How "passable"/feminine must I be? Just to have fun.

[getinsideme]

Hello everyone. This is my first post, so I'd like to first say that I'm very impressed by the candor on this forum. I really appreciate this forum because it's given me some much-needed perspective, and gone a long way toward eliminating the awkward (shame?) feelings I have about some of my desires. So, thank you.

Here's my question - but first, some background. I'm not sure if I'm a transvestite or transsexual (I've wanted to be a girl from a very young age) but I've recently decided to explore. I have only a little experience dressing and I've never been with a man before (women, yes). I've gotten in touch with an older guy who really gets me and seems to be willing to take things slow. I intend to eventually get the best of both worlds: a man who understands me and connects with me on a deep level, but who will also fuck me ... hard.

My main concern is this: given some of my undeniably masculine features (I have a somewhat long torso, muscular legs, very masculine shoulders and neck, and my hair is thinning even though I'm pretty young) - how feminine must I be to attract somebody, for either a casual relationship or hooking up?

Specifically, how masculine is too masculine to complete the "illusion" enough to really get men interested in undressing me, and getting inside me? What kinds of general steps can I take to pass - even if it's only behind closed doors (even if I am a full-blown TS, I will never have the guts to transition)? How do you get the courage to buy skirts at a popular clothing store?

The bottom line is that I want (1) to pop my cherry (2) to attract men as best as I can with what g*d gave me and (3) to find people that will think I'm feminine enough on the outside to give me a chance to show them what's inside too.

Thank you in advance for your help, and in case I've said something offensive (terminology is a bit tough here, and I'm not sure how to be PC) I apologize and hope that you will see that I just need some guidance from more experienced girls (and admirers/men).

[Lycanthropunk]

I think it varies from guy to guy, though I would say that the majority of admirers on this forum like t-girls to be as feminine and "convincing" as possible- they are "straight" but like she-cock.
Personally I consider myself bi- I like men as well as women. I love pretty faces, make up and sexy dresses, but even with gg's I like attributes which would be considered masculine: muscular legs, flat chests and bodyhair. I've never liked big breasts and hips and I will always prefer cocks to pussy. But then again, I think "normal" guys are big and ugly, so my ideal would be pretty crossdresser/femboy. So for me at least, you having masculine traits would definitely be attractive!

[smc]

Originally Posted by getinsideme

... Here's my question - but first, some background. I'm not sure if I'm a transvestite or transsexual (I've wanted to be a girl from a very young age) but I've recently decided to explore. ...

how feminine must I be to attract somebody, for either a casual relationship or hooking up? ...

I appreciate your post and willingness to put these questions out there. My response will focus on the two parts of your post that I quote above.

While I am not transgender but an admirer, I believe strongly (as my many posts to this effect on this site will affirm) that the question of "passable" must be one that you answer for yourself. If you have wanted to be a girl from a very young age, you must transition in whatever way makes YOU comfortable, and gauge that transition according to your own measures. When you feel like the girl you've wanted to be, then you are "passable" by the only measure that matters: your own.

Your gender identity is yours to determine. There are plenty of men like myself who are attracted to the strength of the transgender woman as she makes her way through correcting her birth gender and finding her true self, with the specifics of any masculine features about which she might worry becoming a secondary-, tertiary-, or even non-consideration.

Be true to your own feelings -- put yourself out there when YOU feel like the girl you want to be -- and don't let your gender identity be defined by others.

[valentinetabitha]

Every person is going to be different, so there's no real standard for feminity. Like SMC, you should focus on what makes you happy, because ultimately that's what's most important.

Just remember, in the dark, we all look the same.

[franalexes]

stay connected to this forum. try seeeking out Cds. At least they think like you do. That will make your "first" much easier.

[Bionca]

Absolutely great advice so far. I especially like Fran's comment. I think talking to Cross Dressers will be really beneficial for you. Not only for general support and understanding, but for using clothes and makeup to best minimize any "masculine traits" you may have.

Finding guys to hook up - well, that's hard to gauge. Some guys dearly love meeting CD/TVs while others won't even consider them as options no matter how "convincing" they are.

Some things to consider about your body:

1) Hair loss can be corrected - Either surgically or with medicine (if it's bothering you at all, you may want to talk to your DR about Finastricide (sp?)

2) Neck, torso, hands, feet, and shoulders are something you will not be able to change, so learning how to work around them will probably be important. Remember though, women come in every shape and size - so there will be women who naturally have bigger shoulders than you (for example)

Shopping is actually easy:

1) Figure out your sizes and do it online - sizing can be tricky, so make sure you read the shop's return policy.

2) Walk into a store with a "list" and say you are having an anniversary, birthday, w/e for a friend/wide/mother and would like some assistance. Folks in shops love to help guys pick out clothes for the women in their lives.

3) If you are in a department store, and don't want to bother or are otherwise to afraid to talk to one of the employees - buy your clothes and then pick up a card or some wrapping paper (see above)

4) If you live in or near a city, most shops for "big/tall women" do a ton of business with all members of the local trans* community. There is a good chance they have a discrete changing room just for you.

5) Most important - Act like you have every reason to be in that place buying those items. If you act like people should be staring at you and whispering, they will. (Remember this every time you "dress up" and you will probably have a ball)

6) almost forgot - visit a local thrift store or second-hand shop. It's an inexpensive way to get some classic basics (black skirts, white tops etc.) as well as figure out what styles, cuts, lengths, colors , etc. work for you. I guarantee the people there won't care who you are or what you buy.

I cannot possibly add to the excellent advice already given, so I will just add my support and wish you the best and also remind you that you will find a lot of friends here. Just be yourself and have fun!

[getinsideme]

Thank you all for your very helpful responses.

I think it might be quite a while before I totally understand what would make a guy interested in a girl like me, but I'm relieved to know that there are men out there who can not only look past, but even appreciate the less-than-feminine qualities I have. I can't wait to find one! I'm excited to see where this takes me.

Bionca - thank you for the specific shopping advice. I'm going to work on getting the types of clothes which flatter my body type [a key factor with all women's clothes, I think].

I have a pair of follow-up questions. First, what is the best way to go about meeting (or at least talking to) CDs who are willing to help me learn how to dress? Second, where can I meet men? Of course, this is a huge, open ended question, but even some examples would be helpful. The best I can think of is craigslist. I won't be confident enough to go out for a very long time, but I'd still like to start connecting - in person - with people who might want to be with me. Again, thank you so much for your advice.