Sad transexual on HBO's Taxicap Confession

[jolo]

I live in Colorado, but spent my first 30 years in Brooklyn and I drove a N.Y.C. cab for much of time, while going to school. However, one doesn't have to be an Ex N.Y.C. cab driver to enjoy HBO's Taxicab Confessions, with the N.Y.C. editions being more interesting than the Vegas ones.

For those who don't know what she show is about, it is a simple documentary of a licensed N.Y.C. cab driver picking up fares, in a cab that has a few tiny cameras in the cab. Then the cab driver simply engages the passenger(s) in conversation, which can quickly get very private and interesting.

There is one scene where a guy gets into a cab with his girlfriend, who he obviously adores. She is a post-op Transsexual. She is attractive and her boyfriend is very proud of her, attracted to her and supportive of her.

That sad thing was that even though the boyfriend looks at his Transsexual girlfriend as a feminine women, yet, she was telling the cab driver that she doesn't view herself as a woman. Why ???? Because she can't give birth to a child, "she cannot make life", so she will never be a woman. Being a women is a LOT more than being able to get pregnant.

I found it sad that she was obviously loved and accepted by her boyfriend, yet rejected part of herself because she couldn't conceive.

There are many thousands of natural born women, that for various reasons, cannot give birth or cannot give birth safely. From personal experience (I am a guy), I know that at times, those women can feel depressed and struggle with their identity because of this (my ex-wife).

I would like to know what others might think or say to the Transsexual woman who was on the show.

Jon

[Bionca]

Pregnancy can be a thing for trans women. My 7 year relationship broke up because my guy got a woman pregnant and decided that being a husband and father was what he really wanted (expecting to keep me on the side as his secret). It was a huge blow. It's really the thing I can't do and will never be able to do.

This also gets used against us lots. By guys who date us (We can't be serious because I want kids), and by non-trans women (You'll never be a *real* woman because you don't bleed once a month).

[smc]

Originally Posted by Bionca

This also gets used against us lots. By guys who date us (We can't be serious because I want kids), and by non-trans women (You'll never be a *real* woman because you don't bleed once a month).

Guys like you describe above, Bionca, are the type who make me ashamed to be a man in the same way that I am often ashamed -- because of what my government does -- to be an American. But just like an American can work to change what the government does (even if it sometimes seems rather futile), an man can diligently call out other men when they pull crap like you're describing, and if not change those men, show others the difference between right and wrong.

[jolo]

SMC,

I am sorry, but I don't understand what the government has to do with this.

In my opinion, idiotic social attitudes, bigotry and ignorance by those who believe nonsensical stereotypes about the role that women and men are "supposed" to play seem to be what causes this stuff.

I recall, for myself, as a male, I was surprised about my own embedded stereotypical beliefs after my job and a few thousand others, were off shored. It was done by department and had nothing to do with individuals, but it was done by a headquarters office, by department.

After it occurred, even though I had consistent excellent reviews, I felt less than a man, because I lost my long time job/career. I struggled with feelings of "loss of manhood", because I didn't have my "career" anymore.
Jon

Originally Posted by smc

Guys like you describe above, Bionca, are the type who make me ashamed to be a man in the same way that I am often ashamed -- because of what my government does -- to be an American. But just like an American can work to change what the government does (even if it sometimes seems rather futile), an man can diligently call out other men when they pull crap like you're describing, and if not change those men, show others the difference between right and wrong.

[jolo]

Lovely Bionca,

I can't imagine the hurt that you felt. Then again, the guy sounds out like he cheated on you, behind your back and you certainly deserve a man of better ethics and character.
The pregnancy not only can be a thing for trans women. but for all women in general. I am sure that after seven years, you trusted your man and obviously he knew the situation.

Heck, I was dumped after sixteen years of marriage for becoming ill, but that is another story.

Jon

Originally Posted by Bionca

Pregnancy can be a thing for trans women. My 7 year relationship broke up because my guy got a woman pregnant and decided that being a husband and father was what he really wanted (expecting to keep me on the side as his secret). It was a huge blow. It's really the thing I can't do and will never be able to do.

This also gets used against us lots. By guys who date us (We can't be serious because I want kids), and by non-trans women (You'll never be a *real* woman because you don't bleed once a month).

[shadows]

Originally Posted by Bionca

Pregnancy can be a thing for trans women. My 7 year relationship broke up because my guy got a woman pregnant and decided that being a husband and father was what he really wanted (expecting to keep me on the side as his secret). It was a huge blow. It's really the thing I can't do and will never be able to do.

This also gets used against us lots. By guys who date us (We can't be serious because I want kids), and by non-trans women (You'll never be a *real* woman because you don't bleed once a month).

Doing something like that shows how much of a man he really was...which is to say not very much of one. For me, a relationship should be based on love, and if you love that person you don't let anything get in the way of that love. You love that person unconditionally.

That was a pretty weak argument on his part. Babies can be adopted and not all women can get pregnant. I don't know. Throwing away 7 years for that just doesn't make any sense to me. And to show that much disrespect to you? It just boggles the mind!

[smc]

Originally Posted by jolo

SMC,

I am sorry, but I don't understand what the government has to do with this.

I was simply drawing an analogy. I never wrote that the government has anything to do with it. The analogy was about my feelings about this.

[Bionca]

My ex and I had an open relationship. It made sense since he was 10 years older that I, his job made him travel all over, I was in school just beginning my transition, and I hadn't really experimented with dating/flirting/being sexual as a woman.

He did break two of the important rules for the relationship: Always practice safer sex and don't fuck people we both know (he messed around with a co-worker who had met me in passing.

To bring this back to the first post. This is the kick in the gut for me. I know lots of women don't have children, don't want children, can't have children and that this is not what being a woman is any more than liking pink or having long hair.

Knowing all this, it still feels like a slap when someone brings it up. It is the one thing that no surgery, no pills, nothing will be able to fix. It's the single slippery rug under my feet that can be pulled out at any time to justify why I'm not a "real *enough* woman".

Sometimes I am ashamed of my fellow “brothers” out there. My fianc?e cannot have children but that does not make her any “less of a woman” to me. That someone would use this excuse to break off a relationship is despicable. As Shadows said:

Doing something like that shows how much of a man he really was...which is to say not very much of one. For me, a relationship should be based on love, and if you love that person you don't let anything get in the way of that love. You love that person unconditionally.

Maybe some “ass kicking” is in order… I can do that.

[sosed]

In my opinion majority of people, males and females, wish to have their own families and children. But sometimes happened, that someone could not have his/her own children because of many reasons. In that case partners must take a decision and stand behind their decision.

Even to be in couple with genetic girl doesn't mean you will have for 100% children. Could happened, that girl could not have children or that I could not have children. In that case if we love each other and together decide to stay together, than this is our decision and we must stay behind it.

The same is to be in couple with trans girl. In that case we both know, that we could not have our own children. If we decide to stay together in relationship or marriage, than this is our own decision and we must both stay behind it.

Breaking your own decision and searching for excuses is very unresponsible to yourself and to your partner. This actually show what personality someone have.

[JodieTs]

I've never been maternal.
Though after my transition {A few years after, & on-going}
I've been feeling a deep sadness that I can't bear children.
This is only a small thing in comparison to a couple of friends {Ts history},
whom it really bites deep if they dwell on it too much.

[locco86]

Originally Posted by Bionca

My ex and I had an open relationship. It made sense since he was 10 years older that I, his job made him travel all over, I was in school just beginning my transition, and I hadn't really experimented with dating/flirting/being sexual as a woman.

He did break two of the important rules for the relationship: Always practice safer sex and don't fuck people we both know (he messed around with a co-worker who had met me in passing.

To bring this back to the first post. This is the kick in the gut for me. I know lots of women don't have children, don't want children, can't have children and that this is not what being a woman is any more than liking pink or having long hair.

Knowing all this, it still feels like a slap when someone brings it up. It is the one thing that no surgery, no pills, nothing will be able to fix. It's the single slippery rug under my feet that can be pulled out at any time to justify why I'm not a "real *enough* woman".

bionca..... you don't need to be sad about this thing... sincerely, i don;t want to have kids, i dont; why but i don;t. A tranny or a transexual is someting special, out of the pattern so why start thinking in the pattern that society teach us? during time human thinking evolved from what bible said to us to the free judgement! i think u just met the wrong person! i can;t say that i'm with you because i'm hundreds miles away.... but i feel ur sadness!
and one more thing.... all that sh#t you have been trough made the wonderfull person u are now!

[davecess]

Originally Posted by jolo

That sad thing was that even though the boyfriend looks at his Transsexual girlfriend as a feminine women, yet, she was telling the cab driver that she doesn't view herself as a woman. Why ???? Because she can't give birth to a child, "she cannot make life", so she will never be a woman. Being a women is a LOT more than being able to get pregnant.

I found it sad that she was obviously loved and accepted by her boyfriend, yet rejected part of herself because she couldn't conceive.

There are many thousands of natural born women, that for various reasons, cannot give birth or cannot give birth safely. From personal experience (I am a guy), I know that at times, those women can feel depressed and struggle with their identity because of this (my ex-wife).

I would like to know what others might think or say to the Transsexual woman who was on the show.

Jon

I don't understand her point of view. My own sister can't bear children due to a medical condition but no one thinks she is any less of a woman because of it. Obviously the TS lady in the taxi has emotional issues. I agree it's sad to hear about cases like this.

Originally Posted by davecess

I don't understand her point of view. My own sister can't bear children due to a medical condition but no one thinks she is any less of a woman because of it. Obviously the TS lady in the taxi has emotional issues. I agree it's sad to hear about cases like this.

I think part of it is as Bionca pointed out, that fact is used maliciously against transwomen. I’ve even seen it used on this forum in a few postings.

This is what Bionca had to say:

Knowing all this, it still feels like a slap when someone brings it up. It is the one thing that no surgery, no pills, nothing will be able to fix. It's the single slippery rug under my feet that can be pulled out at any time to justify why I'm not a "real *enough* woman".

Bionca, I'm sorry someone would say that to you or anybody else...

[true_lyfe]

Originally Posted by davecess

I don't understand her point of view. My own sister can't bear children due to a medical condition but no one thinks she is any less of a woman because of it. Obviously the TS lady in the taxi has emotional issues. I agree it's sad to hear about cases like this.

i don't think it's necessarily indicative of emotional issues - childbirth is a huge part of female identity, it's fairly common for women who cannot give birth to experience some emotional trauma because of it. it's certainly sad - i suppose the hope is they someday find other ways to become mothers, as therein lies the true source of fulfillment. there are plenty of children in this world who could use a proper home.

[jolo]

Originally Posted by true_lyfe

i don't think it's necessarily indicative of emotional issues - childbirth is a huge part of female identity, it's fairly common for women who cannot give birth to experience some emotional trauma because of it. it's certainly sad - i suppose the hope is they someday find other ways to become mothers, as therein lies the true source of fulfillment. there are plenty of children in this world who could use a proper home.

true_lyfe,
Fantastic post. I couldn't agree with you more. Something we don't know is what occurred to fir the TS to feel that way.
I think it is a general woman's issue for those who cannot have children, than a TS issue.

I had two children (now 26 and 23), from my first marriage, who I had full custody of, since they were 2 and 5.
MY second wife and I had a baby that for random reasons that had nothing to do with either of our genes, had severe abnormalities and died late in the pregnancy.

The bottom line is that my wife felt that she was "less than a woman", as she saw my other two healthy boys. Since then I became more aware of many women feeling terribly desperate to have a child if for some reason she can't, temporarily or permanently. I very much understand the feelings.

I can relate to my feelings of being "less than a man", when I lost my job after it was off shored.

I was very impressed on how the boyfriend in that episode was so supportive and how much he cared for her and I hope that something could occur that can alter her thoughts, as giving birth being the only definition of what a woman is.

Jon

[racquel]

It's always seemed a little strange to me that most TS women don't seem to care about not being able to have kids. I went to a lot of support group meetings for a few years, and I think I was the only one who even mentioned it.

But I guess in the US there are a lot of TS people who transition later in life and actually had kids earlier. I've always been a little horrified of the idea of being a father ... which actually makes me feel like my depression over never being able to get pregnant is more of a selfish desire to feel more feminine than a maternal instinct, since if I just wanted a baby then I probably should've been a father instead of permanently sterilizing myself with female hormones.

I've often wanted to ask genetic women if they could choose between being a childless woman or having to live life as a man which one they would pick, but it seems like a creepy question to ask.

Creating life and feeling that bond with your child seems like such a major part of being a woman, and sometimes I do obsess about it. Hopefully I'll be able to adopt in a few years and get to experience some of that.

My partner has three children and it does contribute to me feeling like less of a woman.