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  #1  
Old 05-26-2009
bossymax1981
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Default Am I under some curse?

I am 27 years old, fair, tall and smooth, and I have had men tell me I am attractive.

The thing I can't understand is that why is it that all the unattractive men are the ones chasing me? I usually attract men that are either black, overweight, or just ugly in general.

We're not talking being friendly, they try to get my phone number, they follow me, want to go out with me, etc. etc. etc.

Why can't I have boys that are normal weight, white, and are attractive chase me? I would really love to have the handsome ones chase me at least once in a while, I just cant understand why I am a magnet to men I don't like?

I'm not racist against blacks, and I'm not shallow towards overweight or ugly men, I just don't see why it's the same damn thing over and over. I do not want a model, I just want someone like me, someone that I am attracted to.

It's just the same damn thing over and over. If it's not some black guy, it's a fat guy, if it's not a fat guy, it's some hunk with some freaky face. And it just keeps repeating over and over.

Wanting someone that matches my standards isn't a high standard. I see guys always holding hands with beautiful women everyday..... *shakes head*
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  #2  
Old 05-26-2009
tim4lb tim4lb is offline
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Default Standards

Hi, Lydel/Bossy. Let me start by saying that I have seen your pics on the net for a few years. I always thought that the pics you posted were artistic (smoking/dominant etc.) and/or had a beautiful backdrop (beaches etc.) The only ones I haven't liked were some that you photoshopped. I will try to say this as diplomatically as possible. You have a nice body and a fairly attractive face. I never responded to any of your ads because I wasn't overly attracted to you although you look nice. In fairness, I have never seen the men who are chasing after you. I just think that you might have unreasonable standards. And it also seems as though you are being a little superficial despite your claims that you aren't. Please don't get upset or respond overly harshly to this. As I said, you are reasonably attractive but you might consider lowering/altering your standards.

Respectfully, Tim
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  #3  
Old 05-26-2009
bossymax1981
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Smile Ciao Tim

...Where was I? Oh, remarking about your great writing style and ability to express your inner feelings that many of us struggle at putting in words. You write with a maturity that far exceeds your age and I just have to think its a result of your past experiences and great power of observation. I can imagine you in a crowded room taking a break from your own social butterflying to sit back and watch the room dynamics happening in front of you.I like your admission of being a realist. There aren't many of you/us around here on the internet and I suppose it is because this "electronic" means of communication can provide the individual with a wonderful facade to be whom ever he/she want to be. I have spent countless hours in conversations regarding online love, online boy friends and friends. I know myself well enough to know that I can not fall in love with someone on line...fall in love with their typing..their written words is beyond my understanding. Maybe it is truly the "Lonely Hearts Club" members that so desperately long for love and a partner to share their world with. Maybe there really is a part of the man that drives him for acceptance(and love) that I still don't understand. My first instinct is to laugh when I chat with a man on line that says he has a girl friend...but yet has never met her face to face....but really I should be feeling sadness I think. My years of relationships..in love, out of love,looking for love, convinced me that love will happen again for me and I hope it will bring with it passion and excitement and better better than the last love. BUT I know this will only happen by being with that person..........not merely by us typing our feelings and thoughts online.

To that end, I'm finally beginning to convince myself that if I expect to find that "love"..that "partner", I need to be thinking about moving to his country(if I think I want an Western partner). I'm not afraid to admit that I have jumped on a plane a few times to cross many times zones to meet that "special person" that after months of phone calls, e-mails and chatting "we" felt we were a match.....only to find upon arrival that we were not compatible...or worse yet, he had just met his perfect girlfriend the previous day. Do I regret those trips? Never..I learn a lot each time I venture into a new situation. It's from these experiences that I feel confident that being on the ground in him "back yard" so to speak, is the best way to build a connection.

In the event that my future partner is in a foreign country and we decide that our best option is for me to move there in order to be together......does that move put too much pressure on her....on the relationship....to "force" it to work and not allow it to grow along its natural course. "Don't move here for me, but rather move here for yourself"....are wise words I have heard spoken.

Compatibility in a relationship is the goal and I try to be "realistic" in accepting that living in a foreign country can add stress by itself(I lived in Philippines but had traveled Asian) and then add to that the big cultural differences ......lest I forget that gender might further complicate the situation. I view myself as smart, practical, analytical, open minded and color/gender blind..........so I would hope that good communication...opening up to all feelings, thoughts, and apprehensions would clear the path to a good relationship. My analytical side could keep me tied up for months or years trying to figure all this out......I'm beginning to think that for me...jumping in head first may be the best approach. Follow my heart, trust my instinct, and go for it.
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  #4  
Old 05-26-2009
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CreativeMind CreativeMind is offline
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I'm confused by something you said, since it seems to be a contradiction of itself.
At one point you said...

"I have spent countless hours in conversations regarding online love, online boy friends and friends. I know myself well enough to know that I can not fall in love with someone on line...fall in love with their typing...their written words is beyond my understanding. Maybe it is truly the "Lonely Hearts Club" members that so desperately long for love and a partner to share their world with. Maybe there really is a part of the man that drives him for acceptance(and love) that I still don't understand.

My first instinct is to laugh when I chat with a man on line that says he has a girl friend...
but yet has never met her face to face....but really I should be feeling sadness I think."


But THEN you turned right around and said...

"I'm not afraid to admit that I have jumped on a plane a few times to cross many times zones to meet that "special person" that after months of phone calls, e-mails and chatting "we" felt we were a match."


My point is this: if you spent MONTHS of phone calls, e-mails, and chatting with someone...someone who you felt was that "special person"...isn't that the very definition of being an online girlfriend to someone? Or at least you were until you finally reached a point -- months later (by your own words) -- when you finally felt compelled enough to jump on a plane and go meet that person?

If you're the type of person who "can't fall in love with someone online or their typing", that's fine, I can understand that. Some people just need to "see" and "touch" the other person before their inner emotions can truly kick in. At the same time, I also don't take anything away from two people who DO fall in love online -- where they spend lots of time together (albeit in a digital way) getting to know each other, at which point they feel something very strong between them.

Basically, here's how I see things. Obviously if two people are going to have an ACTUAL relationship...that is, if they're both looking to build an ACTUAL life together...then clearly the day is going to have to come where the two lovers ACTUALLY meet. That's a given. I just wouldn't go so far (as you did here) to declare that people who have met online and are engaged in an Internet relationship are part of a "Lonely Hearts Club" -- nor would I laugh at a guy who says he has an online girlfriend (or a woman saying she has an online boyfriend) simply because they haven't met yet. Using yourself as an example, if people have been chatting online or caming with each other on a regular basis...if they've been sending e-mails to each other all the time...and if they've even talking on the phone as much as they can...then I have no problem with them feeling a strong attraction or even love, and thus making a decision to commit to each other until they CAN actually meet.

Think of it this way: what if two people meet online...fall for each other...stay in constant touch...and the reason they haven't met yet is simply due to economic factors? For example, the guy lives in America...the girl lives in Russia...and he needs time to save up the money to buy her a plane ticket? Or an even better example -- which is actually the bane for most online love affairs -- would be an American guy falling for a foreign woman online, but then they have to wait for the Visa process to go, which actually can take months at a time. Not to mention, it also adds to the cost factor and might cause he guy to need even MORE time to save up the money he needs to bring the girl to him.

Using that example, I can easily see two people considering themselves boyfriend and girlfriend...they can genuinely be romantically attracted to each other and have developed very real feelings for one another...but what's really holding them apart is legal paperwork and a Embassy approval process that's completely out of their control.

Anyway, your posts show a deep thinking intellect, you express yourself well, you clearly feel certain things, your photos show you are very lovely, and I hope you can find the kind of guy that your heart hopes to be with. Everyone deserves to find love in life, so I wish you all the best. If nothing else, it was an interesting post as always, Lydel. I didn't necessarily agree with the first part, but I would agree with the second half that to find the kind of guy you actually want to meet that perhaps you might have to GO to a place where your odds will dramatically increase. Again, that just makes logical sense.

I mean, if I was looking to meet a beautiful Thai Ladyboy to share my life with, hoping to bump into her each day, I wouldn't want to be living in Bulgaria!

Last edited by CreativeMind; 05-26-2009 at 03:40 PM.
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  #5  
Old 05-27-2009
ShocknAmaze ShocknAmaze is offline
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hmm... I'm new to this forum, but I'll put in my two cents, and I hope it's much more valuable.

First of all, any attractive woman is going to be chased by ugly guys and fat guys. If you look good, everyone's going to want to be with you. I haven't seen pics of you, but maybe you're attracting black guys because you're curvaceous. Black men tend to like women that have more curves, but that's really beside the point.

As to why you haven't found your perfect match, I would say, have a little more patience. True, that sucks, and I'm an impatient person myself. I would have thought I would have been married by now for sure, but I'm not.

The more you learn about yourself and understand what you want, the more likely you are to date the correct people, but your choices will be far more limited.
I think the last thing you should do is lower your standards. However, understand that if you're waiting for the perfect match, and if you have high standards, it may take time, maybe more time than you're willing to give at the moment, but it will happen.

Nothing occurs unless you think positive. I know most people think that's bullshit, but I'm a believer of self-destiny, not fate. You can create the life you want, and you can put yourself in the position to find the right man.

Maybe you need a new approach? Perhaps there are new avenues for you to explore in finding the man of your dreams. Be creative, and think outside the box. Happiness could come to you on any given day.

I hope this helps
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  #6  
Old 05-27-2009
Vanillas Vanillas is offline
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Default Fair is Foul and Foul is Fair.........

Being Caucasian, I'm only fat and ugly. Hit me up if you are willing to lower your standards by one-third.
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  #7  
Old 05-27-2009
tim4lb tim4lb is offline
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Default Good luck

Lydel, I admire you for being so mature and brave for putting yourself out there for others to comment on. I agree that falling in love on the internet is difficult. I am a pragmatist and a realist as well. After talking to and dating numerous ladyboys in person, I generally feel as though the majority of guys on the internet who profess to be looking for love are in fact looking for everything but love. This is a gross generalization and I know that there decent guys out there (I really hope you find one), but so many of my ladyboy friends complain about guys playing games online. It is simply to hide anonymously and pretend they are someone they are not. It is possible to find online love, but it will take a lot of time and patience. If you are able to travel to other countries, this seems like a better option to me. Again no guarantees and lies and games are possible, but it seems more sensible to put faith in someone who you can see and read their feelings.

Shockn'Amaze is absolutely right - you shouldn't lower your standards. That was unfair of me to say and not really the crux of what I intended my feedback to you to be. Use all of the positive qualities you have "smart, practical, analytical, open minded and color/gender blind" to make an informed decision and don't get overly hung-up on appearance. I am guilty of this too, I'm not easily taken by someone I am not physically attracted to.

You seem like an intelligent, fun person. I wish you all of the best in your search. As written here earlier, be patient. The right guy is out there.
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  #8  
Old 05-27-2009
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My response bossymax1981.
Don't wory about it, it's life. I have had loads of mingers after me ( mingers = brit term for 'fell out of the ugly tree and hit every stick on the way down' ). If you are not attracted to a person a simple 'seeya, wouldn't want to be ya' is a painless,simple, and quick solution. It takes around 4 seconds, then you can move on.
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  #9  
Old 05-27-2009
bossymax1981
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Smile Hi

Thank you Tim. I am looking for young man now, I thought old men are behave and not butterflies, but they're more headache than heartache. Well,I can't say I know men so well hence I only have had 4 serious bf's so I have concluded, I am magnetic to wrong men. Being a Princess looking for love failed for 6years, so I try being escort and dirty then I might find " Love". I don't know, haven't tried though but I guess men like dirty women/lb not classy brainy...In short, men like junk not caviar. Hope I am not wrong but I let my doors to open. If there's someone who is real, then he can have me for life. WINK!
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Old 05-27-2009
bossymax1981
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I just have to let it flow, having pressures and rules in myself makes me " crazy". So I take it slow but surely.
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  #11  
Old 05-27-2009
bossymax1981
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Hate it or love it one love is best. One love is true love single-mindedly given to one person. Hate it or love it, this is the happiest way to live.

I tell you this without mincing words because I want you to be happy.

Playboys and playgirls won't agree with this. Flirting men and women will disagree with me.

However, it doesn't matter who agrees or who doesn't. This is a fact of life. Each person has only one life and only one true love. That one love . . . that one true love must be single-mindedly given to one person or else there will be trouble.
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  #12  
Old 05-27-2009
aa2239 aa2239 is offline
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Bossymax... although I sympathise with your plight, I would point out that you're not exactly the only person on earth who is holding out for their "perfect partner", so you can hardly consider yourself "cursed".

Secondly, as a black guy myself, I must object to your wording/phrasiology... "I usually attract men that are either black, overweight, or just ugly in general". You say you're not racist... but at the very least this comment is ignorant... it connotes that being black is as undesirable as being ugly, it puts "black" and "ugly" in the same group. Of course, everyone is entitled to their own preferences, and is allowed to act on those preferences when it comes to dating... but they should do so as tactfully and respectfully as possible, which I don't think you have done. I realise this is an international forum, and as such standards of English will differ widely... but in future please try to be more tactful when dealing with such sensitive issues as a person's race making them desirable/undesirable to you... and for that matter, any physical attribute.... from what you say, it sounds like the main problem with these guys is their attitude and how they approach you, not their physical appearance. Thank you.
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Old 05-27-2009
bossymax1981
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Good news is, Im not racist at all. Infact, I love to have black man for a change. I am tired of white men, seems to be all around. Seriously, any races well do for me as long as he is genuine...That matters to me and to all here :-)
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  #14  
Old 05-27-2009
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I don't claim any beauty prize myself, in fact, there's been a few times I became horrified when I looked at myself in a mirror. And, my tropical fish tend to swim away and hide.

All kidding aside.

Are you focused merely on looks, or are you looking for someone that you can have a serious relationship with? Again, I certainly can't claim that I'm as white as snow, as looks are also important to me. As the ole saying goes, "Never judge a book by its cover".
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Old 05-28-2009
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I believed you and I'm not being cynical...Everyone has the chance but only once I give...
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