dream came true - now what

[horizontal]

we have all been there....we have an ideal girl in mind,and we know exactly what we are going to do and how its going to turn out

but it never actually happens

and then it did. dream girl in every respect gets me into bed and the rest is fantastic - but why did she do it - and what happens now?

a bit more information but forgive the secrecy - i do not want to blow this one....i'm a mid forties healthy well built (in a sporty way) guy, not bad looking (so the ladies say), and with a family behind me but still in my life, so i limit my activities to absolute discretion and nobody i know knows what i like and what i do occasionally. disgustingly rich but keep it very well hidden

she is twenties and drop dead gorgeous, petite, looks like a girl when she wants to be a boy, clever, sorted mentally (unlike many),

she is filipina and working and studying in uk.

so why does she want to go out with me? she is surrounded by the london tranny world with what must look like much better prospects, younger, fitter, better looking, more likely partners - i cant ever be a long term prospect and i cant leave the rest of my life behind, which i would have to do, and she knows this

and i have no idea what to do next now that reality has struck -

so the question is, guys'n'gals and inbetweenies, does anyone have any experience of filipina ladyboys living abroad, and what should i be looking out for here - the obvious one is the money bit, but dont let that stop anyone commenting on the money thing - and as i said earlier she wouldnt know anything about what i have - but as her english is so good she may be able to distinguish accents and detect posh.

heeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppppppppppp pppppppp

[hankhavelock]

Originally Posted by horizontal

we have all been there....we have an ideal girl in mind,and we know exactly what we are going to do and how its going to turn out

but it never actually happens

and then it did. dream girl in every respect gets me into bed and the rest is fantastic - but why did she do it - and what happens now?

a bit more information but forgive the secrecy - i do not want to blow this one....i'm a mid forties healthy well built (in a sporty way) guy, not bad looking (so the ladies say), and with a family behind me but still in my life, so i limit my activities to absolute discretion and nobody i know knows what i like and what i do occasionally. disgustingly rich but keep it very well hidden

she is twenties and drop dead gorgeous, petite, looks like a girl when she wants to be a boy, clever, sorted mentally (unlike many),

she is filipina and working and studying in uk.

so why does she want to go out with me? she is surrounded by the london tranny world with what must look like much better prospects, younger, fitter, better looking, more likely partners - i cant ever be a long term prospect and i cant leave the rest of my life behind, which i would have to do, and she knows this

and i have no idea what to do next now that reality has struck -

so the question is, guys'n'gals and inbetweenies, does anyone have any experience of filipina ladyboys living abroad, and what should i be looking out for here - the obvious one is the money bit, but dont let that stop anyone commenting on the money thing - and as i said earlier she wouldnt know anything about what i have - but as her english is so good she may be able to distinguish accents and detect posh.

heeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllpppppppppppppppppppppp pppppppp

Maybe she actually likes you!!!

Seriously, enjoy it and let it take its route. Maybe the London tranny world is not all there is for her - maybe she's just a normal, nice woman who fell for you and wants a normal, nice relationship...

H

[horizontal]

thanks - i will make the most of it.

the real question is ...is there anything i should know about filipina in general - i have a fairly good idea of thai culture and what is and isn't true and too good to be true but no idea about filipina -

any one know what i should know?

[hankhavelock]

Originally Posted by horizontal

thanks - i will make the most of it.

the real question is ...is there anything i should know about filipina in general - i have a fairly good idea of thai culture and what is and isn't true and too good to be true but no idea about filipina -

any one know what i should know?

I think I mistakenly posted my initial answer wrongly... here it is... I'm a bit confused now. BUT Asian ladyboys are neither worse nor better than any one else...

I do know a thing or two about Asian trans-women... and though it by many (not just trans-girls) is considered quite natural that the "rich Westerner" picks up the bill, then it's not so always. Far from.

However, do consider the cultural differences. Southeast Asia is still rather traditional in its views on who makes the money. Female emancipation is on its way up but nowhere nearly as far as in the West. So for many women it is still a goal in itself to find a man who can actually support her (and sometimes her family too).

And there's nothing wrong about that.

However, ofcourse you also find scammers deliberately trying to trick money out of people.

Where your chat friend fits in I obviously don't know, but I can personally and from my honest heart GUARANTEE you that there are so many sweet, wonderful and kind trans-women here in Asia who just long for a REAL relationship with a man who will love her in a normal and honest way.

So may I suggest that you widen your chatting activities and take your time. But be prepared to "pick up the bill" if and when you find a trans-girl you hit it off with. Either by going to visit her or by inviting her to you. Very few Asian transsexual women have the funds needed for travelling.

H

[horizontal]

luckily this girl is in the uk and we met in person

[Bionca]

Well the fact she is the in UK and attending school indicates that she is probably better off financially than the majority of people in the Philippines. She is probably going to school so she can avoid having to depend on men to make a living. She may be in a position where money is tight, and as Hank said, there is a cultural expectation as to the courtship roles (the guys pay etc..)

There is no monolithic Trans* anything, just as there is no monolithic Asian, or European anything. She probably fancies you and that is the sum total of her motives.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by horizontal

i cant ever be a long term prospect and i cant leave the rest of my life behind, which i would have to do, and she knows this

I find this comment interesting. If she is a "dream come true" how is it you cannot be a long term prospect?

[horizontal]

thats part of the issue. the bit of society i come from will never understand the tgirl thing - they just wont. old fashioned, stuck (but happy and content) in their ways etc etc. without doubt they would see this girl as an asian escort or thai bride and no matter how nice she is, and she is very very nice, she would never be accepted as any kind of equal. and if they knew she is a boy - just no chance at all.

in the end all i can be is a godfather type with what i hope will be a happy history but it can never develop into a true relationship

so how does that square with the 'dream come true'...my point was that guys like me dream one day of meeting the perfect girl, which i have done, and did so unintentionally - we just clicked - and we think we know what will happen next, but then it happens and i havent a clue what to do next except to try to make the most of it, be absolutely honest, which i have, and try not to lead her into any false hopes - so given that why on earth would she still be keen!

[Bionca]

Generosity perhaps.

I know I have dated guys who I knew were cowards, not worth my time, or obviously leading some double life where I'd become an embarassment to them. Not saying you are any of these things. Why did I go wih them?

1) I liked them for some reason
2) They needed something in their lives
3) I was feeling particularly nice not in a place where I wanted a relationship.

It is a good thing you are not leading this girl on and you are very lucky that the girl you date is braver than her guys.

[Bionca]

OK I read the last post over again and it's way bitchier sounding than I intended. Without knowing her, the potential that she just likes spending time with you can't be ruled out. Maybe since she's in school she doesn't really have time for something serious. Maybe she does want something serious and thinks that maybe you could eventually like her to the point that you can be serious.

What I feel could become a real problem is all of the omission happening in your life. Your girl doesn't know much about your life, your friends and family don't know much about this part of your life. I've see this happen alot with guys I've seen and mostly with guys my friends see. The end result is often much angst.

Here is a little story - A friend was dating a guy. She knew he was married, was a professional in a high profile position, that there was no chance of them becomming anything other than a part-time discrete affair. She didn't like it, but liked him enough that she was willing to do it. HE fell madly in love with her, he loved everything about her, he couldn't stop thinking about her.

The factors in his life got to the point where he had an emotional breakdown. He went from thinking of my friend as a little something on the side (with a bt extra) - a diversion and temporary at that, to wanting to spend every moment wih her. Because he couldn't reconcile these two parts he snapped.

So be careful with your feelings as well as hers.

[horizontal]

apart from the married bit - divorced but a family to wory about - what you describe is scarily close to where i am.

but if there is a difference, it is that i am telling her that she must in the end find a nice guy (she deserves nothing less) who can let her into his life without reservation- well i am hinting at this strongly.

angst - you said it

[Bionca]

I can easily sympathize with your situation, but it is very difficult to empathize. I am after all coming from the opposite side of this equation. I don;t think you know just how rare is it to find a nice guy who can et us into their lives. Lots of guys say they can, until it happens.

I think it will become important to keep a check of your feelings. Also, keep her feelings in mind as well. I know that the past 2(ish) years being single has lowered my expectations of guys to the point I'm surprised when I get treated with something like respect, and downright dismissive when shown something close to genuine attraction. I simply assume it's a ploy and will be revoked as soon as it becomes too hard or whatever. My fear is that I will become so jaded that I can't allow myself anything. I have seen it in other gals and I really hate it.

So keep your emotions clear - keep your gal in mind and be very clear with your intentions. If you can't be Prince Charming, at least be fair and honest.

[horizontal]

thanks bionca.

have now done exactly that. laid it out face to face, what was possible what was not, why it would be unfair in the long run etc etc.

cleared the air. offered to be fairy godfather as long as she wants, shoulder to cry on, adviser etc - agreed. promised not to pursue her or to be nosy but to be an uncritical sounding board when and if she wants

made it clear how much i liked her and respected her and above all didnt want her to get hurt and perhaps the longer the situation went unresolved, the more hurt she might be, so best to get it straight before it hurts too much, but boy did it hurt me doing it

but now its done. we had a great evening, me free of the double header - you know, the 'wow this girl is great, dont let it stop', contrasting the 'i am being unfair if she doesnt have the whole picture'.

so what now - well.....whatever! still talking, but without forked tongue, meeting up tomorrow - best thing i have ever done. i dont feel duplicitous, i dont feel i am using her, and i know she knows that.

wieght off my mind

[Talvenada]

Originally Posted by horizontal

apart from the married bit - divorced but a family to wory about - what you describe is scarily close to where i am.

but if there is a difference, it is that i am telling her that she must in the end find a nice guy (she deserves nothing less) who can let her into his life without reservation- well i am hinting at this strongly.

angst - you said it

HORIZ and BIONCA:

She knows and understands what you say, but she knows you're crazy about her. Sorry, there is no happy medium for either of you.

The battered spouse doesn't leave that relationship, the woman w/ a man who doesn't want the child/children she does doesn't leave, and a trans girl w/ a steady boyfriend doesn't leave.

BIONCA says one thing about her marine guy, but the advice she gravitated to was the have-a-talk-with-your-guy variety.

Point: she doesn't have a better offer, and those offers are few and far between. How many so-called bi-and-straight guys go completely open w/ having a trans gf?

There's what she wants, what she'll settle for, and what she hopes will happen w/ what she can do to get it.

Now that you can relax, because all of YOUR cards are on the table. I doubt that all of hers are. I've seen relationships that end badly where the guy puts all of HIS cards on the table.

Your situation in her eyes is that your friends, relatives and acquaintances are important to you, which you don't want to lose. That said, you are absolutely and totally gaga over her, and LOVE will happen by continuing to see each other, which she knows.

One little step here, one little step there.


Good luck,


TAL

[horizontal]

thanks...every opinion is helpful

gaga - no - too old and wise, well not completely gaga - gaga under control is probably the best way to put it!

she has put a lot of cards on the table but of course while i think i have the truth and nothing but the truth, i probably dont have the whole truth...yet

as you say, little by little, step by step!