Dating a transsexual woman.

[JodieTs]

A lot of threads both on this and other sites, talk of the difficulty men face
trying to meet and maybe date a attractive pre-op transsexual female.
This being anything from casual fun through
to a long term / permanent relationship.

The following are my own personal thoughts on the matter,
and as such are certainly not the complete story.
I hope other Ts women and those men who are in relationships with us
contribute their own thoughts and experiences.

Before we look at trans-dating,
may I take you out of trans-land and into cis-gendered land?
Think of that stunning ?Day-One? woman on this months cover of Rustler magazine?
You'd like to date her yes?
Now look at EVERY WOMEN YOU ENCOUNTER during the course of your typical day.
How many of them could be a hot top model? Probably frak all.

See the fabulous trans-women on here and other sites?
Well firstly, most trans don't look anything like that.
We actually cover the full spectrum of appearance,
just as ?Day-One? women do.
Old, young, fat, thin, ugly, beautiful, average, (actually, a lot of average )
Plus the big deal-killer for most men:
We will have some remaining male characteristics.
Obviously this will vary hugely in obviousness from trans person to transperson,
but there is always something.
Oh, just say you did date one of the top trans models.
You ok with her plucking prickly hair from her jaw line, some mornings?
Just asking.

Right you guys, here are some of the hard facts about us.
Transsexual females are very rare.
I think numbers come in at around one in six thousand people.
Oh, that's for both pre and post op transsexual females-
Of all ages and looks.
So the chances of you meeting any transsexual female, pre or post op
are pretty rare.
Factor in your Trans-date wish-list (in no particular order)

• We Pass
  {can you handle your family / friends / work colleagues knowing 'That thing'?}
  This objectifies us in itself, but I'll come back to that later.
  Very few trans women truly pass (as in 98%+ of the time)
• We Look attractive / very attractive
• We are single
• And open to the possibility of an ?interaction?, from casual date to a lifetime partner

My friend, you are looking at a very tiny demographic of people you would consider dating.

Trans porn is a fabricated fantasy.
In real life we have bad hair days, sometimes our skin is yuk.
Oh & when we go to bed, most of the time we wear flannel snuggy pants and tops and woolen socks.
The sussys are for shoots or a special treat for our partner.
And partner....A high % of trans women identify as gay.
That means for a lot of trans-women, unless you are female, it's just not gonna happen!

Next,
What exactly are you looking for?
?I want to date a hot shemale?
Well the first thing is that your sentence seems to show a full intent of
sexually objectifying us rather than looking upon us as people.

Now early transitioners are cool about that. It's a validation thing.
?You're a straight guy, you want to fuck me?
?Therefore, I must be a woman?
After a while we get an internal self assurance and then neither want or seek a validation fuck.
That means your desire for us, on it's own, is meaningless..
{We get lots and lots of interested men, all the time}

So, what are you bringing to the party?
I'd think about your appearance and social approach.
Be interesting and engaging.

Having a transsexual history for most of us is not something we are particularly happy about.
A suitor wanting to date us specifically because of that very thing we generally loath about ourselves,
is just not a good thing.
{It's a bit like you saying:?You suffer from deep suicidal depression, I like that in a woman, lets date?}
We see ourselves as female, which of course we are.
It would be nice if a person wishes to date us for who we are as a person rather than because we are trans.

Last year, a good ts friend of mine {you will know her from some of her porn shoot pics on this site & others}
played with the idea of de-transition, becoming a man again.
I asked her {straight identifying} male partner of five years,
what would happen to their relationship?
He replied that he then would simply be in a gay male relationship.
I asked my man the same question. He gave the same answer.
How many of you men could give that answer?
(That's slightly unfair as a question, for you the reader, who are just exploring the possibility of trans-dating; but bear it in mind)

Finally, Transsexual. Spot the first bit of the word.
This means we are in transition. What you see may well be what you get, initially.
But I guarantee you now that, six/eighteen/60 months on
and this person may well only vaguely be like the person you first met.
And will you be ok about dating a person, where that person rapidly changes in lots of ways.
It really is very difficult for the man.

And the penis.
Are you really only want to date us because we are a female with a penis?
Most of us will have Sex Reassignment Surgery SRS.
Will you stay with us?
Or was it in the end, only about our cock?

I've posted this several times before.
It's a personal insight from both my male partner
and my my own.

How do you actually get to meet a transsexual woman?

Most Transsexual women meet partners who know our history.
Maybe they knew us before we transitioned.
Maybe they ?read? us
Maybe through work, where gossip outed us.
Though we mostly meet though trans friendly spaces:
be it a Tg forum /chat room,
trans club/bar,
or from a group of friends and friends of friends...where the suitor had the heads-up on our past,
or they used to date a friend of ours who is also a Transsexual woman...
And so on.

My man said the easiest way to date a Transsexual woman, is to interact with us on trans boards.
Post on areas of common interest. Avoid sex topics.
See if you click.
Assess which Transsexual women are slightly deranged
and which are very deranged
(Accept that to a degree we are all bonkers)
And private message anyone you find interesting.
Later, suggest phone / social contact.
If later, things move on to friendship and then romance,cool.
My man wooed me for six months after our first meeting before I relented.


Oh, be prepared to put lots of time and ? or $:
Think flights, hotels, food, car rental
Because of our rarity, you will probably have to put a lot of effort into travel and resulting costs.
My man lives 1400 miles from me,
Yep, he had to go that far just to meet for an afternoon, to see if we would be friends.
Will you make that sort of effort?

[ila]

Thankyou for this thread, Jodie. You have provided a lot of very good information.

[smc]

Jodie, thanks for your post.

I'm in love with a transsexual woman. It's a coincidence that she's trans, and I wasn't looking for love. I met her as a transsexual (by which I mean I knew she was TS), but my attraction was something completely different. She will likely have SRS. I don't care. I'm in love. She knows how I feel. Most likely, nothing will ever come of it. The complications are enormous, and not just the sort you write about, Jodie. There are all sorts of other complications that you find in relationship irrespective of the gender identity of the parties involved.

I would, by the way, answer that question about the relationship if she "reverted" to being a man exactly the same way. Who cares? I love the person she is; I love the person she was; I love the person she wants to become. They are one and the same person (yes, I know there are lots of "issues). The package (no pun intended) doesn't matter.

[Bionca]

"It's a bit like you saying:”You suffer from deep suicidal depression, I like that in a woman, lets date”"

HA!!! I'm totally thiefing this line!

[Bionca]

I'd also add that so many of us have our walls up due to real or perceived poor treatment by past dates or those of our friends (and our own first-hand observations of men pre-transition). It takes some doing to get past the damage the past however many men have done. Since lots of gals (myself included unfortunately) are pretty willing to chalk up any perceived slight as a deal-breaker or harbinger of bad things to come.

[franalexes]

Originally Posted by Bionca

I'd also add that so many of us have our walls up due to real or perceived poor treatment by past dates or those of our friends (and our own first-hand observations of men pre-transition). It takes some doing to get past the damage the past however many men have done. Since lots of gals (myself included unfortunately) are pretty willing to chalk up any perceived slight as a deal-breaker or harbinger of bad things to come.

I think my wall,,,, has a door; closed, sealed and welded.

[randolph]

Originally Posted by franalexes

I think my wall,,,, has a door; closed, sealed and welded.

Unfortunately, porn sites including this one foster the view that most transsexuals are prostitutes to be used for personal pleasure. It is a sad situation. On a more positive note there is an increased public awareness of the transsexual community and efforts are being made to encourage respect.
Best Wishes.

[JodieTs]

Originally Posted by Bionca

HA!!! I'm totally thiefing this line!

You go right ahead.

I hope you have a great Seasons holiday & I look forward to more of your posts both here and On Laugh RioT.

[Trogdor]

And the penis.
Are you really only want to date us because we are a female with a penis?
Most of us will have Sex Reassignment Surgery SRS.
Will you stay with us?
Or was it in the end, only about our cock?

One thing, though. Some of us were never into vagina in the first place.
I look at it and get all grossed out. Only girls with the vag I can see myself with are intersexed girls, which I have dated one of once.

I tried, but I just don't like 'em, yet I am not into dudes....only if the boy's very, very, very feminine.
So, if someone has an idea what sorta sexual orientation I have could be of some use on what to call me.

Boy, I'm sure an interesting case, yes?

[JodieTs]

Originally Posted by Trogdor

...what sorta sexual orientation I have could be of some use on what to call me.

Er, that would be Bisexual

[Julie77]

In general when it comes to people I like to be liked for the human that I am. Not for the car I drive or the part of town I live in. I enjoy knowing a friend or date just likes me because the chemistry is there.

[Trogdor]

Originally Posted by Julie77

In general when it comes to people I like to be liked for the human that I am. Not for the car I drive or the part of town I live in. I enjoy knowing a friend or date just likes me because the chemistry is there.

Though some of us have too many friends, and nothing else, that it's embarrassing.

[Amy]

Thank you Jodie, for saying what needed to be said.

[TGLuver4sure]

The most insightful info on dating TG females that I've ever come across. Very enlightening. Thank you Jodie. Be well and happy new year!

[Dutch_88]

Well, I would very much like to date a transwoman. But sadly, I can't seem to find anyone interested in me on here... :'(

[Trogdor]

Originally Posted by TheSkronkDonkey

*sigh* Why can't there be more t-girls in England? And where are the rest hiding?

Least you got 'em. Here, in Michigan, we have none.

[JodieTs]

Originally Posted by Trogdor

Least you got 'em. Here, in Michigan, we have none.

Really?
Do you have Google over there in Michigan?
'Michigan transsexual support' About 813,000 results (0.21 seconds)

transgendermichigan.org
This one is a shit load of links to trans in Michigan
Students.support.transgendered.classmate.for.homec oming.king
IQ test

[Trogdor]

Originally Posted by JodieTs

Really?
Do you have Google over there in Michigan?
'Michigan transsexual support' About 813,000 results (0.21 seconds)

transgendermichigan.org
This one is a shit load of links to trans in Michigan
Students.support.transgendered.classmate.for.homec oming.king
IQ test

Support groups aren't what I'd call a great place to look for chicks.
Would not places where one could party be a much better choice?

[transmatic]

thank you Jodie for your notes. it completely fits to real portrait of my transgendered gf.

and i want to add some notes from another side. you girls have a really strong personality but at the same time i never had so huge tendency to carry about somebody as about you. this very specific combination of weakness and power is the key point of your attraction.

yesterday i watched the Beautiful Boxer movie. it's so about it!

thank you for your existence!

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by transmatic

this very specific combination of weakness and power is the key point of your attraction.

I like to think this is true for more men who like gals like me - but it seems rather rare. Thank you for mentioning this, as it is one of those things that I find commonly over-looked when people talk about their attractions to us.

[transmatic]

Originally Posted by Bionca

I like to think this is true for more men who like gals like me - but it seems rather rare. Thank you for mentioning this, as it is one of those things that I find commonly over-looked when people talk about their attractions to us.

i dunno. it's rather strange that you think that such men are rare. i believe that care about who are also strong enough to sound pretty tempting for a real men. it's kind of like not just be a man, its about to be superman. is't it?

did you have a chance to wathc the movie i've mentioned above? it's probably rated as b-movie but i rather call it contemporary cinematography. must2see

[zoeytaylor13]

i would marry another TS or a lesbian girl but a man would really have to be something special for me to marry him.