Battered women, lots of help, battered tgirls...

[johndowe]

Hi there.

When a gg woman gets battered, everybody sides with her, and the man is always at fault, or so they say, the fact that she bitched for 2 whole hours before she got battered is totally forgotten if it is ever mentionned, but i digress, BTW i nerver hit any of my g/f's not that i didn't feel like it at times.

But what about tgirls in abusive relationships?

Where can they go what can they do?

And the cops, think it's funny, big help they turn out to be.

If they have no where to go, that would explain why so many get killed by their lovers.

So i think that if there are some organisations that help battered tgirls, it would be a good thing for them to know.

Do battered women's shelters accept tgirls?

JohnDowe.

[british_boy]

I abhor violence against women...

I can imagine that some ignorant thugs justify their actions by saying that t-girls are "freaks" or "just blokes with tits", and it makes me very sad and angry. The truth is that these brutes probably beat up t-girls because they can't deal with their own sexuality and lash out.

My filipina girlfriend is a TS, and the thought of raising my hand to her makes me feel sick. But she has a (sweet but foolish) friend who is constantly being roughed up by her idiot filipino boyfriend. The frustrating thing is that there's nothing I can do about it, but I've told my girlfriend (who also hates him) to keep me away from him when I visit at Christmas because I'm likely to break his nasty, cowardly face. (Yes, I realise that violence doesn't solve violence, but how else would he get his comeuppance in this world?)

I would fully advocate and support a charity supporting TS victims of domestc violence.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

That is why i started this thread, not for myself, i am not a tgirl nor am i in an abusive relationship, but as Bionca pointed out lots of tgirls get killed by their lovers, if they know where they can go if they get abused, they may get help and get out of the abusive relationship and not get killed.


But as for the guy who killed his tg g/f, he only found out she was a tgirl after 2 years, BULLSHIT, she pissed him off a bit and didn't care and killed her, MURDER, DEATH PENALTY.

JohnDowe.

[Bionca]

Domestic Violence (DV) shelters in the US and Canada are usually privately operated charities with some assistance from the gov't. Being private, they are able to restrict their services as they choose. Sadly, it is very common for shelters to offer no place for trans women (homeless and emergency shelters as well). Some are very supportive and house trans women, but a majority do not.

When criticized for this lack of support the reasons given are that a penis may bring up anxiety/fear to some of the women, or the fear that a violent man would pretend to be trans to get at the women. Essentially it boils down to SOME women's potential ick or problems with trans women is more important than the actual safety of trans women.

The other reason given is that shelters are poorly funded on donations with very little help from the state. This is true. The proposed solution is to have trans-specific shelters. There is one major problem with that. The trans population is so small and spread out that even in cities with large populations of Trans women (NY, Vancouver, LA) there still isn't enough of a population to fund these services (Drs and administration is not cheep). That's not even counting that fact that trans women largely are underemployed compared to the general population with the same education levels.

Police handling of trans cases are generally abysmal and well known. Most Trans women just try to leave an abusive situation without informing the cops. This leaves their assailant free to find them and revictemize.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Bionca, i appreciate the info and stats, Thank you.

But i was more interested in names of organisations and possible legal help, so that they would know what to do and who to call.

As an example, not that i would wish it onto you or anybody else, but if you Bionca would be in an abusive relationship, what would your options, who would you call, where would you go?

In a way i can understand your reluctance to ansewer me since you don't realy know much about me, but it is because of you that i started this thread in that, you posted those articles about tgirls getting murdered by their lovers, and i took it upon myself to try and help, i never battered any of my g/f's and i don't have an ex that i want to get back with or would want to harm in any way, and i am not asking for specific addresses, but names of organisations that can and do help girls like you.

JohnDowe.

[Bionca]

Because the organizations are all private and there isn't a national registry of DV shelters - for safety reason that is public, I couln't direct anyone to a trans friendly shelter.

Personally, if I were in that situation right now - I would be completely without assistance. There are 2 DV shelters in the city and 3 homeless shelters. Neither DV shelter would be willing to take me. The one homeless shelter is for women and children won't house me. The two other homeless shelters are mixed m/f. Both of these shelters have a trans policy that houses trans women with the group that matches their genitalia. I'd be housed with the men.

When I was assaulted, I called a friend who called the cops. The cops lectured me on being honest about what I was and then went to find the guy. I knew his name and phone number - somehow he was never found. I think the "helpful warning" was enough public service for those officers.

That was a pretty horrible time. The assault and not knowing what was going on. I trusted that the cops would get him, so didn't really push it. I was also afraid that the cops would be shitty to me again - so I just let it be and eventually moved to a new city (many reasons for that move though)

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Well, that's sad to say the least, i am sorry to hear that you were assaulted, and that the cops were such a great disappointment, but it isn't a big surprise though, and i hope thing are better for you.

I am a tv but not a trans woman, and i am a bit frustrated with these facts, it kinda feels as though no one cares about trans women and what happens to them, i always say the world is a cold place but it seems it's not going to get any warmer any time soon, global warming doesn't seem to affect the human condition very much either.

...

At the moment i am a bit at a loss for words...

JohnDowe.

[suebone]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Well, that's sad to say the least, i am sorry to hear that you were assaulted, and that the cops were such a great disappointment, but it isn't a big surprise though, and i hope thing are better for you.

I am a tv but not a trans woman, and i am a bit frustrated with these facts, it kinda feels as though no one cares about trans women and what happens to them, i always say the world is a cold place but it seems it's not going to get any warmer any time soon, global warming doesn't seem to affect the human condition very much either.

...

At the moment i am a bit at a loss for words...

JohnDowe.

Good info coming from all post u r getting.went thru a lot of this.

o look in this post; Under General Discussion. for :Small tits skinny girls:
thread line #8 bottom right picture, very close to what my sister & I look like.
sis has lighter straight hair I have lighter natural curley hair.w/dark tans at this time. Have fun, sue b

[johndowe]

Originally Posted by suebone

Good info coming from all post u r getting.went thru a lot of this.

o look in this post; Under General Discussion. for :Small tits skinny girls:
thread line #8 bottom right picture, very close to what my sister & I look like.
sis has lighter straight hair I have lighter natural curley hair.w/dark tans at this time. Have fun, sue b

Hi there.

Is this the pic?

If it is you two are realy cute.



JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

I was thinking, is there any centers for battered gay men, or a center for gay bashing victims that could also help tgirls?


JohnDowe.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

I was thinking, is there any centers for battered gay men, or a center for gay bashing victims that could also help tgirls?


JohnDowe.

Not very many centers for gay men, and that's a problem on its own.

From my perspective, I would not have been comfortable after my assault being with gay men. A men's shelter could have let in my attacker had he decided to claim abuse. There was a case in the UK where a lesbian went to a DV shelter and her abusive partner followed and gained entry for 2 hours before being escorted out. That would have devastated me. Also, gay men are not exactly welcoming to trans women. In fact many of them are pretty hostile

[johndowe]

Hi there.

I know that 99% of gay men are only interested in men sexually, and 1% is interested in tgirls, only to look straight, my stats are far from official.

But what about the gay pride thing, they only invite tgirls to get more floats in the parade? nothing else?

What about the Gay Lesbian and Trans thing is that also shadows without substance, and words without meanings?


JohnDowe.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

I know that 99% of gay men are only interested in men sexually, and 1% is interested in tgirls, only to look straight, my stats are far from official.

But what about the gay pride thing, they only invite tgirls to get more floats in the parade? nothing else?

What about the Gay Lesbian and Trans thing is that also shadows without substance, and words without meanings?


JohnDowe.

It wouldn't be an issue of feeling threatened by gay men. It would be an issue of my assailant being able to access freely the place where I was supposed to be safe.

There are a number of Gay Pride parades that don't invite trans groups to march, arrest trans women for using the women's restrooms (London Pride), make it very clear that trans group representation should be small and silent.

There is not a lot of harmony politically between G&L groups and Trans groups. Trans people have been used to inflate hate crimes statistics to pass legislation that does not protect us because including us would be "too controversial".

[johndowe]

Hi there.

This is after the "uktony" thing, just so you know (Bionca), and i AM leaving that there, hope you do the same.

So you girls are left fo fend for yourselves no mater what happens...

Not good.


Maby taking martial arts lessons might help?

Like Judo, karate, kung-fu etc.

You could defend yourselves, and anyone that hits a woman is a coward, you fighting back would make him back off and let you leave.

JohnDowe.

[franalexes]

John,
are you the guy that felt me up in a bar and I kicked him in the nuts and made a suprano out of him?

[johndowe]

Hi there.

fran, as i stated i want to leave the Uktony thing in the Uktony thread, OK.

If you want an ansewer post this in the Uktony thread.

JohnDowe.

[suebone]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Is this the pic?

If it is you two are realy cute.

Attachment 129449

JohnDowe.

Hi Peter .that's the one. thanks;
sue b
( allways short and sweet )

[johndowe]

Hi there.

First bit of good news today.


JohhDowe, and for you sue, Peter.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

This is after the "uktony" thing, just so you know (Bionca), and i AM leaving that there, hope you do the same.

So you girls are left fo fend for yourselves no mater what happens...

Not good.


Maby taking martial arts lessons might help?

Like Judo, karate, kung-fu etc.

You could defend yourselves, and anyone that hits a woman is a coward, you fighting back would make him back off and let you leave.

JohnDowe.

What happens in one thread says there. No feelings carried over from another thread.

Yes, self defense can and does help. I grew up a tiny boy in rural America - I had to learn how to be scrappy. I took some kick boxing as I transitioned. I don't know how much it would reduce the cases of DV among trans women, but I do think that more classes targeted at specific groups with in trans communities would be helpful.

Actually some friends were blogging and chatting about this very thing.

Sorry I didn't respond to this sooner - but this topic is really hard for me to discuss sometimes.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

When i stated that i was at a loss for words, it was because i was feeling a bit chocked up about the blatant disregard for tgirls and their safety.

So i understand, even if my perspective is different than yours.

Also, i didn't start this thread to make you or anybody else feel bad, but to address the problem of domestic violence against tgirls.

But about battered gay shelters, if he wanted to find you there, he would have to say that he was gay, so, wouldn't that be samewhat of a deterrant?


As for not responding sooner, well if you couldn't earlyer, you couldn't, but if you post in a thread you should go back and see if it got responded to, i responded to a few of your posts and never got any ansewers.

And if you think i am one of the guys that needs to be swatted, tell me, i won't like it, but i will respect your wishes.


JohnDowe.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

When i stated that i was at a loss for words, it was because i was feeling a bit chocked up about the blatant disregard for tgirls and their safety.

So i understand, even if my perspective is different than yours.

Also, i didn't start this thread to make you or anybody else feel bad, but to address the problem of domestic violence against tgirls.

But about battered gay shelters, if he wanted to find you there, he would have to say that he was gay, so, wouldn't that be samewhat of a deterrant?


As for not responding sooner, well if you couldn't earlyer, you couldn't, but if you post in a thread you should go back and see if it got responded to, i responded to a few of your posts and never got any ansewers.

And if you think i am one of the guys that needs to be swatted, tell me, i won't like it, but i will respect your wishes.


JohnDowe.

John - I swat any who need it, don't worry about that

Yes, this topic is hard for me. However, if it was too hard to talk about I wouldn't have commented. No need to explain your motivations on starting this thread. I think you are honestly trying to get to a solution or process ideas. Which brings me to...

Yes, if the guy wanted to get to me he would have to tell someone he was gay. This might stop some guys, but I don't think many. Heck, guys used to "play gay" to get out of the draft. I would imagine it would be even less of a problem claim gayness to intimidate a T-girl into not pressing charges or to finish the job if your intention was to kill her.

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Well, the more i look the more i see that things are difficult for you, but, you seem to be a bit more of a fighter than most trans women, maby you should address this problem with other trans women until a few of them start something to help all trans women, and i realy think it should be started by a trans woman, if only for the trust of confidenciality of status and they could also help "fledgeling" trans women with id and other things, like attitude, make-up, feminine deportement, psychologists, etc., making the trans women community stronger and more freindly.

JohnDowe.

[suebone]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Well, the more i look the more i see that things are difficult for you, but, you seem to be a bit more of a fighter than most trans women, maby you should address this problem with other trans women until a few of them start something to help all trans women, and i realy think it should be started by a trans woman, if only for the trust of confidenciality of status and they could also help "fledgeling" trans women with id and other things, like attitude, make-up, feminine deportement, psychologists, etc., making the trans women community stronger and more freindly.

JohnDowe.

John,it is very difficult for the most of us.
we take 2 steps forword and get knocked back 3
it's good to see Bionca is a fighter, some of us are not but should be
sue b
(short & sweet)

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by johndowe

Hi there.

Well, the more i look the more i see that things are difficult for you, but, you seem to be a bit more of a fighter than most trans women, maby you should address this problem with other trans women until a few of them start something to help all trans women, and i realy think it should be started by a trans woman, if only for the trust of confidenciality of status and they could also help "fledgeling" trans women with id and other things, like attitude, make-up, feminine deportement, psychologists, etc., making the trans women community stronger and more freindly.

JohnDowe.

Those are all very good ideas, and I know lots of places the offer self defense training for trans women. There are also some support groups etc. However, transland is not always a nice place and a real community of trans people is only really beginning to form. We need stability and funding as well as those who are willing to help.

[johndowe]

Originally Posted by suebone

John,it is very difficult for the most of us.
we take 2 steps forword and get knocked back 3
it's good to see Bionca is a fighter, some of us are not but should be
sue b
(short & sweet)

Hi there.

That is why i started this thread, as a way to help battered trans women, but as we (Bionca and I mostly) discussed the mater it became apparent to me that there HAS TO BE someone that has to speak out and unite the tg comunity into a more cohesive comunity than it is now, right now it is composed of a mass of individuals that do their own thing without any feedback or regards for their fellow sisters, doing your own thing isn't a bad thing in itself, but when there is no real comunity and there is a need for one as ther is here and now, it is not the best way to do things.

Take women's lib movement, it never realy got much respect and didn't accomplish much, why?

Because the leaders were disorganised and some women said some realy stupid thing under the banner of women's lib and the movement lost a lot of credibility.

When there is unity within a comunity, the comunity is well percieved and seen as worthy of respect, but if the comunity is fighting within it's self there is no unity and those who see it get a skewd view of it and they miss the big picture for the petty arguments that they saw.

Within the tg there are petty arguments over almost insignifcant things, like the "real girl" term which is a semantics problem rather than comunity problem, when someone uses the "real girl" to distinguish between a trans woman and a genetic woman, it is for the lack of a better term, or the ignorance of a better therm and the lazyness of looking for one, but it is such a petty thing and yet it divides the tg comunity the same is true for many other terms, and until these petty differences are solved there will not be any (very much needed) unity in the tg comunity, this is the "power of words" it can unite people togather and it can also divide them, that is why a strong leader HAS to emerge, and it HAS to be a member of the comunity a trans woman, but she has to have the support of her fellow sisters and the other member of the comunity, like transvestites, and those who like trans women porn and trans women as long term lovers, but there is a LONG way to go, it won't happen overnight, but there HAS TO BE UNITY, a majority that will assert itself by the members for the members, so that we will be accepted by the other groups, until then we are all individuals with our voice beeing scatered to the 4 winds.

And Sue, if you aren't a fighter, it isn't necesariy a bad thing, and knowing ones strengths and weaknesses is a good thing because you will know waht you can and can't do, as most great generals know, a war isn't won with warriors alone, there are other things that are as important, the warriors have to be fed and suplied with ammo, they have to be able to communicate with the leaders in order to be more effective in battle etc.

I speak in minitary terms because it is a fight we are fighing, a fight to be heard and be accepted and not discriminated against, it is a fight that has to be won, but winning is not that hard, it will take time, and losing is almost not possible, but losing credibility to the point as to being laughing stocks would be the ultimate defeat.

JohnDowe.

[johndowe]

Originally Posted by Bionca

Those are all very good ideas, and I know lots of places the offer self defense training for trans women. There are also some support groups etc. However, transland is not always a nice place and a real community of trans people is only really beginning to form. We need stability and funding as well as those who are willing to help.

Hi there.

That's good but, is the information made avaliable within the community?

Is there someone that keeps track of those things and where they can go if they need to talk to someone, not necessarily a professionnal but a freindly ear, sometimes the simplest things can make the most difference.

JohnDowe.

For those that are near a major college or university, there is typically an on campus organization that can provide support and counseling. Sometimes even shelter. Here are a few I’m familiar with:

http://spectrumcenter.umich.edu/
http://www.indiana.edu/~glbt/blmgroups1.htm
http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~ally/about.htm

In Detroit, there is the Ruth Ellis Center:

http://www.ruthelliscenter.com/index.htm


Yeah, I’m a “Boilermaker,” “Wolverine,” and “Hoosier.” LOL! What a combination!

[johndowe]

Hi there.

Thanks for the info, but...

Do those organisations help everyone or just students at the university?

And what is the extent of services extended to battered women and trans women?

JohnDowe.

My understanding is that they would help anyone. The Ruth Ellis center is a "shelter" in Detroit that specifically assists LGBT young people. I'm sure other major cities have something similar. Back when I was a student at Purdue, the on campus organization was called the "Gay Alliance." Now most, if not all of them, have broadened their definitions to include the transgender community.

At least these places offer a starting point for someone seeking help.

[Kimmy_t]

Originally Posted by Bionca

Essentially it boils down to SOME women's potential ick or problems with trans women is more important than the actual safety of trans women.

I've been refused access to a women-only child-abuse support group for the same reason.

Hey, we're just mutants, a dude with breasts 's all I am.

[SandraB]

Originally Posted by Kimmy_t

I've been refused access to a women-only child-abuse support group for the same reason.

Hey, we're just mutants, a dude with breasts 's all I am.

Hi all.

Hey, we all get frustrated at times but the thing that COUNTS is how we deal with it.

Also sometimes you have to take a stand and not take no for an ansewer.


Sandra.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by SandraB

Hi all.

Hey, we all get frustrated at times but the thing that COUNTS is how we deal with it.

Also sometimes you have to take a stand and not take no for an ansewer.


Sandra.

Unfortunately, times when one needs shelter and support from DV is not usually the time one CAN make a stand like this. Also, legal precedent is not on our side in this matter.