What kind of disorder do I have?

[cannibal]

Hi ladies and gentlemen,

I don't know if this would be the right place for this kind of question, but I felt a nice ambience in this forum.

I'm a guy and I feel masculine. I was always sexually attracted to girls, big time. Even before I knew sex existed, like at age of 4, I was sexually attracted to girls. To be more specific, I am attracted to vulnerability and fragility. All the girls I had a crush on, since early childood, had an extremely fragile (sometimes almost ill) look.

The problem is I always understood the penis as symbol of fragility and vulnerability and therefore I was always uncomfortable with having one. Naturally, with time, it became a symbol of femininity, instead of masculinity. The bigger it is, the more exposed, the more vulnerable it seems to me. It doesn't represent strength at all. I don't know if it sounds like absurd, but I always had this mindset and I find very odd that I never met or even heard of someone who had this type of understanding too. I might be wrong, but I have the impression that girls secretly desire to have a penis instead of a vagina, as it would actually enhance their femininity, but they are afraid to admit it, as society "brainwashes" them into thinking that penis is symbol of strength and manliness. But probably that's just an illusion of a twisted mind.

I then discovered transsexuals and that there were men who are attracted to them. Not only that, they search for the most feminine and passable ones, with the longest penis possible. I briefly thought that I have found people with similar interests. But, to my perplexity, both transsexuals and admirers see the penis as a symbol of strength and dominance, and the men who likes it act submissive in front of it. And these men are also proud of having one and using it, althought they are attracted to it.

So the curse is I'm different, I don't accept having a penis, as I am attracted to it. That seems like a transsexual problem but I am not feminine. So, as a result, I am unable to have sex, because I can't pick up women and I can't pick up men.

I guess what I really want to know here is if there are other cases similar to mine, and what are your thoughts on this. Even if it's just to call me weird, to tell me to search for help, I don't mind, I just need to hear.

Sorry to bother you if this seems like a rant, but I just needed to get that off.

Regards

[moonwalkermoon]

Originally Posted by cannibal

Hi ladies and gentlemen,

I don't know if this would be the right place for this kind of question, but I felt a nice ambience in this forum.
Regards

Personally, I think your thinking about the subject is way too complicated. You love a penis? Love it! It doesn't matter why you love it. You also love a pussy? Love it! There is absolutely no reason not to.

Just follow your instints. The only thing that matters is what YOU want and feel comfortable with. We are mostly worried about what others think about us. But it doesn't matter what others think. YOU are the only person who should control your feelings.

What's the difference between your cock in a TS or a GG pussy as long as YOU feel comfortable with it? And as far as having a cock is concerned, don't look at it from the outside. Just think about how it feels to have one.

This whole identity problem is kind of home made and completely irrelevant. You are a person, a human being, long before you are a man or whatever. Sexual orientation is just a personal preference and it can even change over time.

Like you, I felt attracted to women all my life and then I discovered T-girls and now I love both of them. And I still feel in no way attracted to men. But I would never say I'd never like a man. If some nice lad crossed my path, who knows? So what?

Just don't over complicate the matter. Do what YOU feel you should do and that will enable you to be truly yourself. For your own life YOU are the measure of all things.

[cannibal]

Thanks for responding.

You make perfect sense, but you are talking from a rational point of view. But I don't feel sexual desires to be rational... I don't have that level of control over them.

I understand there are people that can enjoy multiple sexual roles, as long as there is sex, but that's not my case. My sexual orientation is a bit radical. In my fantasies I have always a specific role and I can't seem to change it. Maybe that's because I'm a systematic person. Even straight sex seems to me like a bissexual mess, if you understand me.

So, the way I work is not complicated, it is extremely simple, to be honest. Impossible is the word here.

I don't know if I'm making any sense...

[transjen]

If you are in such termoil then you might want to look for a therapist and he or she will help you figure everything out, Sorry i can't give you a better answer Jennifer

[moonwalkermoon]

Originally Posted by transjen

If you are in such termoil then you might want to look for a therapist and he or she will help you figure everything out, Sorry i can't give you a better answer Jennifer

Sounds like a very good advice, unless we completely misunderstand the matter. To me this seems fairly complex, although it appears simple to you.

But if you want to discuss further and go into more details, feel free to do so. But be warned, we are no psychologists.

[randolph]

Originally Posted by cannibal

Thanks for responding.

You make perfect sense, but you are talking from a rational point of view. But I don't feel sexual desires to be rational... I don't have that level of control over them.

I understand there are people that can enjoy multiple sexual roles, as long as there is sex, but that's not my case. My sexual orientation is a bit radical. In my fantasies I have always a specific role and I can't seem to change it. Maybe that's because I'm a systematic person. Even straight sex seems to me like a bissexual mess, if you understand me.

So, the way I work is not complicated, it is extremely simple, to be honest. Impossible is the word here.

I don't know if I'm making any sense...

Dear Cannibal,
First, could you explain to us why you use the name cannibal?
Second, it might help, if you could share some of your fantasies with us.
Third, do you have unusual feelings about nonsexual objects?
We are here for you.

[cannibal]

Originally Posted by transjen

If you are in such termoil then you might want to look for a therapist and he or she will help you figure everything out, Sorry i can't give you a better answer Jennifer

Originally Posted by moonwalkermoon

But if you want to discuss further and go into more details, feel free to do so. But be warned, we are no psychologists.

Don't worry, you don't have the obligation to help me. I am aware that I'm a therapist case. For now I'm gathering my guts to go for it. I'm exposing it here because I need to hear from normal people if my mind makes any sense. If the way I approach sex, although wrong, makes any sense. I mean women should have penises and men vaginas. You in general might not be psychologists, but I consider this community to have a fairly good sexual wisdom. And mind you I have never talked about this before. So I might have a somewhat childish curiosity to hear your impressions. I am truly not expecting a therapy session here, so don't be affraid to throw your impressions, negative or positive.

I'm sorry if I can't make myself any clearer than that. This subject appears simple to me most likely beacause I grew up with it. I know very well what turns me on and why. My real curiosity probably is if it turns on other people too.

[transjen]

I mean women should have penises and men vaginas.

Is this your fantasy or how you feel things should be? I can understand wanting a vagina instead of a penis believe me as a kid i had vagina envy but with me it was because i wanted to be female while it sounds like you want to stay male but have a vagina and date a girl who has a penis, If i got this right. Jennifer

[cannibal]

Originally Posted by randolph

Dear Cannibal,
First, could you explain to us why you use the name cannibal?

Because of my oral fixation. I always desire to use my mouth on attractive women. Sucking, licking, etc.. For me it it represents a dominant act. And the pleasure a woman feels in being on the other end (my mouth, tongue), represents her submission. Cannibalism is just a metaphor for that, because it represents the ultimate domination. I become extremely aroused when women describe themselves using edible/drinkable terms. You should understand now why I wouldn't like my penis sucked. I guess it would be similar to the humiliation a straight guy would feel if he was penetrated.

I have searched the internet for similar fetishes but they don't seem to exist. Just once I found a post somewhere from a guy reporting that as a kid he was aroused by a cartoon where a character, I think Bugs Bunny, was served on a tray with vegetables etc. I had that too. He said that was innate and I feel that way too.

Originally Posted by randolph

Second, it might help, if you could share some of your fantasies with us.

I'll try to show the core of my fantasies in a way that it makes as much sense for you as it makes for me...

In the beginning, I mean when I was very young, I wasn't aware of penises and vaginas, but I often fantasized about sucking and licking female classmates, etc. As I became aware of sex organs and their sensibility, I became obsessed with stimulating them (not mine, other's). As sucking a vagina seemed to me like eating soup with a fork, I soon started to fantasize about sucking girls with penises. Nowadays I imagine every woman with a penis. And myself, along with the rest of the male kind, with some sort of manly vagina, with no clit. In my fantasies women always have orgasms, as I see orgasm as a sign of vulnerability and submission. Of course, in my fantasies, I (men) don't have orgasms as we are sort of physically insensitive. The pleasure is purelly psychological. Crazy?

I often fantasize that a woman is having sex with me and orgasming while I'm completely unaware of that (doing something else or sleeping, for example). She then becomes depleted and I remain invulnerable. I think it's about consuming, depleting the other part, it's about power and vulnerability. There is a male - female relation in that and I strongly identify with the male part.

I hope that explains the cannibal nick.

Originally Posted by randolph

Third, do you have unusual feelings about nonsexual objects?
We are here for you.

You mean if I sexualize nonsexual objects? No, I don't.

Dude, thanks for your interest.

[cannibal]

Transjen and Bionca,

You nailed it perfectly.

I'm speechless, as it took me my whole life to be able to fully understand my own issue, and you got it nailed so fast.

Thank you, you made me feel better by showing that it is understandable by other people, not only by me.

[randolph]

Cannibal
Because of my oral fixation. I always desire to use my mouth on attractive women. Sucking, licking, etc.. For me it it represents a dominant act. And the pleasure a woman feels in being on the other end (my mouth, tongue), represents her submission. Cannibalism is just a metaphor for that, because it represents the ultimate domination. I become extremely aroused when women describe themselves using edible/drinkable terms. You should understand now why I wouldn't like my penis sucked. I guess it would be similar to the humiliation a straight guy would feel if he was penetrated.

You have a very interesting mind. I relate to some of the things you have to say. I love "eating " pussey, I like the feeling of giving pleasure which is desired and needed by my partner. To give a women multiple orgasms is my greatest desire. This desire has recently trans-ferred to shemales. I have an intense desire to pleasure a shemale. I would gladly forgo my own sensual pleasure in order to pleasure her. However, I would love to have my penis sucked and I also fantasize about that. Also, I am excited by shemales that produce milk from their breasts, I would love to suck those titties and drink their delicious shemale milk, yummm!
So, as you can see, perhaps you are not as weird as you think you are, we are all weird.

[Bionca]

Originally Posted by cannibal

Hi ladies and gentlemen,

I don't know if this would be the right place for this kind of question, but I felt a nice ambience in this forum.

I'm a guy and I feel masculine. I was always sexually attracted to girls, big time. Even before I knew sex existed, like at age of 4, I was sexually attracted to girls. To be more specific, I am attracted to vulnerability and fragility. All the girls I had a crush on, since early childood, had an extremely fragile (sometimes almost ill) look.

The problem is I always understood the penis as symbol of fragility and vulnerability and therefore I was always uncomfortable with having one. Naturally, with time, it became a symbol of femininity, instead of masculinity. The bigger it is, the more exposed, the more vulnerable it seems to me. It doesn't represent strength at all. I don't know if it sounds like absurd, but I always had this mindset and I find very odd that I never met or even heard of someone who had this type of understanding too. I might be wrong, but I have the impression that girls secretly desire to have a penis instead of a vagina, as it would actually enhance their femininity, but they are afraid to admit it, as society "brainwashes" them into thinking that penis is symbol of strength and manliness. But probably that's just an illusion of a twisted mind.

I then discovered transsexuals and that there were men who are attracted to them. Not only that, they search for the most feminine and passable ones, with the longest penis possible. I briefly thought that I have found people with similar interests. But, to my perplexity, both transsexuals and admirers see the penis as a symbol of strength and dominance, and the men who likes it act submissive in front of it. And these men are also proud of having one and using it, althought they are attracted to it.

So the curse is I'm different, I don't accept having a penis, as I am attracted to it. That seems like a transsexual problem but I am not feminine. So, as a result, I am unable to have sex, because I can't pick up women and I can't pick up men.

I guess what I really want to know here is if there are other cases similar to mine, and what are your thoughts on this. Even if it's just to call me weird, to tell me to search for help, I don't mind, I just need to hear.

Sorry to bother you if this seems like a rant, but I just needed to get that off.

Regards

From a purely physical standpoint, the penis IS vulnerable. It is exposed and easily accessed. Now comes they tricky bits - you associate vulnerability as a female/feminine trait (one that society tends to back). This vulnerability seems to have taken an almost fetish-like quality with you as far as the women you are attracted to (almost sickly-looking). The boxes you have created for men and women seem to have taken a extreme form sexually, and perhaps socially - if women are to embody vulnerability (helplessness, weakness?) and men the opposite I can see where the vulnerability of the penis must then fit you idea of "female".

Where I think much of the angst you feel stems is the fact that neither men nor women are so neatly boxed. Vulnerability is a strength, and traditionally "feminine" roles require immense will and fortitude. So, while society in many ways feeds images that confirm your ideas, people confound them.

Or I could be totally missing the mark - it happens.

[randolph]

Originally Posted by Bionca

From a purely physical standpoint, the penis IS vulnerable. It is exposed and easily accessed. Now comes they tricky bits - you associate vulnerability as a female/feminine trait (one that society tends to back). This vulnerability seems to have taken an almost fetish-like quality with you as far as the women you are attracted to (almost sickly-looking). The boxes you have created for men and women seem to have taken a extreme form sexually, and perhaps socially - if women are to embody vulnerability (helplessness, weakness?) and men the opposite I can see where the vulnerability of the penis must then fit you idea of "female".

Where I think much of the angst you feel stems is the fact that neither men nor women are so neatly boxed. Vulnerability is a strength, and traditionally "feminine" roles require immense will and fortitude. So, while society in many ways feeds images that confirm your ideas, people confound them.

Or I could be totally missing the mark - it happens.

God, Bionca you are so smart and articulate.

[cannibal]

Originally Posted by Bionca

Where I think much of the angst you feel stems is the fact that neither men nor women are so neatly boxed. Vulnerability is a strength, and traditionally "feminine" roles require immense will and fortitude. So, while society in many ways feeds images that confirm your ideas, people confound them.

But isn't this division between men and women what makes sex so attractive? The fact that one can see clearly what excites him/her isn't supposed to be a quality? I mean, being female, aren't you attracted by men that match some "boxed" criteria too? Don't you like men that look stronger than you? Yes, you are right, the thought that women might not fit my concepts of femininity are a source of great angst for me. As is the thought that I might not fit my own concept of masculinity.

I understand the power of fragility. Women do have some power over men, simply due to the fact that men love vulnerability (or so I like to believe). So it is correct to say that, if I love vulnerability, I'm vulnerable to someone who possess vulnerability. I don't mind that, because it doesn't change the fact that women are physically more vulnerable and fragile than man, which is what I dig. This is a physical, sex thing.

I am an extreme case, but I'm not so different from most men. Men are notorious for attacking what's physically vulnerable. As a kid I was notorious for pinching, squeezing, tickling weaker kids. It makes me feel powerful to give sensations.

And I dare to say that is why men are so attracted to pre-op transsexuals. Because they have a vulnerable sex organ. A sex organ that is, in that sense, feminine. I'm surprised that it was never mentioned in any why-are-you-attracted-to-transsexuals thread. But that's why I'm attracted to them.

[cannibal]

Is anybody into / suffers from vorarephilia?