i love tgirls but i love my gf. what do i do?!?!

[deanthemachine69]

I've been with 2 tgirls and had a great time.I look at tporn religiously. My gf of 2 years knows I watch porn but no idea about tgirl stuff. I want to tell her about my obsession but I'm afraid of what he reaction will be...any thoughts or suggestions would be great!

[EdwardSinclair]

I've been in the same boat before, and it didn't end up nicely!
It all depends on the person, I suppose!
I would be very careful though, and one way you could do this is to introduce the subject slowly and only if you know she is going to be comfortable with it!

----------------------- Tips:

First you have to both be able to watch porn together comfortably.

Secondly she must be interested in finding out about what a guy gets out from anal pleasure, e.g prostate stimulation etc...

Thirdly once you have established the ground and both of you are comfortable with watching porn together, show her a clip of a guy and a tgirl and ask her what she thinks about it... get some feedback and assess if she's ok with it, and whether you can relay more information about the subject.

If you succeed it will open up a whole new world for you both during sex (strap ons/butt plugs play)!!

If you fail, this is the type of thing that could end the relationship, especially if she suffers from low self-esteem, as she may feel insecure! It all depends on how you approach her with this, and her predisposition to be open minded with this!

[deanthemachine69]

Great advice. Thanks a lot! I think I'm scared of the latter. I don't want this relationship to end.BC I like tgirls.

[EdwardSinclair]

You are welcome!!

I understand that it can be a tough one to call! I have had bad experiences in the past, right when I started joining communities, but my current partner (my wife) is way more open about these things than even I am, so I have not found a problem with her thus far! It did take some adjusting though...

So even if the person you are with doesn't accept it, later you will find one who does... because if someone loves you they must accept you the way you are!

If you settle for less your life will suck daily, because of the secrets you keep from each other, filling a huge hole or gap between you, that eventually gets so huge that you can't cross over without falling into a deep abyss, and you may end up hurting that person you love instead, because even hidden things have a way to surface in the end!

[Wendy Summers]

There's an obvious answer:

THREESOME!

[smc]

Originally Posted by deanthemachine69

I've been with 2 tgirls and had a great time.I look at tporn religiously. My gf of 2 years knows I watch porn but no idea about tgirl stuff. I want to tell her about my obsession but I'm afraid of what he reaction will be...any thoughts or suggestions would be great!

Since you "look at tporn religiously," have you considered consulting a member of the clergy for an answer?

[deanthemachine69]

I definitely agree with the advice Edward. I think if it starts to get worse I may have to say something to her about it regardless of if we break up or not.

O and the threesome? No way lol I couldn't get her to do one e with a guy or girl so that's a no go unfortunately

Originally Posted by deanthemachine69

I definitely agree with the advice Edward. I think if it starts to get worse I may have to say something to her about it regardless of if we break up or not.

Don't wait until it gets worse, Dean ! follow Edward's advices from post #2. He's suggesting you a way to gradually introduce your girlfriend to it all. Take the time to follow these advices one by one as they're written in the post... In all probability, you will be pleasantly surprise: either she will go along with it, or she won't react as negatively as you anticipate. If you proceed gradually enough, you'll be able to reassess the situation anyways if things turns badly, as to go for broke or not.

[EdwardSinclair]

Originally Posted by danthepoetman

Don't wait until it gets worse, Dean ! follow Edward's advices from post #2. He's suggesting you a way to gradually introduce your girlfriend to it all. Take the time to follow these advices one by one as they're written in the post... In all probability, you will be pleasantly surprise: either she will go along with it, or she won't react as negatively as you anticipate. If you proceed gradually enough, you'll be able to reassess the situation anyways if things turns badly, as to go for broke or not.

That's exactly what I was hinting at!!

These in my opinion were excellent advices, Edward. I would not have been able to present them so… I don’t know, methodically and clearly. The most important is always communication. When you share with your partner and communicate, I find that generally, you succeed in relating, which in the end is what a relationship is about. You just try to open up the best you can and expect reciprocity. You make out of your loved one your best friend, as much as you can.
I commend you on your post and hope Dean can take advantage.

[EdwardSinclair]

I don't know how many times I've written it by now...

I AGREE with you Dan, again and again...

Communication is everything!

I mean we are communicating too and building a relationship, so I understand absolutely!

Thank you Dan, and let's wish Dean some luck!!

[merelypink]

i would keep it your little secret!!

[belfagar]

In the last week I had the fortune of bringing my love for tgirls up with my spouse. I didnt think that it would have turned out well. It did though.

She was relieved to find i was kinky as hell. I had kept my secret for many years, I can honestly say at the time of revelation I was scared, and very unprepared.

Good luck with this.

[guiltydreamer]

My advice - dont tell her whatever you do.
Cheat on her if you must, and see transsexuals for sex.
Dont get caught.

I did all of the above - and now my marriage is trashed. However, on the up side, I dont have to lie anymore - which feels good.

[tslust]

Originally Posted by guiltydreamer

Cheat on her if you must, and see transsexuals for sex.

Umm, I'm totally speachless. I'm going to be polite and not say what I'm thinking right now.

As for the OP, you say she knows about the porn, (Honestly we, and yes I'm including myself , usually assume that guys look at porn.) butt she doesn't know about your fondness of special girls. You can go two routes with this, you can either keep it to yourself, she doesn't necessarily need to know. Or you can try to talk to her. Either being blunt about it or work it in to gauge her reaction.

[deanthemachine69]

Thanks for all the responses and advice guys! I appreciate it. I'm going to keep it to myself for now. If this is something I need to hide my whole life to stay with this girl then I think I can do it. I'll stick to my hardcore she male porn for now

[guiltydreamer]

Originally Posted by tslust

Umm, I'm totally speachless. I'm going to be polite and not say what I'm thinking right now.

As for the OP, you say she knows about the porn, (Honestly we, and yes I'm including myself , usually assume that guys look at porn.) butt she doesn't know about your fondness of special girls. You can go two routes with this, you can either keep it to yourself, she doesn't necessarily need to know. Or you can try to talk to her. Either being blunt about it or work it in to gauge her reaction.

Don't hold back - post what's on your mind. I am not proud of my actions & behavior ( far from it) but am honest about it. I love my wife and care for her deeply but sexually my desires are not compatible with hers. I see TS girls for sex and only sex. I pay the requested fee happily. I am not looking for a LTR of any kind with any other person.
From my own experience, my wife is more hurt by her perception that I have been having sex with men ( her term, certainly not mine) and cannot begin to understand that I am physically attracted to a female with a penis. It is for this reason that I advocate secrecy and lying. It's totally fucked up I know, but it's done and I cannot undo it now.

[guiltydreamer]

Originally Posted by deanthemachine69

Thanks for all the responses and advice guys! I appreciate it. I'm going to keep it to myself for now. If this is something I need to hide my whole life to stay with this girl then I think I can do it. I'll stick to my hardcore she male porn for now

That's how I started. Discovered transsexual images on the internet & was hooked. Thought I could control my curiosity & desire by masturbating to these collected precious pictures but eventually overcame my conscience and fear and visited an escort. That was 15 years ago and now I am utterly obsessed with transsexual m2f girls, preferably Asian. I pay escorts/prostitutes for sex whenever I can no longer satiate my desire by jerking off alone.
It's really quite pathetic in my case as my self worth is shattered and I cannot control this overwhelming intoxicating physical desire that is getting stronger with each clandestine liaison.
And they say heroin is addictive...... Fucking hell, I am surely doomed.

Guiltydreamer, you’re on a sad path by your own admission. You also admit to feeling guilt and your very nick name affirms it. You even go as far as calling it pathetic. Why would you encourage Dean, the OP, to follow the same route?
Dean, keep in mind how much of a fantasy this all is. It’s not worth destroying your relationship if it works. Be open with your partner. You don’t have to throw everything in her face: just start talking to her gradually about your feelings, be patient and take a year if you need. Exchange with her on desire, on sexuality, on the complexity of desire. Talk to her about transsexuals in a general fashion. Open doors for her first. I’m telling you: in all probability, you will be surprised…

[guiltydreamer]

Good post Dan.....

[guiltydreamer]

Originally Posted by EdwardSinclair

You are welcome!!

I understand that it can be a tough one to call! I have had bad experiences in the past, right when I started joining communities, but my current partner (my wife) is way more open about these things than even I am, so I have not found a problem with her thus far! It did take some adjusting though...

So even if the person you are with doesn't accept it, later you will find one who does... because if someone loves you they must accept you the way you are!

If you settle for less your life will suck daily, because of the secrets you keep from each other, filling a huge hole or gap between you, that eventually gets so huge that you can't cross over without falling into a deep abyss, and you may end up hurting that person you love instead, because even hidden things have a way to surface in the end!

I overlooked this post previously. You are absolutely spot on with this advice. My problem has been secrecy and lack of communication and indeed I have fallen deep, deeper into the abyss. My moral compass long ago ceased to function and I have badly betrayed the person most dear to me. The sad irony is that on discussing and admitting my cheating ways and sex with transsexual partners, my wife is most destroyed by the lies, dishonesty and betrayal rather than the infidelity itself. Whilst she is shocked by my sexual behavior, she is tolerant and understanding of same sex and third sex attraction. If only I had summoned the courage and respect for her to admit to my feelings some time ago, perhaps my marriage could have been saved.

Originally Posted by guiltydreamer

I overlooked this post previously. You are absolutely spot on with this advice. My problem has been secrecy and lack of communication and indeed I have fallen deep, deeper into the abyss. My moral compass long ago ceased to function and I have badly betrayed the person most dear to me. The sad irony is that on discussing and admitting my cheating ways and sex with transsexual partners, my wife is most destroyed by the lies, dishonesty and betrayal rather than the infidelity itself. Whilst she is shocked by my sexual behavior, she is tolerant and understanding of same sex and third sex attraction. If only I had summoned the courage and respect for her to admit to my feelings some time ago, perhaps my marriage could have been saved.

Yes, it's a sad fact that not only do gbltq people have to "come out of the closet" so do a lot of guys who are straight but still find transsexual women attractive.
It's all because of the society we live in today. To many people have their minds closed off to the reality that gender isn't binary, and nor is it determined by ones genitalia.
And just because one man is only attracted to women with penises and no other variation does not make him gay or bi. It's because he's still only attracted to women.
But many people like to see in black and white. It's either one or the other. And won't accept reality as a full spectrum of colors.

I follow Harvey Milks philosophy on this matter. Everyone every where needs to come out for who they are. Even if it's just to their family and loved ones.
Once everyone knows at least one of these minorities is actually a human being with feelings just as theirs. Than that's when change will happen.

Wow... I so digressed. Sorry.
But anyways, always be honest with the ones you love. Because if they love you for who you are, than they will love everything about you. Even your flaws.
Not saying being attracted to trans girls is a flaw, but I think you get my point.

Of course, guiltydreamer, I don’t know anything about your situation except what you’re telling us, and I myself would never judge without knowing. But are you certain it is too late for yourself? I think what I’ve said to deanthemachine goes for everyone: communication is the most important element of any relationship. You can open up gradually to your wife if you still have time. And if you don’t, if everything seems doomed, consequences will always be favoured by communication anyway. Sometimes we don’t give enough credit to people we share love with: when we express ourselves completely, they very often surprise us by how much they can accept. And almost paradoxically, it applies more and more as we get older. I don’t know how things are for you, but if need be, open the valves gradually too, involve her in your life, guiltydreamer. If you do it gradually, there always will be time to back track to status quo if things gets to be uglier…
ThidEyeGirl is right: human sexuality is much more complex than we like to admit. I refer to the Kinsey’s study in a thread entitled “Does liking shemales make you gay?” (from post #695), which revealed at the end of the 40s how notions of homosexuality and heterosexuality are in fact vague and imprecise considering the extraordinary variety of sexual behaviour in humans. Americans were shocked when the study came out, and it certainly had something to do with the beginning of what came to be called the sexual revolution, during the next decade. They made a film about Kinsey, with Leam Neeson; maybe you can watch it with your spouse to start a dialogue, I don’t know (maybe this suggestion is ridiculous considering the length at which your situation endure, in which case I’d be sorry, of course). But check it out. The variety and complexity of our desire, all of us, goes much beyond what society superficially accepts as being normal. This is a good start to any discussion on the matter. Express your love, and express your desire; do it slowly or do it faster, but just open up and share if there is anything to be saved. Any authentic relationship really is worth it.
In any case I wish you the best of luck with what you have to deal with, guiltydreamer.

I already posted the “Kinsey scale”, but I will nonetheless do so once again. It was designed by Alfred Kinsey to analyze sexual orientation. You understand that the scale shows a progression of desire from a state of being totally heterosexual (first column to your left) to a state of being totally homosexual (last column to your right). Take a note that most people in those studies showed to be belonging in a majority to the 5 middle columns, which should be telling enough.

[smooth]

Originally Posted by deanthemachine69

I've been with 2 tgirls and had a great time.I look at tporn religiously. My gf of 2 years knows I watch porn but no idea about tgirl stuff. I want to tell her about my obsession but I'm afraid of what he reaction will be...any thoughts or suggestions would be great!

yea i have a suggestion keep your mouth shut...who knows she may be fine with it....but its all the other ways it may go that is risky. and always have that ace in the hole (what if you break up one day and she decides to spread your little secret around) cover all the bases man

Originally Posted by smooth

yea i have a suggestion keep your mouth shut...who knows she may be fine with it....but its all the other ways it may go that is risky. and always have that ace in the hole (what if you break up one day and she decides to spread your little secret around) cover all the bases man

Who cares if she spreads his "little secret" around. Is it shameful to be attracted to trans women? NO it is not.
So be a fucking man and own up to your own sexuality. If I can do it, you sure as hell can.

[smooth]

you are not from a little country town are you?? i think you may be looking at this standing in different shoes than me..i respect your opinion..but it sounds like he is closer to being in my shoes than yours. some women would have no problem with it...you dont mix love and sexual fantasy. where im from your sexual fantasies is better left in your head

Originally Posted by smooth

you are not from a little country town are you?? i think you may be looking at this standing in different shoes than me..i respect your opinion..but it sounds like he is closer to being in my shoes than yours. some women would have no problem with it...you dont mix love and sexual fantasy. where im from your sexual fantasies is better left in your head

Sounds like you need to move the fuck away from where you're from. Cause being that closed off to yourself is not healthy. I should know.

Originally Posted by smooth

yea i have a suggestion keep your mouth shut...who knows she may be fine with it....but its all the other ways it may go that is risky. and always have that ace in the hole (what if you break up one day and she decides to spread your little secret around) cover all the bases man

Of course, we all make choices as what we want others to know of ourselves. And it might be difficult in a small town indeed. But just as a matter of reflection, isn’t it the problem we all have in society, not to be able to discuss openly who we are and what our desires are made of? I find it’s the root of the problem. We should all be more open, we should be able to discuss around us, and especially with people we know, of such subjects as sexuality and sense of self. It is by not communicating that we perpetuate intolerance and lack of understanding. If only that “silent majority” could be a bit more truthful and vocal, things would really change. But unfortunately, we endlessly choose the easy, quiet, undisturbed route of the status quo. Talking, exchanging, teaching are the only way we’re going to get anywhere if we find within ourselves the strength to do it. And I must admit that at times, considering what we see around, it doesn’t raise too much optimism…

Now if someone reveal to his/her loved one secrets of intimate life and that person goes around and betray that trust, it’s not difficult to figure who really has problems. It might also show the fact that such revelations didn’t follow the proper form. You have to respect people’s sense of propriety too; some revelations need to take a gradual, explanatory form to be understood and accepted with some people. Everyone has to use some tact in relations to others. But with such precautions, it is possible, or at the very least it should be, unless you’re facing psychotic maniacs, which does indeed happens…

[tslust]

Originally Posted by guiltydreamer

Cheat on her if you must, and see transsexuals for sex.

Don't hold back - post what's on your mind.

Okay, you asked for it. Firstly, I don't know how many times I've said that I can't stand guys who cheat on their wives. It's a matter of trust and sex is all about trust. If a guy is going to break his sacred vows and trust with his wife, how can I ever trust him to be honest with me. If he's so willing to throw his commitments to his wife away, then what would stop him from doing the same with me. Which is why I don't play with married guys.

"see the transsexuals for sex" I get a little tired of guys seeing me as a sex toy. Don't get me wrong, a little NSA fun can be nice, butt I'm at the point where I want something more. I want a guy who can see me as a person, an actual living breathing human being. While I like mind-blowing sex, I also enjoy having an actual conversation and having a fun time with a guy. Many guys (by no means all) are only interested in sex, they don't want any kind of relationship. Whereas they usually at least take a GG out for a dinner and show, and at least pretend to talk, with her while trying to steer the conversation towards the beedroom. They think I'll just automatically melt into their arms with that terrific thong-cracking line, "Hey, I've got a big cock." So, all I ask is a little consideration. Remember, just as with GGs, a little charm can take you a long way.

Further more, you shouldn't "see transsexuals for sex". That is a very terrible thing to say. Now I know there are a number of "working girls", butt still they deserve some respect too. I know that I'm probably just some sort of porn fetich to you (that's what I take away from you're statement). I you meet with a transsexual, it shoul be because you are attracted to her. If that leads to sex, then that's nice, butt sex should not be the only reason you want to see a girl like me.

[guiltydreamer]

Originally Posted by tslust

Okay, you asked for it. Firstly, I don't know how many times I've said that I can't stand guys who cheat on their wives. It's a matter of trust and sex is all about trust. If a guy is going to break his sacred vows and trust with his wife, how can I ever trust him to be honest with me. If he's so willing to throw his commitments to his wife away, then what would stop him from doing the same with me. Which is why I don't play with married guys.

"see the transsexuals for sex" I get a little tired of guys seeing me as a sex toy. Don't get me wrong, a little NSA fun can be nice, butt I'm at the point where I want something more. I want a guy who can see me as a person, an actual living breathing human being. While I like mind-blowing sex, I also enjoy having an actual conversation and having a fun time with a guy. Many guys (by no means all) are only interested in sex, they don't want any kind of relationship. Whereas they usually at least take a GG out for a dinner and show, and at least pretend to talk, with her while trying to steer the conversation towards the beedroom. They think I'll just automatically melt into their arms with that terrific thong-cracking line, "Hey, I've got a big cock." So, all I ask is a little consideration. Remember, just as with GGs, a little charm can take you a long way.

Further more, you shouldn't "see transsexuals for sex". That is a very terrible thing to say. Now I know there are a number of "working girls", butt still they deserve some respect too. I know that I'm probably just some sort of porn fetich to you (that's what I take away from you're statement). I you meet with a transsexual, it shoul be because you are attracted to her. If that leads to sex, then that's nice, butt sex should not be the only reason you want to see a girl like me.

Thank you for your post. I trust that you feel better now having got that off your chest.
Whilst I respect your right of reply and opinion ( which I did invite after all), your post is rather self obsessed.
Whilst my initial response to this thread does seem rather blunt and cold hearted, I am confused how you manage to interpret this as my having no respect for TS girls whom I choose to pay for sex. How do you know what level of respect I hold for someone - you base this assertion on a very brief statement.
You clearly do not approve of my behavior and choices. Fair enough, but please do not judge the full depth of my personality based on my sexual preferences alone.
I am not Proud of cheating on my wife, but hey, this real life not a work of romantic fiction and relationships fail - for a variety of reasons and it is very easy and rather lazy to single me out for lacking moral fibre. Check the statistics and see how many marriages fail. We have had 22 happy & good years together and both now realize that we want different things in our lives.
I wish you well with your life and search for a loving respectful life Partner, basically we all are looking for the same thing.

[guiltydreamer]

"Further more, you shouldn't "see transsexuals for sex". That is a very terrible thing to say...."

Why not FFS?? and what is so terrible about it??

The girls I see get paid the rate they stipulate. I go willingly, accepting their advertised offer of sexual services in exchange for money.

I am courteous, punctual, clean and respectful. Many times the sex is sensational, some times less so, but life is a lottery they say.

I am not looking for a TS life partner, but am highly attracted to a girl with a penis. I do not seek a loving relationship with a TS partner as I know for me this will not work (as far as I can speculate).

Just because my preferences and wants and needs do not correspond with yours does not mean that I am disrespectful to working girls, or any other girls whether TS or GG, so climb down off your high horse before you get a nose bleed.

And have a nice day.

Originally Posted by guiltydreamer

I am not looking for a TS life partner, but am highly attracted to a girl with a penis. I do not seek a loving relationship with a TS partner as I know for me this will not work (as far as I can speculate)

May I ask why you think a relationship with a trans girl won't work?

I mean the only difference between us and cis women, is they are able to give birth, but we are not. So if that's your reason, than yeah I can sort of understand that, though there's always the option of adoption.

[Ana Mancini]

Find the girl ( TGirl ) that is the biggest turn on to you, and one day call her into the room and show her. Just say look what I found. Make sure at some point she realizes that you are turned on. ( an erection at this point would be good ) Dont make a big deal out of it the first time. Then later show her another and make sure she sees you are turned on. Then one day tell her about a Dream you had and describe the dream. See how she reacts.

[EdwardSinclair]

Originally Posted by ThirdEyeGirl

...though there's always the option of adoption.

Having studied genetics for a while, I could tell you that through recombinant DNA, adoption will not be your only option in the near future! The Science is advancing so fast, that it's possible for you to get a donated non-fertilized egg, remove it's DNA material (nucleus), and place your desired DNA material, in this case the tgirls. You'd then proceed to fertilizing the egg with the male gamete, and you'd need to find a surrogate mother of course! This has all already been possible for many years, but the ethical implications are numerous unfortunately.

It's also relevant to note, that cis women are at a clear advantage here, because even if men ceased to exist, women could live on by cloning themselves in this manner. Men would always need a surrogate mother of some kind!

I in fact I remember seeing such a society in one of the Cpt. Kirk's Star Trek episodes from back in the late 60's, not the best of references but it does prove that the theory is not new! Sci-fi's are great btw, first time I saw anything similar to ipads/mobile phones was on a Sci-fi (but I digress).

[EdwardSinclair]

I have tried to catch up with this thread:

It's clear this thread has brought up several sensitive issues that I have seen in other threads throughout this forum, and it gets old fast! There is absolutely no way we can educate everyone, and trying, just feels like a waste of positive energy!

I just can't stand seeing people bashing each other!

Having said that, the OP Dean needed help, and without judging anyone, here is a list of things that I think severely hurt a relationship (I have done them all at least once, so I am not pointing a finger):

Insensitivity
Gross disrespect for other peoples feelings, by doing and saying things without caring if it will hurt them or not! It gives a sense that you don't care about that person...

Lies
This is very important, because when we lie to others we also lie to ourselves! We limit maximum enjoyment of an activity out of guilt, and in the end we are the greatest losers! Furthermore, you fail to communicate how you feel, creating a barrier and distancing yourself from others! This may or may not give rise to Betrayal...

Betrayal
Gross misconduct, angels have been sent to hell for this, and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned! Hardly any relationship will recover from this, and if it does, trust will always be an issue! Probably why some prefer to kiss and not tell...

Lack of Communication
Communication is the basis of a relationship, you may have sex, but when you are tired of it, you need a companion you can talk to. The lack of communication is detrimental to getting to know someone, or letting them know how you feel. It is aggravated by fights, and those times you don't want to talk out of spite...

I want to conclude with:
Be respectful to others, as you'd like them to be respectful to you!

[pigsnizzle]

If she accepts that you look at porn, there shouldn't be a limit on what type of porn. Porn in general can be very addictive and distort our minds to be attracted to a certain "type" of male, female, etc. Most girls don't look like porn stars (most porn stars don't look like porn stars without all the make up and camera affects). this is why many women are insecure about letting their guy look at porn, because the feel they cannot measure up to that kind of beauty or sexiness. In this case, you GF cannot measure up cuz she doesn't have a yard stick LOL! She has to accept your hobby of wackin off to tranny porn or go get another guy.

[TheExplorer]

i love my wife and i love tgirls, too. i do not have a sexual experience with a tgirl but i just love to watch them. they make me excited, women make me excited, sometimes one does this, sometimes the other one, sometime both of them. i love a body has boobs with cock, i love a body has boobs with clit... so i guess what i really love is boobs

[EdwardSinclair]

Originally Posted by TheExplorer

... so i guess what i really love is boobs

Actually, that's a very good realisation! Give me any hot bod with sexy boobs, and none of the hair in fact. Those must be shaved asap!!