A Taste of Scottland

[Kirsty Scott]

I have been here for a little while and thought I'd start my own thread as an introduction ....... given there is no option to expand your profile here ...

This is very serious ...... Please don't laugh at me ....
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I have been described as a cross between John Merrick and Bella Emberg ..... My ma says she still loves me but prefers I stay in the garage and don't leave the house in daylight .... Bless her, she is always looking out for me.

I fondly remember when my mummy used to tuck me in at nights .......
She always wanted a girl.

All of my pics have been touched up to hide my wooden leg and glass eye ......

But please, if you can get past the stench of pee,the acne and the melted bits of plastic surgery I have a wonderful personality that is if you like a narky, old bitch on her period ........

I am pierced in my left knee, my right shoulder and third nipple.

I am considering getting a tattoo but I don't think there is space for a big pipe band in my bedroom ....

I don't drink. I am drip fed.

I am addicted to worming tablets, talcum powder and chocolate Santas.

I am 35 .......... 5'5" without my wooden leg and clogs.

I like big macs, snow ploughs and feeding chickens in the zoo.

Romance is high on my agenda ..... I love to watch big brother, Bird watch with Bill Oddie and have candlelit dinners in the local dogging spots.

One can of Shandy and I am anyones.

Things that make me wet : Rain, showers and my bad BO.

Things that make me hard: My tough upbringing in the Ned gangs when I was at school, My period and Rigormortis.

Things that I enjoy: Daniel O donnell, Quincy, The Colby's, plucking out my ingrowing hairs, cheap cider and when the wind blows in the opposite direction.

Things I hate: people with two legs, Double D egg cups and waking up.

Things Under my bed: Worms, prosthetic limbs and usually my glass eye as it rolls out when I sleep.

Things that I fear: Radiators, pink Y-Fronts and single socks.

I am very musical I play the one armed banjo, the recorder and I adore the singing kettle.

I play lots of sport. Tiddlywinks, crazy golf and wanking to opera music are my favourites.

I like fashion too ..... I knit my own leggings, I like to wear luminous socks and jesus sandals, weather permitting.

I don't know what sex is but I have heard it's bad so I am afraid to discuss the subject in case I am sent to hell ...... I pass through Dundee sometimes but I don't want to live there.

I like people with a good sense of humour as they can laugh with me at my lopsided ears, my squint buttocks and having one hand twice the size of the other.

I like ballet, burping and pork scratchings.

I have a pet potatoe that can dance to Bee Gee music.

I like men with ZZ top beards. If you can't tuck it in your socks I am not interested. I like my women the same, especially the ginger ones.

I am a born again virgin ..... but I continually get res-erected.

Thanks for listening I am Kirsty Scott .. must go change my colostomy bag, it just doesn't match my shoes anymore.

Kirsty
xxx xxx