along, by asking them disguised questions about their feelings. They found out rascism wasn't really an issue but were suprised to find out that the police almost unanimously felt that gay people were ALWAYS on the "wrong" side of the law.
In the future it may turn out that this is a very exciting time for trans-people, but probably a testing time. Normal people are very dangerous.