I love you because you're my girl

[Imconfused]

Last night my BF asked me why I love him. I told him because he takes care of home, he's smart, funny, good looking, he's a wonderful father to his kid and my daughter...and I said a few other things..then I asked him why do you love me...He said because you're my girl and the mother of our son..So I have to ask, What kind of answer is that. I am a little upset about that answer. To me he is saying the only reason he loves me is because Im here and he should and only because we have a baby together. In all the times I have asked him, that has been his answer.
Since I am here let me also ask this...We have been together for 2+ years, we have a baby together, we live together etc (everything a married couple has) except I don't have his last name blah blah blah...We were together about 5 months and he said I will marry you to put you on my insurance..I said I want to get married for other reasons not just that reason and he said he loves me. and I said if you really love me and know you want to spend the rest of your life with me...etc.... then yes I will marry you. Nothing ever happened...then about 5 months after he asked, I asked him..well he said no. So I left it alone...Then after our baby was born, yeah I brought it up again. He said he wasn't ready to commit to me. But he was ready to marry me to put me on his insurance after only 5 months of dating.
So why have everything you ever wanted in a woman...A woman who takes care of home. works..takes care of you and the kids..just about does anything and everything for you ...why not commit? He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I don't believe him. What is your opinion???????????????

[mercury]

well the only thing that bugged me aobut what i read was, all i heard was ill marry you so you can be on my insurance..seems that is a given if you get married.. and to me not the reason to marry anyone, i would never saythat andidnt with my wife when she got pregenat..i just knew it was the right thing to do. but he has to love you and want to be with you ..im not married now baby or not its not always the good thing to do in my book.. but this is all just my opinion...

[Imconfused]

Im not saying I want to get married cause we had a baby. I want to get married because im in love with him and love him so much...put aside what he likes....hes incredible and I want to spend the rest of my life with him.
He has said he wants to spend the rest of his life with me as well
In my opinion...when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, you want the rest of your life to begin as soon as possible....

[mobiryder]

guys are insensitive by nature.... and if you've been together long, sometimes the passion is gone, and this causes men to give half-hearted answers.. i bet he loves you just fine, just doesnt feel like telling you

[Imconfused]

seems like the only real time he ever tells me is when I am about to walk out the door.

[mercury]

seems to me he needs to express himself more,, never be afraid to say i love you..

[eranhy]

sometimes the passion is gone, and this causes men to give half-hearted answers..

[BlueRaven88]

Originally Posted by Imconfused

Last night my BF asked me why I love him. I told him because he takes care of home, he's smart, funny, good looking, he's a wonderful father to his kid and my daughter...and I said a few other things..then I asked him why do you love me...He said because you're my girl and the mother of our son..So I have to ask, What kind of answer is that. I am a little upset about that answer. To me he is saying the only reason he loves me is because Im here and he should and only because we have a baby together. In all the times I have asked him, that has been his answer.
Since I am here let me also ask this...We have been together for 2+ years, we have a baby together, we live together etc (everything a married couple has) except I don't have his last name blah blah blah...We were together about 5 months and he said I will marry you to put you on my insurance..I said I want to get married for other reasons not just that reason and he said he loves me. and I said if you really love me and know you want to spend the rest of your life with me...etc.... then yes I will marry you. Nothing ever happened...then about 5 months after he asked, I asked him..well he said no. So I left it alone...Then after our baby was born, yeah I brought it up again. He said he wasn't ready to commit to me. But he was ready to marry me to put me on his insurance after only 5 months of dating.
So why have everything you ever wanted in a woman...A woman who takes care of home. works..takes care of you and the kids..just about does anything and everything for you ...why not commit? He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me but I don't believe him. What is your opinion???????????????

hmmmm kiiiinda sounds to me that hes only keeping you around because hes scared of being alone, scared of admitting to people that he likes shemales, and scared of the fact that he would have to take over and do all those chores instead of you. he also likes having you there because he knows if hes feeling raunchy then he can get a shag whenever he wants and doesn't have to work for it, whereas if he was single he would be limited to jerking off while he was back in the dating game, then he would have to teach his new woman what he likes and how he likes it and all of the other little sexual tricks you know to use to please him, and it would cost him alot of money to get the woman he truly wants (a shemale). basically if he cant have a shemale he figures you will suffice, and he wouldnt feel any different about any other woman.

basically at the end of the day your just a life long fuck buddy for him to use as a shield against those who would accuse him of being gay. sorry but thems the breaks you deserve to be treated better in my opinion

[pickseed]

Originally Posted by BlueRaven88

hmmmm kiiiinda sounds to me that hes only keeping you around because hes scared of being alone, scared of admitting to people that he likes shemales, and scared of the fact that he would have to take over and do all those chores instead of you. he also likes having you there because he knows if hes feeling raunchy then he can get a shag whenever he wants and doesn't have to work for it, whereas if he was single he would be limited to jerking off while he was back in the dating game, then he would have to teach his new woman what he likes and how he likes it and all of the other little sexual tricks you know to use to please him, and it would cost him alot of money to get the woman he truly wants (a shemale). basically if he cant have a shemale he figures you will suffice, and he wouldnt feel any different about any other woman.

basically at the end of the day your just a life long fuck buddy for him to use as a shield against those who would accuse him of being gay. sorry but thems the breaks you deserve to be treated better in my opinion

+1 unfortunately

[Mirabeau915]

Earlier this morning I responded on one of your other posts on the subject, I did not see this one.

I am sorry, but I think I agree with the prevailing wind here, your BF has issues and and not sure it if has anything to do with shemales precisely. By which I mean that if it wasn't shemales, it would be something else.

When you say that "seems like the only real time he ever tells me is when I am about to walk out the door." I presume you mean "I love you" or somesuch. That would be very troubling I think, and possibly borderline abusive to be honest with you (on an emotional level). It doesn't give me the warm feely, and I am involved with a dedicated commitment-phobe who doesn't want to do more than half of the things I'd like to in bed. That aint good.

But this is all armchair psychology, and I'm not going to pry. Only you can know if there is a serious problem (like he just wants you to not be alone as one person suggested) or not. But sometimes we will try to convince ourselves of something we want, even when the facts are in front of us. Thus, I'd suggest some sort of counselling frankly, and normally I am not a fan of that sort of thing.

One thing I would say: You don't want to be married to someone that feels the way about you some of us have opined here, you deserve to be loved as more than a fuck buddy or a shield.

[Be_my_nude]

Originally Posted by Mirabeau915

Earlier this morning I responded on one of your other posts on the subject, I did not see this one.

I am sorry, but I think I agree with the prevailing wind here, your BF has issues and and not sure it if has anything to do with shemales precisely. By which I mean that if it wasn't shemales, it would be something else.

When you say that "seems like the only real time he ever tells me is when I am about to walk out the door." I presume you mean "I love you" or somesuch. That would be very troubling I think, and possibly borderline abusive to be honest with you (on an emotional level). It doesn't give me the warm feely, and I am involved with a dedicated commitment-phobe who doesn't want to do more than half of the things I'd like to in bed. That aint good.

But this is all armchair psychology, and I'm not going to pry. Only you can know if there is a serious problem (like he just wants you to not be alone as one person suggested) or not. But sometimes we will try to convince ourselves of something we want, even when the facts are in front of us. Thus, I'd suggest some sort of counselling frankly, and normally I am not a fan of that sort of thing.

One thing I would say: You don't want to be married to someone that feels the way about you some of us have opined here, you deserve to be loved as more than a fuck buddy or a shield.

Oh dear. So many of us long for another to want us as much as we want them. But tragically, the degree of need is not always equal. This is where mutual lust and that hazy happiness of falling in love comes in. It enables us to bond with immense strength, and to get us through so many of the bad patches in life. But a one-sided bonding where the strength of feeling and the starting points are not the same, will cause serious longer-term problems.
Yes we make ourselves believe what we most need and want, and this carries us forward against many doubts, but the reality may come with stunning force from the other person, and the dreams may be shattered.

Follow your instincts, feel his feelings, and if you can't do that surely, then back off and give the ' relationship ' a chance to founder. If it doesn't, then LUCKY YOU. If it does, then I'm sure you've got enough Love in you to move on to someone who really does care.

Reach out with your feelings. There is no other way.

Big and Love

[WudLuv2try]

"...Last night my BF asked me why I love him. I told him because he takes care of home, he's smart, funny, good looking, he's a wonderful father to his kid and my daughter..."

First of all, if a guy actually asks a girl why she loves him, well, I think he's pretty OK. Not many guys ask that.

Second, your response to his 'Why do you love me?' question wasn't exactly fantastic either.

To me, personally,

"I love you coz you're my girl and you're the mother of my child."

Sound MUCH better than

"I love you coz you can take care of the house and smart and funny and handsome..."

Oh, by the way, I'm a dude.

[jjayman3]

May be he is just very analytical. My wife has asked me the same question and I answered in the same fashion. I my mind I thought I was being passionate. I have very few things that I'm passionate about and take deep personal interest in. Those few things I do I consider as my own. So when I told my wife she is my girl. I was giving her a compliment in my mind, as in she is one of the few things I care about. Not that she was my posesion.

Anyways, you know your man. What are your thoughts? You knew him when the relationship was new. Has his answers changed? They might not be the most romantic but do they make sense for him?

Also, would you rather have a "romantic" guy give you the best answer and be full of shit or your man?

[johndowe]

Hi there.

First thing you HAVE to consider: Men & Women are VERY different emotionally, and see things from a very different perspective, and another thing men are less communicative and expressive than women, women remember dates of things in their lives, men don't, that's why we sometimes forget birthdays or aniversaries, not because we don't care, but simply because we see time and dates differently.

When he said: "I love you because you're my girl" he didn't say it like you understand it, he said it like I understand it, he loves you because you accepted him as he was, you stuck by him and you had a child with him and he stuck by you then also, it wasn't the ansewer you expected, but it was still a good ansewer, about the insurance thing, he wanted to mary you so you would have medical coverage, because he cares for you and your health and your child's health, isn't that love, even if it isn't verbalised properly?

I remember my first live-in g/f we were living togather for about a year and she comes out with "you take me for granted", my first tought was: "Yes and i wouldn't have it any other way" but if i'd said that, she would have gone balistic, only because she wouldn't have understood the ansewer.

What i meant by that was that, we were comfortable togather, at least i was, and i KNEW i could count on her and she could count on me, i respected her and she me, to me that was the best ansewer i could give but because i knew she wouldn't understand it as i meant, i enumerated alot of the things that she did for me and us as a couple instead, to me it was an inferior ansewer, but to her it was a better ansewer, so as i said, men and women are VERY different emotionally.

Also, when men love someone they accept it and live with it as such, but when women love someone they don't do it wholehartedly as men, they need to be told, and told often, as if their love would dis-appear if she wasn't told, and it does from my perspective anyway, so did she realy love him/me in the first place? from my perspective, when i love a woman i tell her once in a while, but not every day, if she needs to hear it every day so she would "stay" in love with me she should buy a tape recorder and record it, and not have mis-guided ideas that if i don't say it i don't feel it, all while i don't hear her saying it to me every day either.

Another thing, i have seen this often; a couple break up after living togather a few years she sais he doesn't love her, but when she leaves he is devastated; proof that he didn't love her? And she goes on with her life as if nothing happened; proof that she loved him?


JohnDowe.

[ila]

This thread is two years old and the OP hasn't been on the site in more than a year. All this advice is fine, but the OP hasn't been around to read it.

[Be_my_nude]

Originally Posted by ila

This thread is two years old and the OP hasn't been on the site in more than a year. All this advice is fine, but the OP hasn't been around to read it.

I'm confused too. How are we to know just how cobwebbed a post is and how long the thread has been stale ?

Your advice on this would be of value to those not in the know. Nobody likes to waste emotion and time on addressing an empty seat.

Thanks

[ila]

Originally Posted by Be_my_nude

I'm confused too. How are we to know just how cobwebbed a post is and how long the thread has been stale ?

Your advice on this would be of value to those not in the know. Nobody likes to waste emotion and time on addressing an empty seat.

Thanks

The date a post was made can be found in the top left corner, in the dark green border, of each post.

It's possible to find out when a member last visited by checking that member's Public Profile. In any post, by that member, left click on the member's name. A list will drop down and then left click on Public Profile. The Public Profile dialogue box will open. The date or time of the member's last activity is shown in the top right of this box.

[shadows]

Originally Posted by Be_my_nude

I'm confused too. How are we to know just how cobwebbed a post is and how long the thread has been stale ?

Your advice on this would be of value to those not in the know. Nobody likes to waste emotion and time on addressing an empty seat.

Thanks

The date can be seen in the top left corner of each post. Newer ones will go by hour, then by day, then by week, and so on. I am not sure how old a post has to be before it will say the actual date instead(over a month, perhaps?). I hope that helps.

As far as knowing the last time a particular Member visited, you can visit their Profile and it will say it there.

ETA: It looks like Ila beat me to it.

[jjayman3]

The post maybe old. However, the initial question is one that still plagues men and woman. The question will never be answered. But the answers have been insightful. Also, I would love to hear how the "right" answer has changed based on hormonal influence. If I'm offensive I apologize in advance. But members of this forum have a unique perspective as to the way hormones effect emotions and needs in a relationship.

[Be_my_nude]

Originally Posted by shadows

The date can be seen in the top left corner of each post. Newer ones will go by hour, then by day, then by week, and so on. I am not sure how old a post has to be before it will say the actual date instead(over a month, perhaps?). I hope that helps.

As far as knowing the last time a particular Member visited, you can visit their Profile and it will say it there.

ETA: It looks like Ila beat me to it.

Thank you both you, shadows and ila.

The post that followed yours was very interesting. It probably explains quite a few of the romantic assumptions ( and mistakes ) that I have made at various times in my life. And, surprise, surprise ! It seems that quite a few males do the same, especially in the earlier part of their lives. But there is also a saying : " There's no fool like an old fool ". Thank goodness I remain forever young !

2x

[shadows]

Originally Posted by Be_my_nude

Thank you both you, shadows and ila.

The post that followed yours was very interesting. It probably explains quite a few of the romantic assumptions ( and mistakes ) that I have made at various times in my life. And, surprise, surprise ! It seems that quite a few males do the same, especially in the earlier part of their lives. But there is also a saying : " There's no fool like an old fool ". Thank goodness I remain forever young !

2x

You are quite welcome.

And like it was mentioned above, even though the OP has not been here in a while, there is nothing saying that the information given here will not be of assistance to another Member.

[johndowe]

Originally Posted by ila

This thread is two years old and the OP hasn't been on the site in more than a year. All this advice is fine, but the OP hasn't been around to read it.

Hi there.

I noticed that after i posted...


JohnDowe.