Waiting for my dream girl

[a9127]

Today I learned that "bondage clubs" in Berlin are requiring all patrons to wear masks...

[a9127]

This showed up in today’s email as “Over 30 Dating.” Over 30? Shit, I just hope she’s “over 18”! Anyway, there was an accompanying article containing dating “advice” for guys who want to date Russian Women. Hmmm… I think it would be like dating any woman except there’s several thousand miles between Moscow and Zionsville.

The age of the article is also a few years out of date: 2012. But I really do like the picture of my “future wife.” She’s definitely my type.

Too bad a search for her turned up a fake profile.

[a9127]

"Fuck yeah he lives in Zionsville."

[a9127]

I swear to God the "fake ad" said "How to draw sunglasses."

What I want to know is how the artist did such a great job of drawing my "future wife"?

[a9127]

According to CNN, you should always wear a mask while having sex.

[a9127]

Today on CNN. "Coronavirus Diary"? She could be one of my students... She's saying: "I got to quarantine with Dr. Andy!"

[a9127]

Wish I could edit posts. Too bad I didn’t think of this earlier…

My “student” in the post above who kept a Coronavirus Diary said:

“Dr. Andy won’t tell his friends but he actually liked for me to ride him like a horse and beat his ass with a crop. The sex was awesome.”

“Glad I captured all of it on my iPhone. Bet his wife would be interested…”

(She of course got an “A” and graduated with “highest honors.” )

[a9127]

There was kind of a silly article this morning about "dating in the age of Covid-19." There are guest speakers now making a fortune telling everyone what to do. Shit, wish I'd thought to go around doing that...

My advice is not to worry about it too much. Everything will be fine as long as both partners wear masks.

[a9127]

And of course this one was just too good not to post.

It appears that my students are making sure I wear my mask during a "study session."

(Christ, this beats the hell out of using WebEx. )

[a9127]

She’s saying “I love Dr. Andy’s class. Too bad he’s married… He loaned me some CD’s he used to listen to when he was a kid from the 90’s. Shit. I wasn’t born yet. He called it “nu metal.” Why do they scream and say “motherfucker” all the time? And what’s a ‘mosh pit’? I think it would be fun to go to a concert with him. Maybe we could have a drink later? (giggle).

This one is studying hard for her mid-term. She’s saying “So. Dr. Andy lives in Zionsville.”

“He loaned me this book to read. Shit. No one reads books. He must be a lot older than me…”

“Zionsville? My parents live in Carmel. It’s not that far from there. Hmmm…”

“Think I’ll give him a call. Bet he’d like to take a break from working on his computer all the time. We could think of something to do I’m sure.”

[a9127]

I have never understood the belief that a “cock is a cock”? For me at least sexual attraction depends entirely on the person it’s attached to. Am I alone in this regard? It sometimes appears that way. Not so much in “real life” But it seems that the overwhelming majority of TLB members are interested only in “the cock.” That’s fine but I like a cock only on a beautiful woman or a really cute femboy. I guess I’m attracted to the feminine person. This goes all the way back to my earliest experiences with my childhood friend.

Here’s two examples:

Angeles Cid, “future wife.” What can I say? I fell hard for Angeles years ago. We are about the same age. She’s just a little younger. When I look at her I see a beautiful sexy woman. Period. Her hair, her eyes, her smile, her body, her legs, her ass, the way she’s lying back in this picture (Shit, now I’ve gotta go whack off… ). She also has a cock… That’s just part of her. I’d suck her off just like I’d go down on my wife. She could suck me as well and of course we could have intercourse (just not vaginal).

The second picture. Right now I’m checking out his physique. Not really a big guy, he does look like he works out and is in great shape. Arms and shoulders are impressive. Probably would be a friend of mine. Workout partner maybe? One of my best friends at the university where I teach is gay. We are both advisors to LGBTQ students. This picture came from a “gay” site. Would I have his back if he was my friend and someone gave him shit? Fuck yes.

Bottom Line: So what makes Angeles’ cock “different”? Ummm… Maybe Angeles herself?

[Boner]

I agree. I have long since accepted that cocks turn me on, more than vaginas, but it's beautiful women I love

It's weird. Like I wouldn't want Dilyara to have a dick but I wouldn't want Carmen Cruz NOT to have one!

[a9127]

Today's email brought another "offer" to date Russian women. All I had to do was sign up. You can see how it went. I never thought at "87" I'd still have a chance with a 21 year old. Must be my personality...

[a9127]

How to tell if she's the right age for you.

My "future wife" is using a digital camera to take a selfie.

Bet she still has a "MySpace" account too. That's OK I probably still have mine out there somewhere. Maybe we could be "friends"?

She's saying: "Andy, I don't know about anyone else but I don't give a shit that you were born before 1985. Lets fuck."

[a9127]

And yes the Polaroid camera has made a comeback. That relic of the 70’s which many couples used to take “intimate” pictures, has been revived in modern form. We used to have one. Don’t know if it was my Mom and Dad’s. Anyway I tossed it while cleaning out the garage several years ago. Dumb.

Here is a new version of an old thing. Guess it works the same way. And is probably used for the same purpose. At least no one can “hack” it.

No less than Taylor Swift has her own version made by FujiFilm. They were popular during the “Reputation” tour (which we went to see by the way).

Ever gracious to her fans, Taylor sent me this Polaroid pic… My wife upon seeing it said: “You should hang that one up in the garage Andy. Since that’s where you will be sleeping for a while…”

[a9127]

Was reading an article on “Virgin Millennials” today (why was I reading something like that anyway?) . They interviewed several people in their late 20’s and early 30’s about why they had abstained from sex.

Answers varied. With all due respect, the decision to have sex is a personal choice and many factors weigh in on it.

For me it was an easy one…

This picture accompanied the article. Apparently they are a “couple” but have never had sex. She allegedly is “28.” Only four years younger than my wife. Older than almost all of my students. And we both fall into the “Millennial” generation (approximately 1981-1999) unless you buy into that Born Before 1985 bullshit. Hint: They are wrong of course about that. But what else would you expect from “clickbait.”

As you know by now it’s not like me to take anything like this seriously.

She’s saying “Guess what? I had a date with ‘Dr. Andy’ last night. Now only one of us is still a virgin (giggle).”

[a9127]

The latest “clickbait” ad featured this picture and recommended that all couples wear masks during sex.

But overuse can lead to problems.

I know what she’s thinking: “Great… Now he can’t get it up unless I put on the mask.”

(The same article suggested that the only “safe sex” in the “Age of Coronavirus” is by yourself. I tried that but couldn’t get the mask to fit my hand. Besides, putting hand sanitizer on my cock stung like hell. )

[a9127]

Today’s best “fake ad” on CNN was for inflatable hot tubs. Sounds like a bad idea…

“Hey Andy… remember when we set the other one up in our living room then went at it so hard it burst and we got water all over the fucking house?”

[a9127]

“Today’s Best Fake Ad” on CNN wasn’t even close. It had something to do with “The Pirates of The Caribbean.” I really didn’t care. Never made it past the picture of Keira Knightley.

[a9127]

This just arrived from my university’s email. They are seeking “Standardized Patients” for their medical school. Some of the job description is funny (at least if you have a dirty mind).

"…on call basis”

“…simulated …medical examinations”?

“as trained…”

“encounters with students…”

“role play…”

Sounds like I could do this. Wonder what it pays? Still, someday I’d like to work my way up to the “Coordinator of Standardized Patients.”

Of course I’d give it my best shot.

They’re saying: “Dr. Andy, he’s so funny. He was complaining about a four-hour erection.”

But I would volunteer to let “Dr. Chanel” examine me anytime.

(Noticed that the ad also said: “No or very limited exposure to physical risk.” Not if my wife finds out. )

[a9127]

CNN had an ad "winner" this morning.

This is Blackpink. Often spelled "BLΛƆKPIИK." OK, whatever you say...

For me, music mostly ended around 2009. They will be on YouTube tonight. I'm sure my wife will make me watch it from the garage...

(Moderators: Didn't know who they were. Looked them up. They are all between 23-25. )

[a9127]

The ad said "Shy Girl on Tinder"

[a9127]

She said her name was "Triss." We hit it off immediately. As soon as we got back to my place she took off her clothes and was ready to go.

Undressing as quickly as I could, I heard her say:

"Andy, but yours... is... so... small!"

[a9127]

"Dr. Andy said we didn't have to wear masks for class if we met outside."

(The second one. My new profile pic. At least now I know what I'm wearing for Halloween. Might be cold though... )

[a9127]

My wife texted me and told me to stop at the store and pickup a roll of "saran wrap" on the way home...

[a9127]

Yes it's dumb, but haven't done one with masks yet...

"He lives in Zionsville?"

(Pretty sure the last one is a "future wife." Just hope she's 18. )

[a9127]

From Pinterest. “Nice bike.”

[a9127]

CNN Breaking News: "Visits to Santa Will Be Socially Distanced."

This is what they had to say...

"Every visit will be contactless. So kids can sit on wrapped packages near Santa, or across the table from Santa and have a conversation. We can still capture the memory for family photos."

In some of its malls where Santa will make an appearance beginning November 20, he'll meet and greet with families while appearing to sit inside a giant snow globe. In other locations, Santa will be behind a giant picture frame.

"Think of this like a drive-up window type of scenario. Guests will be able to walk up and have their conversation with Santa and then turn for the framed photo."

Shit. I bet millions of kids will be disappointed. I know I will be. This picture is from my visit with "Santa" a few years ago.

(I had been a "bad boy" so she had to "discipline" me later... )

[Boner]

All I want is for Xmas is Jesse!

[a9127]

Was reading about AI and robotics again. There’s an article today about a robot in Japan that can stack grocery shelves. It looks awesome but the demonstration wasn’t that impressive. It was operated by some guy wearing a “VR” headset and using game controllers. It was going kind of slow if you ask me. He at times looked as if he was about to drop the bottles on the floor. And why couldn’t the robot do it by itself. What good is this if you still need a human to run it? Still, it is 7’ tall. Wouldn’t want to piss it off.

More to my liking would be something like this.

Her name is “Samantha.” According to the article she can orgasm and is programmed to carry on a conversation with you.

I would envision her saying things like:

“Chris Hemsworth only wishes he looked like you…”

“I’ve never seen a cock that big. It must be at least 14 maybe 15 inches!”

“We could skip the Eagles Nest tonight. It’s so expensive. I’d really love the drive-through at McDonalds…”

God, Andy, I’ve never been fucked like that before… I must have cum at least twenty or thirty times! I just want you to fuck me again and again and again…”

“Don’t worry baby. If your ‘ex’ shows up, I will terminate her for you…”

[a9127]

The first two. Well, this date started off poorly. But "for every inch"? Sounds like a deal...

The last one. I've been told to "stop being a dick" by my dates before. But never the other way around...

[a9127]

“Andy, I hope that was good for you too…”

“But it’s not IN…”

“Quit staring at my legs!

(The first one. Her name is "Princess Angelise." Glad I was able to pull out in the "nick of time." )

[a9127]

“But ‘Dr. Andy’ we’re tired of this ‘social distancing’ why can’t we have class like we used to?”

(The top Supermodels of the era. The photographer was Herb Ritts. Not exactly sure what year it was but I think ‘Dr. Andy’ was still in grade school. Cindy of course was one of my biggest crushes during the 90’s. Do you remember her ad for Pepsi? Her exercise tape? How many of the others can you name? )

[a9127]

Today’s best fake ad. She’s saying “Andy, I’ll come over there and smack your ass with these if you post this to TLB.”

So it’s a date?

(My wife has this exact set. The thing second from the right is used for crushing… And that is a paring knife at the top. Used for peeling… )

[ila]

Originally Posted by a9127

...(The top Supermodels of the era. The photographer was Herb Ritts. Not exactly sure what year it was but I think ‘Dr. Andy’ was still in grade school. Cindy of course was one of my biggest crushes during the 90’s. Do you remember her ad for Pepsi? Her exercise tape? How many of the others can you name? )

The names are easy. The first name of each one is Mrs. and the last name is ila. (at least it is in my wildest dreams)

[a9127]

Originally Posted by ila

The names are easy. The first name of each one is Mrs. and the last name is ila. (at least it is in my wildest dreams)

In fact I had this poster of “Cindy Ila” on the wall of my room. I can remember umm… looking… at it a lot. Would always lock the door so my mom wouldn’t catch me “looking” at it.

The other two are B/W photos from around the same time.

Found the following article interesting:

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/the-art-of-beating-off-in-your-childhood-home-during-the-holidays


Can’t imagine masturbating in my old bedroom though. Besides someone else lives there now.

(And these are all the “Mrs. Ila’s” in the photo I posted a couple days ago: Stephanie, Cindy, Christy, Tatjana, Naomi )

[a9127]

Today’s best “fake ad” features yet another “future wife.”

This one was about “Fishing Moments That Went So Wrong.”

“Guess I hooked ya’ there big guy… Sorry about that… You should’ve waited till we got back to our cabin to whip it out (giggle)”.

[a9127]

Shit. The post above. Now this one. Never thought I could meet women fishing… until today.

Nothing “suggestive” here is there? Or do I just have a dirty mind?

(She’s saying: “Anndh I wnt t sukk yrrr dddk!” )

[a9127]

Just one more. Well, I guess it is a “thing” after all: @fishbras. Can’t believe I’ve lived over 30 years without knowing about all of this.

My only problem is: A beautiful woman, a sunny day, a boat out on the water, just the two of us. It’s easy to imagine something I’d much rather do with her than go fishing…

The first one. She’s saying “Andy, did you bring your fishing pole or are you just happy to see me?”

Some of the fish are quite large. The third one looks like it might even be Michigan.

Size matters I guess…

This one’s for you…”

The last one: “Future Wife.”

[a9127]

A search for my “future wife” from the post above today turned up more than I expected. Apparently “girls and spearfishing” is a “thing” also. Turns out this is related to “latex fetishes.” Never knew any of this existed. Really. Now I want to move to Florida.

“Andy, is this big enough for you?”

Never been scuba diving or spearfishing before… Didn’t know what I was doing. Was taking too long fucking around with my equipment. She asked: “Are you ‘cumming’ Andy? I haven’t got all day…”

This one is saying: “No problem baby. I’ve got you covered if your ‘ex’ shows up…”

[a9127]

And this one. The fake ad read “The Cost of a Wedding in Zionsville.”

The one on the left is saying to her friend: “Wait ‘till Lauren finds out we all slept with him (giggle).”

[a9127]

Motorcycles and hot women have always gone together. I figured that one out at a very early age.

This is Aubrey Kate. I’m sure she’s saying: “Do you wanna go riding with me, Andy?”

[a9127]

Dating in “The Age of Coronavirus.”

She said: “Andy, I’ve been wearing this mask all night. Do you mind if I… take it off?”

[a9127]

“Andy, you know better than to speed through Zionsville. But you’re really kinda cute… maybe you could convince me not to give you a ticket. Who knows, maybe we could even get together sometime when I’m ‘off-duty’ I’d even let you use the handcuffs on me (giggle).”

She was upset about getting a “C+” in “Dr. Andy’s” class at mid-term. So she texted him and asked if he would meet her in downtown Indy at a bar for a drink (Moderators: She is "21"). Going into one of the restrooms, they locked the door so they could have some privacy… Taking off her clothes, Dr. Andy got down on his knees in front of her. She began “About my grade…”

The near future. 2029 maybe? Finally couldn’t resist any longer and bought a “sex robot” complete with advanced “AI” and, well, you can see for yourself… She’s thinking: “Damn that Andy, he ordered me this way from the factory. Shit. It stays hard all the fucking time. Yeah, he treats me like a princess, but it’s SO embarrassing whenever we go out anywhere. Or when he introduces me to his friends…”

[a9127]

Was just reading about the upcoming election in the United States. The “fake ad” that popped up had this reminder to vote on November 3rd.

[a9127]

Of course I haven't given up on meeting someone online. Just a hookup for sex would be OK. Christ, at my age I seldom get any. Must be that I was "Born before 1985." No one will even look at me...

Here's what I've been up to today. Maybe I'll get laid tonight?

[a9127]

This is “Jade” from Dross Art. I’m always reluctant to post “anime” style drawings because they often look so young… However I visited the artist’s Twitter account and got a screenshot stating they do not draw characters “under 18.” So I hope these are OK.

It looks like she’s got “Dr. Andy” pinned. I personally can attest that Dr. Andy is indeed “over 18.”

[The Conquistador]

Originally Posted by a9127

This is “Jade” from Dross Art. I’m always reluctant to post “anime” style drawings because they often look so young… However I visited the artist’s Twitter account and got a screenshot stating they do not draw characters “under 18.” So I hope these are OK.

It looks like she’s got “Dr. Andy” pinned. I personally can attest that Dr. Andy is indeed “over 18.”

The thing I like about anime girls is that I don't have to worry about rejection. Hahahaha

[a9127]

With “social distancing” and ‘isolation” becoming commonplace in the Age of Coronavirus, more and more people are turning to “robotic partners” to fulfill their sexual needs.

She's saying: "Ooohhh, Andy, that must be at least 18 inches. And it vibrates... (giggle)."

All I can say is “Ask me if I love my work?”

[a9127]

Originally Posted by The Conquistador

The thing I like about anime girls is that I don't have to worry about rejection. Hahahaha

Welcome back my friend!

Jade IS kind of hot. Looks like the "perfect girlfriend" to me. And 'dat ass.