New and Looking

[hankhavelock]

Originally Posted by Bionca

" Goddess of all Goddeses"


lol.. my golly .. *wipes tears of laughter* ... *falls out of chair* .... *continues laughing*

You guys are too funny!! Seriously, I think I have a better reputation here than I'm worth. I sometimes burp loud, I am cranky as hell in the morning, I am probably a little too competative at pool and darts, I snort when I laugh sometimes...

I get confused with lots of light and sound (gotten in wrecks in the supermarket before). I get lost easily, I'm a bit demanding during sex, I can be pretty selfish (probably my least favorite quality).

And.. I'll say again I'm really just an average gal with some cranky opinions. Hardly goddess material....

u c? the more u say, the more convincing ;-) do u know the story by Danish author H.C.Andersen about the TRUE princess?

[sesame]

Ok, its a deal then,

Hanky loves you cranky
Sesame likes you sane.
Goto him when danky,
Dine with me neaten.
Bionca, you never (really) wane!

[suki]

Hmmm,

i think with some changes things will definately improve for you.

i don't mean physical changes.

much can be done; please stay optimisitic.

suki

[sesame]

Originally Posted by Hankhavelock

it is so often the little flaws, the little imperfections that made all the difference and made her even more desirable... ... you wake up beside her, her make-up wonderfully smudged upon last nights passionate "interactions", her hair indeed sticking out in all directions (often more in one than all the others :-), her breath is "intense", maybe she made a little morning-gas, she's relaxed, comfortable and READY... "Hoooneeey..." she moans. Total YUMMIE! ... THAT's so perfect for a soooft morning-passion... after which you cuddle and slumber off again...

Considering the above statement of dear little Hank as true, here is my answer: Remember, you have officially announced your deep affection for her "Little imperfections"! So,

Bionca in the middle: A poem

Hanky loves you cranky,
Sesame likes you sane.
Goto him when danky,
Dine with me neaten.
Bionca, you never (really) wane!

[Bionca]

I just got some pretty stunningly bad news about a friend. I think I'm going to take some time to get my head clear. I've posted the details on my blog, and don't really want to rehash it here....

[sesame]

I'm so sorry for your friend!
Shame often paves the way for miscarriage of justice. Now the rapist will be so much encouraged. He will be confident to commit the same crime again and again like a man-eating Tiger! And he was her lover in the past! That is so cruel and disgusting! Its feels like a Horrendous Betrayal! It is such an agony to know every moment that the tormentor is not a stranger but someone very close. Its nauseating!

This is not good at all.

[CreativeMind]

Bionca, I think I can speak for everyone when I say we hope your friend will be all right. In the end, some sense of justice would always be fitting and nice, but the most important thing is her health and well-being long term. So all our concern, sympathies, and best wishes go out to her right now....

[hankhavelock]

Originally Posted by Bionca

I just got some pretty stunningly bad news about a friend. I think I'm going to take some time to get my head clear. I've posted the details on my blog, and don't really want to rehash it here....

You and your friend have my fullest sympathy. However, this is just the ESSENCE of society's approach to transsexual people - extreme, yes, but still mainstream. In the end they don't give a f***.

Can we change that attitude? Maybe... in a hundred years in China..., eventually!

We're on our own - hence the necessity to stick together.

Blogs and books are good media to tell the horrific (as well as beautiful) things...

Take time to get your head clear, Bionca, and in the meantime make sure that you can defend yourself against the trans-haters around us... don't end up like my friend Mel who was beaten up by a dozen street-kids just for being a beautiful trans-woman...

[Bionca]

Thanks guys. I feel really honored that you all chose to comment here I'm still pretty wigged out and pissed off. But, my friend is ok and her current bf (who was out of town on a job not MIA as reported) is with her and is being a pretty swell falla.

[GRH]

Bionca, very sorry to hear about your friend. It is ashame how trans people are so often marginalized by law enforcement-- I can see why your friend would not report the rape.

[sesame]

Originally Posted by GRH

I can see why your friend would not report the rape.

What can you see? Tell me. Apart from shame and fear, what valid reason is there?

[GRH]

Originally Posted by sesame

What can you see? Tell me. Apart from shame and fear, what valid reason is there?

You hit the nail on the head with your first two statements of the clause. Fear and shame are the single most valid reasons. A transwoman, living in stealth, doesn't want to bring extra attention to herself. Bringing rape charges inevitably involves a trial, and that means having your own character, as the key witness, assasinated and drug through the mud. No longer are you the anonymous woman who wants to blend in, you become the sideshow freak of the courtroom circus. I'm not saying that this is optimal, but that's just life. You'll be painted as an abberrant, probably as a prostitute, and every other negative connotation that can be thought up. I wish it wasn't this way, but there are SO many cases of law enforcement, and justice alike, of completely marginalizing and ignoring trans-related crimes.

[sesame]

How about the physical evidence? How can they go unnoticed? The semen samples, the bloody orifices, the bruises, the battered head or black eyes ... ... are they reminiscent of fun and party?

If nobody stands up against the criminals, forget justice forever.

[ila]

Originally Posted by sesame

How about the physical evidence? How can they go unnoticed? The semen samples, the bloody orifices, the bruises, the battered head or black eyes ... ... are they reminiscent of fun and party?

If nobody stands up against the criminals, forget justice forever.

Originally Posted by GRH

Fear and shame are the single most valid reasons. A transwoman, living in stealth, doesn't want to bring extra attention to herself. Bringing rape charges inevitably involves a trial, and that means having your own character, as the key witness, assasinated and drug through the mud.

GRH has a very good point. Fear and shame are pretty powerful inhibitors when a court system is so adversarial that the person who is the victim can be made out to be the one whose fault it is that the crime happened in the first place.

It is this system that allows criminals to escape justice and the justice system cannot function as it should.

[Dutch_88]

Does any of you know if there are any sweet T-girls in Holland?
I can't seem to find any...

[Bionca]

GRH.. pretty much exactly what you said is true with her. It's like a lesbian couple I know who were TOTALLY closeted. Their house was on fier and they spent time messing up the sheets in the guest room so that the firemen wouldn't know they were shareing a bed.

I don't blame her for her decision, and chances are I'd make the same one. It sucks but that's pretty much how the system was for GGs 50 years agot too..

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by Dutch_88

Does any of you know if there are any sweet T-girls in Holland?
I can't seem to find any...

Depends on what you are looking for? I know for fact that Amsterdam has a HUGE active population.

[sesame]

Originally Posted by Bionca

It's like a lesbian couple I know who were TOTALLY closeted. Their house was on fier and they spent time messing up the sheets in the guest room so that the firemen wouldn't know they were shareing a bed.

It sounds like a spy story! Keep your head cool in emergency and fix some last minute flips so that the relationship is safe and secure! Its living with constant fear! What will the neighbours say about us? What if we are exposed! Oh no! What now!

Originally Posted by Hank

make sure that you can defend yourself against the trans-haters around us... don't end up like my friend Mel who was beaten up by a dozen street-kids just for being a beautiful trans-woman...

What kind of a society of psychopaths is that? "I will Beat you up just because I dont like the color of your eyes!" These people need psychiatric help! Their place is in some Lunatic Asylum.

[Bionca]

In many ways living "stealth" is living in fear. Also in many ways it is the only way to secure personal safely. The down side is, you monitor EVERYTHING you do and say down to reflexes like coughing, laughing, clearing your throat, yelling, walking, standing...

It translates into the common conceptions of Transwomen being "more feminine than genetic women". For many of us we wrap ourselves in "femininity" as a safety blanket. Better to go too far than not far enough I guess.

It took me some time to be comfortable enough with myself and my body to simply be me - which oddly was the goal all along. In some ways during the journey to authenticity I lost some of "me" and it took some time to get all of her back.

[sesame]

It took me some time to be comfortable enough with myself and my body to simply be me - which oddly was the goal all along. In some ways during the journey to authenticity I lost some of "me" and it took some time to get all of her back.

Explain more please!

In many ways living "stealth" is living in fear. Also in many ways it is the only way to secure personal safely. The down side is, you monitor EVERYTHING you do and say down to reflexes like coughing, laughing, clearing your throat, yelling, walking, standing...

But that would require a Tg to give up the originality of herself and put on an artificial mask of pretence. And she will have to go on acting round the clock until she retires to bed! Is that kind of life comfortable? It sounds very tiring and full of mental strain.

[sesame]

On 2nd thoughts, acting is more or less a factor common of life.

A holy man once told me that we are all pretending most of the time. We are performing in front of our relatives, friends and even to ourselves!

[ila]

Originally Posted by sesame

A holy man once told me that we are all pretending most of the time. We are performing in front of our relatives, friends and even to ourselves!

Interesting sesame. Did he expand on this statement or just leave it at that? The part about performing to ourselves is very intriguing. I think you may be on to a theme for a new thread.

[sesame]

We hide our real thoughts and feelings from everyone. We are afraid or ashamed of other people, or may be we dont want to hurt them. So we put up an appearance of happiness and harmony even though our opinions dont concur.

"Doubt whom you will, but never yourself."
If we doubt our own beliefs, we can no longer continue with our lives in a usual manner. There will be a great conflict or mental breakdown. To avoid this, the mind, which is a conglomerate of thoughts, and quite inventive, adapts a strategy to continue usual life. It starts pretending to itself and starts denying the disrupting issues, as if they dont exist. It is with great control over the mind, can we dare to face the Reality of ourselves.

There is constant strife inside every one of us! Thats what the Holy man said.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by sesame

Explain more please!
But that would require a Tg to give up the originality of herself and put on an artificial mask of pretence. And she will have to go on acting round the clock until she retires to bed! Is that kind of life comfortable? It sounds very tiring and full of mental strain.

In a nutshell, I think lots of TGs initially go in an extreemly "feminine" way of being - "more feminine than 'real girls'". It helps to think of this as a second puberty - think how teenage girls act once they start to come into their own womanhood trying on the social roles and the affectations of "femininity". Lots of Tgs do the same thing in part to secure their identity and in part to make sure that people will see them as the correct gender. I sure did.

Eventually, like our genetic sisters, we eventually come into our own ways of being women. For some of us it remains a fery hyper feminine presentation, some very demure, some overtly sexual, but most are comfortably just gals. It's all about finding comfort.

For me specifically, I left behind some of the things that interested me as a young boy/man. I stopped reading comic books and playing video games because "girls didn't do that stuff". I stopped riding my skateboard for teh same reason. Then I just said to hell with it. I'll be a tall gal who trucks to the comic book store on her skateboard. Fun times those!!


Yes indeed it does mean that a stealthed TG gives up some freedom and expression. That level of self censorship can eventually take an emotional toll. Just ask a gay person who has been closeted for 50 years and finally "comes out" how much more free they feel.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by sesame

On 2nd thoughts, acting is more or less a factor common of life.

A holy man once told me that we are all pretending most of the time. We are performing in front of our relatives, friends and even to ourselves!

My old therapist practiced what she called Psychodrama. In essence the branch of Psychology says that everyone plays different roles in their life (worker, son/daughter, husband/wife, friend etc.). None of these roles is the authentic person, but are a part of the authentic person. The key is to make sure all of the roiles one plays in life are in harmony and not at odds with the other.

[sesame]

What is this Psychodrama? Role playing?

Example:

Jim is a son to his father Mathew (my boy)
Jim is husband to his wife Sweetie (C'mon honey!)
Jim is a father to his son Jack (dad!)
Jim is a buddy to his friend Jacob! (dude)
Again, Jim is an employee to his boss Jaguar (Idiot!)
Jim is "sweetheart" to his secret love, Janet (Aaaaaha!)
Jim is "bastard" to his ex lover Amanda! (that lying scoundrel)

If Jim is so many, then who is he to himself? Just me???
How does he manage or handle so many roles?

[chrisraid3]

i am new to this page too and looking for man woman or tgirl lol

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by sesame

What is this Psychodrama? Role playing?

Example:

Jim is a son to his father Mathew (my boy)
Jim is husband to his wife Sweetie (C'mon honey!)
Jim is a father to his son Jack (dad!)
Jim is a buddy to his friend Jacob! (dude)
Again, Jim is an employee to his boss Jaguar (Idiot!)
Jim is "sweetheart" to his secret love, Janet (Aaaaaha!)
Jim is "bastard" to his ex lover Amanda! (that lying scoundrel)

If Jim is so many, then who is he to himself? Just me???
How does he manage or handle so many roles?

There is some role-playing involved - yes. Most of Jim's roles are probably in harmony with eachother, so his conflict and anxiety would be found within the roles that are not in harmony (like husband and secret lover). Having a dialogue in a safe place between the two roles can help to twease out an authentic relationship between the two, or help to better define one or the other, or even help to end a role that is causing problems.

This absolutely helped me to integrate my past as a boy/man and my life as a woman as well as figure out how I internalized being a "boy" with the identity of a "girl".

[Dutch_88]

You should dedicate a topic to the Dutch transsexual "Kelly van der Veer". Does anyone know her? She's beautiful!

[hankhavelock]

U guys are light years above my "pay grade"... cannot follow all that psycho therapeutic stuff... but that's just ME! To me transsexual issues have always been and will always be what I can relate to on a personal level / and to me that's "hands on" literally. When I let my fingers run over her back in the morning and she turns in bed, opens her eyes and smiles at me, opens her arms and we kiss for ever...

Sure, let me at some time do my PhD in all this, but the important thing to me is all the love I meet. Blended in with all the pain. The combined beauty of transsexuality as I've met it.

Less than three meters from here lies the most amazing woman - so excuse me for not just dealing with academics :-) Her pleasure and smile is 1000 times more important ;-)

Gotta run...

Peace!

H

[Bionca]

I adore you Hank

It's rather like when your friend said she needed to accept her masculinity first. I just did mine with a therapist.

[sesame]

Hank is the happiest man that ever walked on earth.
He is full of joy, most of the time.
It seems to me that happiness is
spreading from him like fragrance
in all directions.

[sesame]

Originally Posted by bionca

This absolutely helped me to integrate my past as a boy/man and my life as a woman as well as figure out how I internalized being a "boy" with the identity of a "girl".

But you always thought of yourself as a girl! What extra help did the therapist offer? ... Relax, lie down on that sofa, close your eyes... tell me your thoughts, your dreams...

Who prescribes the 'mones? Is it the therapist or some other doc? A therapist is some sort of a psychiatrist, I think?

[sesame]

Who is the tallest, fairest and wittiest of them all?








Now then, where does that little fairy disappear from time to time?

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by sesame

But you always thought of yourself as a girl! What extra help did the therapist offer? ... Relax, lie down on that sofa, close your eyes... tell me your thoughts, your dreams...

Who prescribes the 'mones? Is it the therapist or some other doc? A therapist is some sort of a psychiatrist, I think?

I did always feel that I was a girl. The therapist helped to ease my anxiety about how my body would change and also to ake peace with my male body before I transitioned.

Sometimes a Psych will prescribe the 'mones. In my case it was/is an endocrynologist. Seeing a medical doctor during transition is crucial to monitor the liver and kidneys and to check for any blood clots that high levels of Estrogen can cause.

[sesame]

What is this Sexism issue that keep coming up in your Laughingriot blog? Do you prefer to single out men, women, lesbian women, gay men, m2f and f2m and suggest that each remain in their respective bounderies? I am confused.

[c.schinger]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that.

If you're ever in Boston, MA...do look me up! I'll show you a great time around!

CS

[thebondj007]

Dont Worry Bionca....things will eventually unravel and work themselves out. When you stop looking, thinks kinda come to you. Life is weird like that.

[fuckshemaleass]

look and up,thx

[ladylover]

Originally Posted by Bionca

Well, I was living in Chicago until the breakup, now I'm back home in the middle of Ohio switching between my brother and a friend's houses. I'll be moving to either LA or Miami soon though depending on which job I'll be taking.

Small world! I'm from the "middle" of Ohio also. About 15 minutes Southeast of Columbus. If I was single, I'd date you. But, I'm happy! Good luck to you.

I think that some people are pre-disposed to a certain gender. It's one thing to have a pretty face and look .like your mother, but, for instance, I have a foot fetish, so I have noticed, some, t-girls have very thin, dainty wrists and ankles, and very feminine feet and hands.

Some t-girls' bodies are already very feminine. So, they must be more femlae than male in their genetic make-up.

Hi Biona (and all), I just read through this entire thread, and hope you do not mind me posting here. First, I want to say I hope your friend is recovering okay, Bionca. It's great to hear her b/f was there for her.

Second, I hope you will forgive me for this, Bionca, but the guy you mentioned who "liked you too much" is a FORMER Marine, not an "ex-Marine." As a former Marine myself, I have to alert you to the fact that "once a Marine, always a Marine."

Third, from reading this thread I have come to the conclusion that you are an amazing woman. Highly intelligent, a great sense of humor, incredibly beautiful, warm and kind-hearted. Your bit of self-effacement is attractive as hell because I truly get the sense that it's real and not something you do to to "fish for compliments." Your confession of being a "geeky girl" also gets "points" with me, even though I know you're not trying to "score" any. (And if you'd like to take that as a double entendre then you are most welcome to do so!)

Any guy would be extraordinarily lucky to win your heart. I do hope the best for you in all aspects of your life: especially in love. I am 37 and still looking for my "soulmate" but I know I can't give up because the minute I do the right girl will pass me by.

You seem like one of "the good guys" (and I am employing that phrase as part of the vernacular).

Well, count me as another "fan" here. Sorry I am so long-winded, I have a B.A. in English, and I love to write.

All the best, and thank you for sharing so much of your time and your self here with us. and and
Rob

[The Conquistador]

For me, the attraction to a ts is one of personal courage and independence. Obviously you don't give a damn about what other people think and want to live life as you see fit. It also shows that you have a strong will and determination and there is nothing more attractive than a woman who can fight off the world and still keep her head up high in the face of opposition. That's what I like about ts. They tend to have a stronger character than a gg because they have experienced so much crap and hardship and come out a better person because of it.

[BBboySingle]

Hi Bionica, First i must say it you are truly beautiful no doubt about it, i truly hope that some day you will be able to find the guy who's perfect for you and some that will understand, it is true that we men have the fantasy to be whit a t-gilr but some do understand and wouldn't mind that you weren't born as a girl but no matter the past what matters is the present and the future your beautiful and strong hang in there

[O'Sully TS Hopeful]

Bionca I think that you are GORGEOUS and deserve the man in the world. I know that if was still a hetero man then I would give you all the love and respect that you deserve. Too bad I want to be a tgirl so bad otherwise maybe we could've hooked up.

[Limegirl]

Originally Posted by TheAngryPostman

For me, the attraction to a ts is one of personal courage and independence. Obviously you don't give a damn about what other people think and want to live life as you see fit. It also shows that you have a strong will and determination and there is nothing more attractive than a woman who can fight off the world and still keep her head up high in the face of opposition. That's what I like about ts. They tend to have a stronger character than a gg because they have experienced so much crap and hardship and come out a better person because of it.

Yes, that is very true, we TS-girls have going through many rough experiences to make our bodys fit our inner picture of ourselves as women, we are women born in male bodies and that is an unmiagble tradegy for us.
We had to fight the societys prejudies, live in fear of violence, harazzments, contempt or at least total lack of understanding for our situation.
That fact makes me furius, I dont hurt anyone, leave me alone and let me live my life, why should this be so provocatice to many people? havent they other things to do then putting their noses in things that not are of their concern?
This is not a sexual thing, transexualism, its about life and death.
I want true love and respect and the best thing to achive this is to fit in the mainstream society so much as possible.
I want to have an naturale female approach, not an unaturale approach like many transvestites have with vulgar clothes, make up and offensive manners, looking like ugly hookers on the street.
/Limegirl

[rastarzan]

thats the way it is but in the end it is worth isnt it

[Limegirl]

Originally Posted by rastarzan

thats the way it is but in the end it is worth isnt it

Yes, its worth EVERYTHING.., its a question of life and death for me...

[ila]

Originally Posted by Limegirl

This is not a sexual thing, transexualism, its about life and death.
I want true love and respect and the best thing to achive this is to fit in the mainstream society so much as possible.
I want to have an naturale female approach, not an unaturale approach like many transvestites have with vulgar clothes, make up and offensive manners, looking like ugly hookers on the street.
/Limegirl

You want respect but you aren't willing to give any. You seem to have a vendetta against transvestites. To get respect you must give others respect.

[lucifer8]

Okay Bionca, Lets Date And ,if We Like Each Other, Get Married.